Imogen had noticed that Adrian still wasn’t eating much. She had assumed that he was doing his eating in the day while she was at work, but since he had come back in, she hadn’t even seen him eating here, either; nor drinking as much as he should be. It was becoming harder to ignore the concerns she had for his health. It was also getting difficult to pretend there wasn’t a problem.
Was there something he wasn’t telling her? It had been weeks and the bruising was almost completely gone, yet he still moved with difficulty. His posture was different – tense, somehow. Add to that the fact that he was distant and distracted.
Since she had started working with him, Adrian had always been open and warm, even when things were difficult in their own personal lives. He was the one who liked to put other people at ease. It was difficult to put into words the way Adrian was, but he always put others’ comfort first, or maybe he was just like that with her. He was a considerate man, more than most she had met.
But the last couple of weeks he hadn’t been like that. He was irritable and difficult to deal with. Maybe the case had brought something back about his childhood. Maybe it was the incident with Reece Corrigan, or it could be what she had said about Adrian being responsible if Angela got hurt. Perhaps he was finding the case even harder than she’d realised. Maybe when the pain in his ribs passed completely, he would be more like himself; after all, pain could be very dispiriting.
She put her worries on hold for now. He had reassured her several times and she had no reason to think he was still holding what she had said against her.
That evening, when she went to his place, he answered the door with a smile. She smiled back, but she could feel him pull away before she even approached. Small things like that did little to quieten the doubting voices in her head.
‘I thought maybe we could do something tonight.’
‘I’m still not a hundred per cent. I can’t go rollerblading just yet,’ he said.
‘No, I thought maybe cinema. Or we could go out and eat.’
‘I’m not really hungry.’
‘You’ve lost a lot of weight, you know. I barely ever see you eating.’
‘Did you come here to lecture me? Because I’m not in the mood,’ he snapped.
‘No. No, of course I didn’t.’ She looked down at her hands.
‘I’m sorry. My ribs just hurt and I’m tired.’ He smiled again, forcing his pained face away.
‘Can we talk?’
‘Sure.’ He sighed heavily.
She noticed he didn’t wince as his lungs filled with air. Were his ribs even still hurting him? Why would he lie?
They sat at the dining table in the lounge. Imogen tried not to look hurt right off the bat. It was a strange feeling for her, being worried about another person like this, being worried whether or not they still liked her. The fact that she was feeling like this just proved to her how much she really did care for Adrian. If anyone else had behaved the way he was behaving in a relationship with her, she would have dropped them.
‘I think you’re lying to me,’ she said.
She noticed the faintest look of panic on his face as she spoke.
‘About what?’
‘I don’t think you’re OK with what I said to you at the Corrigan house.’
He let out a smile. ‘I can’t even remember what you said.’
‘Then why the frosty treatment, Miley?’
‘Miley, eh? Yikes. I must be in trouble.’
‘You’re not in trouble; don’t be silly. I just don’t understand what’s going on with you. It’s like an alien took over your body or something.’
‘I’m just in pain, that’s all. I’m not angry with you.’
‘I feel like you are. We hardly touch at all.’
‘I’m sorry. This pain is constant and annoying. I’m worried I’ll damage it again or something. I can’t—’
‘I’m not talking about sex, Adrian. I mean you don’t touch me at all. You only kiss me if I kiss you first. You haven’t touched my hand or my shoulder or anything. I feel like there’s some invisible barrier between us or something. I don’t feel welcome here, either. It’s like you don’t want to be anywhere near me. You seem so far away.’
Adrian reached across the table and took her hands. He was tender and tentative.
‘I’m sorry. I’m feeling much better than I was,’ he said. ‘I’ll try not to be so moody.’
‘Be moody if you need to be, Adrian, just don’t shut me out. One of the brilliant things about you and me is how honest I can be with you. You can’t know how difficult that is for me. I don’t want to not trust you anymore.’
‘Noted. In that case, if you want honesty, can we stay in tonight, please? We could watch a movie here.’
‘OK.’ She smiled.
‘Will you stay the night?’
‘If you want me to.’
‘I would like that. I like this place better when you’re in it. I do want you around. I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.’ Adrian smiled again and squeezed her hand.
Was he just saying what she wanted to hear? If he was it was working. She felt the uneasiness disappearing. He seemed more like himself.
Imogen watched Adrian push the food she had brought with her around the plate, trying to make it look like he had eaten more than he had. When he got up and took their plates to the sink, Imogen noticed the waist on his trousers was loose. She couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t eating but didn’t want to risk an argument by mentioning it again.
They settled in on the sofa and chose a film to watch. He pulled her close and she leaned on his shoulder as they held hands. After a while she noticed he had fallen asleep and so she got up. The film wasn’t particularly good and she was restless. She saw his phone on the table next to the sofa. You can’t.
Staring at Adrian, she slowly reached for his mobile and picked it up. She knew the pattern he used to swipe across the front in order to unlock it; she had seen him do it a million times. He had made no effort to keep it a secret from her. If he caught her now, he probably would.
After unlocking the phone, she immediately looked at his contacts list and his recent calls. Mostly Tom and her, but there was also another name that kept popping up: Dr Zoe Hadley. Why had they been talking? Every couple of days, according to his phone. And not just for a minute or so. Occasionally, closer to ten minutes, which is a long time for a casual acquaintance. He had been on a date with her months ago, but nothing ever came of it. Had he changed his mind?
He stirred and she quickly closed the screen and put the phone back into sleep mode.
In the kitchen, she wiped down the units that were already spotless and washed the plates that were in the sink. She opened the fridge and noticed that the contents were exactly the same as yesterday – he hadn’t eaten anything or got any more food in.
‘What are you doing?’ Adrian said, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.
‘I was hungry,’ Imogen said, not wanting to let him know she was checking up on him, terrified he knew she had looked at his phone.
‘There’s still some Chinese on the table.’
‘I’ll clear it up,’ Imogen said.
As she went to push past him into the lounge, he grabbed her arm. She looked up at him, trying to hide the concern. He kissed her. The first real kiss in weeks. She breathed him in as he pushed her back against the doorframe. It felt so good to have his body pressing against her. She could hear his short, sharp gasps of breath as he pushed past his rib pain.
For the first time in a long time he was there with her. They were in this moment together. For so long now he had been elsewhere, preoccupied with his pain or maybe even his past. She stroked his arm and he pulled away.
‘Sorry if I’ve been neglecting you,’ he said.
‘Sorry if I’m being needy. I don’t know what’s up with me. I just can’t stop worrying about you, about us. Since that argument …’ Imogen started but couldn’t finish.
‘I love you, Imogen,’ Adrian said. ‘I don’t want you to doubt that at all.’
It was the first time he had said it and she didn’t know how to respond. Though now she had been presented with the option, there was really only one thing to say.
‘I love you, too.’
He kissed her again and she put her arms around his waist, gently, careful not to hurt his rib. Adrian squeezed her breast and kissed her neck, slowly at first but then biting her, drawing her skin into his mouth. She had to push him away before he left a mark on her, not willing to lie to the DCI about what it was.
He pushed back and kissed her even harder, the waistband of her jeans tugging as he tried to push his hand down the front. She grabbed his shoulders and forced him backwards, alarmed at his urgency.
‘I thought this was what you wanted?’ he said breathlessly.
‘What I wanted? Don’t you?’
‘Of course I do. I’m just still in a bit of pain, that’s all.’
‘I can wait,’ Imogen said, almost certain that she saw a look of relief on his face.
He pecked her on the cheek and went back into the lounge. As quickly as their moment of passion had started, it was over.
Maybe she was being paranoid. Maybe she wasn’t, though. Maybe there was something very wrong.