After a full day of POTH—Putting On the Hits—a lip-syncing contest where we lose, I am getting ready for our first staff party.
I am wearing my nicest jeans, my low-heeled sandals, and a cute black shirt that’s open in the back. I have a black sweater with me too, for when it gets chilly. I have blow-dried my hair and put on makeup. This is as glam as I can get at camp. (Glamp?) Not that I care that much about looking good, since I’m not trying to impress anyone.
Well, not totally true. I want to look good. For me.
There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?
Gavin will be at the party. We shared a pizza at Slice. Not just me and him; Muffs, Lis, and Talia had some with us.
All the counselors in the junior section will be at the party. The CITs are sitting OD so we can all go.
“The bus leaves in fifteen minutes,” I say, lining my eyes with blue in Lis’s mirror. “Are you ladies almost ready?”
“Yes!” Talia says. She turns to me. “I love your lipstick. Your whole look is so New York.”
“Thanks,” I say, almost done. “Bye, girls!” I call out, giving them all good-night hugs and tucking them in.
“You’re looking hot!” Prague says.
“You are too young to use the word hot,” I say. “Unless you’re talking about weather . . . or soup.”
She blows me a kiss.
The four of us say goodbye and hurry down the road to the office to catch the bus. We join and pick up some of the other counselors as we walk down the road. Everyone is so happy to be getting out of camp for a party. It’s a nice night—the sky is inky black and the stars are bright and it’s not too cold. Josh and Jill are staying behind to make sure nothing goes horribly wrong.
I climb onto the bus and take an empty row. Talia sits beside me. She’s wearing her hair down and extra curly.
I’m not sure what to expect at the party. Will everyone be making out?
Sigh. Maybe there will be cell service?
At least Gavin will be there. Without anyone to make out with either.
“So what exactly happens at a staff party?” I ask.
“Dancing, mostly,” Talia says.
“The counselors were always so loud when they came back.”
“They were probably drunk,” she says. “Mine always were.”
“Ooooh, that explains it,” I say. “But how? Everyone’s under twenty-one.”
“There’s always some booze being snuck around.”
I do not think I want to get drunk and risk being fired. That would not look good for future teaching jobs at all.
The engine turns on. There are woots from the back. The bus starts rolling down the dirt road.
More cheers.
When we turn onto a bigger street, the signal bars on my phone come on. I wish it were earlier so I could call Eli. We haven’t actually spoken on the phone for like three days now. Talia is checking her phone too. My texts stream in.
Eli: Hi babe.
Eli: Look at me with David’s Michelangelo!
Eli: Night, Beautiful. Hope you had a great day. Wish we could talk more.
“I love how much your boyfriend misses you,” Talia says, reading over my shoulder.
“Yeah,” I say, although to me the “Wish we could talk more” feels kind of like a dig. It says, You are not trying hard enough to call me.
He’s in freakin’ Europe! Isn’t he having fun?
I wish we could talk more, too. I just can’t run to the office every period.
I also have a few texts from Lauren and Emily. And then also from Fancy’s annoying mom, which is how I’ve identified her in my phone. Apparently I give mean nicknames now too.
Fancy’s Annoying Mom: Hi, Sam! I looked on the website and saw a group picture of Francie—she wasn’t smiling. Is she unhappy?
“Group picture?” I ask Talia. “Do they post pictures of the kids somewhere?”
“Um, yeah. The pics that Jill is always taking? She posts them online.”
“No way!”
“Yes way. What did you think they were for?”
“I don’t know. A slideshow at the end of the summer?”
“That too. But she also posts like fifty pics online every night. The parents sit there and wait for them. Parents are crazy.”
Fancy’s Annoying Mom: Her cheeks also look a little flushed. Is she wearing her sunscreen?
Fancy’s Annoying Mom: Also wondering if she is using conditioner in her hair? Please make sure she does. Her hair gets tangled. It looks tangled in the picture.
Fancy’s Annoying Mom: Hello?
Fancy’s Annoying Mom: I would really appreciate if you responded.
Three dots appear on my phone and I drop it in my lap hot-potato style. Stalker!
“OMG,” I say. “Fancy’s mother keeps texting me.”
“Oh no!” Talia says. “How did she get your number?”
“She met my mom at a grocery store . . . long story.”
“She’s the worst. She calls Josh twice a day. She complains about everything! What did she say?”
“That Fancy looks unhappy in the pictures.”
“Just ignore her. Do not engage. Do not engage! The worst kids always have the worst parents. And the worst parents always tip the worst at Visiting Day.”
“Tip?” I say. “Parents tip?”
“The nicer ones do,” she says.
“There’s no way my parents tipped,” I say.
“Then they’re assholes.”
I laugh. “But I was a good kid. I think?”
“I was a bitch,” she says, and goes back to her phone.
I flip to Instagram. We’re not allowed to post while we’re at camp, but I can still see what Eli is up to.
I flip to his stories and see that he posted a picture. He’s with a group of people—girls and guys. So many people I don’t know. He hasn’t tagged them. Guys. Girls. Girls holding beers.
Pretty girls holding beers.
The drinking age in Europe is only eighteen. My shoulders tighten at the idea of him on the other side of the world drinking with random pretty girls.
I flash back to a keg party, his hand under my skirt.
He better not put his hands under any of these girls’ skirts!
I study their outfits. They are all wearing sundresses. I hate them all.
I really should call every day.
Now I’m the one being needy.
I click off my phone and put it away. I am not going to worry about Eli hooking up with someone in Europe! Sure, he’s probably flirting with other girls and that’s fine! I am flirting with other boys! There is nothing wrong with flirting!
But I should call more. Should I call now?
No. It’s the middle of the night there.
Everyone cheers when we pull into the restaurant’s parking lot. The door is open and the music is already blasting even though no one is inside. There’s a table filled with cupcakes.
Aw. Cupcakes.
After about ten minutes or so, people start dancing. All the lights are on, so it feels less like a party and more like an awkward sixth-grade social.
“Hey,” says Gavin, coming up beside me. “Can I buy you a drink?”
“I thought they’re all free,” I say.
“They are. I was trying to be chivalrous,” he says with a smile.
“Ah,” I say. “Well then, yes. I’ll take a Coke.”
“Two rum and Cokes,” he tells the bartender.
The bartender raises an eyebrow. “It’s a dry bar,” he says.
“Boo,” Gavin says. “Two Cokes, then.”
Eli isn’t drinking Cokes. Eli is drinking actual alcohol.
“Does it seem unfair to you that our significant others are out there guzzling Heinekens and French wine while we’re drinking rumless Cokes?” I ask.
“It does,” he says. “We can drink on our day off at least. Are you coming with us to Botts’s?”
“What’s happening at Botts’s?”
“He has a cottage about thirty minutes away. We will drink Heineken and French wine. He told me he was going to invite you. For our day off. If you can take a Tuesday/Wednesday.”
That’s sweet. “Oh, thanks,” I say. “He hasn’t mentioned it. I was maybe going to see my parents . . .”
“Parents? Where are they?”
“Rhode Island.”
“What? That’s too far. And parents are no fun. Come to Botts’s. Heineken! French wine!”
“Honestly,” I say, “I don’t even like Heineken.”
He laughs. “What about French wine?”
“I can make that work,” I say. “But in a taste test I would not be able to tell the difference between French or Italian wine. Or wine from New Jersey.”
“Here’s what I know about wine—white is served cold,” he says.
I laugh. “Look at you, fancy pants.”
I lean against the wall and look around. But not at Gavin’s fancy pants. Which are actually jeans. Which encase a pretty nice ass.
Not looking!
“Want to take bets on who’s going to hook up with who tonight?” he asks.
“That seems wrong,” I say. “But yes.”
We both spot JJ in the corner dancing with one of the swim staff. “That looks possible,” I say.
“JJ has been eyeing that guy for weeks.”
I spot Lis, Talia, and their friend Allie whispering to each other in the corner. She’s tall, with long, wavy brown hair.
Muffs is trying to get Lis’s attention.
“Does he have any chance with her?” Gavin asks.
“I don’t think so,” I say.
“Is it the earmuffs?”
“Possibly what the earmuffs are hiding.”
“Lis likes Botts, huh?” he asks.
“I cannot reveal bunk secrets,” I say. “But do you think she has a chance with him?”
He hesitates. “Maybe. He had a serious girlfriend for the last few summers. Cassie. But they broke up in the fall. And she didn’t come back.”
“Oh, that’s sad.”
Then he laughs.
“What?”
“I’ve been meaning to give you a heads-up—Eric has a thing for you.”
“Eric?” I ask.
“The office guy!”
I blush. “The stoner? Seriously?”
“Yes. He says you spend a lot of time there.”
“Yes, calling my boyfriend!”
“He’s not picking up on your reasons for visiting.”
“Can you tell him I’m not available?” I say. “He should like someone else.”
“Feelings are feelings, I guess?”
Our eyes lock a moment longer than they should.
Just then Botts walks up to us. “Rosenspan! What are you doing for your day off?”
“Coming to your cottage!” I say. “Drinking French wine!”
Botts punches Gavin’s shoulder. “He invited you already? Bastard. Stole my thunder.”
“I did,” Gavin says.
“So you’re in?” Botts asks me.
“I am. As long as I can take the Tuesday/Wednesday. Let me check with Talia and Danish. And thanks for the invite.”
I laugh and go find Talia, who is still whispering in the corner, laughing with Lis and Allie.
She waves me over.
“Our co-counselor is one second away from doing a pole dance,” she says. The counselors beside her laugh.
I look over at Janelle. She’s standing on a chair, dancing, in a hot pink tube top. Smokin’ Hot Benji and Jamon, one of the Australian kitchen staff, are dancing beside her.
“She’s drunk,” Talia says.
“I think she’s just naturally spirited,” I say.
“No, Smokin’ Hot Benji has a flask,” Lis says.
“She’s totally going to hook up with one of them tonight,” Talia says.
“She’s just dancing,” I say. I think about Gavin. I think about Eli and the sundress girls. “Not all flirting is prelude to hooking up.”
“We’ll see,” Talia says. “But my money’s on Jamon.”
“Mine’s on Smokin’ Hot Benji,” Lis says. “They were almost making out the other day. Sam?”
“Since I have to be celibate all summer, and since I am hoping to live vicariously through you people, I am hoping for Smokin’ Hot Tennis Benji.”
“Okay, Porny,” Talia says with a laugh.
I know she’s joking, but my cheeks heat up, and I turn around before she can see.
I wake up in the middle of the night to the sounds of soft moaning.
I open my eyes for a split second and see two bodies in Janelle’s bed, under the covers.
I put my pillow over my head and go back to sleep.
“Rise and shine, everyone!” Danish says. She’s standing in front of our doorway. “Time to get up!”
Janelle groans. Unfortunately, I’m at this point very familiar with her groaning sounds.
At least the guy is gone. I saw Jamon leave just as the sun was coming up.
And I will be buying some earplugs on my day off.
Janelle pushes her covers off her face.
“Fun night?” I ask her.
“Oh yeah,” she says, laughing. “Super fun. We didn’t wake you, did we?”
“You woke me,” Talia calls from the back room.
“And me,” Lis says.
“And me,” I add.
She laughs even harder. “I am so sorry! Why didn’t you say something?”
“I didn’t want to . . . interrupt?” Lis says.
“Next time just throw something at me,” she says.
“Or maybe next time you could go to his bunk,” Talia says.
“Totally,” Janelle says. “I told him to come visit and he did! I wasn’t sure he was going to come!”
“Oh, he definitely came,” Talia says.
She laughs even harder. “Ha! We didn’t have sex. But yeah, still fun. I’m totally going to be a zombie all day.”
She jumps out of bed and heads to the bathroom.
“That was gross, yeah?” Lis asks, zipping up her sweatshirt.
“Yeah,” Talia says.
“I just wish they could have gone somewhere more private,” I say. I am definitely getting earplugs on my day off. “Oh, Talia, before I forget, are you okay with me taking Tuesday/Wednesday for my day off? That means I leave Tuesday night and come back Wednesday?”
“Yeah, and that’s fine. Lis and I were both going to take Friday/Saturday together. Will you be okay with just Janelle? Promise to be back before the Saturday overnight.”
“Yeah. No problem.” It’s not like Talia and Lis do that much to help.
“If Janelle brings someone back, you can always try sleeping in my bed,” Talia offers. “At least you won’t be right on top of them.”
I sigh. She has the top bunk. “I’m not sure I want an aerial view.”
“Don’t go! Don’t go!” Em cries, wrapping her arms around my waist. The girls are walking to flagpole, and I am heading to the office where I’m supposed to meet Botts and friends. I am carrying a backpack with my clothes for the night.
“I’m sorry, girls!” I say, hugging them. “I’ll be back tomorrow! It’s just one day!”
“Don’t leave me!” Talia cries.
I laugh. “You’ll be fine.”
“I doubt it,” she says. “What happens if I call in sick?”
“Lis and Janelle have to watch all of them.”
“I will kill you,” Lis says, glaring.
“Will you bring doughnuts?” Fancy asks.
“Yeah! Bring us doughnuts!”
“The chocolate frosting kind,” Fancy says. “The best counselors bring doughnuts.”
“Is that a thing?” I ask Talia.
“You’re asking if doughnuts are a thing?” she asks.
“Is it a thing for counselors to bring back something for the kids?”
She nods. “Yes. For kids and co-counselors. I like mine with sprinkles. Didn’t your counselors bring you stuff?”
“I think I’m remembering Munchkins,” I say. “But I’ll see what I can do. Now line up, ladies! Have a great evening and I’ll see you tomorrow night!” I readjust my backpack, blow them all kisses, and head to the office.
Gavin is already there. His backpack is slung over his shoulder. He is still wearing his sunglasses even though it’s after six.
Emily would totally make fun of him for that. I kind of want to, but I don’t.
“All good?” he asks. “Botts just left a few minutes ago with Lawrence, Brody, and Allie. Since we can’t all fit in one car, I said I would drive with you. Also, I have no car.”
“I don’t mind,” I say. Just the two of us in the car. Nothing weird about that. We’re friends. Meaninglessly flirty friends. “And six of us are staying there? How many rooms does he have? Do we have to double up?” I don’t really know Allie. I am not sure I want to share a room with a virtual stranger. Although as soon as I say the words, I worry he thinks I mean doubling up with him.
He laughs. “You have obviously never seen his cottage. There are a million rooms.”
“A million?”
“Probably. It has wings.”
I smile. “It’s a flying cottage?”
He blushes. “No, I mean—never mind. You’ll see.” Gavin types the address into his phone.
“So tell me who the other people are who are coming tonight,” I say.
“Allie and Lawrence were together last year. Brody is kind of a loner. He’s the Arts and Crafts specialist.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“I heard he’s doing the nasty with the archery specialist.”
Doing the nasty? Emily would make fun of that, too. “How do you know that?”
“People like to gossip on sailboats,” he says. “Allie’s the biggest gossip, by the way.”
“Oh. Okay.” And why is he telling me this?
“She’s friendly with Kat. They went to the same preschool or something in New York.”
Ah. “Small world,” I say. Is he trying to tell me that he’s not going to flirt with me in front of Allie? That I shouldn’t flirt with him?
Whatever.
After about twenty minutes, I pull onto a dirt road that leads us to a massive house.
“This is a cottage?” I say. “More like a village.”
“A small village,” he says.
It’s seriously about the size of my dorm building at NYU. It looks like a wood cabin, but a massive one. To the left is the lakefront. Instead of a sandy beach, there is a perfectly manicured green lawn leading to a white dock. Docked in the water are a rowboat, a motorboat, and a canoe. The water is bright blue. “This is all his?”
“His family’s,” Gavin says quickly. “They’re in Europe.”
“Who isn’t?”
“Us. We are not in Europe.”
“With this house, maybe I don’t mind,” I say.
I turn the ignition off. I sneak a peek at my phone to see if there’s service. There is!
I have ten new texts. Seven are from Fancy’s Annoying Mom. One from my mom. One from my dad. One from Eli.
Eli: Call me! I miss you!
I should call him before he goes to sleep, but I really want to settle in. I drop my phone in my backpack and head for the house.
It’s strange toggling between real life and camp. As soon as I get to the house, I take a steaming hot shower, without flip-flops, in my own private bathroom, in my own private guest room. It’s a beautiful lilac-wallpapered room, with a crisply made double bed and painting of a lakeside sunset on the wall. After getting out of the shower, I climb into the freshly made sheets and finally text Eli.
Hi! On day off! I have Wi-Fi though! I just got here but call me tomorrow!
I play on Instagram for a few minutes, scrolling through his and everyone else’s pictures.
Finally I get dressed in leggings, a tank top, and a zip-up sweatshirt. By the time I get outside, Gavin and Botts are already cooking, so I set the outdoor table.
Lawrence is just sitting there drinking. He’s hot in an I go to the gym too often kind of way. He’s the type of guy who stares at your boobs while you talk.
Allie is sitting beside him. I notice she has full lips, and a small gap between her two front teeth.
The whole house is gorgeous—there really are wings—but the outside is my favorite. There’s a hot tub, and a perfect pool, and a dock swaying slightly over the water. The sun sets while I place the napkins around and snack on chunks of Brie and Botts’s parents’ wine.
He took out a white and a red from his parents’ wine cellar.
“They won’t mind?” I ask.
“Nah,” he says. “They’re Canadian. They think the drinking age should be eighteen.”
I set the table using what Botts told us were the pool dishes, which just means not glass.
Botts stopped on the way and picked up burgers, steaks, beef salami, cheese, and stuff for breakfast. “I got some veggie burgers too,” he tells me. “I didn’t think you were a vegetarian, but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure.”
“You could have texted me,” I say.
“I don’t have your number!”
“Right.” Another way camp is not the real world. We all talk to each other all the time, but never on the phone.
Gavin grills some salami to start and by the time the burgers are cooked, the stars are out in full force. Dance music is playing from the outdoor speakers. It’s perfect.
“Who wants cheese on theirs?” Gavin asks.
“Me!” I call out.
“None for me,” Botts says.
“I know, I know,” Gavin says. “Botts keeps kosher.”
“Really?” I ask.
“I try,” he says with a shrug.
“Gavin, you make a great burger,” Allie says, taking a bite. I’ll have to tell Kat what a great cook you are.”
“Oh, she knows,” he says. “She especially loves my salami.”
“I’m sure she does,” Botts says dryly, and we all laugh.
The six of us are sitting at the table between the lake and the pool. It’s so pretty under the stars! And we’re drinking wine! A lot of wine!
And the more wine we drink, the louder the six of us get. Somehow Botts, Gavin, Brody, and Lawrence end up doing handstands on the dock.
“Behold the North American male and his unique mating ritual,” Allie narrates in an overly formal tone.
“What?” I nearly snort wine out of my nose.
“They’re showing off for us,” she explains.
I pretend like I don’t agree, but I kind of do. And I kind of love it.
After we finish our meals, and clean up the plates, and pour more wine, Lawrence suggests we make our way to the hot tub.
“I’ll change into my suit,” I say.
“Fuck it,” Brody says. “I’m going in my boxers.”
He strips off his clothes and goes in.
“In,” Allie says.
“Um . . .” I should change into my bathing suit.
Botts takes off his clothes too. He’s wearing Star Wars boxers. They are adorable. He goes in.
Lawrence goes in next.
I look at Gavin. He looks at me.
Am I going to do this? Going in a hot tub in my bra and panties isn’t cheating, is it? I wouldn’t tell Eli, obviously. But it’s not cheating.
Gavin takes off his top.
Oh, those abs.
Okay, I’m going in. I unzip my jeans. I am wearing a good blue lace thong. The bra is beige and doesn’t match, but it’s not horrible.
I sink into the steaming water between Botts and Allie. Ahhh. Perfect.
Botts smiles when I sit down.
Everyone but Gavin—me, Botts, Lawrence, Allie, and Brody—is already in. I see that under the water, Lawrence has his hand on Allie’s thigh.
“Nice out here, huh?” Botts says to me. “We’re glad you made it to Camp Blue Springs this summer, Rosenspan.”
“Happy to be here.” I clink my pool wineglass with his.
“Any room for me?” Gavin asks, and Allie scoots over.
My breath catches as Gavin sinks in next to me.
He really does have a good stomach. Also shoulders. Also salami, I’m pretty sure. I feel my face heat up and it isn’t from the hot tub. Or the wine.
It might be from the wine.
We’re crowded in here and his knee touches my knee under the bubbling water. Accident or on purpose?
“Your co-counselor is a riot,” Allie says.
“Talia?” I ask, trying to focus on her.
“I love Talia, but I meant Tube Top.”
“Oh, Janelle,” I say.
“Yeah. Her.”
“I like those tube tops,” Lawrence says.
Allie gives him a look.
Gavin’s knee is still touching mine. It has to be on purpose. It has to be!
“I like her a lot,” I say, trying to keep my voice calm. “She’s a good counselor.”
“I hear she’s slept with half the male staff,” Allie says.
“She hasn’t slept with me,” Botts says.
“Or me,” Brody says.
“Or me,” Gavin says.
“You have a girlfriend,” Allie says, pointing her finger at him. I notice that her other hand is on Lawrence’s arm.
“I only slept with her once,” Lawrence says.
“Lawrence!” Allie chides. Then she climbs onto his lap. “Don’t you dare sleep with her.”
He laughs.
Brody takes a joint out from somewhere and passes it to Botts. He passes it to me. I inhale and then pass it to Gavin.
I don’t smoke often, and I’ve only ever done it with Eli. But if you’re not going to smoke in a hot tub on a summer night on your day off from camp, when are you going to?
“She hasn’t hooked up with that many people,” I say. “There’s been one guy. And anyway, she’s single, so who cares?”
She’s single. Unlike me. Even though I’m the one who is practically naked in a hot tub with four boys, none of whom are my boyfriend, one of whom now has his thigh pressed against mine.
Does he feel what’s going on here? He must!
Should I move? I don’t want to move.
I will not do anything stupid. I will not do anything stupid. I will not do anything stupid.
What if Allie sees? Will she tell Kat that some chick is hitting on her guy? Am I hitting on her guy? Is he hitting on me?
The joint comes back to me.
My head starts to spin.
I think I should go to my room before I do something stupid.
“I’m going to call it,” I say suddenly.
“Already?” Botts says.
“Me too,” Allie says. “Lawrence, help me out?”
I think they are calling it for a different reason than I’m calling it.
“I can stay a little longer,” Gavin says.
I pull myself out of the hot tub, wishing really hard that I was not wearing just a soaking-wet bra and a blue thong. “Good night.”
“Good night,” they all say back.
I do everything I can not to look at Gavin as Allie, Lawrence, and I head back into the house.
“Hi,” I say, answering my ringing phone. The sun streams through the window.
“Did I wake you?” he asks.
“No,” I say groggily.
“Liar,” Eli says. “Isn’t it already ten there?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“Where are you?”
“Botts’s country house. Day off.” I am proud of myself for behaving last night. Sure, I smoked pot and got drunk, was pretty-much naked in a hot tub, and had a guy’s thigh pressed against mine, but I stayed loyal and that’s what counts. “Where are you?”
“Berlin. In a hostel. Not a country house.”
“Did you get bedbugs yet?”
“Probably. Did you get ticks or lice yet?”
“Probably.” I scratch my head. “Are you traveling with other people?”
“We met some Aussies. They’re fun.”
I want to ask if the Aussies are male Aussies or lady Aussies, but I don’t.
“The funniest thing happened last night, actually.” He tells a whole story. I try to listen but kind of fall asleep. “But we forgot our umbrellas!” And then he laughs.
“That was the punch line,” he says.
“Oh. Sorry. Ha!”
“I guess you had to be there.”
“I’m just tired,” I say. “I don’t get a lot of sleep at camp.” We pause.
“Yeah,” he says. “So what did you do last night?”
“Um . . . Just a barbecue.” I do not mention the pot, the hot tub, or the thigh. Which makes me wonder what he’s not mentioning.
“Anything fun on deck for this week?”
“Um . . . our bunk is going on our overnight. To Nude Beach,” I say, and laugh.
“Huh?”
“It’s called New Beach. But Janelle calls it Nude Beach.”
“Ah. Got it.”
“I was kind of dreading it earlier in the summer, but it should be fine. We won’t really be nude,” I say. “No nudity of any kind. At least not mine. The eight-year-olds do like to run around naked.”
I spot my wet thong and bra on the floor.
What was I thinking last night?
I get out of bed and peek through the blinds. There’s someone in a kayak across the lake. Gavin, I’d guess. The water is a mirror reflection of the pale blue sky.
Botts is sitting on a sun chair on the dock, reading a book. I wonder what time they went to bed last night. I crashed pretty hard.
I hear a door open down the hallway, and hear Allie tell Lawrence that she’ll meet him downstairs.
So I guess that happened last night.
“Do you have to go?” Eli asks me.
“No! Do you?”
“Well, a bunch of us are meeting at the bar.”
“Oh. Okay.” I hate it when people say “Do you have to go?” when really they have to go. For that matter, so does Eli. Or he used to. “Have fun,” I say. “Remember your umbrellas.”
“Ha. What are you gonna do today?” he asks.
“A whole lot of nothing, I hope. Day off.”
“Have fun, Beautiful. Love you.”
“Love you, too.” I click the phone off and stare at it for a second. He’s so far away. And for the first time, he felt it.
“Hey, Rosenspan,” Botts says. The two of us are sitting in chairs, reading. Gavin, Brody, Allie, and Lawrence are playing Frisbee. We are all wearing the bathing suits that we didn’t bother putting on last night. Allie is giggling all over the place. I guess she’s happy with how things went after the hot tub.
“Guess what tomorrow night’s Evening Activity is?” he asks.
“I don’t know. Tell me!”
“Staff softball game!”
I throw my arm up. “Woot!”
“You’re on my team—yes?”
“Of course,” I say. “I play third base. Don’t forget.”
“I know,” he says.
“I don’t want you giving my position to the Tank or something.”
“No way. And he’s captain for the other team.”
“We’re playing against the Tank?” I scream.
“He’s slow. Sturdy. But can’t actually hit a ball. We’re good. Do you think Janelle would play?”
“For sure.”
“We could use some other ladies too. The other team has Priya and Marissa and they are fast.”
“I’m fast.”
“Oh, I remember.”
“I’ll ask around,” I say. I wonder if Lis would play. I remember that I’m supposed to feel Botts out about her. “But speaking of ladies . . . have your eye on anyone this summer?”
He puts his hand on my chair. “Are you making a move on me, Rosenspan? What about your boyfriend?”
“I am asking on behalf of a friend,” I say.
“Suuuuure,” he says. “I’m just messing with you. I know you’re out of my league.”
I laugh. “I’m not ‘out of your league.’ I’ve just got a boyfriend.”
He waves his hand. “But I have a feeling I know who you’re asking for.”
“You do?”
He shrugs. “One of your bunkmates, perhaps?”
“Perhaps,” I say carefully. “Are you interested?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “Maybe? She’s nice and funny and definitely pretty, but . . . I don’t get the sense we’re into the same things. What if we’re not a good fit in the real world?”
“What are you into exactly?” I ask.
“Baseball. Camp. Skiing. Star Wars. Books.” I notice he has Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell opened beside him and that it’s half read.
“Any good?” I ask him, pointing at the book.
“Very good,” he says.
“Well, she’s definitely into camp,” I tell him. “I’m not so sure about the others. But it’s the summer! Why are you worrying about the real world?”
If last night is any indication, I don’t seem to be worried about the real world.
“Good point,” he says. “Ten for two!”
“Huh?”
“You’ve never heard that?” he asks. “It means you live ten months in the real world for two months at camp.”
“Ten for two!” Allie says, plopping down on the empty chair beside us. “But maybe camp is the real world and the school year is the pretend one. That’s how I like to think of it.”
“What’s real anyway?” Botts asks. “Is your guy the real deal?” he asks me.
“Eli?” I say. “Of course. I wouldn’t be with him if I didn’t think he was.”
But then I wonder, is he the real deal? How do you know? And what if he isn’t?
Am I just wasting an entire summer because we were too afraid to take a break?
I freeze. Where did that thought come from?
A Frisbee goes whizzing by my head and into the water.
“Oops,” Lawrence says.
“I’ll get it,” Gavin offers. “I could use a swim.” He shallow dives into the water, grabbing the yellow Frisbee with one hand outstretched. “Man, that feels great.”
“Cannonball!” Lawrence jumps in after him.
“I’m burning up too,” I say. Instead of jumping off the dock, I step onto the shore and wade into the water. The ground feels sandy and murky and sinks under my feet. “This is kind of gross,” I say.
“That’s why we jumped in,” Gavin says.
“Thanks for the heads-up.” I dive under the water and swim out toward him. “Hi,” I say.
“Hi,” he says back. “Glad you came?”
“It’s no South of France,” I say. “But it’s not half-bad.”
We call it a day at three, shower, pack up, and head back to camp. Gavin and I stop at Dunkin’ Donuts on the way back. We both get a box of doughnuts for the kids.
I get another text from Fancy’s mother.
Me: Hi! Am on my day off. Will check when I get back!
Fancy’s Annoying Mom: You get days off from camp? How hilarious. If only moms got days off!
Um, if Fancy is here, doesn’t she have the whole summer off?
We arrive at Dinner Washup exactly when the next crew is leaving for their days off.
I see Danish wearing her backpack on my walk to flagpole. “Feeling rested?”
“Very,” I say.
“Good! I’m going on my day off. Don’t burn the bunks down. Muffs is in charge.”
Earmuffs? Why did she put him in charge instead of me? Did I not do as good of a job at Family Feud as I thought? “Where are you going?” I ask, trying not to sound jealous.
“Saratoga. Meeting Kirsten! Hooray!”
“Who’s Kirsten?”
“My girlfriend!”
“Oh! I forgot you have a significant other outside of camp! Why do I never see you at the office making phone calls and using the Wi-Fi?”
“Because, my dear, I use the Wi-Fi in the head staff office, near the infirmary.”
“Ahhhh, that is so much closer.”
“It really is,” she says. “Sucker.”
I laugh. “Have fun!”
I hurry back to the bunk. I’m excited to see my girls.
“Hello?” I call out.
“Sammy!” I hear.
“She’s back!”
“Hooray!”
At least ten arms wrap themselves around me.
“We missed you so much!”
“Don’t ever go away again.”
“Did you get us doughnuts?”
“Yes, my sweeties, I did.”
Everyone cheers. Unlike their parents, they are so easy to please.
It’s ten thirty p.m. and Lis, Talia, Muffs, JJ, and I are all sitting together at Slice.
Janelle and Gavin have OD.
“Did Botts say anything about me?” Lis asks as soon as Muffs and JJ get up to get drinks.
I hesitate. “He thinks you’re pretty. And nice.”
“He does? Really?” She smiles.
“I think he needs to get to know you. You should try to spend some time with him. Speaking of which, want to play in the staff baseball game tomorrow night?”
“Um, no,” she says.
“Why not? It’s the perfect opportunity to get to know him! And impress him!”
She bites her nail as she talks. “I’m not going to impress him when I drop the ball. That would un-impress him. But I’ll come to the game and cheer for both of you, okay?”
“Fine,” I say.
“Is your camp boyfriend playing too?” she asks.
“My camp boyfriend?”
“Yeah. Like a work husband. Camp boyfriend. Gavin.”
I blush. “He’s not my camp boyfriend.”
“He totally is,” Talia says. “He always puts you in his boat at sailing. Haven’t you noticed?”
“Has he?” I have definitely noticed that.
“Does Eli know about your camp boyfriend?” Talia asks.
“There’s nothing to know, it’s perfectly innocent,” I say. “He even has a girlfriend!”
“That’s why it’s so perfect,” Lis says. “He has a girlfriend and you have a boyfriend! You’re the only person he can flirt with without getting into trouble or giving anyone false hope. Last year he hooked up with three different girls, by the way. It must be killing him to stay loyal. But his girlfriend is gorgeous. She’s a ten, for real. And not just a camp ten, a real ten.”
“How do you know what she looks like?” I ask, my voice low.
“Um, Instagram,” Lis says. “Have you not looked at his pictures of her?”
“No,” I say. But now I want to see them immediately.
“She’s not hard to find. I follow him, and he tags her. Ergo I know who she is.” She pulls up his Instagram and hands me her phone. “That’s her.”
Definitely gorgeous. Stick-straight light brown hair with blond highlights. Amazing cheek bones. Big eyes. Glam. Yep, a real ten.
I spot Muffs and JJ returning to our table, and I quickly hand Lis back her phone.
Even when I was a camper, everyone wanted to get to know Gavin. He was the guy all the girls thought was hot.
And now that I know his girlfriend is gorgeous, for some reason, he is even hotter?
The score is 5–7. It’s the ninth inning. We’re losing. And I’m at bat. Botts is on first. Janelle is on second. Brody is on third. We have two outs.
I’ve had one walk so far, one out, and one ground ball. I haven’t played in a while. Since high school. Funny that Eli has never seen me play.
“You can do it!” Botts screams. “Come on, Rosenspan! Take us home!”
“Go, Sammy!” my girls scream from the bleachers.
No pressure or anything.
Smokin’ Hot Benji is pitching.
He tosses the ball.
I miss.
“Strike one!” Josh says.
Crap.
He tosses the ball again.
I miss again.
“Strike two!”
“You got this, Rosenspan!” Botts yells.
I look up at Gavin. He makes a swinging motion.
I got this.
The ball sails toward me and I swing and this time I smash it! The ball goes sailing in the air right over Bunk 11!
Everyone cheers and I run to first base, second base, third base, and home! I did it! I brought everyone home! Botts even dives into home right in front of me and then high-fives me as I step on the plate.
“Impressive,” Gavin says, and our eyes lock. “Athletic and adorable. Quite a combo.”
“Thanks,” I tell him. Then my campers jump all over me, shrieking and cheering. The eye contact is gone.
“You’re in my boat,” Gavin tells me on Saturday morning when I bring my bunk down to the beach.
I’m glad Talia and Lis are on their days off or they would totally say I told you so. Also they would call me out for putting eyeliner on before boating.
Prague, Em, and Lily are in our boat too.
“It’s a perfect day for sailing,” Gavin says as I sit down beside him.
He says the same thing every time.
I laugh. “But there’s no wind!”
He shrugs. “Still a good day for sailing. Sun. Water. A boat. Good company. What more could you want? I’m going to teach you how to jib the boat today,” he says.
“I don’t know what that means . . . but it sounds kind of dirty,” I say, lowering my voice.
He laughs. “Oh yeah?”
“Totally.”
“I’m also going to teach you how to tack,” he says.
I fake fan my face. “Why, sir! You are being most inappropriate. I am a lady!”
He laughs again.
“Where did you learn how to sail anyway?” I ask when he finally sits down and we’re halfway across the lake.
“Self-taught,” he says. “I grew up in Annapolis, Maryland. Near the water.”
“Speaking of water,” Prague says, jumping into the conversation. “Can you try and get frog hunting on the schedule, Sam?”
“Frog hunting!” I cry. “I loved frog hunting!”
“Me too!” Prague says.
“What, exactly, is frog hunting?” Lily asks.
“We all put on Billy Boots and go to the marsh and catch frogs and put them in buckets,” I say. “We did it when I was here. It was fun. I’ll ask Danish. Want to come frog hunting with us, Gav?”
“No thanks,” he says. “I prefer to keep my hands slime-free.”
“But it’s fun!” Prague says.
The boom comes across and he jumps to the other side of the boat. “Pass.”
I’m surprised he’s not up for it, but I guess chasing frogs in a marsh is not everyone’s cup of tea.
“Fine,” Prague says. “But you’re coming with us to New Beach tonight!”
“You are?” I ask, surprised.
He nods. “I’m your tripper. They always send one of the boat staff to help out.”
“That’s fun,” I say, flushing. I turn to Prague. “How did you know that?”
“I know everything,” she says, and pokes Gavin in the side. “Are you cooking?” Prague asks.
“Yup. I’m in charge of the hot dogs.”
“I had no idea we got a helper,” I say. “I was wondering if anyone was going to instruct me on how to roast a weenie. Do you stay overnight too?” I keep my eyes down as I ask the question.
“Of course I stay overnight,” he says, and my heart races. “It’s really far away.”
He shakes his head at me. I realize that he’s not staying overnight; he’s just saying that for the girls’ benefit since they are not supposed to know New Beach is a part of camp.
“Oh, please,” Prague says. “It’s right by Bunk Eleven.”
I laugh. “You really do know everything, don’t you, Prague?”
“I really do,” she says, and turns back to the water.
“Come on, girls, we gotta go!” I call out from the porch.
“You’re so lucky your camp boyfriend is coming on our overnight,” Talia says.
I laugh. “He’s not my camp boyfriend!” But then I think about my actual boyfriend, and realize that today was so busy that I forgot to text him again. Yesterday was busy too. I was on nighttime OD plus Free Play OD and couldn’t get to the office. Staying in constant contact is harder than I thought it would be. And where are those postcards he was supposed to send me? He was supposed to send one a day while he was abroad. Why’s he so busy that he can’t send me postcards?
“I’m just jealous,” Talia continues. “Everyone in camp is in love with him and he only talks to you.”
“That’s not true,” I say, but it might be true, and I kind of like it.
I wonder what he’s like as a real boyfriend. Is he romantic? Is he a good kisser? Is he the kind of guy who makes the first move? Would he take my hand first? Touch my back? Or just try to kiss me?
Inappropriate! I try to shake off the thought.
I wonder if Talia’s really jealous, though. She doesn’t seem interested in Gavin. Or any of the guys, for that matter. Or the girls.
“Come on, guys!” I yell again. “On the porch! Hustle!”
The girls trickle out, wearing their backpacks, which are hopefully filled with their warmest pajamas, a bathing suit, a towel, and a change of clothes for tomorrow. They are holding their water bottles and plastic garbage bags for storing their sleeping bag and pillow, to keep them from getting wet if they fall in the water. It better not rain.
I have my own backpack of clothes, my own sleeping bag and pillow, and an extra supply bag.
When the girls are finally on the porch, I lead the way to the beach. “We’re going on a boating trip!” I yell out to the tune of, “We’re going on a bear hunt.”
They repeat after me, all the way to the water.
“Everyone get a life jacket!” I say, still in Bear Hunt mode. The girls chorus it back, and Gavin gives me a funny look.
“Ready?” Gavin says. He’s standing by one of the rowboats.
“Oh yeah,” I say.
I have a flashback to rowing over here when I was a kid. That was a terrible night. But now I’m in charge. And everyone is going to have fun.
We divide into two rowboats and push off. Talia goes with Gavin, since she claims not to know how to row. Luckily, it’ll only take ten minutes to get there.
The lake is quiet and mirrorlike since it’s Dinner Washup and we’re the only ones on it. Each row sends ripples through the reflection.
I see the fireflies have come out too.
“Why are we taking a boat when we could walk?” Em asks.
“Because they want us to think it’s really far away,” Prague says. “They do this every year. Seniors get to go on actual canoe trips outside of camp.”
“New Beach is really far away,” Gavin says. His voice travels across the water.
“Liar!” Fancy exclaims.
Gavin and Talia’s boat arrives at New Beach first. He rows as close to the shore as possible and then jumps out to pull it in. The girls squeal and hop over each other to rush out.
“Take your stuff!” he calls out. “There’s no concierge service!”
Two of them are already out of sight, but the other two take their backpacks and garbage bags. Gavin pulls my boat in next.
“Thank you!” I say as he helps my girls out. We pass them their bags and knapsacks.
“I totally remember this place,” I say. “And it looks exactly the same.”
“Why do they call it New Beach?” Lily asks, the last one in the boat.
“Because this piece of property used to be owned by another family, and camp just bought it about twenty years ago,” Prague says.
“Is that true?” I ask Gavin.
“Probably,” he says. He takes my hand and helps me out of the boat.
We’re holding hands, we’re holding hands, we’re holding hands!
Kind of.
Could my camp boyfriend be any cuter? I don’t think so.
Right by the water is a clearing where we’ll have our bonfire tonight, and then farther to the left is where the two tents are already set up. To the right is the path to Bunk 11, which I’m hoping the girls don’t notice.
I can’t believe I’m back here. Last time I was on New Beach was one of the worst days of my summer. But this time could be one of my best?
“Okay, ladies,” I say. “First let’s set up your sleeping bags. Three girls per tent plus one counselor! Take out your clothes so you can change right after you swim. Not your pj’s! We are only putting those on right before bed. We want to keep them clean and tick-free!”
We find the tent area, and Talia and I unroll their sleeping bags and help the girls find spots for their flashlights and stuffed animals.
“Who wants to swim?” I yell out.
“Me! Me!” I hear back. The kids are already wearing their bathing suits, so they strip off any extra clothes, completely messing up our organized tents, and run into the water.
“I’m too cold to swim,” Prague says, lagging behind the rest.
We step into the clearing.
“Me too,” I say.
“You can help me get wood,” Gavin offers.
“Get wood?” I say under my breath, and give him a look.
He laughs. “Dirty mind.”
“Attention, all campers and counselors,” we hear in the distance. “Attention, all campers and counselors. It is now the end of Dinner Washup. Please proceed to the flagpole.”
The girls all stop splashing and laugh.
“Oh yeah, we’re really far from camp,” Fancy says.
“I don’t hear anything,” I say. “Talia, do you hear anything?”
“Nothing at all,” she says. “Gavin?”
“Nothing at all!”
“You guys are such liars!” Fancy calls out.
“You have to believe for it to be true,” I say.
“That’s what my mom says about the tooth fairy,” Slugger says.
“You don’t believe in the tooth fairy?” I ask.
“Of course not!” Fancy says.
“There is definitely a tooth fairy,” I tell them. “She’s just not interested in any of your teeth because of all the candy you eat.”
Gavin snorts.
When the girls are ready to come out, we walk over with their towels and wrap them each up. Giggling, they sprint to the tents to change.
“Don’t come here, Gavin!” Fancy says.
“I won’t,” he says, rolling his eyes.
“Sam, make sure he doesn’t come!” Lily says.
“I’ll guard the tents with my life,” I tell them.
We hear a lot of squealing and then one by one they join us back in the clearing.
“I have to pee,” Shira says. “Sam, can you come with me?”
“Sure,” I say. “Who is ready to pee in the woods?”
I grab the toilet paper and one of the seven hand sanitizers Talia packed in our supply bag. “Whoever has to pee, follow me!”
“I just went in the lake!” Fancy says.
“That’s so gross!” Shira tells her.
“Why is that any grosser than going in the forest?” she barks back.
“Because we’re all in the water,” Em says.
“We’re all in the forest!”
“We don’t swim in the forest,” she explains.
“Okay! Whoever has to pee, follow me,” I say again, and lead them to a tree that has some space around it. “This is a good spot. This is the official bathroom. Everyone watch where you step.”
“No pooping!” Prague says.
“If you gotta go, you gotta go,” I say. “But it might be easier to wait to poop until tomorrow morning, if you have a choice in the matter.”
The girls all laugh hysterically.
“I’m peeing!” Prague says. “Easy-peasy pumpkin squeezy!”
“I can’t do it with everyone here!” Em says.
“Then move more into the forest,” I say.
“I’m too scared. I don’t want to get a tick in my patoota.”
“Your patoota?” Shira giggles.
“Yes! My patooooooooota.”
“Okay, everyone close your eyes so Em can pee,” I order.
“Eyes closed!” Prague says.
“Can you go?” I ask her, my eyes closed too.
“I need everyone to close their ears and their eyes. And someone has to hold my lion.”
I hold the lion. “Okay, everyone, close your ears!” I say. “Now can you?”
“Maybe . . . almost.”
We all wait. And wait.
“I did it!”
“Hooray!” we all cheer.
“But I got some on my bathing suit.”
I hand her the toilet paper roll. “It’s fine. Pee comes out in the wash.”
“I miss our toilets,” Prague says. “Our short, gross, never flush all the way toilets.”
“It’s only one night, girls! Now use the sanitizer!” I pass it around and then we rejoin the group.
Back at the clearing, Gavin has the fire going.
I stand beside him. “Nice flame.”
“Thanks,” he says.
“How many overnights do you have to do this summer?”
“About three. One for the seniors, though, which is off camp.”
“Oh. Not too bad.”
“I don’t mind. This is fun.”
The fire suddenly blazes in front of us and we step back.
“So we eat after this?” I ask.
“They play a little, and then we make hot dogs for dinner and play cards and make s’mores and then I go back to my bunk and you and Talia try to get six girls who have had too many marshmallows to fall asleep.”
“Sounds awesome,” I say.
“They’re probably going to wake up really early tomorrow. But I’ll be here by eight to help you guys get back.”
“And then we just row back to camp?”
“That’s it.”
I smile. “Easy-peasy pumpkin squeezy.”
We make hot dogs and smother them in ketchup. Talia says she’s never had a hot dog before because they look gross, Gavin and I make fun of her, and she decides to try one.
“I’m a vegetarian!” she says. “But I’m starving. And I forgot the soy peanut butter. So hand one over.” She chews about half. “This is as vile as I imagined.”
Then it’s time for the s’mores. The girls get the chocolate all over their faces and I wish I had Wet-Naps but I didn’t bring any. I make them wipe their hands and faces on their towels.
Then they all take out their flashlights and we tell ghost stories.
There’s one about a boy who drowned in New Beach and now haunts New Beach.
There’s one about the killer loose in the Adirondacks who eats children.
“I heard a girl really did die at an overnight once,” Prague says. “She was allergic to peanut butter and someone brought peanut butter and used the same knife on her bread and she didn’t have her EpiPen on her and she died.”
It suddenly gets a little cold.
“That’s not true,” Fancy says. “You’re making that up.”
“No, it is,” Prague says. “Has no one else ever heard about that? I heard my mom talking about it.”
“I heard that too,” Talia says. “But that’s not this camp. Or this beach.”
“Still scary,” Em says.
Gavin and I look at each other, our eyes wide.
“I don’t want to die,” Prague says, shivering.
“No one is dying,” I say. “Can we talk about something else, guys?” I look at Slugger, remembering that her dad passed away.
“What do you think happens after you die?” Slugger asks.
Oh, brother. This is getting really heavy, really fast.
“I think you go to heaven,” Prague says.
“Jews don’t believe in heaven,” Em says.
“We don’t?” I ask.
“No,” Shira says. “Didn’t you go to Hebrew school?”
“I did not,” I say.
“I do,” Em says.
“You do?” Fancy asks. “You’re Jewish?”
“Yes!” Em says.
“But you’re black!” Fancy says.
“Hey,” I say quickly. “She can be black and Jewish.”
“I go to Jewish day school,” Em says. “I probably know more about Judaism than you do.”
“Probably,” Fancy admits. “I have a Christmas tree in my house.”
“Lucky,” Prague says.
“We put up a Christmas tree, too,” Lily says. “And a menorah. We celebrate everything, including Chinese New Year. My mom’s parents are from Hong Kong.”
“My mom says after my bubbe died, she came back as me,” Shira says.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Fancy tells her.
“Yes it does. She died before I was born and my mom thinks she’s me now. In a new body. I look just like her. And act like her. We’re both stubborn.”
“Sam, what do you think?” Prague asks me.
“Do you believe in heaven?” Em asks.
Gavin and I exchange a look. Um. Wow.
I don’t know what I believe. I don’t think I believe in heaven. I definitely don’t think there’s an old man in the sky judging us on our actions, good or bad. But I’m not sure I should tell the kids that.
“Okay, everyone look up,” Gavin says. “Who sees the Big Dipper?”
Everyone shifts and looks up.
“What’s the Big Dipper?” Lily asks.
Nice way to change the subject, I think.
“Turn off your flashlights,” Gavin says, and they all do.
He jumps up and points to the sky. “See over there? It’s the seven stars that look like they’re a pot.”
“Sam,” Talia says, pulling at my sleeve.
I turn to her.
“I . . . I have to go to the bathroom,” she whispers.
“Do you need the toilet paper?”
She bites her lip. “Yes, but no. I have to go, go. I can’t do it in the woods. I’m going to run to Bunk Eleven.”
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll be fine. Gavin is here.”
She nods and takes off running.
Gavin raises his eyebrow, and I shrug.
He continues pointing to the sky, explaining stuff, and being really cute as he does it. He explains all about stars and the solar system and the galaxy. Everyone seems to have forgotten about the death talk.
When Prague starts to yawn, I say, “Girls, five minutes until you get into your tents, okay? It’s getting late.”
I spot Talia coming back through the path. She smiles at everyone but sidles up beside me. “There’s something wrong with me,” she whispers. “I knew I shouldn’t have had that hot dog.”
“Are you sick?” I whisper back.
“Yes! And I can’t go in Bunk Eleven! What was I thinking? They’re all there! A bunk of boys! I used it for a second but then realized that they could hear me! I have to go back to our bunk. I’m so sorry. I’ll take Pepto or something. Ow, ow ow.” She clutches her stomach as she talks.
“Don’t worry,” I say. “I’m okay. Gavin will stay until the kids go to bed.”
“What’s wrong?” Gavin asks, coming over.
“Talia has a headache,” I say quickly.
She smiles at me gratefully.
“I can always use your sleeping bag and stay,” Gavin says.
Stay? He can stay where? Here? Where is he sleeping exactly?
“I gotta go,” Talia says, and I see how pale she is. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not. You gotta go when you gotta go.”
She takes off, calling out, “I’ll come back if I can.”
“Where is she going?” Prague asks, the only one paying attention.
“She’s not feeling great,” I say.
I look up and Gavin is looking at me. I look away.
Just the two of us here under the stars? Is that a good idea?
He smiles.
Yes. It’s a good idea. A very good idea.
After I put the kids to bed, the fire is out and Gavin is sitting on the edge of the dock. The moon is massive and lights up the whole lake.
“Hi,” I say, sitting beside him, cross-legged.
“Hi,” he says, smiling. “Girls okay?”
“They seem fine,” I say. “Tired but cozy.”
He nods. “You’re really good with them.”
“Thanks,” I say. “So are you. You totally saved me with the Big Dipper.”
He’s sitting about a half a foot away from me. Not even. He smells like smoke from the fire.
“Anytime,” he says.
I look up at him. My whole body tingles.
Our eyes are locked, and neither of us looks away.
Do I want this to happen?
“I . . . so . . .” He hesitates.
I take a gulp of air.
“This,” he says.
Heart. Thumping.
I can feel him beside me. He is so close. He clears his throat. “If it weren’t for Eli and Kat . . . would we . . . would we be a thing?”
He said it. It’s out there.
“I think . . .” I say slowly. “That if it weren’t for Kat and Eli, we . . . would be a thing.” I can barely breathe. This thing between us is not in my head. It is real. His thigh was touching mine in the hot tub. On purpose. I wondered, and now I know.
“Yeah.”
“So.”
He inches closer to me.
What am I doing? Is this going to happen? Is he going to kiss me?
Do I want him to kiss me?
My boyfriend left me for Europe! I am on a dock in the moonlight under a starry sky with a gorgeous guy who wants to kiss me! Why shouldn’t I kiss him? Eli is doing who knows what who knows where, and if I’m not going to do something like kiss a guy who is not my boyfriend when I am nineteen, when am I going to do it?
The air is suddenly thick. I push thoughts of Eli out of my mind.
Gavin is so cute. He moves closer. I move closer. He is right beside me, his leg once again pressed against mine. I can’t think of anything except what his lips will feel like. This is happening. There is no stopping it. It is happening right now. I close my eyes—
“Hellllllo?” we hear.
I pull back quickly, my heart racing. Shit, shit, shit.
“Where are you guys?”
I turn around. It’s Janelle.
“Right here.” I leap to my feet.
“Talia asked me if I would come, so I came!”
“Oh! Great! Awesome. She okay?” I straighten my shirt even though no one touched it. No one touched anything. Nothing happened.
“Yeah, she’ll be fine. She downed an entire bottle of Pepto.”
“I thought she had a headache,” Gavin says.
“I was being discreet,” I mutter.
Gavin stands. He doesn’t look at me. “I guess I’ll head back.”
“You are the sweetest for hanging out here,” Janelle says to him. “Are you coming on my overnight too? We go tomorrow night!”
“I don’t think so,” he says. “Maybe Morgan?”
“Talia said she would switch with me tomorrow night. So I don’t have to sleep out here again, although it’s kind of awesome out here so I don’t mind.” Her hands are waving all over the place. “Did you pee in the woods?”
“On that note, I guess I’ll go,” Gavin says.
“Thank you for staying with me,” I say quickly.
“Anytime,” he says, and then he’s gone.
I show Janelle to Talia’s tent and then sneak into mine. I turn over and then turn over again.
One of the girls is snoring. My heart won’t stop racing.
What just happened?
Or what just almost happened?
Something just almost happened. I almost let something happen.
Did I want that to happen?
Yes. I definitely did.
But what about Eli? What’s wrong with me?
I close my eyes and imagine Gavin kissing me, over and over again, knowing that if Janelle hadn’t shown up, I wouldn’t have said no.