Regret didn’t come close to how I felt about the ear twist I gave Merdon. I’d be lucky if he ever let me out of the room again.
Knowing that it was Merdon keeping me here also confused the hell out of me. Were his actions some sort of warped way of giving Emily what she wanted? I mean, she wanted me sober and mentally healthy. She’d made that pretty clear leading up to this lock in. While she and I both knew my sobriety and mental health weren’t things she could just snap her fingers and fix, did he? I bet not.
Emily really did screw herself over hard by picking him as a beyfriend. He was way too forceful. She needed someone less prone to living life two seconds away from a rage. I wished I knew what she was thinking. More than that, I wished I knew what he was planning. How did he think he was going to fix me to her liking when he wasn’t listening to her?
The adrenaline spike that had fueled my run of terror faded, leaving me tired. I sat on the bed. I knew if I lay down, I’d fall asleep. Somehow, I didn’t think Merdon wanted that yet, no matter how much the idea of another dream-free day-nap tempted me.
I looked at the fading light outside and wondered what new version of hell the night would bring.
The door opened.
“Come.”
Just one angry word. That was all I got before Merdon stepped aside expectantly.
I stood, my eyes going to his ear. The one I’d tugged was still a little darker than its twin.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I shouldn’t have tugged on your ear.”
He was in front of me in a second, showing how fast he could move when he wanted.
“You brought me to my knee because of pain. What if I didn’t feel pain? What would you have done then?”
“Probably yelled, kicked, and hit you as you carried me away.”
“You would give up? Explain.”
“You’re stronger and faster. The only thing that even gives me a chance is that you can be hurt. If I couldn’t hurt you, there’d be no way to stop you.”
“You could kill me.”
I jerked back.
“What are you saying?”
He took a slow, big breath before answering.
“You’re getting smarter. That is all.”
I blinked at him, feeling ridiculously like a fey in doing so. But he’d just confused the hell out of me. Was he saying that he’d known I would have to hurt him to stop him? Or that he was waiting for me to do that?
“Come,” he repeated, stepping aside once more.
I led the way down to the kitchen, my thoughts still trying to work out our conversation upstairs.
“Do you want to eat first or go to the basement?” Emily asked from the kitchen.
“Basement first,” Merdon said from behind me.
My stomach growled in protest.
“Okay. But not too long. Everything will be ready in an hour.”
He nudged me to keep walking. I trudged toward my doom, recalling that before the ear pull, I’d also bitten his finger.
“Do I have to go to the basement? Can’t we just eat like normal people?”
“No.” He gave me another nudge.
I made a small sound of denial and started down the steps. I was still tired from the first round. What exactly did he think would happen in a repeat round? Was this just to take out some of his rage from all the shit I’d pulled? I hoped not.
When I reached the mat, I turned toward him. As low as I was on energy, I still felt a surge of adrenaline when he stepped toward me.
“Do we have to do this?” I asked again. “Can’t we just hug it out or something?”
He paused mid-step and tilted his head at me.
“Hug what out?”
“Whatever emotion is driving you to torture me with spankings and biting. My legs are barely managing to walk. I don’t think they’re up for more squats and rolling. I just want dinner then sleep.”
“No. You’ve rested enough to try again.”
“Try what?” I asked in exasperation.
“To not be bitten.”
He showed me his pointy teeth and got into a crouch. I quickly did the same, faltering at the way my legs protested.
“Focus,” he said.
He came at me. It was noticeable how much he had slowed down after his little display upstairs. I pivoted to the side, barely avoiding his reaching grab, though.
“Good. Again.” He returned to his starting position. “You’re only safe when you’re off the mat.”
My eyes widened as I understood the change. He was going to keep coming after me unless I got away-away from him.
My brain barely got out an “aw, hell” before he came at me again. Knowing better than to repeat the move, I fell to my knees, rolled, then sprang to my feet. Or, I tried to. My legs gave out, refusing to participate in his bullshit anymore.
He was on me in a second.
Back pressed into the mat, I brought my forearm up to brace against his throat and grabbed his shoulder to steady the move. At the same time, I went for his ear with my free hand. Was I stupid? Probably. Yet, he hadn’t exactly yelled at me for abusing his ear the first time. In fact, that conversation had ended with him saying I was getting smarter because I’d known pain was the only way to stop him.
His lips quirked, the only warning he gave that he’d read my intention. He caught my hand, and our gazes held as he pulled it to his mouth.
All I could think of was how I’d bitten him. Was this a revenge bite? Given his power and the sharp edges of his teeth, he could nip one of my fingers clean off if he wanted.
My eyes went wide, and panic surged through me. Feeling the weight of his hips on mine, I bucked hard. He grunted painfully but didn’t move.
My pulse spiked into panic mode, and I struggled harder.
“Don’t bite me,” I yelled.
He continued to tug my hand closer as I fought against it.
At the last second, I changed my mind and thrust my hand toward him. Our combined strength meant that I hit harder than I would have on my own. One of my fingers jabbed right up his nose, and he grunted as he rolled away.
Eyes wide, I scrambled to my feet.
Merdon didn’t come after me. He stayed where he was, head hung low. When he looked up, his nose was bleeding. He wiped the back of his hand over his upper lip and looked at the stain on his skin for a long, silent moment.
I’d drawn first blood. I had no doubt this would change the rules.
“Shit.” The word escaped on an exhale.
He continued looking at me, a slight smear of red still under his nose. At least, it wasn’t gushing. That had to count for something. Right?
“Are you afraid, Hannah?” he asked softly.
“I’d be stupid not to be,” I said, tense and ready for him to spring on me.
“You would be,” he agreed with an unusual calm as he got to his feet.
With slow steps, he stalked toward me.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” I whispered, backing away.
“I know.”
He said it almost soothingly, and that just made it worse. My stomach pitched with trepidation. I hated not knowing what was going to happen. How mad was he?
I skirted around him, sticking to the edges of the mat. He circled me.
“What are you most afraid of?” he asked.
“That you’re angry and you’re going to bite really hard.”
“You’re smart to fear being bitten.”
That just made my stomach dive lower, and I fisted my hand, wondering which finger I’d be saying goodbye to. I hoped he’d leave me my middle ones. I needed those to tell the world what I thought of it once Cassie stopped the bleeding.
“You’re breathing too fast,” Merdon said.
“No shit. I don’t want to lose my fingers.”
He tilted his head at me but didn’t stop his slow perusal of me.
“Come here, Hannah.”
I shook my head.
“I won’t bite your fingers.”
“Oh, well, in that case…”
I’d circled enough that I was near the basement stairs. I bolted for them, hoping I’d get to the top like I did last time. I wasn’t that lucky.
An arm circled my waist before I made it two steps.
My feet left the ground, and the panic riding me intensified. A weightlessness engulfed me, and I flailed mid-air, his hands still gripping me, before I landed on my back. My breath whooshed out. Before I could be grateful for the mats, his weight settled over me.
Lifting my gaze, I met his focused, yellow eyes. He didn’t give me a moment to think. With little effort, he trapped my hands above my head and grabbed a handful of hair.
I couldn’t move. I tried. Frantically, desperately, until sweat damped my skin, I tried. Through it all, he held me and watched. When I had nothing left, I lay still under him, defeated.
“You failed.”
I wanted to hurl some sass back at him, but I couldn’t. I knew what failure meant.
Air wheezed into my fear-constricted lungs as he lowered his face toward my neck. A whimper of fear squeaked out of my throat at the feel of his breath on my exposed collarbone. He hadn’t yet set his mouth on me, but I could already feel the bite of his teeth breaking my skin. I could imagine the pain. The agony of being bitten again and again was something I thought about often.
I started to shake. Squeezing my eyes closed, I braced myself. A tear slipped out.
His nose grazed the side of my neck, a soft brush of skin to skin that was gone before it began. But, a weird tingle of awareness remained even as he tugged my head out of the way. When his teeth settled onto my skin, I wasn’t as afraid as I was confused. I felt his lips and the heat of his breath more than the points of his teeth.
What the ever-living hell was going on?
I was about to ask him if he was going to bite me or what when his teeth closed down on my skin. A spark of pain ignited, but it was small in comparison to the jolt of pleasure that rushed from the collarbone to my core.
Air whooshed out of me along with another sound.
Merdon jerked his head back and looked at me.
I returned his stare equally as shocked. Had I really just moaned while he was biting me?
The silence grew, and I let it. What the hell was I going to say after that? My brain had short-circuited and wasn’t rewiring itself into coherent thought. The only thing floating around in that numb void was wondering if I should ask him to do it again…just to see if it would happen a second time.
“Never turn your back on your attacker,” Merdon said, finally. “That was your mistake.”
He got up and pulled me to my feet. It was a first.
“Get to the kitchen and eat.”
I couldn’t do more than nod and hustle up the stairs on wobbly legs.
“I hope you’re hungry,” Emily said as I sat on an island stool.
“I don’t like any of this,” I said desperately.
She looked at the food she was putting on my plate.
“Not the food; the treatment. Locking me in my room. Not talking to me. Letting him do things to me.”
I could feel that corrosive combination of fear, panic, and guilt writhing to life in my middle. Only this time, it had nothing to do with Katie. What I suffered now was because I’d treated Emily like crap and because I’d tried to hurt myself. It sucked seeing the truth for what it was. Worse than seeing the reality of my situation was not knowing what to do about it.
“Help me,” I begged.
Her eyes started to water. Her gaze shifted from my face to something behind me just before Merdon’s hands settled on my shoulders.
“Enough, Hannah. Emily is helping you. Eat.”
Emily swallowed hard and pushed my plate toward me. I didn’t reach for it. I couldn’t. The feel of his fingers resting over the spot where he’d bitten me immobilized me. My pulse started to kick up.
The pressure on my shoulders increased infinitesimally as he leaned forward. His exhale moved the hair by my ear.
“Eat or I will help you eat.”
With a trembling hand, I forked a heap of food into my mouth. He grunted and sat beside me. It wasn’t until I’d hurriedly cleared half my plate that I realized he’d changed things up. He hadn’t made me shower before eating. Why?
I paused with my half-eaten biscuit in my hand and glanced at him.
He was eating more slowly than usual. When he felt my attention, he immediately looked up. I could only stare at him a moment before I crammed the rest of the biscuit into my mouth. It took all my water to get it down.
Emily noticed how fast I was eating.
“Do you want more?” she asked. “There’s still some left.”
I almost said no. I’d packed away a plate of thick stew and two biscuits. I should be ready to pop. Instead, it barely felt like I ate anything.
“If we don’t need to save it, I’ll eat it,” I said.
She smiled at me and emptied the remnants of the pot onto my plate. The portion was only a third of the size of my first helping, and I polished it off quickly.
Emily moved to grab my plate, but I shot from my seat and hurried to the sink myself. I didn’t know what Merdon had planned for after-dinner fun that would allow me to skip a pre-dinner shower, but I didn’t want anything to do with it. If my basement time taught me anything, it was to be ready and on my feet. It made for a faster getaway.
“Are you tired, Hannah?” Merdon asked.
“Exhausted.”
He grunted. I rinsed faster.
As soon as I was done, I said, “I’m going to go shower,” and bolted for the stairs.
My heart continued to race even after I was in my own room and had the door locked. The irony of using the lock wasn’t lost on me. While I could accept my fickle nature when it came to wanting to be locked in my room, I was having a hard time accepting my reaction in the basement.
Troubled, I closed myself in the bathroom and paced.
It was the feel of his nose on my skin that had started the problem. I hadn’t expected the soft touch, and it had taken me by surprise and created an unexpected moment of awareness. He was a male and had been manhandling me for two days. That was all. My brain just connected things in a weird way. What I’d felt hadn’t meant anything and didn’t mean I had a thing for the guy tormenting me.
Facing the mirror, I nodded to myself then took a calming breath. Everything was fine.
I turned away before I could see the doubt and worry in my reflection. How ardently had Shax professed his devotion to me, only to have that affection evaporate practically overnight because of Angel? Was I going to be Emily’s Angel? I hoped not. I might not understand her reason for picking Merdon, but I wasn’t about to get between the two of them.
Stepping under the spray of hot water, I did my best to wash away my doubt along with my dried sweat. I stayed until my fingers pruned and the temperature cooled.
Dressed in clean pajamas, I left the bathroom with my hair still wrapped in a towel. The room was dark despite the lights shining along the wall. My bed beckoned.
Tired from what felt like the longest day of my life, I crawled under the covers.
The last thought I had before I was pulled under was that after the hell I put up with during my waking hours, I better get respite during my sleep. I should have known better. Life never played that fair.
Dreams tortured me, leading me from the sprint through the woods all the way to the moment where I plunged the knife into my sister’s mouth. I woke, panting and shaking, fear clouding my mind so much that I didn’t know where I was when I looked around.
When a shape moved in the chair beside the bed, I screamed.
“Hannah.”
The sharp sound of my name in that deep, familiar voice broke through the worst of my panic. I fought my way out of the covers and stumbled to the only shelter I had. Huddled in Merdon’s lap, I sobbed against his chest, clutching his shirt. One arm anchored me to him.
He didn’t rock me or make soothing sounds, but he did run a hand over my hair again and again. I focused on that feeling, blocking out everything else. My breathing slowly calmed, only disturbed by an occasional hitch.
“The humans in Tenacity fear to leave the protection of their walls,” Merdon said, his hand continuing its languid path. “They fear the wrong thing. They believe they are safe if they stay where the infected can’t get to them, but it won’t be the infected that kill them. The walls, and eventual starvation, will be their end. Like you, they are dying from the inside and refuse to see it.”
I lifted my head, my face inches from his, as I met his gaze. There was no judgment in them. Maybe a hint of anger.
It was the other emotion I saw that had me pulling away from his hold. I didn’t need or want his concern.
Without a word, I returned to my bed and nestled under the blankets. Fear of more dreams kept me awake until the sky started to lighten.
A big hand shook my shoulder roughly.
“Wake up. You’ve slept enough.”
I groaned and rolled away from the offensive appendage.
“I need to learn how to use a bow so I can shoot you,” I mumbled.
Merdon made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort.
“You have five minutes to meet me downstairs.”
“Why do you hate me?” I complained, burrowing deeper. “I need rest. Cassie told you.”
“You also need food and have already missed breakfast. Five minutes,” he repeated before walking out of the room.
I huffed, never opening my eyes. That was my first mistake. The second was falling back to sleep.
Arms scooped under me. My eyes flew open. I barely registered what was happening before Merdon had me over his shoulder. My full bladder protested at the pressure.
“What is wrong with you? Why can’t you wake me up like a normal person? I need to pee.”
“I did wake you up like a normal person. You chose to ignore me.”
“No, I was tired and fell back asleep. Tired people do that.”
Each downward step drove his shoulder further into my over-expanded organ.
“Seriously, Merdon, I will pee on you if you don’t put me down now, and it won’t be my fault because you’re choosing to ignore me.”
He grunted and set me on my feet in the kitchen.
“Bathroom then food.”
I hurriedly nodded and waddle-walked to the bathroom. I barely made it to the bowl. Mentally calling him every name imaginable because he’d almost made me pee myself a second time, I glared at the closed door.
The damn man needed to understand personal boundaries. If he wanted to get up in some woman’s business, he could focus on Emily.
Opening the door with force, I stomped my way to the kitchen where Merdon waited beside the island. He regarded me with a singular focus. Ignoring him, I marched over to Emily, who was watching something through the oven door.
“If you want a fey in your life so bad, then you spend time with him. I’m not here to keep your beyfriend entertained.” She glanced at me in shock, but I didn’t stop. “Thanks to you, I’m losing half my night to my fucking dreams; and when I finally get to sleep, he’s waking me up. We both know sleep deprivation is just as bad as alcohol.”
Her gaze shifted from me to Merdon and back again.
“Beyfriend?” she echoed, fixating on the wrong thing. “He’s not my anything.”
I opened my mouth to tell her to pay attention to what I was saying when her words settled into my mind. Not hers? If he wasn’t here to fix me for Emily, then why in the hell was he torturing me?
Her gaze flicked to him. I looked at him, too.
His steady gaze met mine. For a brief moment, I saw the truth there before his expression shuttered.
“No,” I said slowly. “I’m not yours.”
He didn’t speak; he didn’t need to. His lack of denial said it all. He wasn’t here for Emily.
The over-forceful and prone to sadism fey was here for me.