Ashton had spent a long night after Sam left, pacing, crying, berating herself for sharing her secret with him, and angry at Saul. In desperation, she had called out to Saul, pleading softly at times and demanding loud enough to wake the dead at others, but he had not come. Finally around dawn, she had given up in defeat, falling into an exhausted sleep filled with dreams of never seeing Sam again, of spending the rest of her life alone and isolated. When she woke she had found her cheeks and pillow wet with tears, shed during her troubled dreams.
Slowly she swung her legs over the edge of the couch where she had fallen asleep, and sat cradling her head in her hands. Her head felt like it was splitting in two, as sharp pains, brought on by stress and unhappiness, pounded against her forehead.
She got up and moved towards the bathroom, hoping a hot shower would wash away the cobwebs and bring some ease to her aching body and soul. Her movements were slow and jerky, as if she were a puppet and some unseen hands were controlling the strings. She made it to the mirror and could only stare at herself in horror. Her hair stuck out in tufts, looking like she had tried to pull it out in frustration. Her eyes were red and puffy from all the crying she had done, and her skin was pale and sickly looking. She licked her lips and grimaced because her tongue, which was more sticky than wet, coated her lips with a slimy film. She was sure that if she was in a cartoon, her breath would be coming out in green clouds and killing plants and small animals.
Stepping back she peeled off her clothes from the night before and almost crawled into the shower. She had a fleeting thought about taking a long hot bath but she felt sure she would not be able to remove herself from the tub once she got in.
She turned on the hot water and let it beat down on her tired body. After a few minutes she began to feel better as her muscles loosened and some of the tension abated. She poured shampoo into her hand and began the labor of washing her long hair. Her arms ached by the time she was finished. She let them dangle by her sides, standing under the steady stream, letting the hot water do its work. When the room was filled with smothering steam, she shut off the taps and stepped out. The air in the bathroom was so thick, she had to feel around for the towel before wrapping herself up in its softness.
She opened the door to the bedroom and let the cool air rush into the room. Water began to run down the mirror as the steam turned clear and cool. She towel-dried her hair and pulled it back from her face in a ponytail. She decided to forego makeup as her cheeks had taken on a healthy pink blush in the heat of the shower. She brushed her teeth, ridding her mouth of the acrid odor that had settled in overnight.
Feeling almost human, she made her way to the bedroom. Reaching into her closet she pulled out the first thing her fingers touched, an old flannel shirt that had seen better days, and then thought better of it. Carefully she flipped through the clothes on the rack, realizing that she wanted to look especially nice today.
She had made up her mind to walk over and see Sam. She would plead her case with him and not leave until he gave her, and them, a second chance. She was not sure why Sam was so important to her, as she had only met him a few days ago and had only shared one dinner with him, but he was all she could think of. Maybe her feeling that he was the reason she had been drawn to Colorado in the first place, had been right. Whatever the reason, Sam was going to listen to her, and if she had to sit on him to get him to believe her she would. Maybe a night to process the information she had gave him had helped. She hoped so.
With renewed hope in her heart, Ashton finished dressing, grabbed a bagel as she passed through the kitchen, and walked out the back door, turning towards Sam’s. As she walked, she began to enjoy the fresh morning air. In spite of her trying evening, she began to perk up and feel more optimistic with each step she took. Yes, she thought, this was going to work.
Walking with determination, Ashton reached Sam’s house in less then an hour. She marched right up to the back door and proceeded to pound on it with vigor. “Open up Sam, I have to talk to you,” she demanded to the closed door. “Come on Sam,” she said, louder this time. “We have things to talk about.” She stepped back and waited.
The seconds drug out and she began to feel anxious. What if he didn’t come to the door? What if he was inside and just refused to see her? He probably thought she was a nut job, and was cowering with fear inside. She couldn’t blame him, but she was not going to leave even if it meant camping out on his doorstep. He had to come out sometime, didn’t he?
Ashton banged one more time and called out as loud as she could, “Damn it Sam, I need to talk to you, please.” She waited again and finally came to understand she was not going to be let in.
Holding back a sob, she turned away and stared out into the yard. After letting her gaze wander around the perimeter of the yard, the realization came to her that Sam’s car was gone. She jumped down the stairs and made a circle around the house. No car, no signs of life in fact, nothing. The blinds at the windows had been drawn, and no light could be seen coming through them. There was only silence.
“Where is he?” Ashton wondered out loud. Feeling relieved that he hadn’t purposely ignored her knocking, the questions as to where he could be raced through her mind. Had he run into town to take care of an errand or something? Or had he just run? For some reason she could not explain, she felt the latter was correct. She sat on the bottom step and wrapped her arms around her body. Bending forward she began to rock slowly, keeping time to the waves of pain that washed through her heart at the prospect of losing this man she had known for such a short time.
“No Sam, don’t leave me,” she whispered to no one. “I need you, I need us to work. Please come back, please come back,” she said, her voice getting quieter and quieter with each word she spoke.
She rested her head on her knees, not capable of deciding what to do next. Her eyes were so dry they burned, and her heart felt like it was broken in to a million pieces, like the sparks from fireworks falling and fading into nothingness, their purpose having come to an end.
Please, Ashton cried out inside, don’t let me be like that. Don’t let me burn out and fade away, leaving nothing but a fleeting happiness behind when I go. Let someone remember me burning bright, bringing joy and happiness. She knew that she had a gift inside her, the gift of love that she wanted to share with the one special person she was meant to be with
At that thought Ashton jerked upright. She was struck with the sudden knowledge that she was in love with Sam. The blood drained from her face and seemed to pool around her feet at the knowledge running through her mind and body. She was in love with a man and she had totally screwed it up. She had scared him away with her story of angels and death.
Ashton couldn’t move, sitting still as a statue her eyes closed, not knowing what to do or where to turn next. She knew she had to find Sam and try to make him see things as she did. As she sat there she began to feel a warmth creep back into her. In fact she began to feel hot.
As she opened her eyes, her breath caught in her chest and she began to shake. Two feet in front of her was a small boy, dressed in white, floating off the ground as Saul had done.
“Who you are?” she asked in a trembling, breathless voice. “What are you? Are you an angel, like Saul? Did he send you? Where is Saul?” she threw the questions at him demanding answers.
The small boy looked at Ashton with kindness and something else. “My name is Leonard,” he said, his sweet voice reaching Ashton’s ears, soothing her fears. “Please, do not be afraid of me.” He paused, then told her, “I am the one who has brought about your current circumstances. I have been watching you for a long time. I wanted us to friends, to be together for eternity, with no interference from anyone or anything.”
Ashton kept staring at Leonard, trying to make sense of what he was saying. Realization setting in she asked, “You did this to me?” You are the one who “made a mistake” as Saul put it?”
“There was no mistake,” he said shaking his dark head as he came closer to her. “I knew what I was doing. I saw you first, and I wanted you. I want to be your friend. All you have to do is take my hand and tell me that you want to be with me, too.” He held out a small seemingly defenseless hand to her.
Staring into his eyes, Ashton felt a powerful urge to take his hand and go where he asked. She slowly stood up and moved, with out meaning to, towards the boy angel. She watched her hand begin to reach out to his, and knew that in another second she would be touching him, grasping the hand that she did not want to touch.
There is something wrong here, she thought. She did not know him, she did not want him, and she could not believe this was happening. She felt out of control, powerless against the force pulling her towards him. She shook her head from side to side and took a deep cleansing breath, fighting against the feelings warring inside her body. She regained some control and lowered her hand to her side.
“This is wrong,” she told the angel who called himself Leonard, “this is not supposed to be happening. I don’t know who you are, but I do know I will not go with you.”
Leonard felt his control over Ashton slipping away and was filled with rage. How dare she refuse him? Had he not done everything for her, so they could be together?
“You dare to refuse my offer,” he asked with a voice that grew in volume and dripped with distain? “You, a mere mortal, who should be honored that I have chosen you? Do you know what I have done to bring us together?” he asked moving forward as she continued to step backward away from him. “I have moved heaven and earth, I have changed the course of your life, and I will not be denied, even by you. You will obey me!” he told a disbelieving Ashton.
The sky cracked with lightning and the wind whipped around Ashton. She probably should have been afraid, but she was not. He was small and looked so unable to hurt her, even though the air was on fire and the wind showed his rage.
Ashton stood her ground and let her own anger have its way. “You dare to come to me and demand that I go with you, to fall in with your plans without blinking an eye?” She took a step toward him as she continued, “You stand there and admit that you have robbed me of my life and did so because of your selfishness? Because you wanted? What about what you have taken from me? WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT? I had dreams. There were things I have not yet seen and done. I had a life, and you took that from me!” she challenged him, strangely unafraid. “I will never forgive you for what you have done to my life. I will not go with you, now or ever. Leave me alone! Don’t ever come near me again!” she spat at him turning her back on him turning towards her home.
For a moment Leonard stood quietly stunned and frozen to the spot where he stood.
Ashton, hearing the silence, thought she had sent the boy back to where he had come from, until a wicked laugh behind her stopped her in her tracks. She turned around and the small, seemingly defenseless boy now seemed to be ten feet tall with eyes that burned with fire, with blood, and with the promise of revenge.
“You dare to tell me what to do? You think I do not know what you feel, or think or want?” Leonard asked in a booming voice that matched his transformed image. “Know this mortal,” he warned pointing a finger at Ashton who was staring at him wide-eyed but yet unafraid, “because of your refusal, I will bring you more pain than you could ever imagine, and it will be a pain that will last for all time.”
“What more can you do to me?” she asked, finding her voice amidst the chaos. “You have taken everything from me. Your threats are useless. Go find your mother.” she threw at him with disdain.
It was as if she had slapped him. One minute Leonard was there and the next he was gone from Ashton’s sight. Poof!
As she let out her breath, she heard a voice in the now still mountain air. A small child’s voice, and the voice said one word. “Sam.”