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I floated through the rest of the day without any idea what I was doing. Jaden went to the polo club but was due back for dinner, and it was incredible that after waiting all these months, I didn’t know how I was going to survive the few hours until I saw him again. Unfortunately, when I did see him, we couldn’t be alone. Dec was home and it was time to eat.
“So, kiddo, what’s this I hear about you and Kabir?” Dec asked after we sat down. “Have you finally relented, then?”
“There’s more gossip than riding going on in this place,” I grumbled. It was hard not to look at Jaden since he sat right across from me. I caught a glimpse of his face; he looked amused and aggravated at the same time. Beside me, I could feel Seth carefully not looking our way.
“Is it true?” Dec pressed.
I sighed. “No, Dec, nothing’s going on with Kabir. The whole thing’s been blown way out of proportion.”
“Well, you could do worse,” Dec asserted. “Kabir’s a great kid.”
Aggravation was winning out over amusement on Jaden’s face now, and I gave him a small, apologetic smile when Dec wasn’t looking. His answering smile was so dazzling that I was glad I was sitting down.
Later that evening we snuck out to the shed. Jaden went first; I followed a few minutes later. After bolting the door I turned to look at him hesitantly, but he opened his arms and I threw myself into them joyfully.
“Sorry about that,” I murmured.
“I have only myself to blame,” he sighed, holding me tight. “If I hadn’t been so stubborn you wouldn’t have had to resort to drastic measures.”
“You know what I think?” I asked, looking up at him seriously.
“What?”
“I think it’s been far too long since you’ve kissed me.”
“An egregious lapse,” he agreed.
I tilted my head up, but he didn’t start with my lips. He kissed my forehead, my temple, the corner of my eye, my cheekbone, then trailed slowly down to my jaw. My arms were around his waist; I started to pull them free but he tightened his hold so I couldn’t move an inch.
“Patience,” he breathed in my ear, a hint of a smile in his voice.
There was a workbench along one wall, and he picked me up easily and strode over to sit me on it. My arms were still captive but I wrapped my legs around his hips, pulling myself close. He brushed his cheek against mine, then took my earlobe into his mouth, and I felt his teeth press into it gently. Something between a sigh and a gasp escaped me, and I pressed myself against him as hard as I could. My heart was thudding, and the desire to feel his mouth on mine was already becoming overpowering. His mouth moved to my neck, and his tongue traced circles down to my collarbone. He kissed the hollow at the base of my throat; I could feel his warm breath on my skin, and my own was coming in shallow gasps. He skimmed his face up my throat and kissed my chin. Our eyes locked as he moved to the corner of my mouth. My lips trembled, and he finally covered them with his, kissing me softly, slowly, and relentlessly, until I thought I would faint.
When he set me back on the ground my legs were shaking.
“I think I need to sit down,” I said. I couldn’t believe the reaction he’d been able to evoke in me — I was in even bigger trouble than I’d thought. He gave a throaty chuckle as he supported me over to the old tack trunk in the corner.
“I must have done a good job,” he said, pulling me onto his lap. His eyes were dancing.
I stared at him in outrage.
“You’re a — a tease!” I accused him.
He flashed a wicked smile before murmuring in my ear, “Anticipation is half the fun.”
I shot him a doubtful look before nestling my head into his shoulder. He smelled wonderful.
“I don’t know how I’m going to stay in my own room tonight.” I sighed.
His sigh echoed mine. “That’s going to be a challenge for both of us,” he agreed, “but I won’t touch you in Dec’s house.”
“In that case, I’m glad we have a shed.” I smiled at him.
“It’s completely arbitrary, I know,” he said. “It’s bad enough we’re carrying on in here.”
He felt guilty, that much was obvious. I was suddenly worried.
“Are you having second thoughts?” I whispered.
“No, mi corazón,” he murmured, kissing my hair.
I looked at him quizzically.
“It means ‘my heart’,” he said softly. “I have no regrets — we can’t go back to how things were. You are my heart now.”
The lump in my throat didn’t allow me to speak, but I held his face in my hands and kissed him. I’m sure I was a lot less skillful than him, but he seemed to enjoy it all the same. Afterward, we sat, contentedly silent until my burgeoning anxiety prompted me to speak.
“Why do you feel guilty?”
He considered for a moment, his fingers doodling aimlessly on my shoulder blade. He answered my question with another one.
“Do you know why Dec would approve if you chose Kabir?”
“Sure, he’s intelligent, respectful, obedient... Dec’s probably hoping some of that would rub off on me.” I snickered.
He watched me with only the ghost of a smile. “You forgot one.”
“What?”
“He’s seventeen.” His eyes tightened with worry, and his hand seemed to go to his hair of its own accord. I reached up and took it in mine.
“I fail to see how that’s in any way significant,” I told him firmly.
“You’re young, Téa. Sometimes... I feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”
“Taking advantage of me to do what, exactly? To give me what I want most in the world, the chance to be with you?” I was speaking passionately now, needing to convince him. “Jaden, if you weren’t twice as strong as me, I’d be taking advantage of you right now.”
His brows lifted. “Twice as strong?”
“What — too high?” I teased.
He was still laughing as he carried me to the door.
* * *
I floated through the rest of the week on a cloud of happiness, living for my few stolen moments with Jaden each day. For people living in the same house, it was surprisingly difficult for us to find time alone together. For one thing, I had never before fully appreciated the extent to which the barn rats — the dedicated lesson kids — trailed behind me. They followed me constantly, and I had to develop ploys like sending them on time-consuming errands, in order to get away. The kids also loved Jaden; he played with them, teased them, and helped them in almost equal measure and as a result, they were dogging his footsteps, too. And naturally, we had to be extremely careful whenever Dec was around. The one time of day when we did usually see each other was during the final check of the barn at bedtime. Seth would come out with us as a cover, and Jaden and I would climb into the hayloft for a few minutes alone. But while those moments were blissful, I craved far more.
That weekend Jaden went to a polo tournament, and I took Cameo to her first big A-rated show. We were gone for the entire weekend. Teri came too, and I was overjoyed to spend time with her. She was dating Rob, the exercise rider who’d helped us the previous fall, and was very happy. I missed Jaden atrociously over the weekend, but my overall joy was so great that it seemed to buoy me through everything — Cameo couldn’t put a hoof wrong and won Champion of her division. Emma and her parents were delighted, but their pleasure was nothing to mine when we got home and I spotted Jaden’s car in front of the shed.
He came out to help with the unloading, and we couldn’t wait — as soon as the horses were safely in the barn we stole away to the hayloft. There was enough commotion, with everyone unpacking and getting the horses settled, that our absence would likely go unnoticed.
We didn’t speak for the first few minutes. When we eventually unglued our bodies we got comfortable on some haybales.
“How was the show?” Jaden inquired. He was holding my hand.
“Excellent. Cameo won Champion.”
He smiled widely and leaned forward to press his firm lips quickly against mine. “Congratulations.”
“How was the tournament?” I asked him.
“Great, we won every match I played in.”
I rolled my eyes. “There’s a surprise. You always win.”
“Not always. You’re my lucky charm, now that we’re together I feel like I can’t lose.”
It was my turn to smile and kiss him. I felt exactly the same way. A knock on the trapdoor made us both jump, and I looked at him in alarm while Seth called out in a hushed voice.
“Heads up — Dec’s in the barn.”
“I’ll go first and distract him,” Jaden said quickly. I waited a few minutes before climbing down. Dec and Jaden were nowhere in sight, but my heart continued to race for a long time. Obviously, we’d have to be more careful.
* * *
Jaden left on Friday. It was Chris’s birthday and they were going out, along with Ryan, to celebrate. He wandered back in on Sunday afternoon, and I could have sworn I felt his presence before he was even in the barn. I peeked around the corner when I heard him talking to Dec. He was clutching a coffee and sported two day’s growth of stubble on his jaw, and although his eyes were hidden behind his shades, I got the feeling they were scanning the barn for me.
I walked into Jaden’s line of sight. He kept talking, but his mouth lifted a little at the corners.
“I’m going to get changed.” I heard him tell Dec. I waited a few minutes after he left before hurrying out.
I slipped into the shed carefully; there were lots of people around on the weekend.
“Corazón,” Jaden breathed as he drew me into his embrace. After two days apart, I wasn’t prepared for the effect of his proximity — his scent, his touch, his voice, were even more overwhelming than I’d remembered. I felt myself go weak as his lips met mine; only his arms, clasping me tightly to his body, kept me upright. By the time the kiss was over I couldn’t even look at him, so I just rested my head against his chest and fought to catch my breath.
“Is my arrogance leaving you breathless again?”
I don’t know why I was surprised that he recalled the incensed comment I’d flung at him last Thanksgiving, I knew by now how good his memory was. I felt his knuckles brush my cheek, and looked up to find him grinning wickedly. Somehow his gum had ended up in my mouth, and I chewed it for a minute, inhaling the scent of mint.
“I missed you,” I said when I had regained my composure. “Did you have fun?”
“Some. But I missed you like crazy. I wish you could have come with us.”
“Yes,” I replied, laughing, “and me disappearing with you for an entire weekend wouldn’t arouse Dec’s suspicions in the least. Not to mention I can’t even get into a bar.”
“True,” he admitted. “Though if I had you to myself for an entire weekend I wouldn’t let you out of the house, anyway.”
My stomach swooped, and I had to lean against him again. I loved the feeling of his soft cotton shirt layered over the hard muscles underneath; the combination was very seductive, somehow. As I slipped my hands under the hem I felt the thrill of electricity that contact with his skin always seemed to bring. I felt, more than heard, the sound of happiness he made low in his throat.
“I spent twenty-three years blissfully ignorant of the effect of your touch, and now two days without it feels like torture,” he said, his voice rough.
“I know exactly what you mean,” I said. “I think my body knew I was in love with you before I did.”
He drew back, a slow smile growing on his face.
“No, wait — that came out wrong,” I gasped.
He skimmed his hand from my jaw to the back of my neck, holding me in place.
“Meaning,” his lips murmured against mine, “that you’re not in love with me?”
I couldn’t answer, mostly because he was kissing me very, very tenderly. When he finally released me he looked at me expectantly.
“Well?”
It took a few minutes for me to recover enough to understand. When I did, I sighed and rested my head on his chest again.
“Of course I’m in love with you, Jaden. Isn’t it obvious?”
“It’s still nice to hear.” He took my face in his hands and pulled away just enough to capture my eyes with his molten ones.
“I love you, Téa Everson.”
* * *
Dec headed into the city early the next morning because he had to be in court for the lawsuit proceedings. Jaden had a coaching gig at the Toronto club, and before he left we hid in the shed to say goodbye.
I’d been replaying Jaden’s declaration of love almost continuously in my head since the day before, so I suppose it wasn’t surprising that the thought arose. It was a bit awkward, though, that it occurred to me while my arms and legs were wrapped around him.
“It’s a good thing we don’t have the same last name, isn’t it,” I mused, “because that might be a bit weird.”
I was sitting on the workbench; Jaden leaned back so he could see my face. He kept his hands on my hips.
“I suppose — but why would we?”
“There was some talk about it when Dec adopted us.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Dec adopted you?” He backed up a step, pulling out of my embrace and taking his hands off me.
“Well, yes... during the year my mom was sick. They thought it would make things easier, you know, in case...” I swallowed, staring at the floor. “I thought you knew.”
For a second all was still, and then his arms went around me. He held me tightly; I felt his lips press into my hair.
“I didn’t know,” he murmured after a minute.
I wound my arms around him and hid my face in his neck. He was obviously bothered by the news, but I didn’t understand why.
“It doesn’t change anything, though, does it?” I hated that I felt the need to ask.
He took my face in his hands. His eyes were soft as they held mine.
“Preciosa, nothing can change my feelings for you. I’m just making a few mental adjustments, that’s all. Like to the fact that legally, Dec is your father, not your stepfather.”
I shrugged. “Yes, but we’d been calling him our stepfather for four years by then. It was easier to just stick with it.”
“I understand. But it also means that under the law, we really are first cousins.”
“So?”
“So,” he said, his voice very quiet, “in some places, an intimate relationship or marriage between first cousins is illegal.”
I thought about it for a minute. “In that case, I’ve never looked forward to breaking the law so much in my life,” I said, pulling him closer. I wasn’t too worried about it, and judging from the enthusiasm of his kiss, he wasn’t, either.
After Jaden left, Seth and I had a relatively quiet day, since it was Monday. Dec called to check on us around nine that night, and I was just wrestling Seth over the TV remote when Kabir called.
“Hey, I’m heading over to Kyle’s, you guys wanna come?”
Kyle was a good friend of Seth’s and was also the only boy I’d ever dated. It hadn’t lasted long, and we remained friends. We joined Kabir at Kyle’s for a movie marathon, and by the time we checked the clock it was two a.m. It was a half-hour drive back home, and we had to feed the horses at seven. But my heart lifted as we came up the long, treed driveway that gave the stable its name — Jaden’s car was parked by the garage. I peeked through the door of the guestroom and found him asleep. I managed to resist waking him. He had been annoyingly firm in adhering to his rule of no touching in the house, and with Dec away, the temptation would be triply hard to withstand so I went to bed.
* * *
The next morning didn’t start well.
“Seth! Téa! I want you down here now,” Dec roared.
I knew Seth’s alarmed look mirrored mine. Dec’s temper had been much milder of late, but if he was as angry as he sounded then I, for one, didn’t trust him not to fall off the wagon. Not yet.
He was in the living room, hands on his hips and nostrils flaring. We slunk up to stand in front of him.
“I just checked my messages — I had four calls from your Gran. Apparently, she came by last night to check on you and the house was empty. She stayed until midnight waiting for you and no one showed up. She was frantic.” His voice was quiet now, but with an edge of menace that boded ill for us. The barn was never supposed to be left unattended. “What do you have to say for yourselves?”
“They were with me, actually,” Jaden appeared in the kitchen doorway; my heart strained toward him. He loped over and faced Dec, edging casually in front of Seth and me. “I’m sorry we worried Gran, I’ll call her to apologize. I suppose I should have called you, too. It was an oversight,” he lied smoothly. He seemed perfectly at ease, his rueful smile totally authentic.
Dec was taken aback. “But... where were you all?”
“We went to Cambridge to meet some friends of mine, and we lost track of time.”
“Well, you two should have known better.” Dec shot Seth and me one last glare. “Next time, I expect a call before you go out, and I want you home by midnight at the latest. Ten on school nights.”
“Yes, sir.” We nodded dutifully.
“And Téa, would you call Kyle back, he called three times yesterday alone,” he added, disgruntled. Jaden absorbed this news and turned to consider me. He looked upset.
“I’m going to call your Gran.” Dec stalked to his office.
“Whew! Thanks, dude.” Seth grinned at Jaden as they bumped fists. “You got this, Sis? I’ll take care of the barn.”
I nodded faintly, avoiding Jaden’s eye.
As soon as Seth was gone Jaden faced me. “I’ll see you in the shed in a minute,” he said, his voice without inflection.
I got to the shed without anyone seeing me, and once inside I started pacing. I felt oddly nervous, for some reason. If I hadn’t known better, I would have said that Jaden was jealous. Which was ridiculous, of course — I didn’t even notice the existence of other boys since Jaden had come into my life. Still, butterflies fluttered in my stomach as the door opened and he stepped quickly inside. He slid the deadbolt into place before turning. He was expressionless as he came to stand before me.
“Is there something you’d like to tell me?” he asked.
I swallowed, not knowing quite what to say. He sighed, then took my right hand in his, interlacing our fingers. He moved our interlaced hands behind the small of my back and pulled me against his hard body. His other hand cupped my chin; his eyes were tight as they bored into mine.
“First of all, where were you last night? Gran wasn’t the only one looking for you, you know.”
“We went and chilled at Kyle’s — we didn’t think anyone would miss us. Nice cover, by the way. Thanks.”
His face didn’t relax. “Next time, make sure you’ve got an alibi, okay? And don’t stay out so late. We’ll be outed if I have to keep running interference with Dec.”
I tried to nod, but he was still holding my chin.
“Second, why does your ex-boyfriend keep calling you?”
I managed not to laugh, though the idea of Jaden — wonderful, kind, sexy Jaden — feeling threatened by this geeky teenager was ludicrous. I couldn’t contain the small giggle that escaped, though. The arm behind my back relaxed slightly as his look turned quizzical.
“He wants me to see a movie with him, that’s all. No one knows I have a boyfriend, remember? And I guess he still has kind of a... a thing for me,” I explained haltingly.
“And how do you feel about him?” His eyes never released mine.
“Seriously?” I was getting impatient now. “Jaden, I honestly can’t tell you how I feel about Kyle because I haven’t thought about him in months. You’re all I think about. I love you.”
His face relaxed, and he closed his eyes and touched his forehead to mine.
“Sorry,” he whispered as his arms enfolded me, “jealousy’s not very attractive, I know.” I breathed in the intoxicating scent of his skin and thought that I didn’t really mind a bit of jealousy.
“Actually,” I said slowly, “I find everything about you attractive.”
His arms tightened around me, and he kissed my temple.
“I don’t understand, though,” I admitted. “Why are you jealous?”
He hesitated, and watched my face carefully as he spoke. “Partly, I suppose, because you’re young. Long-term relationships aren’t exactly a hallmark of the teen years, and I shudder at the thought of losing you. And your beauty will always place temptation in your path.” I rolled my eyes at that patent untruth. “Mostly, though, it’s just me. It’s my issue. I’m working on it, I promise.” He gave me a small, contrite smile, and I actually felt weak in the knees. I laughed at myself privately. I had always ridiculed the whole concept of swooning, and here I was, practically the poster girl for Swooners Anonymous. I gazed up at him.
“If I could make a suggestion, I believe your interrogation technique leaves something to be desired,” I said with mock seriousness.
“Is that so?”
“It’s quite lacking in kisses, for instance.”
A gleam came into his eye, and he reached over slowly. Even before his skin met mine, my pulse pounded away like a racehorse out of the gate. He captured both of my wrists behind my back in one of his strong hands and twined the other into the hair on the back of my head. He inclined his face slowly toward mine, the anticipation building until it was almost painful. When his lips finally met mine they were urgent, demanding. I responded eagerly; he soon freed my hands and I ran them up his back, under his shirt, feeling his muscles work as his hands also began roaming. They traveled from my shoulders, to my waist, to my hips — then suddenly, he slid them into the back pockets of my jeans and pulled me more tightly against him. My heart sputtered spastically. I stopped kissing him — a first — and hid my face in his chest.
“Are you okay?” He sounded concerned, and I noticed how quickly he went into ‘soothing mode’. He pulled his hands out of my pockets and instead started patting my back and smoothing my hair. And I understood — he was afraid he’d spooked me, pushed me too fast. I sighed.
“Jaden, when are you going to sleep with me?”
I felt him stiffen.
“You’re still young, Téa. What’s your hurry?”
“I don’t think I am hurrying. All of my girlfriends have already had sex-”
“Both of them, you mean?” He chuckled quietly.
“Hey, I know other girls. But it’s not just them, Seth’s already slept with half the swim team, for crying out loud. The entire female half.”
He frowned. “Sounds like I need to have a word with that boy.”
“About what, being safe? ’Cause I already give him that speech about once a week, and so does Kabir. I think he’s pretty careful. As careful as Seth ever gets.”
He shook his head impatiently. “It’s not only about the physical risk. Your body isn’t something to be shared with just anyone, if you do that — well, I think it devalues the experience.”
I felt amazingly uplifted at hearing his views, as though a weight I hadn’t known I was carrying had been lifted.
“Does that mean you haven’t been with very many people?” I asked shyly. I couldn’t look at him.
He stroked my cheek. “I thought I was conducting the interrogation here.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Meaning?”
“I’m not sure this is something we should discuss right now.” He didn’t look happy. “And in truth, the number doesn’t matter, because everything’s changed now. I love you.”
As always, every cell in my body seemed to inflate at those words, though I noticed he still hadn’t answered my question.
“Téa!” a voice yelled from outside.
I groaned. “Oh, no, it’s Karen. I didn’t think it was so late. She’s gonna kill me, she hates it when we’re not ready.”
“Come on, I’ll help you.” He seized my hand and towed me to the door. Before opening it, he kissed me softly, then raised his eyes to mine.
“Querida, you may not be my first, but I’m hoping you’ll be my last.”
* * *
The subject came up again sooner than expected. Seth had a swim meet in Toronto later that week, and attending it provided the perfect cover for Jaden and me to spend a few hours alone. After dropping Seth off at the pool, Jaden and I headed to his place. It felt good to be back there, in my place of sanctuary.
We ended up talking about school. For the first time ever, Seth had gotten better grades than me in everything except chemistry and math.
“How do you get away with missing so much school?” I grumbled to Jaden, remembering how often he’d been at the barn.
“Easily,” he said smugly. “I have excellent recall.”
“Is that a fact?”
I was on the couch; he came and leaned across the back of it and spoke low in my ear.
“Yes. For instance, I still remember every bad name you called me when I had you over my shoulder at the track.”
I blushed at the memory. “Oh, right... sorry about that.”
“I had it coming. Still, I have to admit I was surprised at your vocabulary. Or is Dec not as opposed to that kind of language anymore? I learned to duck after cursing around him.”
“Trust me, he’s still just as weird about it,” I assured him fervently.
“In a way, I appreciate it now,” he mused. “It made me find more creative ways of expressing myself.”
“And look where that got you — law school, eeww.” I laughed and faked a shudder.
He made a grab for me, but I’d spent a lifetime dodging Seth’s long arms and I rolled off the couch and danced out of the way easily. He soon caught me, though, and proceeded to tickle me mercilessly. I tried to retaliate between shrieks but he wasn’t ticklish at all... just my luck.
We tumbled back onto the couch, still laughing. Jaden pulled himself into a sitting position; I was on my knees next to him, and impulsively I straddled his lap, facing him. His startled look morphed into a hungry one as I ran my hands from his shoulders, down his chest, and over his muscular stomach. As I lifted his shirt, though, he caught and held my wrists.
“Let’s keep our clothes on for now, shall we?”
“Why? I’ve seen you shirtless at the barn before.”
“It’s not the same, and you know it,” he chided.
I gave a mental sigh. I had never been in a rush to have sex — I hadn’t been in love, or felt the supposed peer pressure, nor been pushed by boys to accommodate them. And now that I had finally found someone I desperately wanted to make love to, his overprotective tendencies were standing in the way. So, in typically reckless fashion, I decided to embellish a bit. Okay, a lot.
“You know, Jaden,” I said slowly, looking down at my captive wrists, “I think you may be under a misapprehension... about me not having sex before.” I phrased it carefully so it wasn’t an outright lie.
I felt him tense slightly.
“Reaaally?” He drew out the word. “Well, this is something of a surprise.”
I chanced a look at his expression. It did hold surprise, but there was something else in his eyes, something I couldn’t identify.
“When did this happen?” he asked conversationally.
“Um, last year... with a boy from school,” I manufactured.
“I thought you and Kyle weren’t serious?” he demanded. Oops — I’d forgotten about Kyle.
“We weren’t. I was mostly curious, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about,” I said. Which was perfectly true, in a sense — I did want to see what the fuss was about, now. “So, if you’re worried about me, well, you don’t have to,” I finished lamely, staring at my hands again.
“I see,” he said. I peeked at his face; he looked thoughtful. “Well, that changes things.”
He stood suddenly, cradling me in his arms, and carried me down the hall. We were in the bedroom before I clued in. Excitement coursed through me, along with a touch of apprehension, which I tried hard to keep from my face.
He deposited me on the bed, hesitating by the edge. Slowly, he stripped off his T-shirt, while I watched, my heart thudding madly. His torso was even more impressive up close, and I admired the play of muscles under his skin as he moved to lie next to me, wearing only his jeans. We locked eyes as he leaned in to kiss me, caressing my face with his hand. Our lips had barely met when he rolled on top of me; as always I loved the feeling of his body pressed into mine, but this time, in addition to my racing heart, I felt my mouth go dry. Jaden’s kisses were usually slow and lingering, but his mouth was already moving down to my neck, and one hand trailed down over the swell of my breast. My breath caught in my throat. I pulled his face back up; I needed to feel his lips against mine as his hand continued downward. He had gotten as far as my zipper when he rolled us back onto our sides.
“Just how far are you planning to let me go with this?” he inquired casually.
I blinked, confused. His eyes seemed to look right through me, and his expression was exasperated.
“I — I don’t know what you mean,” I countered, though I was afraid that I did.
“Téa, look me in the eye and tell me you’re not a virgin,” he ordered.
I stared at him defiantly, willing myself to say the words, but once his eyes caught mine I just couldn’t do it. I turned my face into the pillow, embarrassed.
We lay without speaking for a moment until he stroked my hair and sighed, “Are you all right?”
“That depends,” I mumbled into the bedding.
“On?”
“On how... easy, or not, this is for you,” I said awkwardly. I hazarded a look at his face — torn between concern and confusion — and had to smile, albeit tremulously.
“I know, that barely even made sense to me,” I said.
Jaden was lying with his head propped on his elbow. He leaned forward and kissed the outer corner of my eye, then skimmed his face down to my ear.
“I understand,” he murmured, his voice husky, “and for the record, it’s far from easy.”
The tightness in my chest eased, and I threw my free arm around him and pulled myself close, burying my face in his neck. He ran his hand down my back, and as I kissed his bare shoulder I felt his heart accelerate against my chest. His lips found mine again, and although they moved slowly, gently, this time the fireworks within me ignited even faster. I mashed myself against him, hitching my knee over his hip even as I wondered whether he would object. He didn’t — instead, he wrapped both arms around me, holding me fast, and I felt his hips move against me, nearly driving me out of my mind.
“I want to feel your skin against mine,” I whispered. He gave his head a small shake against my shoulder. I managed to wriggle my arms down to my waist and started pulling up my shirt. He froze.
“I’m not undressing,” I promised breathlessly, “just lifting it a bit... please?”
He didn’t protest further, so I quickly yanked the thin fabric out of the way, and with a sigh fused the bare skin of my belly to his. He groaned, his face buried in my neck, and after only a few seconds, to my dismay, he disengaged himself gently.
“We’re getting a little carried away,” he warned, still breathing hard.
“I don’t mind,” I told him, grinning.
“You’re unbelievable,” he complained. His reproving tone probably would have been more effective if his eyes hadn’t been shining so tenderly, and his hand hadn’t caressed my arm so softly.
“Tell me something,” he said, “what if I had believed you earlier? What if I had gone ahead and... Weren’t you nervous?” His eyes were serious now.
I held his gaze. I wanted to deny it — my nerves weren’t going to help my case — but I also felt a new compulsion to be truthful with him.
“Yes, I was. Very.”
“But you wouldn’t have stopped me.” It wasn’t a question.
“No.”
He leaned in, suddenly intense, and cupped my face with his hand.
“Téa, that’s crazy. We’re together now; there’s no need to hide your feelings from me anymore. And you don’t have to trick me to get me to sleep with you. In fact,” he laughed softly, “it may be quite a trick for me to wait.”
“Why are we waiting, then?”
He studied me, the same tender expression he’d worn earlier warming his face. “For one thing, we haven’t been together long. There’s no reason to rush the physical aspect of our relationship.”
I nodded; that seemed reasonable. Frustrating, but reasonable.
“For another,” he said, hesitating, “I’ve never been anyone’s ‘first’ before. I want to do it right.” He watched me, slightly anxious, as though confessing to a major shortcoming. Joy swept through me at his revelation.
“Really?” I smiled, kissing the corner of his mouth. “So — in a way — it’s a first time for you, too.” I felt his lips pull up into a smile under my mouth.
“Yes, it is,” he murmured. “A very momentous ‘first’, because I hope to be making love to you for a long time to come.”
At that I started kissing him in earnest, wrapping my arms around his neck and rolling him onto his back. Something wasn’t right, though, and as we broke apart I rested my head on his shoulder, sighing as I identified the source of my discomfort. I was ashamed. Jaden had obviously deliberated this question, and his reasons for waiting were perfectly valid. I felt not only immature but almost... treacherous, for having tried to deceive him. I placed my hand on his chest, over his heart.
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I said in a small voice. “I won’t do it again.”
His hand covered mine. “I know,” he said simply.
There was a pause.
“So, um, how long do you think...”
He laughed. “When the time is right, we’ll know. But for now,” he sat up, pulling me with him, “we’d better get off this bed. I think we’ve courted temptation enough for one day.”
