BROOKE WALKED TOWARD the picnic-table area. Runners, strollers and bikers crossed over the lake bridge. Families gathered for pictures. A painter adjusted her easel on the shore. In the distance dogs barked and radios played. Best of all, the park blocked the street noise.
“What am I supposed to do when Valerie gets here?” Ben kicked off his tennis shoes and pulled a pair of soccer cleats from his bag. “She doesn’t like sports.”
“How do you know that?” Brooke shaded her eyes and looked at the lake.
One Saturday two years into her marriage, she and Phillip had rented a rowboat like the ones skimming across the glassy water now. Brooke had filled that afternoon with laughter and exercise, not business calls and budget discussions.
Always be present in the moment, Brooke. Another piece of advice from her therapy sessions. She’d been present that day on the lake.
Now she stood in the park again. In a new moment. With new people. The best she could offer was to be present now. Especially for Ben.
“She never asks me about soccer.” Ben rummaged around inside his bag. “She never asks me about anything, really.”
Brooke kept her gaze trained on the lake. But the disappointment in Ben’s voice tugged at her. She added her other hand to shade her eyes, rather than hug Ben. She’d been trained to remain impartial. To assist parties in understanding each other’s sides. She couldn’t take sides. That wouldn’t bring harmony between Ben and his mother. “Maybe Valerie doesn’t know what to ask you. She never got into sports or had a brother or sister growing up.”
Ben stretched his legs out and tapped his shin guards. “But she had Dad and Uncle Jason. They could tell her.”
“They could.” Brooke shifted her gaze to the two men setting up cones for a soccer goal on the grass. Dan and Jason appeared to be tentatively trying to repair their relationship. Valerie and Dan weren’t anywhere close to that.
As for Brooke and Dan, last evening they’d shared dessert, childhood stories and a closeness Brooke hadn’t experienced in a long while. She’d returned to the apartment not feeling guilty about her time with Dan. Only disappointed the night had ended. She’d fallen asleep eager to see what the new day brought.
The hope and possibilities in her dreams crowded out her nightmares. She hadn’t believed she’d feel like this ever again. Hadn’t wanted to feel again. Reminding herself to appreciate it for what it was—only a moment with Dan—she promised to not get ahead of herself.
She pulled her gaze away from Dan and glanced at Ben. “Why don’t you find common ground with your mother instead of looking for differences?”
Ben rubbed the back of his hand beneath his nose. “Like how Uncle Jason and I both like soccer a lot.”
“Yes, like that.” The same way she and Dan had agreed four bites of the decadent lava cake was more than enough to satisfy the most intense chocolate craving. Or that the rum sauce was the critical ingredient for the bread pudding but could’ve been eaten by itself. Or that butter pecan was the best flavor of ice cream.
“Okay.” Ben stood up and hugged her around the waist.
Brooke had time to wrap her arms around Ben yet not hold on. Ben’s embrace was tight and quick. Then he sprinted off to join Wesley, his dad and his uncle on the makeshift soccer field. And left Brooke scrambling to hold on to the unexpected affection.
Nichole stepped beside Brooke. “I knew Ben for over a year before I even got a partial hug.”
“I’m his grandpa, so hugs come with the title.” Rick laughed and paused on the other side of Brooke. “But he likes you, Brooke.”
She liked him, too. Ben had brought her fresh bagels that morning, then extended his cheerful greeting to Luna and Cupid. He’d softened his tone for Rex yet showered the dog with even more love. The adoration was mutual between Ben and her pets. Ben was hard not to like, the same as his father. Not that she liked Dan too much. Spending time with Dan made her feel better. Made her want to enjoy life again. Nothing more. “Ben is just in an awkward place with his mom home.”
“You also haven’t pressured him to like her or spend time with her.” Rick picked up Ben’s soccer bag.
“He’s old enough to make up his own mind.” Just as Brooke was old enough to recognize the signs of falling in love. None of which she had. Because Dan was only a friend. “But I bet Ben will like Valerie if he gives her a chance.”
“I want to not like her, but the woman makes it impossible in person.” Nichole tucked a strand of her light brown hair up into her bun, which looked more like a poorly constructed bird’s nest. Pieces of her hair stuck out at odd angles while others drooped against her neck, already giving up before the wind could knock her hair loose.
“Dan says that’s her superpower.” Brooke liked Valerie, too.
Valerie had inquired about food allergies before dinner. Attended to the table with more precision and concern than the waiters. Beyond that, Valerie was passionate about wanting to share her love of history and new cultures with Ben. Valerie was trying. She’d put thought into her ideas. Brooke couldn’t fault her for that.
“One of the hardest things ever is to like a person, but hate what they’re doing to your loved ones.” Rick shook the ice in his stainless-steel tumbler, a wisdom in his voice only those who’d lived could achieve. “I’ve always adored Valerie.”
Brooke nodded. She’d met quite a lot of lovely people at her job. People trapped by circumstances and situations that forced them to act in not-so-wonderful ways. They’d become the bad guy in the scene, but that wasn’t who they truly were. With Brooke’s assistance, those people were only the bad guys in a one-act play. She wanted the disagreement between Valerie and Dan to be only a one-act play and nothing that dragged out in family court.
“Why would Valerie come back now and want joint custody after all this time?” Nichole swapped her eyeglasses for sunglasses as if that would clarify things. “It doesn’t make sense.”
Brooke wanted to understand Valerie’s intentions, too. Dan had given Brooke sanctuary. Brooke wanted to restore Dan’s world, disrupted by his ex’s arrival, then she could leave, confident she’d made a difference in Dan’s life. The same way he’d made a difference in hers. Brooke glanced at Rick. “Do you think Jason knew about Valerie’s intentions?”
“Valerie and Jason arrived together. And that seems to be all they planned together.” Rick rubbed the back of his hand over his mouth as if to stop himself from revealing more. “Then again, that could be just an old-timer’s faulty observations.”
There was nothing faulty about Rick’s mind. Brooke believed in a father’s intuition. Her own dad’s intuition had guided her more than once over the years. Not to mention her own intuition she’d relied on during her career. That voice, rusty from lack of use, whispered through her now. “I got the same impression at dinner last night.”
“Dan never talks about how Valerie and Jason became a couple.” Nichole stared at the soccer field, her eyebrows pinched together over her glasses. “They seem as mismatched as Dan and Valerie obviously were.”
“Dan wasn’t always so set in his ways and uncompromising. Jason wasn’t always so remote and detached.” Rick scratched his chin, yet his grin broke free. “Believe it or not, all three are quite free-spirited. The boys got that from their mother.”
The spark in Rick’s gaze and the chortling gave him away. The boys took after their father. “What happened?”
“Dan had a child,” Rick said. “Roots became his priority.”
Brooke tracked the foursome across the soccer field. Good-natured teasing and banter echoed around the group. The exaggerated boasting earned more laughs than fear in the other players. Jason placed both Wesley and Ben near the goal and demonstrated how he wanted the boys to kick the ball. Jason looked anything but distant and disengaged. Double fist bumps for each of the boys, encouraging words, then he released them to score. Goals followed along with several rounds of high-fives. “What happened that changed Jason?”
“We told the boys that Jason was adopted.” Rick’s pain was obvious.
“Dan never mentioned that to me.” Nichole turned to face Rick. “Not once. Not even during any of those long playdates and weekly dinners of our tiny single-parent club.”
“The boys are sixteen months apart. Dan only ever cared that he had a brother.” Rick pulled off the lid of his tumbler and tossed the ice onto the grass as if he was already cold enough. “Jason has only ever been Dan’s brother. His family.”
Family was Dan’s foundation. His priority. But he’d lost his brother. Then his wife and his marriage. Valerie leaving would’ve shattered everything Dan lived by. That wound would’ve been deep and intense. Brooke mused, “But the fact mattered to Jason.”
“Jason dropped out of college and left to find out who he was.” Rick’s gaze remained on the field, the distance in his voice suggesting he was replaying a memory.
“Did he find himself?” Nichole spoke quietly as if she feared her words might carry across the field and disrupt the play.
“I think he might still be searching.” Rick stuffed one of his hands inside his pocket. “I want to believe if Jason came home for a while, he might remember.”
The anguish in Rick’s voice wrapped around Brooke. He was a father who wanted his son home.
Brooke looked out at the field. She’d lost herself, too, after the accident. Retreated to the mountains for a new life. Yet she still wondered if she’d ever find herself again. Or if she even wanted to. What if she found herself and realized everything she wanted wasn’t right? Would she have the courage to change? Perhaps Jason was in a similar place.
Or perhaps that was Brooke not wanting to be the only one lost.
No, she wasn’t lost, only misplaced. Temporarily. She’d find the place she belonged soon.
The boys scored again, then rushed Dan, tackling him onto the grass. Brooke’s smile came from deep inside her.
And a voice inside her—one that sounded like her mother, earnest and patient—whispered through her. What if the place you belong is the very one you’re running from?
That had been her mother’s advice after Brooke had suffered a difficult breakup in college. Brooke had wanted to transfer schools. Her parents hadn’t agreed.
Her father’s advice: if you run every time, you’ll never actually get anywhere.
Brooke had stayed, completed her degree with honors and gotten multiple job offers, then met her late husband.
But was it running away if she was merely passing through to begin with?
And standing here in the park, opening up to Rick and Nichole, might feel right. Even good. But she had nothing else. This afternoon only really proved she was ready to find a new home, make new friends and move on.
Her urge to run across the field and join the ice war between Dan and the boys proved nothing more than Brooke needed more exercise.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She wasn’t running. That was the same argument she’d used as her defense with her parents all those years ago. She pulled out her phone and studied the text message from Ann Ellis.
“You okay?” Nichole asked.
“My former in-laws have leads on two houses up north for me.” And they’d thoughtfully added the details about the memorial in three weeks. Every year, they celebrated her former husband’s life at one of his favorite places in the city. This year it was the beach.
She stuffed her phone away and locked her knees. That proved she wasn’t running. She couldn’t run, anyway. After all, she wasn’t certain which direction to go.
“That’s great about the houses.” Uncertainty edged through Nichole’s tone.
“Yeah. Really great.” Brooke wasn’t confident, either. But she wanted a place of her own again. Why wasn’t she thrilled? Excited to get back to the life she needed? She wouldn’t have to make up yet another excuse for not attending the celebration of Phillip’s life. Don and Ann would understand the work involved in relocating and rebuilding.
“Are you close to your in-laws?” Nichole asked.
That was a loaded question. She’d been very close until the accident. Now it was complicated. Her therapist had labeled it survivor’s guilt. Brooke called it betrayal. Look at her now. Enjoying the day at the park with another family. This could’ve been her and Phillip, waiting on Ann and Don to join them for a picnic. But that wasn’t her world anymore. And that guilt she expected refused to surface. “I’ve seen Don and Ann over the years when they’ve visited family and friends up north, where I was.”
An excited shout grabbed their attention. Brooke turned to see Valerie, loaded down with bags, weaving her way toward them, a buoyant smile on her face.
“Valerie has enough food for two soccer teams.” Nichole rushed to intercept Valerie.
“That girl never learned restraint.” Rick shook his head, but his grin returned. “She was born to hostess, always keeping a crowd well-fed and entertained.”
Brooke walked with Rick toward the picnic tables. Had Dan been surprised to discover he’d married a hostess, or had he known before the vows were recited? “Dan told me that he only ever wanted a marriage like his parents’.”
“Didn’t work out that way the first time for Dan.” Rick’s glance at Brooke was speculative. “Nothing says he still can’t have it with someone else.”
“He deserves that.” Yet Brooke wasn’t the someone else. She couldn’t be. Sure, she wanted to enjoy life again. But being in love could be more heartbreaking than uplifting. Love wasn’t for the weak. Brooke wasn’t weak. She was careful. If she wasn’t careful, her heart might be shattered again and possibly wouldn’t heal a second time.
Rick set his hand on Brooke’s arm, stalling her retreat. “After my wife died, I was quite lost. Then a dear friend told me that I have to live for those that love me. I owed them that much.”
Brooke was living, wasn’t she? She was fine. She’d leave love for someone else.
Nichole pointed at the table covered with take-out containers. “Valerie bought out the entire restaurant.”
“I wasn’t sure what everyone liked. Every entrée sounded delicious.” Valerie added serving spoons to several containers. “I settled on a sample of everything.”
“Taquitos and guacamole.” Nichole lifted the lid on one of the containers and rubbed her stomach. “One of my favorite things.”
“These you can take to your committee meeting at the school.” Valerie picked up a to-go box filled with taquitos. “Do you think you need more?”
Nichole accepted the container. “This should be plenty.”
“There are chips, too. I ordered extra.” Valerie grabbed a bag of chips and added several containers of guacamole to the top. “Everyone’s mood will improve with snacks. I guarantee no one will be able to turn you down if you ask for help.”
“Thanks. This is great.” Nichole adjusted the takeout, then wrapped Brooke in a one-armed hug. She whispered, “Now I really am a traitor for liking Valerie even more.”
Brooke nodded.
Nichole backed away and took off her sunglasses to look at Brooke. “If they end up in court, I promise I will sit on Dan’s side in the courtroom.”
Court wasn’t an option. Not for Brooke. She’d worked with much less likable clients in the past and succeeded. She wanted Ben to have something positive from his mother’s return. And she wanted to leave knowing that she’d made a difference.
And if the thought of leaving made her heart squeeze a little? Well, that was much better than broken.