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I squished my way through the water-soaked grass to the pasture. The sudden downpour had cooled the air, and I shivered slightly in my wet clothes. The worst of the storm seemed to be over, and when I reached the pasture fence I paused, debating whether I needed to bring the horses in. The rain had abated to a fine drizzle, and there hadn’t been any lightning or thunder since I’d left the barn. It was such a relief to escape the tense atmosphere there that I lingered, leaning on the fence and watching the dark wet patches creeping down the horses’ coats.
I didn’t hear the footsteps until they were right behind me. I knew whose they were without turning; only Jaden’s presence would raise the hairs on my body like that.
“Téa,” he said my name like a caress.
I was about to duck away, but he knew me too well — his hands shot out and gripped the fence board on either side of me, though he didn’t touch me, of course. He was so close now that I could feel the heat from his body searing the back of mine, but this heat made me shiver all the more.
“How long are you planning on not talking to me?” His voice was subdued.
I shrugged. I felt, rather than heard, his sigh.
“You’re angry with me.”
He was wrong about that. It wasn’t anger that was making me avoid him, it was self-preservation.
“I don’t blame you. I know I’ve made a mess of things. I came to give you a choice... I was planning to leave at the end of the season.” He paused, but my brain was already frozen. As though it couldn’t process the word ‘leave’. “But if you’d rather I left now, I’ll understand. I’ll find a spot for my horses closer to Toronto.”
My chest constricted painfully, and my breath started coming in sharp, raw gasps. Either way, he would be gone. My only option was whether to prolong my suffering. It was always the same impossible choice: the pain of his presence versus the torture of his absence. I didn’t say anything. I don’t think I could have spoken even if I’d wanted to.
“Let me know what you decide,” he continued quietly. He hesitated, then dropped his head close to mine; I felt the zing of current from my face down to my shoulder. He whispered his parting line in my ear.
“I miss you.”
I waited until his footsteps faded to surrender to the wracking sobs, and they shook me for a long time before I pulled myself together and went back to work.
