I’d given Esther the impression I didn’t want to go to Kat’s office, that I didn’t want to get involved with Chuck again. But the more I thought about it, the more sense it made: Kat wouldn’t answer any questions about work, and was being awfully vague when she did mention it. I’d go without Esther, straight after school, while she and Ava were still at work. Just one sister, visiting another, checking out the lay of the land. No big deal. I took a bus over there after school and hung around outside for a while before I plucked up the courage to go in.
The receptionist looked up at me with a plastic smile. ‘Can I help you?’
‘Yeah, hi. Zoe Lewis, to see Kat Lewis?’
‘Sure. Take a seat.’ She picked up the phone and muttered into it, and I had the strong sense it wasn’t Kat she was calling. Sure enough, it was Chuck that came through the frosted glass doors, strutting towards me and sitting too close on the leather sofa.
‘Zoe! It’s such a pleasure to see you! Who knew we’d keep meeting like this! It must be fate.’
I found it hard to look at him. ‘Is Kat around?’
‘She’ll be somewhere round here. She works hard. Like a dog, you know?’ I felt my face burn. ‘But let’s get you a coffee! Miranda, can you get Zoe here a coffee, please?’
‘I’m fine, thanks. I’m just here for my sister.’
‘Sure, sure.’ He leant even closer, his voice growing quiet. ‘The thing is, Zoe, your sister is my concern now. Do you understand? I’ve got plans for her, and if you care about her future, I’d recommend keeping your mouth shut about anything you think you remember about you and me.’
‘What I think I remember?’
‘Yeah. Whatever impression you got back then, you were just a kid with a crush and I can’t take any responsibility for how you felt.’ He gave me a pained-looking smile. ‘It’s just not fair to put that on me. You do understand, don’t you?’ He leant back again, clapping his hands together. ‘Your sister, on the other hand! There’s a woman who’s going places! As long as we all look out for her,’ he said, putting his hand on my knee, ‘I really think she could go far.’
I stood up. I could feel Miranda’s eyes on me from her perspex reception desk. ‘Leave her alone,’ I said, as calmly as I could with my heart pounding in my throat.
Chuck stood up, smiling at me. ‘I can’t, Zoe – I’m her boss. And she’s a grown woman. So I’d really recommend keeping your nose out of our business. Both work,’ he smiled wider, ‘and personal.’ He looked back over his shoulder at Miranda. ‘Miss Lewis is just leaving.’ He took my arm, and led me, dazed, to the door. ‘I mean it, Zoe. I’m strongly recommending that you keep your nose out. And let’s keep this conversation between us, yeah?’ He smiled at me – a warm, sunny California breeze of a smile. ‘Great! Good to see you, Zo.’
I was out in the street, the door closed in my face. I didn’t know what was worse: that Kat didn’t know I’d been coming, so wouldn’t think to look for me out here, or if she’d happened to see the whole thing.
That’s that, then, I thought, heading to my bus stop.
But I didn’t mean it.
‘Iffy!’ I squealed excitedly down the phone. It was two days after my disastrous trip to Kat’s office and I was still trying to work out my next move. But fate was finally offering me something: it looked like my persistence in trying to get hold of Iffy was finally paying off.
‘Hey, you. Long time no speak.’
‘Iffy, are you avoiding me?’ There was a moment’s silence on the line and I could picture his face: thoughtful, patient, trying to find just the right way of phrasing this.
‘Zoe, my darling, you know I’d never avoid you. You’re too fantastic not to have in my life. But right now my boy Jack is having a fairly shitty time – you’re probably aware, since I believe you two are still roomies. And he hasn’t got a great many people to make sure that he’s taking care of himself. If you know what I mean.’
Of course I did. I had Liz and Benni and my sisters – although maybe not Kat at the moment, not while I couldn’t talk to her about Chuck – and Mum and Dad, and colleagues. All of them watching, texting and calling, many of them visiting and making me food, or taking me out and sitting with me, wiping my tears and making sure, between them, that I was still a functioning human being, on the outside at least.
Jack had Graham – silent, absent Graham, always busy with his new life that didn’t seem to involve Jack at all – and he had Iffy. He was the boss to almost everyone he socialised with. I realised how short-sighted I’d been. How could I have begrudged for a moment the time that Iffy would dedicate to him, that maybe it wouldn’t be right for him to be meeting me for drinks and soothing my frayed nerves, when he was solely responsible for the care and support of my husband. Ex-husband. Almost ex-husband. Oh god.
‘Sorry, Iff. But do you think, one day, we might have a drink again?’
‘I look forward to it immensely, Zo. And who knows? In this grand new glorious future of happy friendships, maybe Jack could even tag along too?’
I didn’t know which thought was more weird: that Jack and I could ever be just friends, or that there was a vein of sarcasm that revealed Iffy was angry with me. I thanked him, and apologised again, and said I hoped we’d talk soon, but as we hung up I couldn’t imagine when that might be. I realised that no friendship was so strong that a break-up couldn’t produce a fracture that would carry all the way through, with no regard for all the nights out you’d had, all the conversations, the sharing, and the love between you. The rules were clear: Jack and I broke up, so Iffy and I had to throw away almost a decade of knowing each other.