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I was in the barn the following afternoon chatting with Lisa, one of our boarders, when Karen came in. Lisa was a surpassingly sweet, motherly woman. She often brought Seth and me treats from home, and she had been a great help and comfort to us during our mother’s fight with cancer, as well as after her death. I offered Karen one of the brownies Lisa had just given me — they were extra chocolaty, just the way I liked them.
“Did you hear about the show?” Karen asked, helping herself to a brownie. She had been to an A-rated show over the weekend; I hadn’t gone because Cameo wasn’t quite ready to compete at that level.
“No, I haven’t seen anyone yet,” I replied curiously. “What happened?”
“Well, Stephanie and Gracie won everything in sight, but Marty dumped Jennifer in the ring,” Karen said, shaking her head. “She’s getting nervous about riding him. Can you get on him sometime?”
“Sure, I can do it today, if you want.” I was happy at the prospect of riding a jumper again. It had been far too long.
As soon as Karen was out of earshot, Jaden strode over, frowning. He’d been around the corner with Piba, and as always, I’d been aware of his presence.
“Why are you getting on that horse?” he demanded. “He doesn’t belong to the barn and you’re not even showing him. So why are you assuming the risk of riding him?”
“It may surprise you,” I spat at him, affronted, “but when I’m not on the polo field I’m considered a pretty competent rider. Karen’s my coach, we do each other favors. And it’s not risky for me.”
His eyebrows crept up at my tone. “He threw Jennifer off, didn’t he? She’s a good rider too.”
“He won’t dump me,” I said with certainty. I prayed that he wouldn’t, or there would be no living with Jaden.
“Well, I don’t think you should do it,” he said, crossing his arms.
“Then I’m glad it’s not up to you,” I said as I turned away. I knew he wouldn’t stop me, much as he might want to; we were very careful not to touch each other anymore. I marched off angrily, insulted by his lack of confidence.
“Your cousin really cares about you,” Lisa commented as I brought Marty out. She was smiling.
“He’s got some way of showing it,” I muttered sullenly, “he’s always mad at me.”
“Well, now, that’s just how men are,” she said soothingly. “It’s hard for them to admit when they’re worried. My husband’s the same way with me and our girls.”
I thought about what Lisa had said while I tacked up. I had gotten used to Jaden and I being angry with each other, it was easier to be around him that way. It kept him at a safe distance. The fact that he might be worried about me was hard for me to contemplate — it set my chest to aching and my throat to tightening. I crumpled the thought up in my mind and tried to focus on Marty.
He was an interesting little horse. He belonged to a wealthy actor from Toronto who almost never rode him, but who liked to watch his horse compete at shows, so Karen had various students ride him. None of them lasted long, however, because Marty had an unfortunate habit: he liked to buck. And like most good jumpers, he was an excellent bucker, he got most of his riders off, though I didn’t think it was intentional.
We went to the main ring and started warming up. Marty was a Thoroughbred but he wasn’t very tall, only 15:3 hands high. He had a surprisingly big jump in him though, and a long stride — he reminded me of Northern Dancer, the famous racehorse, who stunned the world with his incredible speed despite his small size. They even looked a bit alike, although Marty was a darker bay and had only one white sock.
When Karen came into the ring I was surprised to see Jaden with her. I thought he was due back at the club. Though I couldn’t help being aware of his presence, it didn’t throw me into turmoil the way it did on the polo field. This was my arena, after all. I was able to tune him out, for the most part.
“I’m trying to figure out what the trigger is,” Karen was saying as she set up a combination. “He seems to buck mostly as he’s landing after a line of fences, but it’s not consistent, so we’ll try a few things and see what sets him off.”
I trotted the combination a few times and Marty jumped it cheerfully. He didn’t seem at all tired from the show two days before. I was having fun; I hadn’t jumped much over the past few months, other than with the school horses and Cameo, and they couldn’t handle very big fences. Karen soon asked me to jump a course. It was almost four feet high, big enough that I had to pay attention.
I picked up a canter and headed for our first line. Marty jumped it beautifully. His canter was so smooth and rhythmic that he was easy to set up properly for the takeoff, but there was still a powerful thrust to his jump. Then, after the second fence, he exploded into action — he hadn’t even taken a stride after landing, he just erupted, rounding his back and then pistoning his hind legs up so high behind him that we were almost vertical. I braced myself, leaning backward, and jerked on one rein to try and get his head up. After about five bucks he finally lifted it and I slowed to a walk, panting.
Karen laughed. “You rode that beautifully,” she said, shaking her head in apparent amazement. I grinned at her, happy with her unequivocal praise. It wasn’t easy to earn. My gaze was drawn to Jaden, who was standing tense, fists clenched at his sides. His face was pale.
“Relax, cuz. I’m still on, see?” I winked at him. He took a breath and ran his hand through his hair; the familiar gesture sent a ripple of pain through my chest.
“Okay, let’s try again. Start with the triple bar this time, then do the rest of the course,” Karen instructed.
I did as she said. I was flying, thrilled to be in my element again, doing what I loved, what I was good at. Marty didn’t try bucking again until after the last line, and I managed to get his head up after three bucks this time.
“I don’t know what’s setting him off, Karen, but I can tell you this — he isn’t trying to buck me off.” I could sense the occasional filament of Marty’s feelings intersecting mine, and there was no malice there. He was happy.
I was happy too that night, but Jaden was subdued. For once, though, it didn’t affect me — usually, I was such a sensitive barometer of his emotional state that I had a hard time being happy if he was down. But I felt alive, as though I’d just woken up and remembered who I really was after a long spell of amnesia. I was already making plans to find a jumper to ride; there had to be a way, somehow, for me to start competing again. The fire within me, the one I thought had been extinguished by Blaze’s death, had been rekindled.
My good mood carried over to the next day. Jaden was teaching a clinic in Alliston, so I wouldn’t be seeing him, and things had been so tense between us that his absence was actually something of a relief. Since it was Wednesday, I headed over to the club after dinner to play in the club chukkers.
It was the last chukker of the evening and I was on Schweppes again. I’d ridden Maya, the club pony, for the last chukker. Even though Maya was more experienced than Schweppes, I was happier riding my little golden horse. We were forging a real bond while learning the game together, and I loved feeling his joy and enthusiasm for his new career. It buoyed my spirits, too, though I hardly needed it today.
The chukker started off fast. The ball switched directions a few times in rapid succession; it was hard to keep track of the play among eight galloping horses and the mingled yells of their riders. Suddenly, I saw Dan, who was on the opposing team, hurtling down the field with the ball. Mateo noticed too; as I watched he tried to ride Dan off the ball. Mateo’s pony barged his shoulder into Dan’s mare’s, Mateo hit a beautiful backhand, and the ball was ours again. Or rather, mine — it came straight at me. I hit it as hard as I could and galloped up the field after it.
“Come on, Schweppes,” I whispered as I leaned over his neck. He put on another burst of speed, and he was fast. The other horses were hard-pressed to catch him when he galloped all out. As we drew level with the ball I leaned out of the saddle, glanced at the goalposts for a split second, and executed a strong full swing. The mallet struck with that satisfying ‘thunk’ of perfect contact, and the ball arced up and flew through the goalposts. I had scored.
It was my first goal. I was elated, even though it was just a practice game. I turned Schweppes to find everyone converging on us, my own teammates and those from the ‘opposition’. We were all in the same club, after all. Everyone congratulated me; I was patted on the back and high-fived by all. Mateo had just leaned over to kiss my cheek when a movement on the sidelines caught my eye — a tall, lean, long-strided movement. Jaden.
He stood perfectly still now, watching me. I wondered how long he’d been there as I walked Schweppes over to him. He wasn’t smiling.
“Hi,” I said tentatively.
He nodded. “That was quite a shot,” he said casually. “A perfect shot, in fact.”
Mateo drew level with me. “She plays much better when no one is screaming at her, no?” he asked Jaden smugly. “Come on, chiquita, it’s time for the throw-in.”
I turned back to the game. My elation over my first goal had almost completely evaporated, leaving confusion in its place. The rest of the chukker went smoothly, even if I never regained the momentum I’d had before seeing Jaden. Our team won.
After the game, we gathered at the picnic tables with drinks and snacks. Most of the players were having beer, but I was celebrating my first goal with a can of Coke.
“Téa, I think you should play with us in the tournament next weekend,” Caley said suddenly.
“Oh... thanks, Caley, but I don’t think I’m quite ready for a tournament match yet,” I told her haltingly. I was acutely aware of Jaden’s eyes trained on me from the adjoining table. He didn’t say anything.
“Well, we all think you are. You’d be doing us a favor. You and Schweppes look so small and sweet, the other team will never see you coming. Your speed and aggression will catch them totally off guard, we’ll have a huge advantage. For the first chukker, at least,” she grinned at me.
I smiled back, but I couldn’t help shooting an anxious glance over at Jaden. He was still watching me quietly. Caley followed my gaze.
“Is that what’s worrying you?” She chuckled and turned to Jaden. “All right, J, stop being an overprotective idiot and tell your cousin she can play.”
A chorus of agreement seconded her; my friends were all rooting for me, and razzing Jaden for trying to keep me under wraps. I smiled suddenly, feeling a glow of acceptance and encouragement from them.
“What do you plan to tell Dec if you play?” Jaden shot at me.
I hadn’t thought about that. Dec had made his feelings perfectly clear — no real matches.
“He doesn’t have to know,” I suggested hopefully. The minute the words were out of my mouth I regretted them; I didn’t want to set Jaden off. But to my amazement, he just nodded thoughtfully.
He was in the barn waiting for me when I got home. It was almost dark and the stable was empty of other people. He didn’t say anything right away, just started helping me untack Schweppes. I stole fleeting glimpses of him while we worked — I couldn’t believe things had gotten this uncomfortable between us. I missed our easy friendship, but the fact that my body was so vibrantly aware of his presence almost guaranteed we couldn’t go back to it. I sighed as we started grooming.
“Téa.”
I met his eyes over Schweppes’ back, and felt a moment of surprise; they were soft.
“When I saw you play today, it made me I realize how much I must have been intimidating you. I’ve been harsh.”
I was already shaking my head. “No, you haven’t. You’ve taught me so much, and I appreciate it. Really.” I could scarcely admit that turmoil caused by his mere presence made me play badly around him.
“Well, after what I saw today, I have to agree that you’re ready for a low-goal match. So if you want to play in the tournament next weekend, you’re in.”
“What about Dec?” I checked cautiously.
“I can keep a secret.”
I felt a smile grow slowly on my face. “Thanks.”
He nodded and left me to finish putting Schweppes away on my own.
* * *
Even though he had relented enough to let me play, it turned out that Jaden had conditions. He insisted on being on my team, for one thing.
“You’re going to spend the entire match galloping around trying to keep people away from her,” Caley predicted, shaking her head. “You’ll drive everyone crazy.”
“Too bad,” Jaden responded grimly. “If Téa’s on the field, then so am I.”
“I thought you were umpiring?” Dan pointed out.
“I’ll umpire the other matches.”
“But how can you play in a low-goal game?” I asked in confusion. “You’re practically a medium-goal team all on your own.”
A match was considered low-goal if the total of all four players’ handicaps was under ten. Since Jaden’s handicap was eight, I didn’t see how that was possible. Especially since Mateo was also supposed to play with us.
“That’s why Lucas is on the team,” Jaden explained. “Since he’s ranked minus two, like you, our total handicap will be eight.”
It didn’t sound quite fair to me, but I was happy just to be included, so I kept mum.
The tournament was in Alliston. Another of Jaden’s conditions was that I start off riding a more experienced pony in the first chukker, so we brought Maya, the club pony.
The first chukker went swimmingly; in fact, if I hadn’t been so nervous at playing in my first match, I might have been bored. As Caley had predicted, Jaden rode like a demon, keeping a space cleared around me and passing me the ball occasionally, when I’d have an easy shot. It was almost embarrassing.
I was happy to get on Schweppes for the second chukker.
“Jaden, try to relax a bit, okay? I’m fine on my own,” I urged him.
He didn’t answer, just turned and headed onto the field for the throw-in.
It all happened in a flash. One minute I was galloping down the field, the sound of hoofbeats thundering in my ears, and the next I was on the ground, and the hoofbeats were in my head. From a great distance, I heard the collective gasp of spectators, Mateo’s enraged roar, and, seconds later, Jaden’s frantic voice in my ear.
“Téa! Are you all right? Can you hear me?”
“You, and the cavalry pounding through my head,” I said weakly. I tried to push myself up, but his hands restrained me.
“No, don’t move yet, sweetheart. The medic’s on her way.”
He held my hand. I was lying on my side, and I shifted experimentally. Nothing seemed damaged except for my head. I was having trouble breathing; when I touched my face my hand came away covered in blood. My right cheekbone, eye, and nose felt like they were on fire.
I let go of Jaden’s hand reluctantly as he made way for the medic.
“Can you speak, dear? Can you tell me where it hurts?” It was a woman’s voice. Gentle hands began probing the back of my neck.
“I’m okay,” I said. It sounded like I had a bad cold. “I think only my face is hurt.”
“Let’s get her helmet off,” the medic said.
I recognized Jaden’s hands as he carefully took off my helmet, supporting my head like a baby’s. I rolled over slightly and was finally able to see. The medic had a kind, grandmotherly face framed by white curls. I looked to my right and found Jaden. He looked stricken.
“Am I that hideous, then?”
He didn’t answer, but took my hand in his again. I swallowed, the metallic aftertaste of blood strong in my mouth.
The medic spoke up. “The injuries seem limited to your face. Let’s get you to the first-aid tent and see what we can do for you.”
I started to move, but Jaden was too quick for me; he picked me up and started walking, cradling me in his arms.
“I can walk,” I protested. The motion was making my head pound; I felt a bit sick.
“Will you please not argue with me for once,” he said, but his tone was gentle. My head was resting on his shoulder, and his voice vibrated pleasantly in his chest. He smelled good, too. How was that possible, when he’d spent the morning in the barn and a half hour sweating on the polo field? It was so unfair. I put my free arm around his neck and pulled myself a little closer — might as well enjoy the cessation of hostilities while they lasted. Jaden murmured something in Spanish.
“Did you just call me a baby?”
He chuckled quietly. “Something like that.”
When we got to the first-aid tent he laid me down carefully on a gurney. Two medics converged immediately. Now that my head was back, though, I couldn’t breathe — blood was running into my mouth from the back of my nose. I struggled to sit up and my head spun dizzily.
“Easy, now,” the male medic cautioned, steadying me.
He performed the standard head injury assessment, and then the grandmotherly one started palpating my face. I clamped my teeth together to keep from whimpering; Jaden held my hand again.
“Why are you still here?” I asked, the words distorted from sliding through my teeth. “You’ve got to finish the game.”
“I’m staying with you.”
“But we’ll forfeit!”
“Then we forfeit,” he shrugged.
I stared at him in amazement. Jaden was very competitive. Despite his status, I doubted most people realized just how competitive he was because he didn’t flaunt it. It wasn’t hard for me to recognize the signs, though, since I was the same way.
“Just go, Jaden,” I urged him.
He looked stubborn, but the medic broke in before it could escalate into an argument.
“Well dear, it doesn’t look as though there’s any serious damage, but you should get an X-ray to make sure there’s no fracture to your cheekbone. You’re very lucky,” she smiled and handed me an icepack. It felt absolutely blissful.
I felt another trickle of blood from my nose; before I could ask, Jaden was there with a tissue. He wiped the blood away gently, his face close to mine, his hand on my shoulder to steady me. Our eyes met, and my already obstructed breathing staggered and stopped. The wall that I had carefully maintained for over a month crumbled in seconds, and I felt naked and vulnerable. He cupped his hand to the uninjured side of my face. He was so close now that I could feel his breath brushing my cheek.
“Your beautiful face, Téa... I’m so sorry,” he murmured.
He didn’t look away, and I couldn’t even breathe, let alone move. He tilted his head slowly, and I felt a tremor go through me.
“What’s going on here?” Mateo joked. He bounded in with Lucas on his heels; Jaden jerked away from me. The sudden rush of air into my lungs brought me back to reality.
“How’s the patient?” Mateo continued.
“Impatient to go,” I told him.
“Well, you won’t have long to wait. Our game’s over, thanks to Mateo,” Lucas complained with a smile. “He decided to take out the jackass who hit you, and they don’t have a replacement.”
Mateo looked proud of himself; I expected Jaden to jump down his throat but to my shock, he just nodded and bumped fists with him. Today was full of surprises.
Jaden scooped me up again and started toward his car.
“Please let me walk,” I pleaded. It wasn’t only pride that prompted me this time; being so close to him was painful now that my defenses were down. I knew the closeness couldn’t last. I had to go back to shutting him out. It was the only right thing to do, I reminded myself frantically. I had to ignore the thought that I wanted to stay nestled in his arms forever.
Jaden wanted to drive me straight to the hospital, but I needed my health insurance card, and I thought Dec would be less likely to overreact if I didn’t call from the emergency room. When we got home, I was insistent.
“You have to let me walk this time. I don’t want Dec thinking it’s worse than it is.”
He walked me inside, supporting me by the elbow, and sat me on the couch. He disappeared and came back a minute later with a new icepack; mine was starting to melt. I heard the screen door as Dec came in, and I steeled myself. He’d been unusually irascible the past few weeks.
He froze as he spotted my face, then came quickly to kneel by me. I removed the icepack — might as well get it over with. I heard his sharp intake of breath before he stifled it.
“I had a little accident,” I explained needlessly.
“What happened?” His light blue eyes darkened with concern as they perused my battered face.
“I got hit by a mallet.”
“She needs x-rays,” Jaden added quietly.
Dec nodded. “Okay, honey, where’s your health card?” We were pretty used to this drill; when you worked with horses occasional injuries were a fact of life. And when you happened to have a risk-taking personality, like mine, they happened a bit more frequently.
“In my wallet, on my desk.”
He went upstairs, and I leaned gratefully back into the couch. It was getting hard for me to keep my eyes open, the right one was almost swollen shut. I closed them with a sigh.
“Jaden.” Dec’s voice came from a few feet away. He sounded grim.
Next to me, I felt Jaden rise silently.
“What in blazes happened? Why was she playing?” Dec demanded. He kept his voice low, but he was definitely angry — unfortunately, my clothes were a dead giveaway that I’d been on the field.
My left eye flew open, and I managed to coax the right lid apart a few millimeters. Jaden was facing Dec; he hung his head before answering.
“I’m sorry, Uncle Dec.” His voice was subdued. It was the first time I’d ever heard him call Dec ‘Uncle’. It made him sound younger... vulnerable.
“Hey, hold on a minute,” I said, pushing myself up.
“Sit down,” they ordered in stereo. I feigned deafness and joined them, trying to ignore the violent tattoo beating in my right cheek.
“Dec, you can’t possibly blame Jaden for this-”
“Yes I can, actually,” he interrupted harshly, “you were his responsibility.”
“He’s right, Téa,” Jaden agreed quietly. His palpable sadness pierced through me, more painful by far than the injuries to my face.
“No he isn’t! I’m not anyone’s responsibility but my own. I’m the one who demanded to play; I couldn’t find my own helmet, so I borrowed one. It didn’t have a faceguard, but I didn’t care-”
“And you didn’t notice that?” Dec demanded, glaring at Jaden.
“He has better things to do than worry about my equipment, he’s got the whole team to look after!” I snapped at Dec. “And anyway, look how successful you’ve been at getting me to wear a helmet.”
Okay, so maybe that was going a bit far, given what a sensitive subject helmets were around here. Dec’s eyes narrowed dangerously.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean...” I backpedaled cautiously, “I just meant, we all know how careless I am when it comes to things like safety. You can’t expect Jaden to change seventeen years of dedicated recklessness overnight.” My attempt to lighten the mood worked. Dec shook his head with a half-smile and Jaden guided me back to the couch and, thankfully, my icepack.
“Can you take care of things here while I take her to the hospital?” Dec’s voice was barely clipped now, and Jaden looked relieved. He nodded.
“I’ll bring the truck around, kiddo.” Dec squeezed my shoulder on his way out.
Jaden observed me thoughtfully. “You defended me.”
“Of course. But why didn’t you defend yourself?”
He made a face. “Because I deserve it.”
“That’s ridiculous!” I almost yelled, and it hurt. I was getting well and truly mad now. “Don’t you realize how patronizing that is? I’m not a child, Jaden. If you want to blame someone, blame me. Or even better, that moron riding with his stick out.”
He stared at me for a moment but averted his eyes before speaking.
“I know you’re not a child, Téa. Believe me, I know.”
* * *
Nothing was broken, as it turned out. Jaden wasn’t around much that week, but Jennalyn came by and she was well versed in natural remedies. Between the ointments and oils she brought me the swelling in my face went down rapidly. I took it easy, teaching my usual lessons but only lightly schooling Cameo, and by the next weekend I was feeling — and looking — considerably better.
The Davenport Daemons were playing in another tournament that weekend, and Julia came along with my family to watch. Teri, sadly, had to be at the racetrack. I missed her; we’d been inseparable every summer for years.
Dec was concerned we’d be late, but he needn’t have worried — we arrived before Jaden did. Julia and I went to the stable area. Jennalyn had Piba all warmed up and ready to go, but there was no sign of Jaden. Mateo was M.I.A., too.
“Don’t worry, they’ll turn up,” Jen said calmly. “They went to a big fundraiser last night, they probably just got in late.”
Or not at all. Jen had barely finished speaking when a limousine pulled up. The door was flung open and Jaden, Mateo, and David Davenport spilled out. They were all wearing tuxes, and even unshaven, with the jacket open and no tie on, Jaden could have passed for a tuxedo model as he loped quickly up to Jen.
“Hi, Jen. Where are my clothes?”
“In the truck.”
“Thanks.” He glanced at me; a flicker crossed his face. “Hi,” he said curtly before setting off. His abruptness hurt, even though I tried to tell myself to welcome it.
The match was action-packed but free of calamity. I would never have guessed that Jaden and Mateo had been up all night; they both played superbly and were obviously able to set aside their mutual animosity while they were on the field. The Davenport Daemons won again.
After the game, Dec headed for the washrooms while Seth, Julia and I hurried down to the stable area. We caught sight of Mateo and Jaden dismounting. I only had eyes for Jaden, but Mateo intercepted me first, grabbing my shoulders and kissing me on both cheeks.
“Congratulations, you were fantastic,” I told him sincerely.
“Gracias, chiquita.” His smile was warm.
I glanced over at Jaden, but he was taking Kermit’s bridle off; I wondered where Jennalyn was. Up close, Jaden looked rough. Somehow, dammit, it only made him hotter.
Mateo was looking inquiringly over my shoulder, and I turned to make introductions.
“Mateo, this is my brother Seth, and my good friend Julia,” I indicated them in turn.
Mateo shook Seth’s hand and kissed Julia’s, giving her the usual appreciative look. Then he turned back to me and took my hand, lifting it above my head and twirling me in a circle while he gave a low whistle. I caught sight of Jaden as I spun — he was watching with eyes narrowed and jaw clenched. I was wearing another dress of Julia’s; it was pale grey with pink cherry blossom branches growing up from the hem.
“You are muy beautiful in that dress, chiquita. You will come to the after-match party with us, yes? All of you.” He waved his hand toward Seth and Julia.
I didn’t get a chance to respond. Jaden’s voice was icy as he answered for me.
“She’s seventeen years old, Mateo. We’re not bringing her to a party with a bunch of drunken polo players looking to score.”
I flinched at his words. Was that what he did at those parties — get drunk and finally oblige all those blond, long-legged polo groupies who always seemed to be throwing themselves at him?
“She will be with me, no? I will protect her.” Mateo laughed, his eyes crinkling. He turned to convince Julia and Seth to join us. Kermit was still wearing his saddle; I went over and started loosening the overgirth.
“Let me do that,” Jaden said impatiently.
“I don’t mind.”
“You’ll get your dress dirty,” he insisted. He stepped in and took over unsaddling.
“It’s not like I’ll be wearing it anywhere,” I said in a low voice. I knew I sounded petulant, but I couldn’t help it. I felt as though something cold and heavy had settled in my stomach. There was no way I was going to a party to watch Jaden carousing with — or worse, leaving with — another girl. And I wouldn’t impose my presence on him when he so clearly didn’t want it.
“Téa,” he said, sounding frustrated.
“Should you really be going to another party tonight?” I asked sullenly. “You look like you’re still drunk from the last one.”
“And?” he demanded angrily.
I ground my teeth together, staring at the grass. I had no right to question his actions, no say in what he did. So I said nothing.
He spoke lower this time. “Téa, look at me.”
I raised my eyes to meet his tense ones.
“Going to these parties is part of my job. The patrons expect it, and people who put money into the sport want to rub shoulders with the players after big matches. I’m going because I have to.”
“And you don’t want me there.”
He looked directly into my eyes for a long moment, not answering, and I felt a swooping sensation in my stomach. He moved in closer, until I couldn’t see anything except his face and those unbelievable eyes staring into mine... Dec’s voice made me jump.
“Great game, son.” He patted Jaden on the shoulder. Jaden looked startled, but recovered himself quickly as he turned to Dec and started discussing some of the plays. I went back to Seth, who thankfully wrapped his arm around me; I was cold. He was wearing an odd expression, but I was too preoccupied to wonder about it. After a bit more match analysis with Mateo, we were ready to go. Dec had firmly nixed any party ideas, so Julia headed home in her car and Seth and I climbed into the pickup. I sat in the back; I didn’t have the energy to fake a happy expression.
When we got home Seth offered to check the barn so I wouldn’t have to change. I was just pulling on my PJs when he spoke softly at my door.
“Hey, can I come in?”
“Sure.”
He came and sat on the bed. He looked tense.
I sat next to him. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” I asked, concerned.
“I think I was wrong, Sis.”
“About what?”
“About you and Jaden.”
I could feel my eyes widen in surprise. “Okay, you’re going to have to spell this out for me, because you can’t be saying what I think you are.”
He took a deep breath. “Ever since you told me how you feel, I’ve been imagining the two of you as a couple. Not that I wanted to. I couldn’t help it, it’s like telling someone not to think of elephants. And the thing is — I think he suits you.”
I stared at the ground, my jaw and my fists both clenched tight. This wasn’t something I wanted to hear, not now.
“It’s not only because you have so much in common,” Seth went on. “It’s also, well, he can handle you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Come on, T, we both know you’re a bit wild. Much as I love Kabir, I know that after a month with you he’d be curled up, rocking back and forth in his happy place. But Jaden isn’t fazed by your stunts.”
I thought of Jaden’s reaction when he had caught me doing drugs downtown, and when I had tackled Davis on the polo field. I didn’t think ‘unfazed’ quite captured his response. However, it was a moot point, I reminded myself.
“It doesn’t change anything, though, does it?” I asked Seth quietly. “The risk is the same, and everyone might end up hating me if I even admit how I feel.”
He shook his head slowly. “I don’t know, Sis. I’ve been watching you. You’re miserable. And Jaden’s no better. How long can you go on this way?”
“As long as I have to,” I said determinedly.
And for the next few days, at least, it was easy, because Jaden was teaching at the Toronto club and he stayed at his place. I thought constantly about what Seth had said, try as I might not to. No matter how I circled the idea, I couldn’t fathom Jaden having any interest in me. But if he did, it would only make things even more disastrous.
