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Janine
I thought it would be days, but weeks pass as we prepare for the trip to Venice. I draft an official response letter for Lorenzo under Nero’s supervision, which we have to send through post, and which buys us more time. But then the communication moves to e-mail, going much faster. We agree that Lorenzo and I will meet at his palazzo in Venice in three weeks’ time—yes, a palace.
At first I’m relieved, saying to Nero when we gather at his house for dinner, “That’s a good sign, isn’t it? If he’s not in a hurry to meet me, doesn’t press for things to happen right away, then—”
“It’s not a good sign at all, it’s a bad one,” Conan interrupts. My eyes shift to him. He’s sitting between his brothers Drago and Achilles on the other side of the table, a beast with muscles like boulders compared to them. A brute among his beautiful brothers, with his hard features and the scar running down the side of his face.
“Did you hear what I just said, Miss Kovesi,” he addresses me, waking me from the daydream of his large rough muscles against my body. I shake my head.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Yes, you looked rather distracted.” God, what a shame. I take my hand to my cheek, looking down as he speaks, trying to hide the blush.
“It means Lorenzo Piovra is taking more time to prepare,” Conan says. “He probably didn’t expect you to accept his invitation, or he didn’t expect that Nero, the alpha protector of this town, would let you travel to see him. The more I think about it, the more I believe he was just looking for a pretext to pick a fight with us. But now that you agreed to go to Venice, with nothing but one bodyguard—his longtime rival no less—he needs to go over the details of his plan.” His eyes fill with red fire. “Probably make it more wicked.”
“Agreed,” Nero says from the head of the table. “Which means we have to be prepared, too. I still don’t understand how his invitation reached Janine on the very day you became her bodyguard, Conan, but I’m sure it wasn’t a coincidence.”
“We’ll find out the truth about all that,” I say, getting a grip and raising my chin. I’m Janine Kovesi, a strong and independent woman, I won’t break under the weight of lust for a magnificent but cold beast. “That’s why I’m going to meet Lord Piovra. But we should probably think up an escape plan in case all he wants is to trap Conan—because that’s my theory; that he only used me in order to get to him. I think he somehow knew the pack wouldn’t let me travel to Venice without him.”
“I don’t agree,” Conan intervenes. “Even if getting me to Venice was his plan from the start, because there I would be on his territory, the research and lab analysis showed that the letter did indeed travel here from Italy, so he must have sent it ahead of time.”
“Like I said, too many open questions and only one way to answer them all, namely my accepting his invitation.” My eyes stay on Conan, but I address the others. “I have an idea how to keep Conan out of danger until we gauge Lorenzo’s motives and intentions.”
Everybody at the table stares at me, focused.
“I will speak at a conference on the Cote d’Azure two days before the meeting in Venice. I get tons of invitations a week to speak at conferences, Conan knows. I think the location of this one is perfect, close to Venice so Lord Piovra can’t refuse meeting me there. I can confirm my attendance tonight. That way Lorenzo, Conan and I won’t have our first meeting on Piovra territory.”
“I like that idea,” Nero said.
“So do I,” Conan adds, and I sit to attention against my best wishes. He sits like a big soldier between his brothers, staring me in the face, and the skin on my spine tingles. “You are a brilliant woman, Miss Kovesi, I have to tell you that.”
“Thank you,” I mutter and look away. I don’t want him to think I’m overly moved by his first display of appreciation.
All the while we put together the details of the plan I’m hyper aware of Conan’s eyes watching me. Get a grip, Janine, this doesn’t mean he wants to kiss you and make babies.
But back at the hotel I still can’t help squaring my shoulders and prancing like a rookie model whenever I feel him staring at me. I’m usually busy with work and guests, always in my stiff two-piece suits, all cold and business-like, but a few times I do put on dresses, secretly wanting to be feminine and enticing for him.
Conan watches me from dark corners, seemingly without even blinking, even while talking on his phone. I can’t know whether he likes what he sees or not, I only know he’s doing his job, and he’s doing it well.
As time passes my desire for him grows, until my body is basically screaming for him. He’s been my bodyguard for almost five weeks now, always watching me, breathing down my nape. Stalking me, but not the way I want him to. God, I need him, I need his big dick inside of me.
I manage to masturbate once, my back turned to the camera he installed in my room, careful with my moves so that he doesn’t understand what I’m doing if he watches. But it doesn’t relieve much of the tension. By the time we’re together on a plane to France my hormones are killing me. And when we reach the hotel in Nice and Conan asks for a double room for us both, making it clear he’ll be sharing mine, sweat breaks out on my back.
The concierge’s eyes dart from me to my huge scarred guy and back again, his thoughts clear in his long face that reminds me of a stuck up butler—a business woman and a muscle bound beast that don’t share a last name; he probably thinks I’m cheating on my official guy with this one, especially since Conan bribes him to keep his name off the record. I can feel the concierge’s questioning stare on my back as we head for the elevator.
The moment Conan pushes the door open and we walk into a fabulous room on the tenth floor, the floor-to-ceiling windows open and the sea breeze blowing through the white drapes, my need for him overflows and becomes painful. I drop my handbag, turn on my heel and confront him.
“Why, Conan? Why not take the room next door, like back home in Darkwood Falls? Can’t you imagine what the concierge thinks of me now? He knows I’ll be speaking at the conference, he knows who I am.”
“First of all, I did it because we’re not on our own territory anymore. Here danger could creep from every crack in the wall.”
I look around and slap my hands on my thighs. “This is a five star hotel, there are no cracks in the walls.”
He ignores my mockery. “Secondly, I wouldn’t worry about our good old concierge. He’ll be having a good time by himself thinking of you and me under the sheets together.”
“Say what?”
He looks me up and down as if he just noticed me. I’m wearing a tight tank top with the top of my black lace bra slightly visible above the hem; luckily I still have a light cream jacket over my shoulders, even if it’s open, because it was cold on the plane. My usually perfectly styled blonde bob is now messy from the way I slept on the plane, and all I’ve done to style it was run my fingers through it on our taxi ride here.
“You’re looking sexy today,” Conan says like he’s simply announcing the weather. “And I think you are his type. The concierge’s.”
“Oh really? And what type is that?”
“Sassy. Plus that you’re softer after a plane flight, your hair isn’t perfect, your clothes don’t make you look like you’re as off limits as the Queen, and your eyes are too tired to be cutting through men. That scares guys usually, but today the dosage is just perfect.”
“Wow,” I whisper. “So you can see things in women after all, we’re not just pieces of furniture to you.”
“No, sometimes you’re roommates. But don’t worry, we’re only gonna be sharing a room for two nights. You’ll be on stage at the conference tomorrow, then in the evening you’ll meet Lorenzo. By nightfall you’ll be too tired for my presence to bother you in any way. Then we’ll be out of here.”
He heads to the windows and pushes them shut, drawing the drapes back together. I watch his back as his arms work, beautiful muscles snaking under his white T-shirt that stretches across the width of his shoulders. I catch a glimpse of his strong jaw as he looks to the side. It’s the side with the scar. God, I find it so sexy it’s almost sick.
“Okay, maybe I should just be straight-forward with you,” I finally say.
“Yes, maybe you should.” He moves back to the bags, and hunkers down to open his, his jeans stretching over his muscular legs. I lick my lips.
“Ever since you came into my life I haven’t, you know, I haven’t been able to....” I freeze when he looks up at me, those reddish irises piercing.
“Yes,” he nudges when I don’t continue.
“You know what I mean, don’t make me say it.”
He stands back up to full height, slowly, my head moving up as he does. God, it’s been five weeks, and it still doesn’t cease to amaze me how this beast looks. The short sleeves of his white T-shirt stretch tight around his bicep, his pectorals bulging. And the face, oh my God, that brutish but handsome face. An image of me straddling his face hits me, and I rub my thighs together where I stand.
Conan catches it. Damn it. I can see his nose sniff gently, and I know he caught the scent of my arousal. Jesus, strike me dead now.
“You need a man,” he says.
“It’s been a long time.” I look down and move to my own bag, working on it to avoid Conan’s gaze. I’m so fucking mortified.
“Before you came into my office and said you’d be my bodyguard,” I continue as I open my bag and sift through my things for my toothbrush and face creams, “I had a life, you know. A secret one, but a life.”
“There was a man?” Wait, was that an edge to his voice? I stop moving and look up at him standing like a statue in the dying twilight filtering through the white drapes. I lift my chin, deciding to give him the truth. I won’t let my lust for him make a blabbering schoolgirl out of me.
“There were men. It’s no secret to you or your brothers that back when the serpents ruled Darkwood Falls and forbade us women to see guys from other towns I’d go out on business and conferences and have one night stands.”
He takes a step closer, the denim tightening over his powerful thighs. I watch him as he hunkers down, bringing his face close to mine.
“And it’s those one night stands that you miss?”
God, he’s so close that I can inhale his scent. He smells of virility and rustling fires.
“I miss the excitement, the adrenaline, the intimacy.”
“Intimacy?” He cocks his scarred eyebrow. “What could be intimate about a one night stand? Intimacy is sharing yourself with another being, living with each other as one, in one body. In my book that’s something you build up to.”
“Well, what do you know.” I cock an eyebrow back at him. “The big tough warrior teaching me a thing or two about relationships.”
“Two of my werewolf brothers have known love, with your two best friends, and I have a line to their emotions. I can understand through their experiences, even if I don’t feel the emotion myself. It’s like when you tap into the emotions from a book.”
I sit on the bed, now having the higher ground. I place my hands beside my naked thighs, the hem of my jean shorts biting a little into my flesh. Damn, I should have worked out at least for a few days before I left Darkwood Falls with him. What was I thinking, Cote d’Azure, of course he would see more skin from me than back in the rainy woods that we come from.
“Then I guess I don’t have to explain more. Ever since you came into my life you have been monitoring my every move, you have cameras in my room and my bathroom, and I couldn’t even, you know, take care of myself at least.”
“You could have told me when, and I would have given you some privacy.”
“You mean I should have told you when I planned to masturbate, so you could make room for it in your schedule?” I burst into laughter, but Conan stares at me like he doesn’t know what’s funny or embarrassing about this.
“So what are trying to tell me,” he says after I’ve managed to stop laughing, now battling with a hiccup. “That you’d like to go out and find a guy to hook up with?”
“Yes.”
“That’s out of the question.”
Okay, this is my chance. I force myself to take it, because it feels awkward beyond belief. “Then maybe you could, you know, scratch my itch.” Blood fills my cheeks right after I’ve spoken the words. I can’t believe I’ve actually said it. I’ve actually, oh God, I actually just came on to him.
Conan stands slowly, dominating the room with every inch of his height. My grip on the edge of the bed tightens so much that my knuckles hurt.
“I understand your needs,” he says in a far gentler tone than I expected. “I’m sure there are sex shops in Nice, we can go, you know, shopping, if you like.”
“You mean like for a dildo?”
He nods, his usually brutish, reddish eyes softer than usual. He bends down to his bag and sifts for neatly folded new clothes. “You did the right thing, telling me. I am your bodyguard, and I do invade your privacy, I’m aware of that. We should be able to discuss these things openly.” He gives me a careful glance, as if choosing his words with care. “Like friends, if you want.”
“Friends,” I whisper, and the word hurts. No, I want to cry out, I don’t want to be your friend, I want to be your lover, I want you to crush me under that beautiful body of yours on this five-star king size bed. Instead I let a smile quiver on my face and say, “Yes.”
He smiles back, a clumsy smile. Maybe I’m the first person he’s smiled for in a long time. I don’t think I’ve seen him have fun before, even though I’ve heard him laugh in his room a few times with his brothers, or in Arianna’s and Drago’s kitchen during our dinners there.
“Would you like to take a bath before I do?” he asks, and I nod.
***
Conan
I GET THE FEELING JANINE is more relaxed at dinner, but she still eats in silence, not looking at me. Ever since she and I met she’s been tense, which is natural. I invaded her privacy completely. Then she began feeling attracted to me, which made things more difficult for her. I understand better than she thinks.
“I hope you’re not upset with me,” I break the silence. “I didn’t mean to be a jerk about, you know, it. It’s just that—”
“You don’t want to imprint on anyone, I get it,” she says gently, then she looks at me for the first time since our talk up in the room. “But tell me. If I were a normal woman, not a Fated Female, would you sleep with me?”
The way she stares at me out of those intelligent cobalt blue eyes, the way her shiny blonde bob frames her heart-shaped face, it keeps my eyes glued to her. She’s wearing pink lipstick that showcases the pretty shape of her lips with her delicate Cupid’s bow, and her little black dress offers an enticing view into her cleavage.
I guess it’s safe to admit at least to myself that I love the shape of Janine Kovesi’s body. She’s of medium height for most people but small for me even in her high heels, and has the delicate body of a dancer. She has thin, beautifully shaped legs, and delicate wrists and ankles, which I’m discovering that I love. Everything about her marks her as noble, lady-like.
“I don’t know what to say,” I manage as I pull away from the emotions. “I haven’t been a monk so far, and I don’t intend to become one in the future but let me put it this way. I haven’t been with a woman since I became your bodyguard. You’ve had my entire attention, and you will have it until both the threat of the serpents and of other werewolf packs is eliminated.”
“That will be a long time.”
Piano notes flow through the hotel restaurant, and romantic evening lights go on. We’re on the terrace, the Mediterranean breeze wafting over. Fuck, the mood it puts me in, it’s getting more difficult to resist thoughts of touching Janine.
“I guess. But believe me, I will do everything in my power to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible that entire time.”
“In case you haven’t noticed in your long life, Mr. Wolf, we women are quite dependent on the good mood of our hormones. Tell me. If we get a dildo—together, at the sex shop—will that be my only companion until we’ve dealt with all the threats?”
Once again I don’t know what to say.
“Besides.” She resumes carefully cutting her food on her plate and picking small bites. “Who is to say that after these threats are eliminated we won’t have others?”
More threats means more time with Janine Kovesi. More time watching her. Fuck, what’s happening, do I actually like the idea?
“So what are you saying?” I start to pick at my food, too, avoiding her eyes. I don’t know exactly what’s happening to me, but I think I feel attracted to her, which is unsettling.
“I’m saying we’ll need a long term solution, because I don’t want to live as a nun. And I suppose you don’t want to prolong this monkish lifestyle indefinitely either, do you?”
I glance at her over the table. The soft piano notes awaken my senses, mixing with the salty breeze and the scent that is natural to Janine Kovesi’s body.
“I can deal with my needs.”
“Of course. No one is watching you the entire time, you have your privacy.”
“Shouldn’t we be discussing Lorenzo Piovra and possible strategies he might adopt instead? Making our plans? That’s our pressing matter right now. We can talk about the rest when this is over.”
“When we’re back in Darkwood Falls?”
I bend slightly to her over the table, my shoulders stiff. It feels awkward, talking about this with her. “We can visit the sex shop tomorrow right after the conference, if you like.”
Her eyes pierce right through to the back of my skull. Damn it. This woman is special, she has power in her gaze that she’s not even aware of. Of course men are intimidated by her.
“Any chance we might go tonight?”
I glance at my watch. “All stores are closed.”
The way she looks at me, all that sass and hunger tell me this is another attempt to get me into some kind of arrangement. I lean back in my chair, focusing on the sea food on my plate.
“Why not just enjoy the evening as it is now? We’re on the Cote d’Azure.” I look around to make a point.
She follows my gaze, her eyes stopping on the first couple that’s going to the dance floor. It’s a young man and an older woman, obviously in love. He winds an arm around her waist, pulls her to him gently and rests his cheek against the top of her head. It’s a gentle, loving gesture, and when he closes his eyes the chemistry of love hits me from them. Then the chemistry of sadness from Janine, my gaze turning to her.
“Love is such a beautiful thing to watch,” she says, eyes on the couple. “Especially the kind of love I’ve seen Arianna and Princess experience with Drago and Nero. Why wouldn’t you want to experience that? Princess says it’s the best thing that ever happened to her, that it’s an emotion worth dying for.”
“That is exactly why I don’t want to feel it. I am a protector, Miss Kovesi, that is my role within the pack. I must protect my brothers, see to the defense of the entire pack, see to the safety of the entire area and population of Darkwood Falls together with our werewolf brigade. I have to protect you. I can’t afford to lose myself to love, or even desire.”
“Drago and Nero have enemies, too. The serpents are still after them. Sullivan, the former mayor, has become a serpent himself and The Reaper’s right hand. He’s powerful, and he has a very personal grudge against Drago because he took Arianna away from him. As for Nero, should we even start on his long list of enemies?”
She fixes her intelligent eyes on mine, and I’m pulled to them like into a vortex. I can’t rip my gaze away no matter what.
“You know what I think Conan, what I really think?” She leans over the table, exposing her cleavage. “I think you’re just looking for excuses. You’re big and powerful, the protector of the Wolf pack and the entire Darkwood Falls, but deep down you’re a little boy that’s scared of love. You feel the more people you love the weaker you are, and that may be something that will never change about you. In fact, I don’t think you could change if you wanted to.”
This would be the point where the girl throws her napkin on the table, pushes her chair back, and leaves the date, the patrons’ eyes trailing after her. But Janine only leans back and places her hands on the chair’s arms, keeping her eyes on me without even blinking. She’s taking full responsibility for what she’s just said, and she can’t wait for me to challenge her. Damn, I love this queenly attitude of hers.
But I’m too old and too experienced to give her satisfaction. No matter how smart Janine is, she’s still a victim of young impulses. She wants a certain reaction from me, and her body chemistry is playing crazy to get it. Her mouth opens when all I say is,
“You’re right, Miss Kovesi,” and pick up my wine.
***
Janine
AT A CERTAIN POINT more couples joined the dancing young man and his older companion on the dance floor, all of them glancing at our table often. In fact, we were the center of attention the entire evening, which shouldn’t be surprising, not considering the way Conan looks. I was probably the most envied woman in the entire restaurant. At least that part felt good.
I’m already under the covers in my bed when Conan emerges from the bathroom with only a towel around his waist. My heart jumps as I look at him in the light coming from the bathroom, water drops glistening on those boulder-like muscles. I lick my lips, unable to fight the impulse of doing something about this desire I feel for him.
Under the covers I’m wearing my favorite black negligée. It makes my boobs look bigger than they are, and it’s short enough to showcase my legs, which Princess says is always an advantage. As Conan lingers by the now open balcony windows, taking in the night sea breeze that makes for a romantic atmosphere paired with the music from the beach clubs, I push the covers aside. Clumsily, I remind myself that I am a strong, independent woman. I can go after what I want.
God, he’s half naked, with only a towel around his waist. What in the world am I doing? My heart trembles inside my chest, my hands and knees, too, and my mouth goes dry. But there’s no turning back now. I’m standing beside the bed, ready to prance over to him and touch his back. No, that would give him time to tell me no, maybe I should go straight for his dick, do something that will make him crave sex so much he won’t be able to reject me.
I don’t know who I’m trying to fool as I walk to him on shaky legs, my feet sinking into the thick soft rug. My ankles pop and I stop in my tracks, scrunching my eyes and mouthing ‘shoot’, but then I hear Conan laugh softly.
He turns around, my heart leaping into my throat. He’s now facing me, naked and wet, with only that flimsy towel around his waist. God, how I want to drop on my knees and take this beast’s cock in my mouth, but no! I’m a strong independent woman, I can’t make a fool out of myself like that. Fuck, I shouldn’t even want such a demeaning thing, what’s wrong with me?
“Miss Kovesi,” he says, a bit amused. “If you were trying to surprise me, may I remind you that I’m a werewolf. My hearing is so sharp that I can hear all the way down to the front office. Our good concierge is sound asleep in the manager’s back office, by the way, I can hear him snore. And you think you can sneak up on me?”
“First of all, I wasn’t sneaking.” My voice trembles at first, but once I’ve gotten that sentence out it’s better. “I wasn’t trying to surprise you. I was just, I don’t know.”
He stares hard at me, but not hard enough to make me desist. On the contrary, there’s something in the way he looks at me that invites me to go on. I take a couple of slow steps closer.
“How about we start by putting aside the formalities,” I say. “We’ve known each other for a while, we’ve spent days and nights together, making plans, now we’re even sharing a room. How about you start calling me Janine, and I’ll call you Conan.”
“That would bring intimacy between us. We’re dangerously close already.”
“What’s dangerous about our closeness?” I stop just inches from him, feeling so small that he could crush me. Still, I keep my gaze locked on his, even though my heart is beating as fast as a chicken’s.
“You’re a Fated Female,” he says. “Touching you could change things forever for me.”
“And would that really be that bad?”
“Janine.” God, the way he says my name, those big rough hands wrapping gently around my upper arms. My eyelids flutter shut as I let the sensation course all through my body. This feels so good it’s incredible. Princess was right. Once a man like this touches you, you’re lost. But then he begins talking again.
“What you want from me isn’t love or intimacy, Janine, it’s sex.” His voice is still soft as not to hurt my feelings, but I sense that behind the softness he relishes my burning shame. “But be honest with me and with yourself—would you take someone like me on your business meetings with your business partners? I’m not the sleek-haired boyfriend in an Armani suit that you always dreamt about. I’m not the guy you can display on your business meetings. I’m the kind of guy you fuck in secret, even after you’ve married the Armani-wearing bozo.”
“That’s not true,” I breathe, my eyes filling with tears of shame. I shouldn’t have come on to him, I should have taken his first no for an answer.
“Even if that was different. I don’t want to imprint on any woman, Janine, now or ever. I don’t want to become like my brothers, puppies staring adoringly at their mistresses. I won’t lose my head, become a slave to lust and need. I mean no offense to Arianna or Princess, I love them both, they became family the moment my brothers imprinted on them, but I don’t want the same fate.”
He looks deeply into my eyes one last time before he turns around, pushing the white drapes aside and stepping out onto the balcony. I stay petrified in place, watching this handsome naked Lucifer leaning on the banister with his enormous back at me, a perfect muscular V-shape that narrows down to perfect buttocks and powerful legs. I swallow hard as I watch him, a statue of perfection overlooking the night lights of Cote d’Azure, the breeze carrying the beats and music from party yachts over to us.
As I’m standing here with my desire pulsing in my nub, rejected and hurting, I realize—Conan is enjoying it. He relishes the scent of my body chemistry that tells him how much into him I am, how much I want to feel him inside me even if only once. All of a sudden I’m transported back in time, when I had my first crush.
I was twelve, and he had eyes for every girl in school other than me. The more I chased him, sending him love notes—at first anonymous, then more and more desperate—the more he rejected, and the more I wanted him. The same is happening now with Conan Wolf, but there’s no way I’m going there again, no way I’m ever going to feel as desperate as I did back then. Spite and lust for vengeance replace the tears in my eyes. I will kill the desire I feel for Conan Wolf, or die trying.