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We were off to another show that weekend, and Seth had gotten into the finals at his swim meet. Which was great, except that he was supposed to be helping at the show.
“Why don’t I come help you?” Jaden offered when I complained I’d be short-handed.
“Are you sure?” I asked doubtfully. “It’ll probably be boring for you.”
A day of hard work at a horse show was a far cry from Jaden’s usual role when playing polo. At the tournaments, he hopped onto horses that were groomed, tacked up and warmed up for him. All he had to do was ride onto the field and play, and afterward, go hobnob and drink champagne.
“I’ll be there,” he assured me.
Jaden arrived in time to watch Emma win third place in her equitation class.
“Can you help Emma put Chip away?” I asked him. “I’ve got to get ready for my classes with Cameo.”
When Cameo was ready I went into the tackroom of our temporary stabling to find my riding jacket. Julia was lounging on one of the folding chairs, yawning. I was just pulling on my jacket when Jaden walked in; he stopped dead at the sight of me. I sighed.
“I know, it makes me look about twelve,” I grumbled. “Karen insists that I wear them in the pony divisions, she says it’s more appropriate than breeches and boots.” I was wearing jodhpurs and paddock boots, the garb that children traditionally wear.
“Karen likes it because it makes the judges think you’re younger,” Julia said placidly. “It works, don’t you think?” She directed her query at Jaden.
He swallowed. “Yes, definitely. I feel like a pervert for ever even thinking you were hot,” he said to me.
“And yet he’s still checking out your ass,” Julia stage-whispered to me, giggling.
Outside, Jaden gave me a leg up onto Cameo. “Good luck, little girl.” He grinned and winked at me.
Jaden’s wish for me came true; Cameo was fabulous and won Reserve Champion. The only ones to beat us were Teri and Picasso, so my mood was jubilant when I ran into Robin on my way to the washrooms.
“Téa, you’re just the girl I was looking for. Could you catch-ride a horse for me?”
Robin was a friend of Karen’s. She was a good coach, but she and Dec didn’t get along. I had a feeling there was a story there, although I wasn’t privy to it. He wouldn’t be happy if I rode one of her horses... still, it couldn’t hurt to find out more.
Robin filled me in on the details on our way to the schooling ring; the horse was entered in the 1.25-meter jumper class. Most of the older coaches still talked in feet and inches, but all horse shows were now metric to conform to international standards.
“His rider just got hurt, but I’ll hop on and show you how he goes, and then you can decide,” Robin said cheerfully.
She rode up a minute later on a massive bay horse with three flashy white legs and a stripe down his long nose. It quickly became apparent why his rider might have been hurt; it had been a long time since I’d seen such an intractable horse at a show. He threw up his head and shied, tried bolting, and pranced sideways when he should have been walking. I was about to tell Robin to forget it when she started jumping him — and then I couldn’t speak because my mouth was hanging open. He was enormously powerful, his hind legs propelling him upward like rockets. He overjumped everything by a mile, and he wasn’t particularly tight with his legs, but then he didn’t need to be because there was no chance of him touching the fence. That horse had potential stamped all over him in neon.
“What do you think?” Robin chirped as she pulled up.
“How long do I have before his class?” I needed time for some schooling with this horse.
“About an hour.”
“Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll be right back.”
I ran back to our stabling to make sure my students were taken care of, and to let Jaden know I’d be gone for a while.
“Hold on a second,” he said, frowning. “What do you know about this horse?”
“I saw him go, and I know his rider’s coach. It’s okay, Jaden. I take catch-rides sometimes, it’s extra money.”
“I’ll come with you.”
I hesitated. “You don’t need to, really. The kids need you here.” Before the words were out of my mouth I knew I’d said the wrong thing; he stared at me suspiciously, saying nothing.
“Fine, then, come on,” I muttered.
Robin was still riding the bay horse when we got back to the schooling ring.
“That’s your catch-ride?” Jaden turned on me in disbelief. “That snorting, plunging monster?”
I nodded.
“No,” he said flatly.
I bristled. “What do you mean, no?” I demanded.
He crossed his arms and stared at me in frustration. “Do you remember when Karen asked you to ride that bucking bronc? I wanted to say no to you then, Téa. I wanted to have the right to stop you.”
“And you think you have that right now?” Because I certainly thought differently.
“At the very least, I deserve a say when you make a decision to risk your life,” he said, his voice sharp.
“I already told her yes. I’m not backing out now.”
He glared at me.
“What was I supposed to do, Jaden? Run all over the showgrounds looking for you so I could ask your permission?”
He flinched. “It’s not like that. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Yeah, thanks for the vote of confidence,” I said bitterly.
“Don’t take that tone with me,” he snapped, angry now. “I’m not casting aspersions on your skill. It doesn’t matter how good you are, you don’t have enough time. You can’t retrain the horse in the schooling ring.”
“You’re right, time is short. So I’d better go.”
I turned and headed toward my mount, feeling deflated and small after our argument. A hand on my elbow turned me around; he studied me silently for a moment before speaking.
“Just promise me you’ll withdraw if he’s too much for you,” he said. “There’s no shame in that.”
For you, I thought, but I nodded. He gave me a lopsided smile that wreaked immediate havoc with my body — I wished so much that I could kiss him. Worry was still clear in his eyes.
“Don’t worry on my account.” I grinned at him. “I hear only the good die young.”
He rolled his eyes but looked marginally more cheerful as he headed back to supervise my students.
I had no time to dwell on Jaden’s unhappiness, because the horse — whose name, appropriately, turned out to be Hades — required every last bit of my strength and skill to manage. The shying and jogging and head-tossing I could handle, but he had one habit that repeatedly threw me off balance, and it was something I’d never encountered before. Every so often he would grab the bit and wrench his head downward, jerking me violently forward. He was a huge horse, with a tremendously powerful neck. I had no hope of stopping him, and not much time to convince him to trust my hands enough not to yank on them. I tried, though — I rode him as gently as I could, keeping a very soft contact with his mouth. When I started jumping him I nearly laughed aloud; the feeling of barely contained power exploding underneath me was unbelievable. Even Blaze hadn’t had this kind of voltage.
My number was called far before I felt ready. I rode past Alex at the in-gate. I’d barely seen him this season but we’d exchanged a few words earlier.
“Good luck, Téa,” he called out. He looked concerned.
I went into the ring with my heart racing. Hades snorted and raised his head as I pointed him toward the first line of obstacles. He jumped it fantastically, but on landing he wrenched his head down hard and I felt a ripping pain in my right shoulder. I had to ignore it, though, because our next fence was coming up. We raced through the rest of our course; I could barely steer Hades and I couldn’t slow him down because my shoulder didn’t seem to be working properly, but we stayed on course and, thanks to his incredible thrust, we didn’t have any rails down. I gritted my teeth to keep from crying as we walked out; now that the class was over he seemed perfectly relaxed, and cruised out quietly on a loose rein.
The rest of the afternoon was very busy, and I was able to hide my injury until we got home. As I was unloading Splash from the trailer he pulled my arm, and a whimper escaped me before I could quash it. Jaden’s head whipped around. When he noticed that I was holding the lead rope in my left hand he came and grabbed it huffily. I followed him into the barn as he led Splash to his stall, furtively rotating my shoulder to assess the damage. Jaden emerged still scowling and planted himself in front of me with his arms crossed.
“You do realize this is precisely what I was worried about, don’t you?” He kept his voice low, but I was upset by his anger. I had gotten used to Jaden comforting me right away when I was troubled or hurt. I spun around and stomped away. Jaden fell into step next to me; he put his hand on my good shoulder but I shrugged him off. I was marching to the house as fast as I could, yet he kept pace with me casually.
“Why don’t you leave me alone,” I snapped.
“I want to check your shoulder,” he replied easily. He was already over his fit of pique.
“And you happen to have an x-ray machine in your pocket?” I grumbled. I wasn’t really angry anymore, though. My shoulder hurt, and I wanted to be alone to lick my wounds.
“You know I’ve had some experience with shoulder injuries.”
“Fine,” I conceded with poor grace.
We went to the upstairs bathroom and inspected my shoulder; it didn’t seem serious, but something was definitely pulled. Only afterward did Jaden notice I was still wearing gloves.
“Don’t freak out,” I said pleadingly as I slowly eased them off.
He winced when he saw my hands, but to my relief, didn’t say anything. I started running cold water over the skinned and bleeding parts of my hands — I’d forgotten to wear gloves while riding Hades, and the braided reins had done some damage. Jaden rummaged in the medicine cabinet. When I was done washing, he applied ointment and bandages more gently than I would have thought possible. He didn’t say anything until he was done.
“Why didn’t you pull up when you got hurt?”
I felt the weight of guilt pressing down on me at the thought of my broken promise.
“It didn’t happen until the end.”
“Liar,” he said without heat. He started to pull my chin up, looking for my eyes. I jerked it away, annoyed.
“Why do you always do that?”
“Because,” he said with perfect confidence, “your eyes can’t lie to me.”
Which was entirely true. I just wished he hadn’t noticed.
“It happened right after that first line — you know, when he almost yanked me out of the saddle in the corner,” I admitted.
“I was with your students, remember?”
“Liar,” I said softly. I looked up at him. “I saw you watching my round.” A small, tender smile grew on my face. His own softened in response and his hand brushed my cheek, seemingly oblivious to the open bathroom door.
“And you kept going because...” he prompted.
“Come on, Jaden,” I said, gently reproving. “We’re both athletes. You can’t tell me you’ve never pushed through pain before.”
He watched me stubbornly for a minute, then sighed and gingerly took my hand.
“All right, I have. But I find the thought of you doing it frankly disturbing. Besides which, it was entirely unnecessary today. That wasn’t even your own horse, you didn’t have anything to gain.”
“I gained six hundred dollars, doesn’t that count as something?”
“Money is nothing compared to your safety,” he stated emphatically. He was starting to look decidedly huffy again. “Anyway, if you need money you can always come to me, Téa. You know that, don’t you?”
I shook my head. “Thanks, but I don’t want your money, Jaden.”
He closed his eyes. “Is it really necessary to argue with me about everything?”
It was my turn to sigh. I’d upset him enough; it was time to be honest, no matter how it rankled. I placed my hand on his cheek and he opened his eyes reluctantly.
“You were right,” I said sincerely.
His expression brightened. I had to smile a bit at his reaction.
“I can’t tell you how it thrills me to hear those words coming from your lips,” he said, “but about what, precisely?”
“Pretty much everything,” I conceded. “That horse was too strong for me. I didn’t have enough time to work with him before going into the ring. It wasn’t safe...”
For a second, he seemed to be trying to contain his delight at my admission. Then, to my shock, he leaned over, closed the bathroom door, and locked it. He then sat me on the counter, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed me. Deliberately. Inside the house. The shock quickly gave way to other, warmer feelings, but when I wrapped my legs around him he pulled away.
“Why don’t you stay here and rest your shoulder,” he suggested, “and I’ll go back to the barn and help the kids.”
The horses’ shipping bandages needed to be taken off, they had to be fed, and the equipment had to be put away.
“Thanks,” I said. I leaned forward and stole a quick kiss before sliding to the floor. “But it would make Dec suspicious if I didn’t go back.”
“Why? Aren’t you going to tell him what happened?” He frowned.
“Well, there doesn’t seem to be much point... I mean, it’s done with now, it would only upset him unnecessarily.” I looked at him hopefully.
“You know, querida, if you and Dec are going to develop a new dynamic, at some point you’re going to have to start trusting him.”
“I know. And I realize that he won’t react the way he used to, but he’ll still be mad and I’m too tired to deal with that tonight.”
“All right,” he said, resigned. “I won’t say anything.”
I knew he disapproved, but he didn’t show it. I thought about that as we made our way to the barn. Jaden had trusted my judgment today, twice. He was changing, growing into our relationship. I wasn’t sure I could say the same.
I managed to keep my injuries inconspicuous while we were in the barn. However, we had barely sat down to a late dinner when Dec noticed my bandaged hands.
“What happened to your hands, kiddo?” he asked, taking one of them and turning it over to view the damage.
I didn’t look at Jaden. I kept my eyes squarely on Dec and told him matter-of-factly.
“I got a catch-ride at the show today. The horse was a bit strong for me and I didn’t have gloves on. He tugged on my bad shoulder a bit, too.”
Dec looked startled, though whether by the information or my candor, I didn’t know. To my right, I could feel Seth stiffen. Gran was shaking her head and tut-tutting.
“But... why’d you take it, if the horse was too much for you?” Dec asked.
“Mostly because I miss the jumper ring,” I said. “But I thought it would be easy money, too.”
He frowned at me for a moment, his eyes appraising. There was an edge to his voice when he spoke again. “We’ve talked about this, Téa. Karen wasn’t there to advise you — you should have been with your students, not out taking risks on strange horses.”
I nodded. “I know. It was bad judgment on my part,” I admitted.
Dec couldn’t hide his surprise this time, but after surveying me with raised brows for a minute he turned to Jaden, frowning again.
“Where were you while she was engaging in this foolishness?”
“He was with the kids,” I answered quickly. “He didn’t know what I was doing.”
I allowed myself a glance at Jaden. His eyes held mine for an immeasurable moment, but I couldn’t fathom the expression in his. Whatever he was feeling, though, it was powerful.
I turned back to Dec.
“So how did you do in the class?” he inquired.
He was perfectly calm. His tone was conversational, curious. I blinked in surprise before answering.
“Um, not bad... we were third. Out of thirty-four.”
“And the money?”
“Six hundred dollars.” I grinned.
Dec nodded thoughtfully. “Just make sure this is the last time, Téa.”
“Yes, please be more careful, dear. You’ve been injured quite enough,” Gran added worriedly.
“Okay,” I told them as normally as possible.
Seth kicked me under the table and gave me an ‘I can’t believe you pulled that off’ look. Jaden’s face, though, was still inscrutable.
After dinner I went to check on the horses we’d brought with us that day. They were all content, munching their hay and relaxing. Even though it was already dark, it was a balmy evening and several boarders were still in the aisles, so I didn’t pay attention to the footsteps until hands came from behind me and caught my shoulders.
“Just wait until I get you alone,” Jaden breathed into my ear.
My stomach wobbled.
“I’ll be in the shed,” he added. I listened to his footsteps fade before turning around.
I waited a minute before following. When I peeked through the front door some boarders were standing next to their cars chatting, and I fidgeted anxiously while waiting for them to finish. It seemed to take forever. When they finally drove away I hurried over to the shed, looking over my shoulder, but no one else appeared.
I slipped through the door. Before I turned around I felt his hand on the nape of my neck; I had barely faced him when his lips found mine. He pulled me close, and for a minute kissed me so lovingly that I felt like I would melt and form a puddle on the floor. When he stopped I opened my eyes slowly. He was looking at me with the same intense expression I’d noticed at the dinner table.
“I’m proud of you,” he said, caressing my cheek.
I leaned into his hand. “Tell me, was the kiss my reward for good behavior?”
“You could say that,” he allowed with a smile.
“I told the truth about my shoulder too, did you notice? Though I didn’t have to...” I hinted.
“Hmm, that’s right,” he murmured.
The heat in his eyes made my breath catch. He cupped my chin in one hand and used the other to brush the hair back from my face. He kissed my forehead, and I closed my eyes. I was already trembling in anticipation. The kisses followed my hairline, but from my temple, all of a sudden, his mouth was at my ear, hot, whispering my name.
“Téa...”
I exploded.
I threw my arms around his neck and crushed my lips against his, pressing my body into him as hard as I could. Fortunately he lifted me up; I think I would have climbed his body otherwise. My legs wrapped around his waist. My lips parted, and when his didn’t follow suit right away, I traced the tip of my tongue along them until he succumbed with a moan. After a few minutes, he sat me on the workbench and we leaned together.
“Ow.” The throbbing pain in my shoulder intruded on our moment, and I rubbed it ruefully.
“Querida, I’m so sorry, I forgot,” he said, immediately contrite.
I chuckled. “I’m the one who practically assaulted you,” I reminded him.
He kissed my shoulder, looking worried. “Let’s get you inside and get some ice on it.”
“I’d rather stay here with you.”
In answer, he set me carefully on the ground, took my hand, and headed for the door.
Between repeated applications of Jen’s homeopathic remedies, a treatment from Stephanie, and a week of rest, my shoulder was well enough for me to play in one chukker of the next weekend’s practice game. It was a casual, slow chukker, and at one point Mateo took a wild swing, completely missed the ball, and almost whacked his pony in the head.
“Hey Mateo,” I yelled, laughing, “como se dice ‘that shot really sucked’ en Español?”
He turned and galloped straight at me; before I knew it he had yanked me off Schweppes and was cantering off the field with me. I was getting really tired of polo players with forearms like iron bars — I was going to have bruises on my ribs. We were both laughing, though, as he conceded to bring me back to my pony.
I suspected Jaden would have something to say about the incident, but his comment wasn’t what I expected.
“Have you been learning Spanish from Mateo?” he asked casually after the game. I could see the effort he expended not to seem bothered.
“A little, here and there,” I replied carefully. In fact I’d been learning as much Spanish as I could, both at the club and online.
Jaden faced me. I froze as he held me with that powerful, unwavering gaze of his.
“I can teach you Spanish, Téa.”
“I know you can, querido, but you have far more compelling things to teach me,” I reminded him. “You’re showing me things I can’t learn from anyone else.”
His eyes went from worried to molten in an instant; it looked as though a lesson would take place that very second. I felt myself flush in response and was about to throw myself at him when I remembered where we were. Still on the polo grounds, surrounded by witnesses. I restrained myself with difficulty. I was already growing weary of all the subterfuge.
* * *
A few days later, Seth dropped a magazine on the kitchen table in front of me. It took me a second to realize why he did; it was one of those magazines you see in supermarket checkout stands — the kind I never read. My eye was caught by the small picture inset on the cover, under the headline, “The Hot Men of Polo, p. 24”. It was a picture of Jaden.
I flipped quickly to the article. It gave only a superficial rundown of the sport but gushed at length about the men who played the game. It was followed by a short biography of ten top players, including a picture and some vital stats. Jaden was the only one I knew.
He got back from the club soon afterward and found Seth and me in the living room.
“Jaden, can I talk to you for a minute?” My jaw was clenched; the words came out distorted.
“Uh-oh,” Seth advised Jaden under his breath, “I’ve seen that look before. I’d run if I were you, bro.”
Jaden punched him on the shoulder. “Thanks for the confidence,” he said drily.
He motioned me to the door, letting me lead the way to the shed. I turned on him the second the door was bolted.
“Don’t you think a little heads-up was warranted here?” I demanded, brandishing the magazine.
He shrugged. “I forgot about it.”
“You forgot you were interviewed, photographed, and going to be featured in a magazine?” I said incredulously.
“Yes,” he replied a touch impatiently, “I forgot. We did the photoshoot months ago, and in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve had other things on my mind.”
He held his hands out, palms up, and tilted his head a bit, a heart-stopping smile on his face. I could feel the charm being turned on; it was an almost irresistible magnetic force, drawing me in, but I held fast. I crossed my arms, eyes narrowed, and glared at him. He sighed.
“Téa, I don’t understand. It’s just an article, it’s not my first, and it probably won’t be the last. What’s the problem?”
“The problem,” I hissed, “is that under ‘status’ it says ‘single’. As if you don’t have enough groupies flinging themselves at you already!”
“You have a few groupies of your own,” he pointed out, frowning slightly.
“My groupies are all girls!” I almost shouted.
He flashed his wicked smile. “So are mine.”
“Oh, this is so not funny!” I growled at him.
“I think it is, actually.” He closed the distance between us, grinning. I spun around, turning my back on him. I wasn’t ready to be appeased yet. He held my shoulders, pulling me back against him, and spoke low in my ear.
“I thought I was the jealous one.” It sounded like he was still smiling. He ran his hands slowly from my shoulders down to my wrists and back again. His hands left a trail of heat on my skin, I could feel myself softening, melting back into him.
“It’s just... those girls are so beautiful. I know you must get propositioned all the time, and now everyone will think you’re available and it will get even worse,” I tried to explain.
He wound his arms around my waist and started kissing my neck. I tilted my head to give him better access before I caught myself.
“Stop cheating,” I protested feebly, “this is no way to fight.”
“I don’t want to fight,” he murmured against my skin between kisses. “I want to remind you that you have nothing to worry about, from groupies or anyone else.”
He was kissing my jaw now, and moving toward my ear. Little shivers of pleasure were making it hard for me to concentrate.
“And why is that?” I managed to ask eventually.
“Téa.” My name came out in a sigh. He turned me around so I was facing him. “Don’t you know me better than that by now?” His tone was gently chiding. “Sometimes the attention is flattering, I won’t deny it. But that’s not why I play. I’m yours, Téa — yours only — and I’ll be yours for as long as you want me.”
His eyes were intense, willing me to believe him. Relief washed through me. Hearing him state things so plainly erased all my doubts — Jaden wouldn’t lie to me. I knew that the way I knew the sun would rise in the east.
“You weren’t done reminding me, were you?” I murmured, pulling his face down to mine. He resisted for a minute, teasing me, gliding his hands slowly up and down my body.
“Don’t make me come up there,” I threatened.
“First jealousy, now threats,” he chuckled. “I’m seeing a whole new side of you today.” He sat me on the workbench, smiling at the worried look on my face. “I like it,” he whispered against my cheek.
I wrapped my arms and legs around him, pulling him as close as I could. He spent a few more minutes being very, very convincing; by this point I was breathless and wanted more. I lifted my shirt, then his, just enough so I could feel the bare skin of his hard stomach against mine. To my chagrin, he tensed and pulled away almost immediately.
“You know what the feel of your skin does to me,” he reminded me, disapproval clear in his voice.
“Yes, I do,” I agreed angelically, “and thank goodness, otherwise you’d have all the power.”
* * *
The following week we went to play club chukkers, and the ride gave us some private time to talk. Dec had just finished a big project, but he’d immediately taken on another contract, and was away a lot during the week.
“Sometimes I feel as though I’m living with the embodiment of the two major male stereotypes,” I sighed.
“Which are?”
“That guys think mostly about their careers and getting laid. Not necessarily in that order.”
“That’s very flattering, Téa,” he said drily. “Though I can see how Seth and Dec might leave you with that mistaken impression.”
I smiled and reached over to take his hand off the reins. “You, on the other hand, are the most multi-faceted man I’ve ever met. In fact, you’re such a Renaissance Man that you’re giving me a complex.”
Because of the club chukkers, we did the bedtime check of the barn late that night and the minute we stepped inside, I knew something was off. I hesitated, listening — then I ran toward the sound of acute respiratory distress. I pinpointed it in Casey’s stall and flung open the door. His head was hanging, and every breath was obviously taking enormous effort. He was sweating and his limbs trembled. He gave a labored cough.
“Damn,” Jaden said, “I’ll call the vet.” He took off for the tackroom.
I felt along Casey’s throat for obstructions, not really expecting to find any. I’d suspected for a while that he had breathing issues but I’d never seen such a bad respiratory attack.
Jaden ran back. “She’s on her way.”
That was good news, but Kathy’s office was twenty minutes away. I sprinted to the medicine cabinet and quickly scanned the medications. There was nothing for asthma attacks, but I had a flash of inspiration. I grabbed a bottle and syringe and dashed back. I drew the fluid into the syringe and tapped it, making sure there were no air bubbles inside.
“You’ll have to try to hold him steady,” I said.
“Wait — what are you giving him?” Jaden asked.
“Bute.” Bute was short for Phenylbutazone, a common medication around stables.
“But that’s a painkiller!” he said worriedly.
“It’s also an anti-inflammatory, and the only one we’ve got that will be fast-acting because I’m injecting it,” I muttered as I pressed my thumb into the jugular groove on the neck. I waited for the swelling that would indicate blood pooling above my thumb.
“Are you sure about this?” he pressed.
I met his eyes. “No. But I don’t think he can make it until the vet comes. Hold him, please.”
I gave mental thanks for Jaden’s strength as he supported Casey’s head and, despite Casey’s continued coughing, managed to keep him fairly still while I inserted the needle into the vein. A burgundy ribbon flowed over my hand; I attached the syringe, pulled back the plunger and checked that blood flowed in. Then I depressed the plunger slowly. I don’t think I breathed until I withdrew the needle.
We patted Casey as we watched for any change. It seemed to take a very long time but was probably only two minutes before he shook his head. He coughed again, then straightened up his stance somewhat and looked at me.
“Whew,” I breathed. “You scared us, buddy.” My hands were still shaking, but Casey was definitely improving now. I smiled up at Jaden and found him gazing at me with a look of wonderment. He pulled me into a hug.
“Whoa! Careful,” I warned, quickly moving my hand. “I’m still holding the needle.”
He chuckled and released me. “I can’t believe you just did that. Where did you learn to give IV injections?”
“The vet showed me.”
When Kathy arrived she examined Casey while we explained what had happened; when I got to the part about injecting the Bute she laughed.
“You have good instincts, Téa. It’s probably the one thing you could have done, given what you had to work with.”
Casey’s close call kept me up that night. I kept imagining how Dec would react if he discovered my secret. That the news might incite him to violence was something I’d already considered, and accepted. My worries this time went beyond the joined bubble of Jaden and me. What if Dec tried to forbid the relationship? I couldn’t imagine leaving the barn; I loved every one of those horses like my own. Sure, Seth and Dec would meet their basic needs if I were gone, but I was the one who gave them special treats, coddled them when they were sick or injured, and understood their relationships with each other. I was the one who was good in an emergency. Dec could make my life miserable at home, but if I left, I wouldn’t be the only one to suffer.
* * *
It was August, and suddenly every day felt like a clock ticking down to the dreaded time when school would dictate that I only see Jaden on weekends, if that. We spent every possible minute together, although our need to be discreet made it challenging. So when Dec went out one afternoon and told us not to expect him until late, we headed straight for the hayloft, to the corner that Jaden had cleared out for us behind a big pile of bales. It gave us an extra measure of privacy; if anyone climbed up we would hear them, but they wouldn’t be able to see us unless they searched somewhat. There was a flat area made up of a few bales and my pulse spiked upward when I noticed the addition of a blanket. I gave Jaden a questioning look.
“Your skin’s so delicate,” he explained, “I noticed you got scratched last time.”
“And... my skin will be exposed?” I hardly dared believe it. I searched his face carefully.
“Don’t get carried away,” he chided. He smiled at my look of frustration and took my face in his hands. “I was thinking of your arms and legs since you persist in wearing as little as possible around me.”
“It’s summer,” I reminded him. “Besides, I’ve got to use whatever meager weapons I have at my disposal.”
He raised a brow as I wound my arms around him.
“Weapons? Are we at war, then?”
His beautiful face was getting closer; my heart galloped faster with every inch of approach.
“Not war, more like a minor conflict. One in which you always have the upper hand,” I said, only mildly sour.
“Well then,” he whispered, “let the battle begin.”
We sank onto the blanket-covered bales, and I had to smile at the thought that even indoors, we always seemed to be lying on grass. We didn’t touch in the house, of course, and the shed was even less comfortable than the barn. What little time Jaden and I spent horizontal was either out in the fields or in the hayloft.
My musings were cut short as Jaden trailed his hand slowly up my arm, over my shoulder, to the back of my neck. I closed my eyes with a shiver; all the hairs on my body were already standing up. I felt his lips on my shoulder. He lowered me onto my back as his mouth followed the line of my collarbone. I wove my fingers into his hair as he kissed the hollow above the bone and started moving up my neck. My breathing was growing uneven, and I was already growing desperate to feel his body against mine. I freed my hands from his hair and tried to pull him on top of me, but he didn’t budge.
“A little longer, querida,” he murmured.
“Tease,” I accused him, smiling against his cheek.
His hand was on my hip, and on impulse, I took it and slid it under my shirt. It wasn’t there a second; before I could blink my arms were above my head and one of Jaden’s hands was clamped firmly around my wrists.
“Naughty,” he admonished with a trace of a smile.
We locked eyes as he lowered his head slowly, pausing when he was so close I could feel the warmth of his lips above mine. I’d had enough; I arched up and closed the distance. It seemed that Jaden had reached his limit, too — the instant my mouth met his he covered me with his body, freeing my hands, and I used them to pull him against me as hard as I could. My pulse was loud in my ears, and for a few endless minutes all that existed, all that mattered, was Jaden.
When we were both panting he rolled us onto our sides. I caressed his face; I felt like I was melting with love.
“Te quiero, Jaden,” I murmured.
His eyes burned into mine. “I love you too.”
“You know what I find interesting about ‘te quiero’,” I said as casually as I could, “is that it’s used to say ‘I love you’, but it also means ‘I want you’.”
He smoothed my hair back from my face, and let his hand rest on my neck.
“It depends on the context,” he agreed.
My heartbeat got louder. I swallowed nervously.
“I want you, Jaden.” My eyes never left his; I saw the flare of answering desire dilate his pupils before he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled me against him.
“We’ve talked about this, Téa,” he whispered against my hair. “It’s too soon. I don’t think we’re ready for that yet.”
“Speak for yourself,” I grumbled. “I couldn’t be more ready. And it doesn’t help that you’re always leading me on, either.”
“It will be worth the wait,” he purred. He gave me a look of such scorching promise that my stomach lurched and I was flooded with longing for him again. I pulled away from him and dropped onto my back, covering my face with my hands.
“Aargh.”
He tugged one of my hands away and held it in his. “I guess the blanket was a bad idea,” he said ruefully.
“What? No... it’s nice to be comfortable.” Not that I really noticed where I was when I was pressed up against him. “How come we never go to your place anymore?” I asked suddenly. Now that I was thinking of comfort and Jaden in the same sentence, it seemed the obvious answer.
“We haven’t really had time,” he said evasively. He didn’t meet my eyes.
“We could make time.”
He hesitated, looking torn.
“I don’t think us going to my place would be wise right now,” he admitted finally.
Understanding came to me in a rush.
“You’ve been avoiding it,” I guessed, and saw the truth of it in his eyes. “Because... you’re as tempted as I am.” I could hardly believe it.
His eyes held mine wordlessly for a minute before one corner of his mouth tugged up slightly. “Possibly even more so.”
“Then, why...” I was too shocked to even finish my sentence.
He pulled me close again before answering.
“For all the reasons we’ve discussed. You’re young. So is our relationship. We have the stress of keeping it secret to deal with. And... you’ve had a difficult year, mi amor. A sexual relationship brings with it a whole new set of concerns; you don’t need anything extra to deal with right now.”
“Making love to you can only improve my year,” I said with certainty.
His expression softened, and he kissed me sweetly for a moment. Which, of course, only made me want him more.
“Far be it for me to pressure you,” I sighed.
* * *
Jaden was playing in another tournament at the Toronto club, and since it was a rare weekend with no show for me, I went to watch him. It hadn’t occurred to me, however, that Summer might attend for the same reason.
I was with the grooms before the match, so I looked on from a distance as Jaden kissed Summer’s cheek. She put her arm around his waist, and I gritted my teeth before he disengaged himself smoothly and headed toward her father. I was across the field, but I could see clearly when Summer stopped Jaden by putting her hand on his arm. He leaned toward her, and she spoke close to his ear. He didn’t pull his arm away, I noticed bitterly. I wondered if this went on at every match — I wasn’t usually there to see it.
I didn’t say anything about it, but I didn’t go back on Sunday, using backed-up lessons as an excuse. It wasn’t that I was jealous, exactly, but I didn’t want to watch their exchanges, and I couldn’t distract Jaden by asking about it while he was in the middle of a tournament. So the question only came up on Sunday night, when we were finally alone in the hayloft. Jaden was tired from a hard weekend, maybe that’s what made him sound so impatient when I asked him.
“David is the team patron, the whole team depends on his support to play, and it’s my livelihood. I need to use a certain amount of discretion when it comes to dealing with his daughter.”
“Which means what, exactly?”
He hesitated. “I think that Summer is hoping we’ll resume our relationship.”
I broke into a sweat; my heart constricted, but it managed to race all the same. “And what have you told her about that?”
“I haven’t said anything — I haven’t encouraged her in that belief if that’s what you mean.” He was frowning.
“You know,” I said slowly, “it occurs to me that you’re a very good liar, especially for someone so averse to dishonesty.”
He just waited, brows pulled together, for me to go on. I swallowed. I wasn’t sure that I even wanted an answer to my question.
“So I’m wondering,” I continued softly, not looking at him, “who are you lying to? Summer, or me?”
“What kind of question is that?” he demanded. “I’ve never lied to either of you.”
“You lied to her with your body, Jaden, when you kissed her at the gallery. And when you don’t pull away from her, all those times she touches you.” My voice was even quieter now. “Either that, or it’s me you’re not being honest with.”
My voice broke then, and I spun away from him, but he caught my wrist and yanked me back. I thudded against him; the hardness of his body still sometimes surprised me, especially when it was coiled, as now, with tension. Or was it anger? I raised my eyes to his warily. I felt his hand on the back of my head, twining into my hair.
“Do not,” he growled fiercely, “suggest to me that I don’t love you. After everything we’ve been through, everything we’re risking to be together — don’t you dare suggest that.”
His eyes sparked with anger, but the love shining behind it was unmistakable. That look was impossible to doubt, and the rush of emotion that swept over me at the sight of it left me weak. I put my free hand on his cheek; he was still gripping one wrist tightly.
“Lo siento,” I said softly. I could feel the remorse in my eyes.
It felt more appropriate to apologize in Spanish. I wanted him to be unable to doubt my sincerity, as I no longer doubted his. For a second his eyes widened in surprise. Then he trapped my face in his hands and kissed me in a way that left no room for uncertainty of any kind. When I was completely breathless he released me. I sat on a bale, but Jaden was too wound up. He started pacing.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” I said quietly.
“I’m not upset. It’s just that... Téa, for you to harbor doubts about something so basic means you have no concept of my feelings for you. I was with Summer for a year, I thought I loved her, but you...” He paused, and his hair suffered in his agitation. “There’s no comparison. You were made for me, Téa; you’re my perfect match. I love everything about you — your incisive mind, your compassion, your stubborn pride. I love the way you look like an angry urchin one minute and a beautiful woman the next. I love watching you press your lips together to keep from smiling when you’re trying to protect my pride. Everything.” He stood tense, watching me, but I was too stunned to respond. I adored Jaden, but I doubted that I could have expressed my feelings as eloquently as he just had. I went and wrapped my arms around him instead, and held him with all my might.
“I love you, too.” That didn’t even begin to cover it, but it was all I could manage around the huge lump in my throat.
* * *
That week Dec won his lawsuit and the atmosphere at home lightened considerably. Aunt Paloma and Gran came over for a celebratory dinner one night, and I watched Jaden head into the kitchen, where Aunt Paloma stood at the counter. He sauntered up and tried to take a cracker from the plate she was arranging; she swatted his hand away, but then gave him one anyway. His impish smile made me grin in response, though he couldn’t see me. He gave his mom a peck on the cheek before getting some glasses from the cupboard. I felt an unexpected twist of sadness at their warm, easy relationship. My mom and I had been close, but I knew that kind of parental relationship was lost to me for good — it was something Dec and I would never enjoy. And while I’d always felt that Aunt Paloma was someone I might confide in, now that I was in love with her son I felt reserved and cautious around her. It saddened me, she had always treated Seth and I like true members of the family. I was so afraid of losing her acceptance.
