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Even though January hadn’t brought any relief from the cold, I was still excited about the first horse show of the year. No one else from our barn was going, so Karen said she’d pick me up with her two-horse trailer. She was bringing a client’s horse to ride.
I had a good schooling session with Blaze the day before the show. He was in excellent spirits as he bounded over the fences I’d set up, and I felt mine soar correspondingly. That night I groomed him carefully and picked out his stall so he wouldn’t get dirty overnight.
“This is going to be our year, Blaze,” I reminded him with a hug when I was done. “This is the year we really get noticed. Let’s start if off right tomorrow.”
But the next day didn’t start off right at all. Somehow I had set my alarm wrong, for six p.m. instead of a.m. I awoke to pounding on the door downstairs; I leaped up and staggered down the steps half-asleep, twisting an ankle as I went. It was Karen, naturally.
“Why aren’t you ready? Dante’s in the first class,” she said impatiently. “Get dressed, I’ll feed Blaze.”
I ran upstairs and threw on my clothes, then rushed to the barn, hobbling a bit on my twisted ankle and still muddled from sleep. I wrapped Blaze’s legs with shipping bandages while he ate. The sound of grinding grain was making me hungry.
“Man, I am beat.” Karen yawned as she helped me put on Blaze’s blanket. He was so good-natured, I thought with a doting smile. Some horses would have hated to be rushed through their breakfast, but he took it in stride, perking his ears up with interest as he stepped into the trailer next to a large chestnut horse. I examined Karen as I came out. She did look tired, she was pale and had purple circles under her eyes.
“I think I’m coming down with something,” she continued as she tried to stifle another yawn.
“Why don’t you let me drive?” I suggested. “That way you can have a nap.”
She looked at me narrowly. “Are you legal to drive a trailer on the highway yet?” she demanded.
“Um, not technically. I only have my learner’s permit, but we’re not going far. It’s not like I can’t manage it.”
Karen looked torn.
“It’s six-thirty in the morning, Karen. The roads will be practically deserted,” I encouraged her.
“Oh, all right. Just make sure you drive slowly, then.”
We climbed into the big gold pickup. Karen laughed as she helped me adjust the seat so that I could reach the pedals, but once we got underway she was asleep within minutes. I debated going through a drive-through to get some coffee, but I was worried about maneuvering the truck and trailer through it, so I decided to skip it. I yawned as I merged cautiously onto highway 403.
We only had to go a few exits, and I felt a mild sense of relief when I pulled off the highway. The lights at the off-ramp were green, and I was thinking of my upcoming jumper class as we glided slowly through the intersection. And then my world ended.
Sharp, stabbing pains woke me. The first thing I noticed was the taste of blood in my mouth; I was surprised at the effort it took to swallow. My eyelids fluttered open to an unfamiliar view. I tried to move and found I couldn’t, but the effort sent more stabbing pains through me and I groaned weakly. I wasn’t exactly conscious of where the pains were located, other than my head. The pain in my head was very clear.
“Don’t try to move,” a male voice said. He sounded bored. “You’re in an ambulance and we’re taking you to a hospital.”
“No, wait — my horse! What about Blaze? And Karen?” My voice sounded feeble even to my own ears.
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you much about that. Your friend stayed at the accident site, she’s not badly injured.”
A confused memory was starting to emerge: a sudden loud roar to my left, followed by a vicious wrenching motion. There was nothing after that, only blackness. I could feel panic ballooning inside me — I had to know how Blaze was. But I started to turn my head, and the blackness rose up and claimed me again.
The next time my eyes opened I stayed conscious longer. Not that I wanted to, after the first minute. I looked around blearily; a dull throbbing started in my head as soon as I turned it.
“Hey,” Seth murmured. He was sitting on the edge of my bed and looked as though he’d been crying.
“Is she awake?” Dec walked to the other side of the bed, frowning in concern.
“What happened?” I croaked. I cleared my throat, sending shooting pains through my forehead and ribcage. I noticed an IV tube running into the back of my right hand. The left one felt weird and when I lifted it I saw a splint on my ring finger. Damn, that was the finger that held the reins.
Dec put his hand on my arm gingerly.
“How do you feel?” he asked. I noticed he hadn’t answered my question.
“I’ve been better... what happened?” I asked again. “How’s Blaze? And Karen and the other horse?”
Dec didn’t answer right away. He swallowed hard, then met Seth’s eyes across my bed. Seth turned his head away quickly so I couldn’t see his face. All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe, my heart felt like it was staggering to a halt. Something was very, very wrong.
“Tell me,” I whispered. “Tell me what happened.”
Dec looked back at me, his face haggard. My heart went from stumbling to sprinting.
“There was an accident. A truck — an eighteen-wheeler — crashed into you. The driver was asleep, he went through a red light,” he said quietly. He paused, while the pain in my chest grew more and more unbearable. Suddenly I didn’t want him to go on, I knew what he was going to say.
“No.” It wasn’t even a whisper. I shook my head, ignoring the pain. My brain was already trying to shut down. “No...”
Seth turned then. He hugged me, hard, but I couldn’t move. Over Seth’s shoulder, I met Dec’s eyes. He tightened his grip on my arm.
“Karen is okay. The other horse will likely recover. But Blaze was on the wrong side, the truck ran directly into his side of the trailer. I’m sorry, honey, but he’s gone.”
I had to move, to run, as if escaping from those horrendous, impossible words would mean escape from the truth. I struggled to get up, ripping the IV out of my hand and sending lancing pains through my body. Seth tightened his hold, and Dec pushed my shoulder down, both of them murmuring words of comfort I didn’t hear. I struggled for another minute, welcoming the pain and praying for unconsciousness, but now that I desperately wanted it, it wouldn’t come. I lay back and screwed my eyelids shut tight. At that moment, I never wanted to see daylight again.
