Chapter Thirteen

Remmy

The day after Christmas my extended family arrived—aunts and uncles, cousins from both my parents’ sides, my grandma, and more kids filled the house with laughter and loud conversation over a late lunch and even later dinner. We had more cakes, spiced ciders, and cocktails courtesy of Aunt Stacey. Everyone was warm and welcoming toward Carter, which made me extra grateful to have such a wonderful family. It was a loud and tiring affair but one I hoped he wouldn’t forget so easily.

I half expected the enchantment we’d experienced to evaporate once we left that hotel room a few mornings ago, but it didn’t. Quite the opposite. Every hour we spent together was more magical than the previous, and even the most mundane things, like setting the table or taking Peanut for a quick walk around the neighborhood, were more fun with Carter. Every chance we got we’d trade comforting touches and caresses and sometimes steal a kiss or more when nobody was watching. Not because I was ashamed of Carter or embarrassed to be found making out with another guy in my family home, but because it was more fun that way. The secrecy gave me a bit of a thrill. Our eyes would meet, and then we’d grin at each other, and Carter would snicker like an enamored teenager, and I’d join in because, why not? It was exciting. Our banter was endless and Carter enjoyed entertaining the kids, which was the cutest thing ever. I was also grateful that he would go along with all my silly ideas and stupid pranks I loved playing on my siblings.

 

After Christmas we fell into a routine that was somewhat familiar and yet strange. Together we made breakfasts and helped Mom with preparations for lunch and dinner, and sometimes we would go out, only the two of us, exploring the neighborhood I grew up in. One day I took Carter to meet my old high school friends who still lived here. We saw the latest blockbuster at the movie theater and stopped by a bar for drinks on the way home. Every day had been a lot fun.

By the time New Year’s Eve rolled around, I’d become greedy and desperate for just a little longer together. I hoped Carter felt the same way, and maybe he did, because at night, when we were lying under the covers in my childhood bed, Carter held on a little tighter, kissed me a little longer.

“Do we have to go back to school already?” I asked on the last night, with my head on Carter’s shoulder and my fingers playing with the frayed ends of the worn gray tee he’d been wearing to bed all week. I only got a long-suffering groan in response, which made me chuckle.

I didn’t want this holiday season to ever end. Going back to college sounded like the worst idea ever. Returning to school after a few weeks away, back home with friends and family, was always hard, only this time it felt like I was leaving something important behind. Carter would still be there when we got back, I reminded himself. We’d get to see each other often, and there’d be enough time for us to continue what we started. Right? Were we boyfriends now? Did Carter want to be? I knew I wanted it, more than I could say.

Spending weeks in each other’s faces could have had the opposite effect than I’d been hoping for. It was possible Carter had seen too much, too fast and was fed up with me by now. I wasn’t anywhere near fed up with him, just to be clear. The longer I spent with Carter the more enamored I’d gotten with his antics. His company was simply the best. I didn’t know what I’d do if Carter decided one day he’d had enough of me. Such was the trouble with inviting love into my heart, the other person held enough power over me to hurt me in the worst ways.

I had to remind myself that it didn’t feel like we’re already crumbling, so I took that as a good sign. Like right now. Turning, I found Carter staring at me like he didn’t quite believe I was real, a feeling I’d gotten used to myself. I took a step closer to where he sat at the edge of my bed. I liked having him here in my old bedroom. When I reached out to Carter, he hesitated to touch me, as if afraid of taking what he wanted from me.

“Are you okay?” I worried he was building up to something I knew I wasn’t ready to hear. I didn’t want to let go of my dreams yet. I wanted more time, more Carter.

His smile faded and my stomach sunk. “Sometimes, when I look at you, my heart stops for a moment, and I get scared of being too greedy. I’m afraid if I told you I want you all to myself you’d disappear.”

“What are you talking about? I won’t just get up and leave,” I assured him and took Carter’s hand. “That’s ridiculous, Carter. Not now and not when we’re back in Allentown.”

“I didn’t think you would run away, not quite so literally.” Carter gave me a wry smile. “But you might get bored of me fast. I don’t exactly have a lot to offer you.” He shrugged. “You’ll end up thinking I’m clingy and boring, and I couldn’t stand it.”

In that moment everything was perfect.

The surge of happiness spreading through me brought tears to my eyes. Being home with my family had brought back many memories, and the nostalgia hitting me was so strong it nearly knocked me off my feet. Nobody could know what would happen tomorrow. This might be the last time I’d get to spend with my favorite people in the world and having Carter here with me made it all the more special.

“Don’t be silly. I’m not bored of you yet, so let’s not worry about something that might not happen, all right?” I sniffled and caught his hand. I gave his fingers a squeeze, relieved to know we shared the same fears. “So, does this mean you want to keep seeing me?” My voice shook a little. “Eh. Do people even say that in real life? You know what I mean. We could try dating for real, do couple-y things, go on trips together?”

“You and me.” Carter’s smile was gentle and genuine, and I immediately returned it. “I like the sound of you and me.”

“I do too.” A whole lot. Breathlessly, I pulled him closer, and closer. “So, can I call you my boyfriend now and tell everyone?”

“Sure thing, Rem.” Feeling light-headed, I pinched his sides when he dove forward to nip my nose. “I don’t think we were fooling your parents anyway.”

I laughed and agreed. Yeah, no way they didn’t already know.

“They like me, don’t they?” Carter asked with such a fond and hopeful expression, his voice proud. I let out a choked giggle, all the prior nervousness vanishing into thin air. I beamed at my boyfriend. “They fucking love you, Carter.” Like I had known they would.

Carter opened his arms, and then, as if second nature, I was back in his embrace. He smelled like spicy shower gel, and his skin was as warm as a campfire on a late summer night. His lips, when he kissed me, tasted of marshmallows with a hint of cinnamon, and then, best of all, soft against mine, yielding and demanding at the same time.

His hands trailed down my sides and held onto my waist, and I loved the way this simple gesture made my throat close and my heart stutter.

“Carter?”

“Yeah?”

His fingers, where they held onto my waist, dug into my skin. My breath caught in the back of my throat as the overwhelming power of my feelings swamped me. I lifted my head, waiting for his eyes to find mine.

“I really, really like you.”

“Remmy—”

“Listen, Carter. I want you to know that this—us—means the fucking world to me.”

Maybe I was crazy, and maybe wrong, too, but I could swear we had a connection, a closeness I’d never had with anyone else, and I didn’t want to ever lose it. We deserved a chance to find out where this could lead—if we could be happy together in an actual, adult relationship.

I wanted that chance with all of my heart and soul, and I hoped Carter did too.

“Same here, Rem,” Carter admitted, biting his lip. Did he feel as vulnerable as I did? A slight flush colored his smooth cheeks, and then, slowly, his face lit up with a blinding smile and he lowered himself down. “And guess what? I like you too,” he whispered, his breath tickling my lips. “Really, really like you.”

Was this what falling in love felt like? It was scary and overwhelming, but I couldn’t get enough.

♥