Adrian lay on the bed with Imogen. Reece Corrigan’s death had brought him a modicum of peace, even though the actual perpetrator of the assault on him was still out there. At least he had a place to start when he decided to move forwards, when he decided to find the people who hurt him. He just had to concentrate on the positive here, which was that Reece Corrigan wouldn’t get away with it.
Exhausted from the confrontation at the business park, they were both still in their work clothes. Neither one of them was ready to move.
They would interview Angela Corrigan in the morning and speak to everyone they had interviewed already with a hope that Corrigan’s death might loosen some tongues. Now that Angela had agreed to give a statement and had confirmed that Simon Glover was beaten to within an inch of his life in his flat, they could put together a clearer picture of how it happened.
Adrian couldn’t stop thinking about the list of names he had printed off – the ex-cons who worked for Corrigan. They would most likely be first on the list of people they would need to speak to. Maybe the police would find the two men who took Angela Corrigan and Simon Glover on that night. Adrian wasn’t sure he could be a part of that investigation, not without putting Imogen in danger again. She needed a partner who would have her back, not fall to pieces in dangerous situations.
Adrian was tired of lying, tired of keeping secrets. He only had enough room in his life for one lie now and everything else needed to be less complicated. Going to work every day and lying about being with Imogen, lying about being OK to everyone he knew, lying to his boss about decisions he had made in the past. He just couldn’t do it anymore. He had to simplify his life. There was no space for anything but that one big, ugly secret that he couldn’t yet face telling anyone.
The longer he left it, the easier it got to tell that lie and the harder it got even to think about speaking it aloud. Maybe he could put those men to the back of his mind. He had even started ignoring Dr Hadley’s calls. He had to pretend it never happened and that would take every ounce of his energy. He kissed Imogen on the forehead and then tilted her face towards him.
‘Thank you for everything these last few weeks. You’ve been so good and I know I haven’t been much fun to be around.’
‘This sounds like another one of those big goodbyes, Adrian. What is going on?’ Imogen asked.
He peered at her brown eyes and big black lashes, and it occurred to him that he hadn’t really looked her in the eye for a while. He had been avoiding eye contact with anyone and everyone. Utterly consumed with himself. He didn’t want to be that person anymore. This was another one of those life-defining moments and he had to make a choice. He kissed Imogen on the lips.
‘I have given this a lot of thought,’ he said.
‘Given what a lot of thought?’ she said, pulling away from him and propping herself on her elbow.
‘I’m going to hand in my notice tomorrow.’
‘Sorry, what?’
‘I’m resigning,’ he said.
‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘Like you said, I haven’t been myself. I think this has really taken it out of me and I don’t like the way it made me behave. You are too important to me and I just need to take a breath, you know?’
‘Just take your leave. See how you feel after that,’ Imogen said.
‘This has been coming for a long time, I think.’
‘Are you breaking up with me?’
‘No,’ he said firmly. ‘Unless that’s what you want.’
‘It’s not what I want.’
‘This way, we don’t need to creep around. We can just be together.’
‘I don’t understand. Where has this come from?’ she asked.
He couldn’t tell her the truth and although this would change everything between them, he believed it could make them better. He couldn’t keep walking into dangerous situations with her, never knowing when he was going to zone out or lose control. Never knowing who he was going to bump into.
He felt as though he was partially responsible for what happened to him, purely because he had antagonised Reece Corrigan. What if, instead of retaliating against Adrian, he had retaliated against Imogen? No. Adrian could live with a lot of things, but losing Imogen wouldn’t be one of them. He had learned the hard way that you couldn’t take love for granted, that it could be ripped from you at any moment.
‘I love you, Imogen. That’s all that matters. I just need a break from all this. With every case I seem to lose myself more and more. If I don’t take control now, I don’t know where I will end up.’
‘What will you do?’
‘I don’t want you to worry about that. I just wanted to tell you,’ he said, noticing that she didn’t try to talk him out of it.
He saw tears gathering in Imogen’s eyes. He knew it was a lot, what he was asking. He was changing her life as much as he was his, but he honestly didn’t know what else to do. This was the only way to save himself, to save them. He kissed her again. She sniffled and pulled him in close for an embrace. For the first time in weeks they were really together, and he was thinking about her and not himself.
Adrian was going to be as honest as possible with Imogen from now on. He was going to put his attack behind him and get better. If that proved too difficult then there was a box hidden in the back of the cupboard under his stairs. The box was full of photocopied police files relating to Reece Corrigan spanning several years. His clothes from that night were in there, too, and any other information that might be useful should he decide to find the man who raped him.
He wouldn’t have the job getting in the way anymore. No one would be watching his every move, keeping him accountable. The idea of revenge and retribution stirred in the back of his mind and he found it impossible to ignore. He was almost excited at the prospect. He could make the man that assaulted him pay.
‘What are you thinking about?’ Imogen said.
‘The future. Us.’
He kissed her neck and then her face again. He was ready to show her that he was willing to change everything, for her. The weight had lifted a little and he wanted this, he wanted her. This was the beginning of the rest of his life.