“Thanks for your help tonight,” Emily said, closing the door behind us.
I hung up my jacket and nodded. Both our moods were a bit dejected. Hers because of the epic failure of tonight’s dinner. Mine because a long night stretched in front of me with no Merdon to distract me from my thoughts.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” I asked.
“I think I’m going to soak in a lavender bath and read for a bit.” She started for the stairs.
“They won’t all be insta-attractions, you know. Heck, most of the fey-human couples that are together now started out not liking each other. Don’t write off Mila and Newaz yet.”
She glanced back at me with a tremulous smile.
“Thanks. I hope you’re right. I just thought for sure they’d hit it off. Their personalities are so similar.”
“Maybe you need to go for opposites.”
“Maybe. G’night.”
With a growing sense of desperation, I watched her leave. Nights were never easy, but I realized how all the time in the basement had made them bearable because of sheer exhaustion. What was I supposed to do now? I looked around the room then at the door.
As quietly as possible, I put on my shoes and jacket and slipped outside.
“Anyone out here?” I called softly.
Tor stepped from the shadows and jogged my way.
“Are you sad, Hannah?”
“Sad? No. I just have too much energy. Are you out here because Merdon asked?”
Tor gave me a wary look.
“Will that make you angry?”
“Depends on why he asked you to watch the house.”
“He said to make sure you were safe.”
“Did he say something about me being sad?”
“When you’re sad, you want to hurt yourself.”
I looked off into the night, not angry at Merdon exactly but definitely frustrated.
“If he knew I might get sad, why did he leave?”
I was thinking out loud more than asking Tor, but he answered anyway.
“I would not have left you, Hannah. Even if you did try to bite me and hurt my testicles.”
I scoffed.
“I didn’t hurt his testicles.”
“Twice,” Tor said. “But it was still a touch, so it was not all bad.”
I shook my head at him. The fey were twisted in so many ways.
“I was thinking I’d go for a run. Will you come with me?” I asked.
“Why do you want to run?”
“I’m hoping it’ll use up some of this energy and tire me out enough to fall asleep. Plus, it’s good to be able to run more than ten feet without gasping for air, you know?”
I regretted those words two blocks later as I leaned over to brace my hands on my knees and panted for air.
“That was much farther than ten feet. You are doing so well, Hannah.”
I rolled my eyes and wished I had the strength to knock him down.
“I knew I should have been there,” Angel said. She looked off into the distance. “Do you think Mila is still at Mary’s? Maybe I should go and talk to her now.”
I shook my head while stifling a yawn and watched Eden practice her stance and draw.
“I doubt it. She wasn’t too keen on spending the night last night, despite a full bottle of wine, and was pretty adamant that she wanted to leave as early as possible.”
“Not with Newaz, though?”
“No. She asked if another fey could carry her home. She was nice about it, saying she knew they all wanted a chance to help females.”
“Help?”
“Yep. Her words.”
Angel sighed. “It’s not about being helpful; it’s about having a chance to impress them and spend time with them. Seriously, when are the people over there going to wake up and see that?”
“I think, on some level, they already know. They just don’t want to acknowledge it.”
“The dinners aren’t enough, then. We need to do more.”
“Like what?”
“Are you two going to spend the whole time talking, or are you actually going to try to improve some skills?” Brenna asked.
“Hold onto your tights, Robin Hood,” Angel said, already waddling forward. “Your merry women need breathers.”
“Breathers or snack breaks?” Brenna asked.
Since Angel had just finished a single serving sized bag of chips, Brenna and I both knew the answer to that question. At least, for Angel. The break suited me for other reasons.
Even after all the running around I’d done with Tor, who’d been a great sport about it, I’d still had a hard time falling asleep last night. I hadn’t realized how aware of or comforted I’d been by Merdon’s once obtrusive presence until it was gone. His absence had crawled into my dreams, twisting the memories into a hopeless cycle that had woken me twice before I gave up the pretense of sleeping.
I stifled another yawn and stepped forward to take my turn at the lumpy, rainbow target.
We worked on archery for a bit then switched to the knives and hand to hand when more fey started to gather. With so many shouting out tips and encouraging us to move faster and work harder, sweat coated my upper lip and exhaustion had me watching the progress of the sun.
While I wanted nothing more than a nap, I knew I wouldn’t give in to one when I got home. I just hoped all the practice would pay off later tonight.
We called it quits just before lunch.
“My arms feel like they’re going to fall off,” I said to Eden.
She agreed with a groan. “Whose dumb idea was it for me to join fight club?”
“Yours,” I said with a laugh. “At least you have someone at home willing to rub your aches.”
“Yeah,” Brenna agreed. “I’d kill for a massage right now.”
There were a few startled looks from the fey.
“She doesn’t mean that literally,” Eden said.
“No,” Angel said, looking thoughtful. “But it’s a great idea.”
“Um, you think killing someone for a massage is—”
“Not that. Getting massages. We’re lucky because we have fey willing to rub us down whenever we want. There are a lot of other people out there who aren’t so lucky.”
I knew where her mind was going.
“I volunteer as a sacrifice,” I said quickly. Anything that required my time helped keep my mind from dwelling where it shouldn’t. And if I happened to relax while doing it? Well, that was just a bonus. Especially if I could arrange for the practice massage just before bed.
Several of the spectating fey started vehemently denying my offer, dashing my dreams, while more still stepped between me and Angel.
“You cannot kill Hannah, Angel. Killing humans is wrong,” Shax said. “You know this.”
Angel nearly peed herself with her laughter, and it was up to me to explain.
“I wasn’t suggesting that she kill me. She was suggesting that we teach you all how to give massages so you can offer them as a service to the people in Tenacity. In order to do that, you need to learn how to give a massage correctly. I was offering to be the person you can practice on.”
The no’s quickly changed to a bunch of yeses. Except for Shax, who called for quiet.
“Hannah is Merdon’s.”
Angel dried her tears and patted Shax on the chest.
“Actually, I think we four girls are the perfect volunteers to start because we belong to someone else. The fey who are learning will be more aware and respectful of how they are touching us.”
Shax was already shaking his head.
“The type of massages I’m suggesting wouldn’t be like the massages you give me. No happy ending, okay? Just gentle pressure to relieve stress and tension like when I work too hard after these practices.”
He grunted and seemed to calm down.
“We will talk more about this at home.”
I was a little bummed I wouldn’t be able to get a massage right away but waved my farewell and told Angel to “call me” when she was ready. She laughed and promised she would.
Emily was in a flurry of activity when I got home, and the house smelled like heaven.
“The fey found yeast,” she said without preamble. “A lot of it. Mary knows a ton about bread making. I just helped her mix more dough than I ever thought possible. Because we’re cooking the dinner there, I brought all of the dough here so it could finish rising and we could bake it.”
My mouth watered at the idea of bread fresh from the oven.
“What can I do to help?” I asked, already kicking off my shoes.
Mary didn’t just know things about bread, she possessed some kind of powerful voodoo, too, because the bread that came out of the oven several hours later was pure magic.
“Stop stuffing your face and help me wrap this one up,” Emily said with a laugh. “We need to get to Mary’s for tonight’s dinner.”
We left a few loaves cooling on the stove and wrapped the rest to carry with us. They warmed my arms and teased my nose as we walked. It didn’t matter that I’d already eaten half a loaf. I wanted more.
Unfortunately, not all the loaves made it to Mary’s house, so I had no hope of a second round of gluttony. Emily had given several loaves to the fey we encountered along with directions of where they were to be delivered.
“But why?” I asked as the third to last loaf left us.
“Because if people taste what we can do, I’m hoping a few will be interested in taking up the task. It’s a skill that more of us need to learn.”
“You mean, you hope someone will step up to be a full-time baker for the community?”
“Exactly. There are so many idle hands right now. Angel’s idea about teaching the fey how to provide a non-sexual massage is a great one, but it’s just the tip of the iceberg. We need to think bigger if we want to become self-sufficient. We need a bakery.”
Emily had been more than a little intrigued when I’d retold that morning’s events. Angel’s suggestion had sparked an explosion of ideas in Emily’s head. She seriously wanted a list of everyone’s skills to determine what roles people could fill, and she wanted to find out what the skill levels were so she could determine what kind of cross training needed to happen.
A fey jogged past and gave us a friendly nod. Emily smiled and said hello then turned on me with an urgent expression.
“And people who know how to sew. Clothes that fit will make the fey appear less intimidating.”
I looked around at all the fey. Most of them wore items that were too small.
“I don’t think they look intimidating. They look two seconds away from pointing the direction of the nearest beach, though.”
She snorted.
“Look further south for intimidation,” she said from the side of her mouth.
I did, and my mouth popped open a little. The fey who no longer wore his leather leggings had opted for cotton joggers, likely because the material stretched more than jean. And jeans in fey sizes were nearly impossible to find. That meant the fey’s one-size-too-small pants were plastered to the impressive lengths of his flaccid meat stick.
“If you look too long, it moves,” Emily said, elbowing me in the side.
Averting my gaze, I tightened my hold on the bread.
“Why did you have to show me that? I was walking around in a beautiful state of ignorance.”
“Ha. No, you weren’t. You’re the one who pointed it out to me when we first got here.”
Well, that explained why I couldn’t remember. My drinking had been escalating hard by then. I shifted my thoughts away from drinking.
“So a baker, a tailor, and what else?”
“We already have a doctor, but we should maybe talk to Cassie about taking someone under her wing.” Her expression lit up. “That’d be perfect.”
“Talk me through your epiphany.”
“Kerr’s already learning things because he’s her assistant. The fey aren’t squeamish. I mean, obviously, right? They rip off heads like it’s nothing. If Cassie can teach another fey, because I don’t think Kerr would be willing to leave Cassie to do house calls, we’d have a fey doctor who could help treat humans at Tenacity.”
“Anyone sick over there would probably just ask for Cassie,” I said.
“They get what they get,” Emily replied stubbornly.
“I think it’s a good idea. Not the forcing who they see part but getting people to learn different skills. You’re right that we need to think bigger. Someone who knows how to care for animals and to watch over them would be good, too. Maybe, someday, even a butcher?”
Emily nodded. “Now you’re thinking.”
Mary was already busy in the kitchen when we let ourselves in with the remaining bread.
“It looks beautiful, Emily,” she said. “You’ve got the touch.”
“We should find out who else has the touch,” she said. I tuned them out as she explained her growing plan to not only integrate the humans and the fey but to cultivate important shared skills that would give the fey and humans purpose beyond surviving. And a skilled workforce was something we desperately needed once the pre-existing food supplies ran out.
“The fey are plenty strong to plow fields,” Mary said at one point. “Hung like plow horses, too. If they’re willing, we’d never run out of wheat even if we couldn’t use tractors.”
I shook my head. No wonder Emily was noticing fey dicks. She was hanging around Mary too much. That older woman’s fascination with male parts was concerning.
They continued to brainstorm as they worked on the dinner for the lucky couple. The cream of asparagus soup, which would be served to start, was thawing in its jumbo plastic bag. A pot roast with root veggies already waited in a crockpot and would be served as the main meal along with Emily’s fresh bread. I sat at the table, happily licking out the pot from the pie filling for the pecan pie Mary just put in the oven.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have too much of that,” Mary said. “The sugar might keep you up again.”
“Again?” Emily asked.
“Tor said Hannah had to go for a run last night because she couldn’t sleep.”
“Hannah, why didn’t you tell me? I would have stayed up with you and watched a movie.”
I finished licking my finger, cursing Tor’s big mouth, and rolled my eyes at the pair.
“Sugar has nothing to do with my inability to sleep. And I did ask if you wanted to watch a movie, but I can’t expect you to stay up half the night with me.”
That was Merdon’s job.
I frowned at that random thought.
“Besides, Tor seemed more than happy to keep me company. After he unintentionally mocked my feeble lung capacity, he came up with his wish list for his dream date.”
Emily gave a rueful smile.
“He’s so excited for these dinners.” Her humor faded. “What if I’m just getting their hopes up?”
“One rocky date doesn’t make this a hopeless effort,” I said. “Stop killing the odds before they have a chance to do it themselves.”
Mary chuckled. “They seem to have a knack for putting their foot in it. Such sweet men, though. I wish the Whiteman people would be more open-minded.” She patted Emily’s cheek. “Don’t give up on this. What we’re doing is important. And your idea about doctoring and Angel’s idea for massage is good, too. If we keep at this, Whiteman will be opening their arms and legs to the fey before they figure out what’s happening. You’ll see.”
I gave Mary a look that Emily caught. She stifled her laugh and agreed with the older woman.
“You’re right. There’s no point in making it this far and giving up now. What’s left to do for dinner?”
We had everything ready by the time the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” I said quickly.
Emily wasn’t fast enough to beat me to the kitchen door, and I grinned in triumph.
“Fine,” she said. “But tomorrow night is me.”
The door swished shut a moment before I reached the entry and let Sain and a very uncomfortable Jackie in.
“Hi, Hannah,” Jackie said. “Can I walk now?”
“Absolutely.”
Sain, the fey carrying her, looked a bit crestfallen that he had to give up his shiny new toy. Unfortunately, Jackie saw his reluctance as clingy, unwanted fascination, which I understood too well.
“Sain, remind me to take you up on a lift tomorrow after practice. I should have asked for one today. Everything still hurts.”
“I will remind you,” he said, putting her down.
“What practice?” Jackie latched onto the conversation, as I’d guessed she would, and moved closer to me.
“Yeah, the fey are teaching a few of us girls some survival techniques. You know, in case we’re ever chased by an infected again. I think I’m getting pretty good. What do you think, Sain?”
“You’re good at knives. Eden is better at evading. Brenna is the best with the bow.”
“I’m going to tell Angel you left her out,” I teased.
“Angel is good at snacking.”
I laughed.
“I’m so telling her that.” I turned and started leading the way to the table. “Did you find anything on today’s supply run that you’ll be able to use to bribe yourself back into Angel’s good graces?”
I pulled out the chair for Jackie, something Sain was supposed to do. He didn’t bat an eye at my “slip” though. Rather, he continued to focus on me as he considered my question.
“Do you think she will like more of those cakes?”
“Yep. But do you know what would really get her? Candy bars. Any kind. Any flavor.”
“Yes, I have those, too.”
“Wait,” Jackie interrupted, “You have candy bars?”
“I’m betting he has a whole bunch of stuff stashed at his house. They’re stockpiling in case they end up with a roommate. They know we humans like our food.”
I patted my tummy.
“Speaking of food…” I rattled off the menu for the night, poured her a healthy glass of wine, not missing Sain’s watchful gaze, and hurried to the kitchen.
“You didn’t let him pull out her chair,” Emily admonished once the door closed behind me. “They’ve all been practicing that.”
I waved away her concern.
“I gave him something better. I helped him seem interesting to Jackie and less desperate and clingy.”
Emily considered me for a thoughtful moment then sighed.
“Why didn’t I see that?”
“Because, like them, you’re trying too hard. Now, let’s hustle out some soup instead of drawing it out and making this meal as uncomfortable as last night’s.”
As I’d hoped, Jackie’s natural impulse for self-preservation had kicked in through the course of the meal, and she’d asked Sain if she could see his house before he returned her to Mary’s later. We all knew that Jackie was interested in a tour because I’d gotten him to talk about his food stash in front of her, but Emily and Mary didn’t care.
While they were still in the kitchen, cleaning up and celebrating with a few drinks, I wandered the roads, not yet ready to go back to the empty house. The alone time gave me a chance to think. This time, my thoughts weren’t entirely centered around me.
I couldn’t help but dwell on Jackie. She was probably staring at Sain’s hoard of food and asking herself if shacking up with a fey was worth it. The old me would have said, “hell no,” and educated her in all the ways she could get what she wanted without putting out. The new, healing me saw things a little differently. Probably because I was missing the hell out of Merdon and trying desperately not to think about it.
The man had forcefully wedged his way into my life when I’d been too sick to take notice. When I had noticed, I’d protested in mean and angry ways and received a lot of well-meaning lectures by people who’d made valid points. The fey weren’t bad, and they weren’t asking for much. Just our time and maybe a little consideration for their loneliness. In return, they gave us everything. Food, clothes, shelter, and safety, all at the risk of their own lives without hesitation.
I’d taken all that they’d offered in the beginning because I’d needed it. I’d given back my time and attention, never intending to delve deeper than platonic with any of them. Likely, Jackie would find herself doing the same. However, the need to survive wouldn’t diminish the feelings that would evolve on their own. Rather, it would probably fan the flames. It had for me.
A cow shifted in the shadows nearby, and I nearly screamed.
“Do you want to run again tonight?” Tor asked.
This time I did scream, smothering it to more of a startled yip. Even terrified, I knew better than to make too much noise.
“Sorry, Tor,” I said, noting his startled expression. “You came out of nowhere, and I was lost in thought. I think I’ll pass on the run for now. My legs are sore from last night.”
He grunted, looking disappointed. I could feel his loneliness echoed in my own.
“Want to walk with me for a bit?”
“Yes.”
He fell into step beside me.
“Do you know when your date night is scheduled?” I asked.
“It isn’t yet. I’m waiting. Newaz held out the chair and didn’t talk about her pussy, but Mila still did not like him. He thinks he should have just asked if she wanted to ride his face like a horse until she screamed his name. Do you think that would have worked?”
I died a thousand deaths on the inside but managed to keep a straight face.
“No, sweetie, I don’t think that would have worked. It seems to me that all our relationships start a little rocky. Look at Drav and Mya. They were the first, right? Did she fall into his arms and declare her love for him at first sight? No. She ran. He persisted. That’s what you guys are really good at. Calm persistence. You just need to make sure that doesn’t turn into stalker clinginess. No girl wants that, ever.”
He gave a frustrated sigh.
“The list of what females don’t want grows, but there is very little on the list of what they do want. Food and for us to leave them alone. How does that help us?”
I patted his arm.
“It doesn’t. The best advice I can give you is to be yourself, but don’t act desperate.”
“That is what Angel told Shax, too. I hate lying. I am desperate. I want what Uan, Shax, Drav, Kerr, Byllo, and Ghua have.”
“Don’t forget Thallirin,” I said unhelpfully. “He seems pretty happy now, too. And his relationship also proves my point. Another rocky start, there. Don’t lose hope. There’s a girl out there somewhere for you.”
“But when will I find her?”