Chapter 77: More Talk About Marriage
Sunday, September 26th—I hardly know what to think after talking with Mac. What should I do?
Jenny sat with William in the wagon after supper. That afternoon they had bartered with Indians for potatoes and fish. Mac was now negotiating with the Indians to guide them across the Deschutes River.
Mrs. Tuller poked her head in the wagon. “May I join you?”
Jenny smiled and nodded, and the doctor’s wife climbed up.
“How’s our precious baby?” Mrs. Tuller asked.
“Hungry and sleepy,” Jenny said. “I wish he ate more and slept less during the day. He fusses all night long.”
“Ain’t fair women have all the work of babies, when men got the pleasure of making them. Has Captain McDougall changed a diaper yet?”
“I don’t expect him to,” Jenny said.
“Doc changed quite a few for our boys. I made sure he did. You should work on the captain.”
“He has the whole company to worry about. William’s my responsibility.”
“There’s a reason a baby has two parents. You let the captain help.”
The words came out without Jenny meaning to say them. “Mac isn’t William’s father.”
Mrs. Tuller gasped.
Jenny blurted out the rest of the story. “Evil men in Missouri. One of them’s the father. I had to leave. Mac rescued me, but he doesn’t want William. Or me. It’s all just a lark to him.”
Mrs. Tuller’s arms came around her as Jenny wept. William, caught between the two women, wailed his discomfort.
“Doc,” Mrs. Tuller called, “come get the baby.”
Doc took William, and Jenny cried into Mrs. Tuller’s shoulder.
“Now tell me about it, child,” Mrs. Tuller commanded gently.
“Three men. Before Christmas. They were after me again. Mac killed one, I shot another, and we ran away. I couldn’t go back. Mac wouldn’t leave me, so here I am.”
“William’s the result of these men hurting you?”
Jenny nodded, still sobbing. “I love William, but Mac can’t. He can’t love me either.”
“But he married you—”
Jenny shook her head. “We’re not married. He told Captain Pershing we were, so we could join the company.”
Mrs. Tuller stiffened. “You’re not married?”
“No, ma’am.”
“And you’ve been living together all this time? Captain McDougall saw you birth the baby?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, I never.”
“He asked me to marry him, but I can’t. He hasn’t touched me. We’ve been proper.”
“Nothing about this is proper. How on earth have you kept quiet so long?”
“Mac’s a good man. He hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s all me.”
“Oh, hush, child. You didn’t cause any of this. But you’ve certainly got yourself in a pickle. Now what are we going to do?” Mrs. Tuller held Jenny’s shoulders and looked her in the eye. “Does Doc know?”
“Mac said Doc guessed.”
Mrs. Tuller clucked her tongue. “And he didn’t tell me?” She got to her feet, ducking so she didn’t hit the wagon cover. “Come with me. We’ll get you back with William. Doc and I will talk tonight and decide what to do.”
All night Jenny tossed and turned. William roused her frequently, but even without the baby, she wouldn’t have slept. What would happen now that the Tullers knew?
Early Monday after nursing William, Jenny peeked out of the wagon, looking to see who might be about. She didn’t see Mac or the Tullers, so she climbed down and prepared breakfast.
Mac stopped by the campsite to eat.
“Have you talked to the Tullers?” she asked.
“Why?”
“I told Mrs. Tuller everything. I didn’t mean to.”
“So now they both know.”
“She said she’d talk to the doctor. They’d decide what to do.”
“No one can decide what to do except us.” Mac scowled. “You said you didn’t want to get married. Don’t let anyone push you into doing something you don’t want.”
Jenny grimaced. “Easy for you to say. You’re a grown man.”
“And you’re a grown woman. Don’t act like a little girl.”
“Women never get a say in what happens to them.” Her throat choked, and unshed tears pricked her eyes.
“Women do what they damn well please often enough.” Mac looked exasperated. “This is your decision.”
“Don’t swear at me.”
“You know what’ll happen, don’t you? The Tullers will tell us we should get married. You said you didn’t want to. Have you changed your mind?”
“I don’t want to get married,” Jenny said, thinking of the Johnson men and Bart Peterson. “Do you?”
“I won’t let us be forced into anything.” Mac slapped his hat on his head. “I have to go. Indians are taking us to the Deschutes.”
Jenny set out walking beside the wagon, lost in thought. Mac was a good man, she knew, but marriage? The thought of any man touching her made her cringe. She couldn’t be a good wife to Mac—nor to any man.
Esther joined her in midmorning, carrying Jonah. “Walking today?” Esther asked.
Jenny smiled. “It’s a nice day. How are you doing?”
“Got morning sickness bad. Probably for a few more weeks, Mrs. Tuller says. It should pass about the time we get to Oregon City.”
“You saw Mrs. Tuller today?” Jenny tried to ask calmly.
“First thing. She and Doc were talking with Captain McDougall after breakfast. Looked serious. You know what they was talking about?”
“No.” Jenny could guess, but she wasn’t going to tell Esther.
“My, this boy’s getting heavy. And he ain’t much more’n two months old.” Esther shifted Jonah to her other shoulder. “Daniel says the Deschutes is a bad ’un to cross.”
“Why?” Jenny asked.
Esther shrugged. “That’s what the Indians told the men last night. Daniel was there. Mac, too. He didn’t tell you?”
“No.”
“You two sure don’t talk much. I make Daniel tell me everything. Daniel says we’ll have to ferry the wagons across. Too deep to ford.”
Normally, Jenny would worry about the crossing, but with everything else on her mind, she couldn’t get too worked up about it. “We’ve ferried the wagons before.”
“But the Deschutes is fast.”
Jenny sighed. “I guess we’ll see when we get there.”
“By midafternoon, Daniel said.”
The two girls walked awhile carrying the infants. Jenny glanced sideways at Esther. “You like being married?” she asked.
Esther giggled. “All but the morning sickness. Daniel’s so handsome. And strong and kind. I’m glad his father’s gone. Daniel gets along with Pa fine now. It’s perfect. Except Ma’s not here.” Her face sobered.
They walked on in silence. Esther was so full of her own bliss that Jenny had nothing to say to her.
“Aren’t you happy, Jenny?” Esther’s voice broke into Jenny’s misery.
Jenny sighed. “I love William. I have friends in this company to replace the family and friends I left behind. I should be happy.”
“And you have Captain McDougall. If I didn’t have Daniel, and the captain weren’t yours, I’d fancy him myself.”
“He’s not mine. Not like you and Daniel.”
“You two must have had a tiff.” Esther chuckled. “Anyone with an eye can see how much he cares for you.”
Jenny shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“Well, it’s plain as the nose on your face. He treats you so well, always helping you into the wagon. Riding with you along the trail.”
“You don’t know everything, Esther.”
“He doesn’t beat you, does he?” Esther’s voice was full of horror.
“Of course not.” Jenny was shocked Esther would think Mac hurt her.
“Well, some husbands do, you know. Of course, Daniel wouldn’t dream of it. Though I wonder about his pa.” Esther shifted Jonah to her other shoulder. “I got to go put Jonah down. He’s heavy.” Esther headed toward her wagon, leaving Jenny and William alone.
Mrs. Tuller must have been waiting to find Jenny by herself, because she appeared as soon as Esther left.
“I talked to the doctor,” Mrs. Tuller announced. “We think you and Captain McDougall should get married at The Dalles.”
“I don’t want to get married,” Jenny said. “I’ve told Mac no.”
“Don’t you want your baby to have a name?”
Jenny lifted her chin. “He has a name. William Calhoun. He can use that, or McDougall, if Mac doesn’t mind.”
“Everyone thinks you and the captain are already married. When he leaves, you can’t simply change your name back to Calhoun. And you can’t keep using his name.”
“Why not?”
“What if he marries someone else?”
“Who’ll know if he’s in Boston and I’m in Oregon?”
“Don’t you want to do the right thing, child?”
“The right thing?” Jenny said in a choked voice. “Who’s done the right thing by me? I was raped. Had to leave my home. William’s the only good thing that happened to me this year. William, and the friends I’ve met in this company.”
“William needs a father.”
“Mac doesn’t care for him like a father should.”
Zeke rode up to the women. “Deschutes River a mile ahead. We’ll eat, then cross. We found a place to ford.”