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The next week Jaden was going to Ottawa for four days to teach. We said goodbye in the shed the night before. I tried not to show how desperately I would miss him, but he held me so tightly I knew he felt the same way.
We emailed every day, but it was hard, and now that I’d had a taste of it, I was consumed by dread for the more permanent separation coming in September. We’d have weekends, in theory, but I had horse shows up until the Royal in November, and Jaden played polo until mid-October at least. And even on those rare weekends when we were both free, we would have to contrive excuses and sneak around. I was happy for the distraction of our club chukkers on Wednesday.
Mateo had been helping me with my Spanish; I had learned a lot but there were some verb tenses I still had trouble with. After our game, I grilled him for a while at the picnic tables, but I couldn’t stay late — Dec wanted me home earlier when I wasn’t with Jaden.
“Why don’t we go out for lunch tomorrow?” Mateo said. “We can practice more then.”
I was happy to agree, not only for the help but also to divert my attention from the constant low-level torment of Jaden’s absence.
It was a very interesting lunch. I noticed for the first time how Mateo’s fit body and self-assured smile drew female attention, but he was as kind as he had been the night I’d turned up on his doorstep. I hoped there was a way for him and Jaden to at least bury the hatchet if they couldn’t be friends. I knew that Jaden would be less than thrilled that I’d gone out with him, though. In fact I’d been surprised that Jaden hadn’t made a fuss over the fact that I’d run to Mateo’s, the night of our break-up scare, but he had a ready explanation when I brought it up.
“Even I have the sense to realize you weren’t running to him, Téa. You were running away from me.” The pain evident on his face made me change the subject immediately.
* * *
Jaden got back on Thursday night, and it wasn’t until we’d spent half an hour reuniting in the shed that I could truly breathe again. The next day was quiet, and my friends and I decided to go for a ride. I was about to go find Jaden when he spoke right behind me.
“I know you’re up to something.”
I jumped and whirled around.
“Guilty conscience?” he asked, smirking.
“Not yet.” I grinned.
He arched a brow, waiting.
“Are you up for some trespassing on private property today?”
He hesitated.
“I’ll take care of you. Trust me, this isn’t something you want to miss. Ride Kermit,” I instructed as he headed down the aisle. “Piba won’t like this. And no saddle.”
It was a sweltering late August day, and we rode slowly. Jaden was the only one not familiar with our destination; Teri, Julia, Seth and I went there regularly — it was one of our favorite haunts on hot days. We were walking down a wide, tree-covered trail when Seth rode up alongside me. The girls and Jaden were behind us.
“You must be happy that Seth’s finally paying you some attention, aren’t you, boy?” I reached over and patted Winter’s neck, he was a wonderful horse, as easygoing and uncomplicated as his owner. He was named for the two dozen or so unusual, perfectly circular white spots on his chestnut coat.
“Hey, now, Winter knows he’s my guy, even when I’m not spending all my time with him,” Seth protested. He patted Winter’s shoulder. “You’re still the handsomest, smartest, fastest horse in the barn.”
“Well, maybe not the fastest,” I corrected, “’cause Schweppes could take him.”
“Are you nuts?” Seth was incredulous. “Winter’s bigger and has a way longer stride.”
“And just what are you willing to bet on that?”
He considered for a minute. “A week of doing the dishes.”
“You’re on. We go to the end of this trail, then along the long side of the field.”
I shortened my reins and shifted my weight, alerting Schweppes that a change of pace was coming.
“Three, two, one, go!” I yelled.
We thundered down the trail neck and neck. I leaned low over Schweppes’ roached mane, almost laughing with joy at his speed.
“Come on, baby,” I whispered. We were pulling ahead; by the time we burst into the open field Schweppes was at least a length out in front, and his legs were still pistoning strongly.
Incredibly, I heard hoofbeats thundering up on my left. I flattened myself even further onto the golden neck beneath me, but the next second Kermit was pushing his shoulder in front of us; Jaden reached down, grabbed the reins and pulled both horses to an abrupt halt. The look he gave me was exasperated.
“Oh, come on — you can’t tell me that wasn’t fun.” I grinned at him.
“Téa, you’re bareback, and Schweppes doesn’t even have a mane to hang on to,” he chastised.
“And your point would be...”
Kermit’s body sidled over and pressed against Schweppes so that our legs were trapped between our horses. Jaden’s hand went to the back of my neck. He turned my head to look at him.
“My point,” he said silkily, “is that you will never scare me like that again.”
“I warned you about the worrying. I think I see some frown lines already,” I teased. The corners of his mouth were curving up to match mine as our lips met.
“Okay, break it up,” Seth’s voice came from right next to us. I started, but Jaden’s hand was firm on my neck and he wasn’t done; it was several seconds before he released me. I looked around, flushed and slightly breathless, to see Seth, Julia and Teri all grinning at me. It was the first time Jaden had kissed me in front of anyone, and I felt self-conscious. Jaden, on the other hand, looked very pleased with himself.
“Schweppes won,” I said to Seth.
Jaden cleared his throat.
“Oh, all right,” I conceded grumpily, “Kermit won. But you’re still doing the dishes, Seth.”
It wasn’t much further to our destination: a pond in a rock quarry. Part of the quarry was still operational, so we were technically trespassing, but there wasn’t usually anyone around. As soon as we arrived, Julia, Teri and I stripped off our shirts and our chaps. We were all wearing shorts and bikini tops underneath. Seth took his shirt off too, he was left with his jeans. Remembering what Julia had said, I tried to consider him objectively. I had to admit, I could see her point — all the swimming and heavy work at the barn had paid off. Seth had gotten... well, buff.
Jaden rode up facing me.
“I told you you wouldn’t want to miss this.” I smiled at him. “But if you want to be in our clique, that shirt’s going to have to come off.”
I rode past him and let Schweppes amble down the grassy bank and splash into the cool water. It was his first time here, and I didn’t know how he’d react. Even though some horses don’t like the water, most are strong swimmers, and as it turned out Schweppes fell into the latter category. He waded around happily; when he seemed comfortable I pointed him toward the center of the pond. The water level crept up my legs as the pond got deeper and deeper, until I felt Schweppes’ motion change beneath me — he was swimming.
When I turned and headed back to the shallows Jaden and Kermit were in the water, and Jaden had elected to join our clique. I tried not to stare. The sunlight sparkling like tiny crystals on the wavelets, the trees forming a verdant frame for the cerulean, puffy-clouded sky... in my eyes, those natural wonders were nothing to his beauty. We spent the afternoon swimming — with and without our horses — and lounging on the bank. And laughing. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d had so much fun together, and the fact that Jaden was now a part of our little group made everything perfect.
We decided to take the horses for a final dip before heading home. We were wading in deep water when Seth and I started trying to push each other off our horses. It was a game we’d been playing for years, and normally I was good at it, clinging like a burr to my mount’s back. But Seth was a lot bigger than me now, and I soon found myself dunked into the pond, laughing so hard that I couldn’t climb back on before Schweppes swam away. I watched him head for the bank as a muscular arm swung down to fish me out of the water.
Jaden sat me in front of him on Kermit, but I was facing the wrong way, facing him. There was a look in his eyes I thought I recognized. I didn’t have time to place it, though, because he hooked his hands behind my knees and pulled me forward, draping my legs over his thighs. His gaze never left mine. My breath faltered.
I knew, suddenly, what his eyes reminded me of — a wolf’s. And I was the small, furry animal frozen in the wolf’s stare. I had never felt so much raw sexual energy from him; it rolled off him in waves. One might assume it was because he was half-naked and dripping wet, but I didn’t think that was it. I thought it was simply the first time he wasn’t clamping it down around me. He wrapped his arms around me, and the shock of my wet skin meeting his broke my trance.
“I’ve made a dangerous discovery,” he murmured in my ear.
“What’s that?” I managed to whisper. Barely. The feeling of his skin fused to mine was making it almost impossible for me to think.
“I like kissing you in front of other people,” he said. To demonstrate, he laid a trail of kisses from my ear to my lips, where he tarried, kissing me very, very thoroughly.
“Hey!” Seth broke in.
I rested my head on Jaden’s chest and offered my brother an apologetic look. He held my gaze for an instant, uncertain. Determination hardened his features as he rode Winter out of the water; he headed straight for Julia. He pulled up next to her, leaned over, and kissed her full on her surprised mouth.
“Julia Yamamoto, will you go out with me?”
Julia’s startled look melted into a smile. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Seth turned toward me. The look he gave me was questioning.
“It’s about time, bro.” I grinned at him.
Seth rode next to me on the way home. “Are you sure you don’t mind?” he asked quietly.
“Really, Seth, how can you even ask, after everything I’ve put you through by dating our cousin? You and Julia are perfect for each other.”
* * *
September was almost upon us. School was starting in a week, and Jaden and I still hadn’t disclosed our relationship to our family. The stress was beginning to tell on both of us.
I was checking my email while Jaden arranged the entries for the following weekend’s polo tournament. He was speaking Spanish, but I could understand most of it now. As he started listing the players I caught his eye and shook my head.
“Uno momento, por favor.” He lowered the phone. “What is it?”
“Mateo can’t go, he has an important appointment.” He’d told me about it over lunch.
Jaden’s eyes narrowed to virtual slits as he went back to arranging the entries. He didn’t look at me. I sighed — I’d be hearing about this later.
“Wow, Téa, how much Spanish have you learned?” Dec asked.
“A fair amount, I guess. I hear a lot of it on the polo field.” No need to mention why I was so motivated to learn.
“That’s great,” he smiled at me.
I nodded and headed to the barn to prepare for my lesson with Karen. Jaden came in as I was cross-tying Marty.
“I need to talk to you.” His tone was casual, but I knew him well enough by now to detect what was simmering under the surface.
“I’m kind of in the middle of something,” I pointed out. I wasn’t in a hurry to discuss Mateo, and I was feeling angry at Jaden’s continued mistrust. I didn’t think I could remain calm if we spoke now.
“Ahora mismo, Téa.” He kept his tone light; unless they noticed his clenched jaw the people around us wouldn’t be able to guess that he had commanded, ‘right now’.
Fine, then. I shot him an irritated look — maybe it was time to have this out, once and for all. I went to the shed, not checking to see if Jaden was following or not, and once inside I paced impatiently until I heard the door.
Jaden strode over with a purposeful look and took my face in his hands. I was already thinking of arguments, and was about to launch into them — but just then he kissed me, and I stopped thinking altogether. He wasn’t gentle, as he normally was. His mouth was rough; he crushed my lips with his, one hand moving to the nape of my neck, allowing no escape. His other hand ran down my back to my waist and yanked me hard against him. For the barest instant, I hesitated. He had never been this demanding. But it was Jaden, and his body, his scent, his angry lips on mine, had me mindless in seconds. I kissed him back fiercely, flattening my body against his. The blood was pounding in my ears so loudly I could barely hear our ragged breathing.
After a few minutes — or hours, it was hard to tell — we broke apart, panting. It was a minute before I could talk again.
“Well, that was...” I cast around for a suitable adjective but I just didn’t have the vocabulary for it.
“Are you speechless? That’s a first,” he said. He was breathing hard and looking at me as though he’d never really seen me before. “I hope it’s temporary, though, because I suspect you have something to tell me.”
He let go of me while he was speaking, and I wished he hadn’t — I would have preferred to hide my face against him as I told him. As it was, I stood awkwardly in front of him, with my hands shoved into my pockets. I felt like a guilty kid, which irritated me. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Still, I faltered a bit as I told him about my lunch with Mateo.
“You went out with Mateo?” he spoke quietly, but the edge on his voice was one I’d never heard before, and it was razor-sharp.
“No. I mean, yes, we had lunch together, but... it was nothing. He just wanted to talk... you know, about polo and stuff.” My nervousness had me floundering to express myself. I peeked at Jaden’s expression, which did nothing to relieve my anxiety. His lips were pressed together, his eyes hard. I could see the muscle in his jaw bunching, a sure sign he was mad.
“If it was nothing, why did you feel the need to hide it from me?” he demanded. His hand ripped through his hair.
“I wasn’t hiding anything! It just... didn’t come up until now,” I argued weakly. I hated that hard voice, that cold face — this wasn’t the Jaden I knew.
“Right,” he snapped, “it’s a coincidence that you didn’t tell me about going out with the one guy that you know I don’t want you near.”
A sharp pain sliced between my ribs, as though his words had cut me. I felt tears coming, and I didn’t want to cry in front of him. Not when I was this mad.
“You know what? I’m not doing this now,” I said as calmly as I could.
I started toward the door; he caught my arm. When I glanced up at him his infuriated expression hadn’t softened.
“What are you going to do, Jaden?” I asked him softly. “Force me to talk to you?”
He let go all at once and turned away. I trudged slowly back to the barn, my heart feeling like it weighed a hundred pounds.
I could barely follow the lesson. Afterward, Teri, Julia and I sat at the picnic table and the girls had lunch while I had a drink. As soon as they were done eating, Jaden appeared and sat next to me. I didn’t look at him, and the girls soon excused themselves.
“I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have been so rough with you.” His voice was subdued. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I clasped my hands on the table in front of me and took a deep breath. “Jaden, you’ve made me feel a lot of things — many for the first time — but fear isn’t one of them.”
“The look on your face...” His eyes scrunched up against the memory.
“I wasn’t afraid, I was just hurt.”
He watched me warily, waiting.
“You-” I swallowed, feeling a fresh slice at the thought. “You don’t trust me.” I wondered if he could hear the pain saturating each word as clearly as I did.
His eyes opened wide and he sat back, shocked.
“No... Téa, that’s not true.” He shook his head. His hand covered my clasped ones, and he gripped them as though he could force the truth through my pores. “Of course I trust you, I trust you completely.”
I studied our hands. We shouldn’t be touching like this, out in the open, but I didn’t want to pull away. I wanted the reassurance of his skin against mine.
“If you did, you wouldn’t care that I went out with Mateo. Jaden, if you really understood how I feel about you, you wouldn’t worry no matter who I saw or what I did with them.”
He flinched. “It’s not that simple, Téa.”
“It should be.”
We didn’t have time to talk more because it was time to go to the club. We barely spoke during the ride, but where the trails allowed it we rode side my side and he held my hand, squeezing it tightly as though it might slip from his grasp. But then our practice started, and so did the screaming.
“Mateo! What the hell was that? An infant could’ve made that shot! If you play like this in our match we might as well forfeit now,” Jaden yelled. He looked livid.
“You are crazy, no? Caley, she ride across my line!” Mateo screamed back.
Jaden cantered up to us, his face grim.
“He’s right, Jaden, Caley totally obstructed him,” I volunteered, shooting Caley an apologetic look.
Jaden glared at me. “I didn’t ask your opinion,” he snarled.
“It’s not opinion, it’s fact! I saw the whole thing,” I yelled at him, stung.
“All right, we’re taking a break,” he called out, surveying our frustrated faces. “Téa, come with me.”
“Why?” I demanded, my hackles up.
He rode closer, till we were knee to knee. I could almost feel the heat of his anger scorching me, and I realized suddenly that it had been a long time since I’d seen him that way. Well, apart from this morning.
“Come with me. Now.”
I wondered fleetingly what he would do if I simply rode away. Surely we were past the point where he would carry me if I didn’t listen. But just in case we weren’t, I followed him, seething. I didn’t need that kind of embarrassment.
We had barely handed our horses to Jennalyn when Jaden grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the stables. He turned on me the instant we were hidden behind the building. His eyes blazed furiously; I took an involuntary step back as I felt their impact.
“I’m the captain of this team, Téa,” he snarled, “and I can’t do my job if you undermine me at every turn.”
“How am I undermining you?” I meant to shout, but it didn’t come out that loud. His anger was intimidating me.
“Let’s see,” he said with mock thoughtfulness, “Mateo can do no wrong today, evidently. Every time I criticize him you leap to his defense.”
“That’s insane!” Now I did yell. “You’ve had it in for him all day, and all because of your completely senseless jealousy!”
A spasm crossed his face. “This is not about me!” he thundered.
I bit back my retort and we stood, breathing hard and glaring at each other. I took a deep breath; underneath my anger, there was pain — that sharp, slicing pain that his mistrust always brought.
“Jaden, I don’t understand,” I said more quietly. “What’s really going on here?”
His jaw clenched. “Mateo likes you,” he said tensely.
“Yes, because he’s my friend. I like him, too. Why is that a problem?”
We were standing about three feet apart; I saw hurt flash across his eyes before he dropped them and half-turned, pushing the heels of his hands against them. I felt a wave of remorse. His anger I could take, though it hurt, but his suffering left me utterly defenseless. With a lurch, I closed the distance between us and slipped my arms around him. He didn’t respond at first, his body remaining tense. Then his arms closed around me. We leaned together, letting the anger dim, feeling our bodies soften and warm to each others’. I was relieved our fight was over, but worry gnawed like rats at my insides.
“Jaden,” I spoke softly, “I’m out of my depth here. I don’t know what to do. Do you want me to give up all my male friends?”
He took my shoulders and pushed me back so he could see my face; his looked appalled. “Of course not! I would never ask that of you, nor want it.” He said it with a conviction I could not doubt.
“What about a situation like today’s?” I asked nervously, not looking at him. “Should I stand idly by while you run roughshod over someone because you... have issues with them?” I shied away from saying ‘because you’re jealous’. I didn’t want to provoke another fight.
His hand cupped my chin and made me face him. His eyes were tight, but they regarded me steadily as he took a deep breath.
“Tell me, what would you say if I answered ‘yes’ to those questions?” Neither his eyes nor his hand allowed me to look away; I couldn’t prevaricate even if I’d wanted to.
“I’d probably say, ‘Okay’,” I whispered. “I mean, what else could I do? I love you. But I’d end up resenting you for it, and I’m not sure I could keep it up. You know me, I suck at following rules.”
He nodded thoughtfully, released my chin and took my hands in his. My heart skittered in apprehension. He wouldn’t really ask me to submit to something so draconian, would he? It seemed so unlike him, but then, I was only beginning to understand how powerful jealousy could be.
He swallowed hard. “Téa, I owe you a huge apology. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I’ve been a hypocrite — I’ve demanded that you not keep anything from me, but I haven’t been completely forthcoming with you, either.”
None of this was lessening my nerves any.
“There’s something I haven’t told you,” he continued in a low voice. He hesitated. “While I was with Summer, she was unfaithful to me... with Mateo.”
I gasped, stunned. The idea of anyone cheating on Jaden was beyond belief in itself, but for it to be with Mateo — all the pieces fell into place with an almost audible click.
“Oh Jaden, I’m so sorry,” I blurted. I hugged him hard. I wanted to physically draw the pain from his body into mine, so as never to see that look in his eyes again.
“What happened?” I whispered against his chest.
“It’s not that complicated,” he said grimly. “Summer was angry with me, she slept with Mateo to teach me a lesson. I think she was hoping it would make me jealous, ironically.” He laughed without mirth.
“Is that why you broke up?”
“It certainly contributed, eventually. But when it happened-” He paused, thinking. “I wasn’t a very good boyfriend to her, Téa. I felt as though I’d driven her to it, so I forgave her.”
And there it was again, the unimaginable depth of Jaden’s goodness. I thought of how profoundly he had changed my life over the past year, of the innumerable small acts of kindness, and I felt absolutely flattened with love for him. Tears sprang to my eyes, and my throat constricted. I’d been watching his face while we spoke, but now I returned to the shelter of his embrace. He rested his cheek on my hair.
“What about Mateo? How can you be on the same team as him?” My voice was thick with emotion.
“He claims not to have known that Summer and I were together. In retrospect, I realize that she was always careful not to reveal our relationship around him... so he can’t really be blamed.” There was the barest trace of bitterness in his voice. Another piece of the puzzle fell into place.
“Jaden, you know-”
Hoofbeats interrupted me; as they rounded the barn I jumped guiltily out of Jaden’s arms and whirled to find Mateo riding toward us. He looked from my distressed expression to Jaden’s grim one and frowned.
“You are okay, chiquita?”
I nodded, then deliberately walked over and wound my arm around Jaden’s waist.
“Sorry to keep everyone waiting, Mateo,” I said as normally as possible. “We’re just having a little lover’s quarrel.” I tried to look sheepish. I felt Jaden’s eyes on my face as his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders.
Mateo’s face crinkled into a smile, and he wagged his finger at me playfully.
“Ah, so that is what you are hiding, little tiger! Well, time to kiss and make up, we have to finish practice.”
His face grew serious as he turned to Jaden. The two exchanged a long look before Mateo spoke in Spanish; most of it was too fast for me to follow. Jaden gave a curt nod. I turned to him questioningly, and had a brief glimpse of fervent joy in his eyes before he crushed me in his arms, lifting my feet right off the ground, and kissed me ardently. Mateo chuckled.
“Not too long, lovebirds,” he called over the sound of retreating hoofbeats.
Practice flowed much more smoothly after that, and the mood was jovial as the game ended.
“Does this mean we’re coming out of the closet?” Jaden asked on the ride home.
I thought about it. Nothing had changed, really. His mother would almost certainly react badly to the news, and the odds were good that Dec would, too.
“I don’t think we need to, yet,” I replied. “The Argentineans are all leaving after next week. I’ll ask Mateo not say anything. Unless... do you want to tell?” I watched his face as he considered; he looked almost as conflicted as I felt.
“No,” he said finally. “I’m afraid they’ll keep us apart.”
I agreed, although I had additional motivation to keep things quiet. After what I’d felt from him in the pond, I knew that Jaden was serious when he said he was ready to make love to me. I didn’t want increased parental scrutiny now, not when we were so close.
* * *
That Friday Jaden was leaving for a tournament at the Club Polo Nacional, near Montreal. He was due back on Labor Day Monday, but I wouldn’t even see him then because we both started school the next day. We were facing an entire week apart, and I was numb with apprehension at the prospect. We didn’t say much before he left but clung to each other until the last minute. The way Jaden was running his hands all over my body made me want to consummate our relationship that second, but for the next few weeks, both of our schedules were insanely busy. It figured.
Jaden called from the road on Monday. The tournament had gone well, but he sounded exhausted. I wondered if he had done a lot of partying after the matches, but I didn’t worry about it the way I used to; now, I only hoped he’d had a good time. I had barely climbed into bed that night when I heard a voice downstairs — a voice I would know anywhere. I bolted down the stairs, but the sight of Dec made me brake abruptly, my legs locking on the bottom step. I grabbed the banister to steady myself, cursing internally.
“Hi,” I said casually, barely glancing at Jaden. I examined Dec. If he was surprised at my hasty entrance, it didn’t show. “How was the tournament?” I finally allowed myself to drink in the sight of Jaden; I had a feeling I was beaming, but I couldn’t help myself.
“It was great, they have a very nice bunch of riders at the Montreal club. I just came to get the horses settled... Jen was too tired to drive by herself.” A likely story. His eyes were locked on mine.
“Are you staying overnight?” Dec asked.
Jaden shook his head. “I have school tomorrow too.”
“Then I’ll go make you some coffee so you’ll stay awake,” Dec said, patting him on the back on his way to the kitchen.
We met halfway across the living room.
“Meet me in the shed after Dec’s asleep?” he whispered.
“What if it’s really late?” I asked. “You look so tired.” I could barely refrain from caressing his face as I said it.
“I don’t care. I have to see you.”
I actually floated back up the stairs.
It was after eleven when Dec went to bed; his door had hardly closed before I threw on a hoodie and ran out to the shed. I flew into Jaden’s arms the instant the door was bolted, and for a long while the only sounds were the small, happy moans and whimpers of our reunion.
Finally, I leaned my head on his chest, the beating of his heart imbuing me with a profound sense of well-being.
“Did you miss me?” he murmured.
I shrugged one shoulder, blasé. “Enh, you know...”
My impudence earned me a playful swat. I wrapped my arms around his neck, laughing.
“Yes,” I started to say, but he caught my upper lip between both of his, diverting me from my answer.
“I-” My bottom lip was next, halting my words again. When it was free, I tried again. “Did-” He ran his tongue under my top lip. “Are you going to let me talk at all?” I managed finally.
“No.”
I gave up. Some time later, he stroked my face, sighing. “I’d better let you get to bed. You’re going to be tired for your first day.”
“Never mind me, I’ll be fine. But you have a long drive ahead of you. Are you sure you don’t want to stay?”
“Querida, if I stay here tonight, neither of us will get any sleep.” My stomach did a backflip at his words. “Can we find any time next weekend?” he checked.
“I’m at Palgrave Friday and Saturday, it’s a big show for Cameo. And there’s our match on Sunday,” I reminded him. Dec had finally agreed to let me play, in part because it was at our local club. “I don’t know how we’ll sneak away with all of that.”
He grimaced. “Well, at least I’ll see you at our game on Sunday.”
* * *
It was an exhausting week. The transition to school was always tiring, although at least Seth and I didn’t have to feed anymore on weekdays, which meant two hours a day less work for us. Cameo was a superstar at the Palgrave show, winning reserve champion again, so we’d be going to the Royal for sure. Dec came to watch the polo match on Sunday; it was the first time he’d ever seen me play, and though he congratulated me on my skill he nearly went into cardiac arrest several times. Caley and I were on the same team, and we had a great time feeding off each other’s antics. Jaden was umpiring; it was a close game, and I was bone-tired by the time we were done. Gran made dinner that night, to everyone’s relief, as the rest of us had been away all weekend. Seth had gone to another swim meet and had done very well; his place on the team was secure.
As soon as we got to the barn that night, Jaden pulled me into a dark corner of the feedroom.
“You’re quiet tonight. Is everything all right?” His arms encircled me. Tension that I hadn’t even known I was feeling drained out of me, and I molded myself to his body with a sigh.
“I’m wondering about that penalty you gave Mateo. It seemed kind of harsh.” I felt his body tense slightly. “I thought we were past that,” I continued gently. “I thought we were solid.”
“We are solid,” he assured me.
“Good. Because I’d like to continue playing club chukkers on Wednesdays, and you won’t be there,” I said hesitantly, “and... Mateo will. He’s not going back to Argentina this winter.”
I watched his face carefully. His jaw tensed, and he stared at me for a minute before taking a breath and pulling me close again.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’m fine with it.”
I was vastly relieved he’d agreed so easily. “Who knew you had the capacity to be so reasonable,” I teased.
“Oh, I’m full of surprises,” he murmured in my ear. “You’ll see.”
My heart sprang into action at his suggestive tone; within seconds it was thudding hard against my chest. His lips brushed along my jaw. “Shall we visit the loft?”
In answer, I turned and headed for the ladder, his hand tightly clasped in mine. Once upstairs we nearly ran to our private corner. We’d had barely any time alone since our breakup scare, but I hadn’t forgotten his promise — we’d be making love soon.
We had to shake the dust off the blanket before we sat on it. Jaden took my face in his hands.
“Maybe we should talk about-”
“Talk later,” I told him, pulling his face down. His lips were curving up as they met mine.
Within seconds we were prone. I slid my hand under his shirt, and he didn’t stop me. But the real shock came when I started lifting my own, and instead of halting me, he actually helped, taking it right off while I watched his face, my heart pounding.
“It doesn’t seem fair for me to be the only one who’s topless,” I pointed out. He stripped his shirt off before pulling me back into his embrace. I luxuriated in the feeling of his skin against mine, pressing myself against him. When I turned toward him he knew just what I wanted, kissing me so sensually that I had to break away, groaning.
“I can’t take any more,” I panted. His eyes were amused, but I noticed his breathing wasn’t too steady either. “Jaden, I’m going to implode soon. I’ll self-destruct. Let’s just do it now.”
He shook his head. “Your first time is not going to be in a hayloft,” he said. “And besides,” he whispered in my ear, “we don’t have any birth control.”
“Oh.” Only Jaden could make the words ‘birth control’ sound sexy.
“But if you want, I’ll try to make sure you don’t implode, either.”
I just nodded, suddenly nervous.
He resumed kissing me, and I pulled him against me; slowly, his hand migrated downward. He undid my shorts. Before long I was confirmed in my theory that Jaden was good at everything he did.
“You weren’t kidding,” he chuckled quietly as I lay in his arms. “Implosion was definitely imminent.”
It wasn’t the first orgasm I’d had with Jaden; such was the force of our attraction that even through my clothes, the touch of his body had been enough to push me over the edge a few times. But this was different — it was so deliberate. I finally understood why they called it ‘being intimate’.
I traced the contours of his face, marveling for the thousandth time at my good fortune.
“You know, I think I’m less worried about my first time than you are,” I told him.
“That’s because you never worry about yourself,” he said, frustrated.
I rolled over to kiss the crease between his eyebrows. “No, it’s because I’ll be with you.”
His expression eased, though the frown didn’t completely disappear. “I don’t want to hurt you... you’re so small.”
“I’m not that small. And, well, I’m not expecting to be super comfortable, anyway,” I admitted. Teri had said it hurt, I recalled, whereas Julia said it wasn’t bad. Neither was exactly a ringing endorsement. “The point is, I trust you. I’ll be happy no matter what, because it’s you,” I said simply.
He crushed me to him for a long moment before releasing me.
“I just want it to be a great experience for you. My motives are purely selfish, of course,” he said with a sly smile. “If you have a good time, you might want to do it again.”
“I don’t think there will be any issues on that front — I want to do it now, remember? I always want you,” I said, pouting.
Jaden took a deep breath and smiled at me crookedly. “Well, in that case, I guess we should organize a sleepover soon.”
My mouth fell open. “Are you serious?” I breathed.
“Very.”
I threw myself on top of him. I was filled with a fierce joy; I kissed him hard, passionately, and in response he groaned and pulled me forcefully against his body. We spent a few minutes with me happily getting carried away again. Jaden regained control first, of course — there would be no need for a sleepover if it were up to me — and pulled my face gently away from his. He was wearing a Cheshire cat grin.
“We need to go back inside,” he reminded me.
“Hold on a second, have you not noticed the disparity here?” I inquired, indicating my semi-clad state. “I showed you mine...”
A flash of that wolfish grin, and then he guided my hands to his jeans. I was entranced at finally being able to touch him.
“You knew what you were doing,” I whispered in his ear, “but I’m going to need some more coaching...”
I lay with my head on his chest afterward, cocooned in happiness. As I snuggled against him I thought of how unbearable it had been to be separated from him that week. As always, he seemed to guess my thoughts.
“It’s only going to get harder, you know.”
“It’s going to get harder than that?” I joked. “Okay, now you’re just bragging.”
He stared at me in shock for a second, before my beloved wicked smile began tugging at his lips.
“Is that dirty talk I hear spilling from your sweet mouth?” he murmured. He leaned in and crushed my lips with his for a long moment. “God, I love you.” The words were almost a growl.
I held him tightly. I never wanted to let go.
* * *
“Where were you last night?” Jaden asked. He looked upset.
After a seemingly eternal week apart, I had gotten home late Friday night to find Jaden at our place, asleep.
“Seth and I went to Ter’s. Didn’t you get my email?”
“No, I’m having issues with my account,” he grumbled. He perused my face, frowning. “You look like you spent the night in a bar.”
“We didn’t go there with the intention of drinking,” I said a bit defensively, “we just went to hang out, but you know I have no tolerance for alcohol. A couple of drinks and I’m drunk.”
“Hey,” he said, pulling me against him. “I’m not judging. I was worried, that’s all.” His arms wrapped around me protectively. “It drives me crazy that I’m not here to take care of you.”
I sighed as I relaxed against him. “I miss you, too.”
We sat down on some haybales; we had snuck up for a brief visit in the loft before my morning lesson with Karen.
“Well, the timing for this couldn’t have worked out better,” he commented. He handed me a small, gift-wrapped box.
“What’s this?” I asked in surprise.
“An early birthday present. I couldn’t wait.”
I opened the package slowly, feeling emotional. My birthday was October twenty-first, over a month away — I couldn’t believe he was already thinking about it. I gasped when I saw the contents and turned to him with a radiant smile.
“A phone! Oh, that’s perfect!” I pulled it out; it was an iPhone like Jaden’s, only mine was white.
“It’s got even more features than mine,” he said happily. “And I added you to my plan, so you’ll never see a bill.”
I flung myself at him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I said between kisses.
“I definitely need to shop for you more often,” he said, laughing. He caught my face in his hands and kissed me in earnest; before I knew it I was on my back, Jaden on top of me.
“Ow,” I said suddenly as my head pounded painfully.
“What’s wrong?” he asked anxiously.
“My head hurts.”
He pulled me up carefully just as Karen’s voice yelled my name.
“Uh-oh, gotta go,” I muttered, scrambling for the ladder.
Teri and Julia were already grooming their horses. Marty had thrown Jennifer off again, and she had broken her arm, so I was riding him regularly in my lessons now. I cross-tied him facing Picasso; Teri looked only slightly better than I felt.
I felt increasingly lousy as I groomed Marty, and I was afraid that today’s lesson would be memorable. In a bad way. Sure enough, when Karen walked in things only got worse. She took one look at Teri and me and shook her head in disgust.
“Were you girls partying too hard last night?” she demanded, surveying us through narrowed eyes. I’m pretty sure it was a rhetorical question because as a former alcoholic, she probably recognized our symptoms better than we did ourselves. I couldn’t believe that we hadn’t considered our lesson with Karen while we were imbibing the night before. She had very strong feelings about overindulging — the predictable effect of having a brilliant career cut short.
“Umm.” Teri seemed too stunned to speak, so I groped around uselessly for a good answer, aware of Jaden’s eyes on me. Of course, ‘yes’ would be the smart way to go since Karen obviously knew. The danger here was that Karen and Dec were friends, and I didn’t know how to go about asking her not to rat us out. I was considering begging when Jaden went to stand by her.
“Look at them, Karen. They’re suffering. I’ll bet they won’t be repeating this mistake anytime soon,” he told her in a conspiratorial tone. He smiled and went on in his most compelling voice. “But it might be best if Dec doesn’t find out, don’t you think? We all know how he tends to overreact. I’d hate for Téa to be forbidden from showing again.” He was gazing into her eyes; she blinked before responding.
“Of course, we can keep it between us,” she agreed almost eagerly.
It figures, I thought. Even the drill sergeant isn’t immune. I never stood a chance.
Karen turned to us and said matter-of-factly, “It’s bad timing on your part, though, because you’re riding the entire lesson without stirrups today. I want you to take them off in the barn.”
Teri and I couldn’t suppress groans, and even Julia looked apprehensive, though she hadn’t been with us the night before. Work without stirrups was hard enough when you were fit and healthy. Today, it would be nothing short of brutal. Karen apparently thought a hangover wasn’t punishment enough.
Jaden disappeared while the girls and I finished grooming. I was positively dreading getting into the ring; I felt leaden-footed and weak, and a horrendous pounding was starting in my head. Teri and I exchanged a look of misery.
Jaden reappeared with two bottles of water. He gave one to Teri and handed me the other, loosening the cap first.
“Drink,” he ordered.
He started saddling Marty. When he dropped the stirrups and leathers from my saddle onto the floor he leaned over and murmured, “Are you sure you want to ride today? It’s going to hurt, you know.”
I sighed. “I know. I don’t have a choice, though.”
“Yes, you do,” he argued, “But if you choose to ride, you’re bringing it on yourself.”
I shrugged. I was irritated but didn’t have the energy to argue.
In the ring, Jaden gave us each a leg-up and went to work on the pasture. As I had feared, the lesson was awful. A jackhammer seemed to have gotten lodged in my head, my legs were burning from the effort, and the ring seemed unnaturally bright. By the time Karen started setting up the jumps I felt faint with weakness. I considered pleading for mercy, but my pride interfered and in any event, I knew it would be pointless. Karen was a great coach, very much in demand, and she could afford to be as exacting as she wanted with her students.
She started us over a small gymnastic combination. I was thankful for Marty’s smooth movement as he popped over it easily. He was in a good mood that morning, very cooperative, and I patted his dark bay neck gratefully. Julia went next, Jazzy as elegant as ever, and then it was Teri’s turn, Picasso pricking his cute pony ears throughout. He was clearly paying more attention than Teri, who by now could have passed for the Hulk’s petite younger sister. Fortunately for her, Picasso — being a pony — couldn’t easily manage the distances or heights in the course of jumps we tackled next, so Teri was excused and got to walk Picasso. She shot me a look of sympathy as I started my round.
My legs were screaming now, and I was focusing more on the pain than on Marty. He landed after the first line of fences, put his head between his knees, and did his patented rodeo bronc imitation. I didn’t stand a chance; I flew off and landed with a thud on my right side.
“You okay, Téa?” Karen called.
I didn’t move. In fact, I was more comfortable than I’d been all day. A nap definitely seemed in order. Trotting hoofbeats interrupted that happy thought as Ter and Jules came to make sure I was still alive. I staggered up, groaning.
“Shit, Téa, you scared us,” Julia chided me.
“Sorry.” I moved my limbs experimentally — everything seemed to be working. Painful, but working.
Karen led Marty over.
“Well?” She held out the reins, challenging me with her eyes to wimp out. When I took them she gave me a leg up without a word. I started riding the course again, this time staying tense and alert for any sign of bucking. It was hard to pull up Marty’s head when I didn’t have stirrups to brace against, but we managed a decent round. Julia went next, and I focused on not vomiting while I walked Marty.
I was just sighing with relief that the lesson was finally over when Karen said, “Téa, I want you to go once more. That horse is capable of jumping a lot bigger; I want to see how he goes for you over some decent-sized fences.”
I didn’t think I had the strength to even walk to the barn, but I nodded dumbly. Karen altered the course and raised the fences. They looked huge.
“Okay, Téa. It’s just the two outside lines and the triple-bar on the diagonal.”
I walked Marty in a circle, psyching myself up. Then I pushed Marty into his smooth, ground-eating canter and we jumped the course — and somehow, it really came together. Everything just flowed. I was almost as shocked as I was exhausted; Ter and Jules whooped as I pulled up and I grinned at them in gratitude. Karen was eyeing me with a very thoughtful look on her face.
“You could have kept him a bit straighter through your last line, but overall, that was excellent.” Those rare words of praise from her made the whole miserable experience almost worthwhile. Almost.
As I was untacking Jaden materialized. He took the saddle out of my hands.
“I saw your last trip. I had no idea Karen would make you jump that high today, of all days.” He sounded shaken.
I turned to him with a smile, my earlier irritation forgotten. Just being near him numbed my pain, and I was dying to flow into his arms and let his hands soothe away the hurt, as they invariably did. His answering smile froze on his face as he noticed the dirt all over my shirt.
“What happened?” he asked.
“Marty dumped me,” I muttered, embarrassed.
“Are you all right?” He started to reach for me but caught himself.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be hurting tomorrow, though,” I said ruefully.
He exhaled heavily. “I owe you an apology.”
“For what?” I asked, surprised.
“For my fatuous comment earlier. You never deserve to be hurt, Téa.”
“Well, you’re forgiven,” I said easily.
“You could make me work for it, you know... make me put away your horse, for instance,” he suggested, his eyes dancing. “Then you could help Teri. She looks like she might not make it otherwise.”
* * *
The following week brought several changes. For one thing, Hades arrived, and I was looking forward to starting his retraining. Even more exciting was Karen’s call, asking me if I could ride Marty at a show in two weeks’ time; she had spoken with his owner, who was happy to have me take over as Marty’s new rider. Even better, Marty was already almost qualified for the Royal, so if we did well at the show, I’d have a shot at the big time in November. But those events, however noteworthy, were nothing compared to the biggest one.
