DAN SQUEEZED HIS eyes closed once more. The hair on the back of his neck prickled as if he’d conjured the past. He followed Brooke. Tunneled his vision until he saw only Brooke’s dark hair and blue sweatshirt.
Never had he been so reluctant to be home.
Besides, Dan had places to be. Several, in fact, like Hank Decker’s house to drop off the dinner he’d agreed to deliver that afternoon. The entire EMS team had put a calendar together to bring meals to Hank, his wife and five kids while Hank continued his recovery. He had to return calls from his supervisor and the drama teacher at Ben’s school.
None of those places included a reunion with Valerie and Jason at his own house.
Dan didn’t know what to say to the pair on the porch. “Welcome home” seemed absurd. “What took you so long?” sounded too passive-aggressive, as if he still harbored unresolved anger. “Get out” would be rude.
Dan settled for no greeting.
Brooke unlocked his front door. He flattened his palm on the door above Brooke’s head, holding it open and himself together. Brooke slipped under Dan’s arm and stepped inside. Valerie never waited for a formal invitation and swirled into the house as if her welcome had never been in question.
Valerie sank down in the center of the couch in the living room and ran her hands over the chenille cushions on either side of her. “I always loved this sofa set at your parents’ house. I’m glad Rick brought it with him. Sitting here always felt like a warm hug from your mom.”
Dan curled his fingers around the bag handles. What would his mother say now? Would she offer warm hugs all around? The only person Dan wanted to pull closer was Brooke. He never talked about the past. He’d never wanted to feel the sting that always accompanied the truth or the memories.
Somehow walking with Brooke, the blade sliced a little less deeply. If he tugged Brooke into his side, would the knife cleaving through him now hurt less? He cleared his throat and adjusted his focus.
Jason stopped beside the curio cabinet and set his hand on the intricate antique handle. “You kept it?”
Dan didn’t need to look at the shelf to know what piece his brother referenced. He said, “Mom did.”
They both knew that was a lie. Jason had given Dan the phoenix poker chip on Dan’s nineteenth birthday. After Dan responded to a house fire and lost his first patient. Jason had told him it was a reminder to always keep rising from the ashes—his work mattered. He mattered. Would Jason be surprised to learn that Dan also kept several decks of playing cards and their collection of various sports caps, along with a box of photographs in the attic?
Valerie took the grocery bags from Jason and peered into the curio cabinet. She frowned at the shelf, her tone dismissive. “Jason has thousands of poker chips littered all over his apartment. He can send you a full set and an extra.”
There wasn’t a set of that particular poker chip. It was the only one in existence. Designed by Jason himself. More regret and grief shifted across Jason’s face. Only a flash before he retreated behind his impassive mask.
His brother stood close enough to clip with a right hook, yet the distance was more like a bottomless chasm. Was that all that stood between Dan and his brother now? Insurmountable distance. And resignation. The loss of his brother gutted Dan. He rubbed his chin as if he’d been punched.
“I got Kahlúa coffee cake from Whisk and Whip Pastry. I know it’s your favorite, Dan.” Valerie’s lyrical voice commanded attention. She set her bags on the kitchen counter, then pulled out two boxes. “And Rick’s favorite, pumpkin-cheesecake-stuffed monkey bread. Don’t you love fall flavors? I wasn’t sure about Ben, so I picked up chocolate espresso beans. All kids like chocolate, right?”
Dan shifted his attention to Brooke, unsure if her frown was for the espresso beans or that Valerie didn’t know Ben’s favorite dessert. Brooke would put her child first. She’d know her child’s favorites. If Dan was a different person and this was a different time, he’d have looked for someone like Brooke.
Dan ignored Valerie’s bakery offerings and piled his groceries and Brooke’s on the counter. “Why are you here, Valerie?”
“We wanted to see our family.” Valerie set down the boxes and gripped the bar stool.
“Why now?” Suspicion deepened Dan’s voice.
“Do I need a reason to want to see my own son?” Valerie’s tone was baffled, as if she was surprised Dan would ask.
“You haven’t attempted to see him in years.” Dan turned away, yanked open the pantry door and dropped several cans of soup on the shelves with a dull thud.
“I’m Brooke Ellis.” Brooke reached out to shake Valerie’s hand. But her gentle voice reached out to Dan as if encouraging him to contain that twitchy irritation inside him.
Brooke added, “I’m staying in Dan’s rental apartment. Rick and Dan offered the apartment after I had to evacuate from the wildfires up north.”
Brooke would be a mother who fought for her kids. Fought to be with those she loved. She’d lost her husband. Yet Dan sensed she hadn’t lost her ability to love. He’d seen her with the rescues, then later with Ben and Ella. But he wasn’t interested in Brooke or her heart. He was already committed to Ben. Dan dug through another grocery bag.
“I cried looking at pictures of the devastation.” Valerie took Brooke’s hands, her voice warm. “I’m sorry, but you couldn’t have asked for a better place to recover. The Sawyer men were built to assist those in need.”
Who helped the Sawyer men when they were in need? Dan glanced at his brother. The rim of Jason’s black baseball cap shadowed his gaze, blocking Dan from really seeing him. Once upon a time, Jason and Dan had only depended on each other. And they’d always had each other’s backs. Now the Sawyer men helped themselves.
Brooke stepped toward Valerie, her voice pleasant, her smile welcoming. “How long do you plan to be in town?”
Valerie pulled out plates and napkins from the bakery bag, then opened the coffee-cake box. “That depends.”
Dan paused on the other side of the kitchen counter and eyed Valerie. She’d never liked schedules and committing. Not like Dan. Even Jason had used to keep an up-to-date calendar on his phone that included everything from birthdays to his part-time work schedule. Had Jason taken on Valerie’s carefree nature? Had his brother changed that much?
“I have business to take care of, then travel plans will be made.” Jason eased away from Dan and Valerie, as if he intended to observe from the sidelines. The same way Jason had done after he’d learned about his adoption status four years ago.
“He has business at the golf course,” Valerie quipped.
Dan studied his brother, searched for his childhood friend. Only he found a man, serious and standoffish. “You play golf now? What happened to poker?”
“Only miniature golf,” Jason replied.
Dan blinked and recovered as if he’d absorbed another punch, not a glib line from their childhood. Still, Jason’s response had knocked Dan for a loop. “And only on—”
“Wednesdays,” Jason said, finishing for him. The edge of his mouth creased—that was the only break in his brother’s withdrawn expression.
One high school summer, Dan and Jason had played miniature golf every Wednesday. Not for the sport. Rather for Jason to see Ashley-Lynne, the blond-haired Southern transplant with the wide smile and bright eyes. Through eighteen holes of pirate traps and windmills, Dan had coached Jason on what creative things to say to Ashley-Lynne. One month and too many rounds into the summer, Jason discovered his courage and finally asked out Ashley-Lynne. Only to learn one of their friends had already asked her out the day before. Dan had teased Jason the rest of the summer for being a day late and a date short. Jason had laughed and vowed he’d be the first for everything. He’d lived up to that promise. Did he still?
Valerie sliced a section off the coffee cake, set it on a plate. She moved into Dan’s view and thrust the plate at him. “I hope we haven’t ruined your afternoon plans.”
Valerie’s eyebrow quirked as if questioning whether Dan and Brooke were more than landlord and tenant.
“Actually, our afternoon is quite full.” Dan avoided the coffee cake and put away more groceries with speed and efficiency, as if he was a clerk restocking the store for a bonus. “As well as Ben’s.”
“You can’t keep me from seeing him.” Valerie’s voice was matter-of-fact.
“I’m not.” Dan unloaded another grocery bag and scrambled to fabricate an excuse. “Ben is at school until three fifteen. Then he has soccer practice and a birthday party at his best friend’s house tonight.”
“I’ll go with you to pick him up from school.” Valerie handed Jason a plate of coffee cake.
“I’m not picking him up. Wesley’s mom has car pool duty today.” Dan closed the refrigerator and reached for the last grocery bag. “It’s Wesley’s birthday tonight. Ben and Wesley have been talking about this night for the past few weeks.”
“I don’t want to disrupt Ben’s plans.” Worry shifted over Valerie’s face. “I remember how important my friends were at his age.”
Dan offered nothing to soothe her concerns. How could she recall her middle school classmates and fail to remember important things about her own son?
Dan looked at Brooke and wondered if he would ever know all the important things about her. Definitely the wrong time, wrong place. He finished putting away the last of the groceries, as if that would unhitch the snag in his chest. He couldn’t like Brooke.
Valerie sliced another piece of coffee cake and handed the plate to Brooke, as if they’d met for their weekly coffee and dessert. She said, “I’d like to see Ben this weekend.”
Valerie eyed Brooke as if she expected Brooke to convince Dan to agree. Dan couldn’t promise he wouldn’t confide more of himself to Brooke. Or that he wouldn’t let her sway him. That wasn’t good.
“I’ll be in touch about this weekend.” Dan folded the last cloth grocery bag and stacked it on top of the others. “Now, Brooke and I need to leave.”
Dan’s hand fell against Brooke’s lower back. A bold move that truly put in question their strictly tenant-landlord relationship. Yet she didn’t move away.
“You just came home.” Valerie studied Brooke as if searching for a weakness.
“To drop off groceries. We weren’t expecting company and we have things to do.” Dan’s fingers flexed against Brooke’s back, encouraging her to play along.
That heavy silence returned. Only now speculation and interest hovered in both Valerie and Jason’s gazes.
“This is delicious, Valerie.” Brooke pointed her fork at her plate. “Where will you be staying while you’re in town?”
Valerie beamed at her.
“Valerie’s mom lives in the Heights,” Dan offered. “I’m sure they’re staying at her house.”
“Mom isn’t home.” The light in Valerie’s voice and face dimmed like a cloud passing over the sun. “You know Mother doesn’t like people in her house when she’s out of town.”
No. Dan didn’t know that. He’d dropped Luann off at the airport to fly to Port Canaveral, Florida, to catch her cruise. Luann had refused to get out of the truck until Dan had shown her the floral-printed house key on his key chain—the one to her house in the Heights. Dan took care of Luann’s home whenever she traveled. And Valerie’s mom enjoyed several vacations a year, declaring she’d earned the reprieve.
Suspicion curled through Dan. What had happened between Luann and Valerie? And how would that affect Ben?
Valerie busied herself with the pastry box lids.
Jason tossed his paper plate and piece of intact coffee cake in the trash can. “I have a suite at the Fog City Hotel.”
“I’ve always wanted to stay there.” Valerie wiped her hands on a napkin. “We should check in and get settled.”
Dan picked up a pen and piece of paper. He wrote across the paper and handed it to Jason. “Call Dad. I know he’ll want to hear from you.”
“Thanks.” Jason stuffed the paper in his back pocket and walked toward the front door.
Valerie walked off, calling out, “I expect you’ll be in touch about this weekend.”
Dan expected he wouldn’t.