twenty-eight

Between making sure I keep my side of the rainbow as high as Jamal’s and trying to listen to everyone and watch everything at the same time, I barely notice people looking at us as we march by. I briefly see some curious faces and others that look less than thrilled. I think I might have heard the word fag screamed at me as I walked past, but it was drowned out so quickly I’m not sure. I see Cody out of the corner of my eye as he seems to head toward someone, but I move on before I can tell what he’s doing.

There are so many of us that even if somebody wanted to cause trouble, they’d have a hard time. The entire street is filled with people singing and chanting. Ryan and his friends are wheeling along two by two, surrounded, and in some cases being pushed, by incredibly colorful people who could give Lucas a run for his money.

Benjamin is doing great. There are so many people that we’re moving really slowly, and he’s able to keep up without resorting to the chair. Lucas is having a lot of fun with it though, giving people rides and then having a ride himself to rest his sparkly feet. Every few minutes I look over, and when he sees me do it, he grins with an I-told-you-so expression that makes me feel like dancing.

Lots of other people are dancing along the street, so I’d fit right in. This is so much fun! I wasn’t expecting that. Everyone is just celebrating being here together. No one seems worried about who might be watching or judging. And that’s what this is all about, isn’t it?

This is our time. Right here. Right now. And very soon it is going to be my time because Thompson Mills is so small that we’re already at the Town Hall.

As we reach the steps, I am surprised to see four council members standing there holding flags.

“Hi, Jack,” says the woman who helped me at the meeting. “We just wanted to show our support.” The other three all smile and nod. Mr. Mayor is conspicuous by his absence.

“Thanks. We appreciate it,” I tell her as we walk up to where Mr. Malloy has set up the sound system for the rally. There’s already music blasting through the speakers, which keeps people moving, even after they arrive at the bottom of the steps.

It takes a while for everyone to get caught up. Lucas waits a few minutes, smiling happily as he watches the crowd milling around, singing and dancing, and having a blast. He turns to Mr. Malloy and nods, stepping up to the mic as the music dies down.

“Hello, and welcome to the Thompson Mills Pride Parade!” Lucas shouts, ignoring the fact that we told him the mayor expressly asked us not to call it that. The one media reporter who decided to come and cover the event records the name for posterity. Everyone cheers and claps.

“You are all gorgeous!” The cheers get louder and a few people yell out, “So are you!” Lucas laughs and waits a few seconds for the noise to die down a bit before he speaks again. “Today we honor all those who have come before us and have taken a stand against intolerance, discrimination, and violence, and we encourage all of you who do so today and in the future. We are here, and we are proud. I am a proud gay man…who’s getting married!” He sings the last word and holds his ring out for the crowd to see. Everyone breaks into crazy applause. He waits a few seconds and starts to speak again. “There are still far too many places in the world where I couldn’t be standing here wearing an engagement ring, looking forward to being legally married. Days like this one are important, so that we can keep on spreading the message that love is love.” Jamal walks up and puts his arm around Lucas, giving him a kiss that looks like something out of a romantic movie. Everyone cheers, with a bunch of people taking up the chant “love is love.”

“Rainbows reign supreme and love wins!” Lucas yells over the noise as he and Jamal step back.

Caleb waits until the noise settles and moves up to the mic.

“My name is Caleb, and I am also a proud gay man. I live in a city called Bainesville.” A shout goes up from the Bainesville crowd and Caleb laughs. “I work there in a community-based program that provides support for LGBTQ+ folks. Many cities have such programs, and I just want to let everyone know that there is always someone there to help when the going gets rough. Don’t hesitate to reach out. Our information is on the Facebook page for this event. We can help get you connected, no matter where you live, so please, give us a call or drop us a line. Always remember, you aren’t alone. We’re a community and we will always be there to support you. Rainbows reign!”

People clap, flags fly, and posters wave back and forth as Caleb moves out of the way so that Ryan can take his place. I’m startled to see him there. He hates speaking in public even more than I do, and last time we talked about this, he said he wasn’t going to do it. I wonder what, or who, changed his mind?

“Hi! I’m Ryan Malloy. I am not a gay man, but I am a proud man with cerebral palsy and I hate giving speeches, but Jack is making me do this.”

Me? I didn’t make him do it! Everyone laughs, and his friends from rehab start cheering. Clare is standing behind his chair with her hands lightly on his shoulders. She looks over at me and smiles sweetly. Oh. Mystery solved.

Ryan waits a minute and then tries to talk again.

“I have spent most of my life being the only guy in my school, or in my whole town, who has to use a wheelchair to get around. It’s always been a challenge dealing with stairs, both the kind you have to get up and the kind that people shoot at you with their eyes. It’s never easy being the only one, and when you are alone, you have to find something to help you figure out who you are. My family has always been really supportive, so I’m lucky there. And I found the swim team, which gave me something that’s mine. But it’s always been hard to live in a place where no one really understands what it means to be me, and that is why it means a lot to have the gang here today from my days in post-surgery rehab.”

They all start hooting and hollering again, shouting “Disability Pride.” Ryan smiles, but his face is starting to get really red and is clashing with his orange hair. Clare leans over and whispers something to him, and I can see him answer her. She looks over at me and shakes her head slightly. I walk over and take the mic from him.

“Thanks, Ryan. And Caleb and Lucas. I guess it’s my turn now. My name is Jackson Pedersen. I am a proud gay man.” My heart is pounding so hard that I’m sure it can be picked up by the sound system, but the cheering and applause drowns it out. I wait a few seconds and start again. “I’ve lived in Thompson Mills most of my life, and I’ve been hiding myself so far back in the closet for so many years that I never thought I’d see the light. I’ve been afraid to be myself in a place where being different is something too many people make fun of or put you down for. Sometimes they even threaten to hurt you because somehow they see you as a threat.” I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath. “I’ve been so afraid of my life that I wanted to end it last year until someone came along and changed my plans.” I look over at Ryan, and he gives me a small thumbs up.

Everyone is silent now, listening to me as if I have something important to say. It’s beyond surreal, standing here sharing my life with so many people that I feel like I’m back in one of my dream hallucinations from last night.

“I don’t want Thompson Mills to be a place where people have to be afraid. I don’t want it to be a place where someone is run off the road just because he isn’t afraid to be himself. We have to believe that we’re better than that. We have to remember that a rainbow is made up of all different colors that work together to make the most beautiful sight in the sky.” I look down at Benjamin and he gives me a tiny salute. Then I glance over at Lucas. “A friend once told me that the way to deal with fear is to bury it down so deep that someday you won’t be able to find it anymore. Today, with this Thompson Mills Pride Parade, I’m starting to dig that hole. It’s time to stop hating. We need to be kind to each other. That’s all. That’s everything. Rainbows reign and kindness rules!” The applause starts again, building until it sounds like hundreds of horses running wild and free across sun-baked fields. Flags are waving madly, and I can hear people shouting a mixture of every slogan we’ve used today.

I look over at Mr. Malloy and nod. He smiles at me, and ten seconds later music starts to swell out of the speakers beside me.

“This is all for you Benjamin,” I call out loudly. “But I’m so not doing the voice,” I add, looking down at him as he laughs and I start singing a song that was originally recorded by a frog. I’ve been practicing it for weeks just in case I found the courage to sing it for him some day.

I guess some day is here.

I make it through the song with lots of help from the crowd, many of whom decide to sing it à la Kermit, which makes for an absurd, messed-up cacophony—the sweetest choir I’ve ever heard. Benjamin is smiling from ear-to-ear, singing his heart out. I’m fairly certain his Kermit impression is the loudest and by far the most off key. It’s wonderful.

As the music fades and the clapping starts again, I walk down the steps to where he’s standing, still propped up by his rainbow cane. Ignoring everyone around us, I step under his protective bubble and put my hands on his shoulders, leaning in and giving him the best kiss I can find from somewhere inside of my imagination. He wraps one arm around me, kissing me back as everything around us disappears, and there’s no one in the world but me and Benjamin. I can only manage one thought.

This is so much better than practicing with my pillow!

I hold on for a second more. I can feel something digging into my chest and I remember that I still have a piece of Benjamin’s stone rainbow in my pocket. A red stone.

Red for life. My life.

I step back, feeling a little breathless. It takes a second for me to realize that we aren’t really alone and everyone around us just saw me kiss a boy.

And it takes one more second for me to realize that it doesn’t matter. I have nothing to hide. Not anymore.

I don’t know what tomorrow is going to be like, and whether or not it will be all that different from yesterday around here. Today has been amazing, but I think it will be a while before anyone is going to be painting the old bridge in rainbow colors.

That’s okay. I can wait. Because there is one thing I do know.

I’m not staying out of sight anymore.

I’m just staying out.