Alicia entered Berkeley hoping that a doctorate in economics would put her over the top in her quest for the special silver teapot. Considered by her professors to be a rising star, she sped through Berkeley’s graduate program in much the way she had attacked the undergraduate program at Stanford. By the beginning of 1986, at age twenty-eight, she had finished the coursework and passed all of the examinations necessary to advance her candidacy to the final stage: the time-consuming, all-important doctoral thesis.
Thanks to retreating interest rates and the recovering economy, Alicia felt comfortable financially, and for the first time she seriously considered leaving Lil’s Place to focus her energies on her dissertation. Then, one Wednesday in late January, she was joking with Cathy near the stairway when Mother Lil called her into the office and asked her to close the door.
“I’ve got to check into the hospital for a few days,” said Mother Lil. “I’ve got a clogged artery that’s giving me problems, and the doctors say I need to fix it.”
“Oh no! Is everything going to be okay?”
“I hope so, child,” said Mother Lil, appearing upbeat. “If all goes well, I should be out of the hospital in a week or so. But until I can get back on my feet again, I need you to handle things for me. Will you do that, Alicia?”
“Not to worry. Just go take care of yourself, and I’ll take care of everything here.”
“I knew I could count on you,” said Mother Lil with a toothy grin. “I’ll let the others know. I’ll be leaving for the hospital a week from today. The surgery is scheduled for the morning after. Shelby is going to take me, and I’d like you to come along with him. I have some personal things I want to give you after we get there.”
Alicia eyed Mother Lil with concern. She had a bad feeling, but let it go. “I’ll be ready,” she said.
Later that afternoon, Alicia joined the other girls from the second floor in the sitting room, where Mother Lil was waiting. In addition to Lucy, gone now were Joanna, Diana, and Lindsay. Still remaining from the original group were Cathy, Celia, and Danielle.
Mother Lil explained her need to have surgery. Celia started crying amidst sympathetic responses from the others. When Mother Lil announced that Alicia would be in charge during her absence, only Danielle signaled a protest, stomping her foot and whipping her head away.
In the days following the meeting, Mother Lil taught Alicia how to process the first-floor girls and schedule dates. She spoke no further about her condition.
Alicia found Mother Lil in her hospital room, her round form moonlike beneath the white sheets. “The doctors tell me I got to have this surgery,” she said to Alicia. “If I don’t, I could drop dead anytime.”
Alicia frowned.
“Now, you need to listen to me very carefully,” continued Mother Lil in earnest. “I’m not predicting nothing, but when they put you under you never know if you’re going to wake up, so you have to prepare for the worst.”
“Mother Lil, let’s not worry about that now,” interrupted Alicia. “You are going to be just fine.”
“Let me finish!” snapped Mother Lil, handing her purse to Alicia. “Take this with you when you leave. Inside you’re going to find my keys to Lil’s Place, and one of those keys opens the door to my bedroom. If something happens to me, you go into that room. There’s an envelope for you on my bed.”
Mother Lil paused as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’m scared, Licia,” she eventually said, “but I think I’ve set things to rights. I’ve had to lie and cheat a good part of my life just to survive. I started making amends with Lil’s Place and the first-floor girls, making sure the ones coming in lost and hungry had a safe place to regroup for a few days. But one of the best things I’ve done is you, helping you and loving you like a daughter. So maybe if this surgery doesn’t work out, I’ve got a chance to see an angel after I die, rather than the other possibility.” Mother Lil chuckled to herself, wiping away tears.
“I’m so proud of you, Licia. You’ve turned out to be everything I thought you would be. Now I need you to make me a promise. If something happens to me, I’ve left Lil’s Place to you. You promise me you’ll keep things going as long as you can, especially what goes on with the first floor. And if you ever decide to close Lil’s Place, make sure the second-floor girls have someplace to go and something good to do. Lil’s Place is my legacy. Keep it going for me, and get your Ph.D. Promise me both, Licia, promise me both!”
“I promise,” said Alicia, fighting back tears. “Let’s not worry anymore about the negative. I will be here tomorrow morning when they take you in for surgery, and I will be the first face you see when you wake up.”
The next morning, Alicia and the rest of the girls visited with Mother Lil before her surgery. When the attendants rolled her away, everyone went to the visitors’ room, where they waited for hours. Finally, a doctor dropped by the room and asked for Alicia. He told her the surgery had been successful and she could visit Mother Lil in recovery.
Mother Lil squinted into Alicia’s face as the effects of the anesthesia began wearing off. “Are you an angel?” she asked.
“No, Mother Lil. I told you Licia would be the first face you would see when you woke up. Remember?”
“Oh,” said Mother Lil. “You are my angel.”
After a brief visit, Alicia returned with the others to Lil’s Place. She worked in Mother Lil’s office as the girls quietly resumed their normal activities. But each time the phone rang, Alicia found a group hovering around the door, wondering whether the hospital was calling about Mother Lil. She decided to call Mother Lil’s nurse at about four that afternoon.
“Hi, this is Alicia Du Bois, and I’m calling to check on Lillian Pettigrew,” said Alicia when the nurse answered.
“She’s fine, resting comfortably,” said the nurse. “At this point, everything is normal.”
Alicia stepped outside the office. “I just called the hospital, and Mother Lil is doing fine,” she announced. Cheering broke out at Lil’s Place.
Two hours later, Alicia’s bedroom door flew open as Celia and Cathy rushed in.
“The hospital is on Mother Lil’s line,” said Cathy, “and they want to talk to you.”
Alicia looked at Cathy and saw concern. She looked at Celia and saw worse. “Is something wrong?” she asked, an icy grip seizing her heart.
“I don’t know,” said Cathy. “I asked them. They said they could only talk to you.”
“I don’t feel good about this at all,” said Celia, shedding tears.
Alicia and the others scrambled downstairs into Mother Lil’s office. Danielle, who had been standing on the stairs as they passed, followed them into the room. Alicia grabbed the phone and introduced herself to a hospital official. The others watched, and she knew they were attempting to read her reaction.
Moments later, Alicia dropped the phone and looked down, unable to face the others. “I can’t believe this,” she said. “Mother Lil, she—she was fine only a couple of hours ago. They said she died from a massive stroke.”
Cathy moaned as Danielle’s hands shot to the top of her head. Danielle stood stiffly, closed her eyes, and left the office.
“She’s really dead?” asked Celia, her eyes wild. “Mother Lil is really gone?”
Alicia nodded, and Celia went to her knees. “I knew it,” she cried. “I felt it, but I tried not to believe it. Mother Lil was my mama. She took care of me! Now what?”
“I don’t know,” said Alicia, her worst fears coming true. She plopped into a chair, covering her face with both hands. She heard Celia’s sorrowful wails and started to drop to her knees, but then she heard Danielle breaking the news. An outbreak of pandemonium ran through Lil’s Place.
Not now! she thought as pitiful sounds of sorrow, anger, and fear snapped her away from grief. Pull yourself together. Mother Lil prepared for this. She left you in charge for a reason. Take control! You’re not a little girl anymore. You’re a woman—a Tilman woman! You know what Mama Tilman would do. She’d control the pain and keep on stepping.
Alicia’s jaw tightened as she eyed Cathy and Celia, wailing on the floor.
“Let’s go,” she said. “We have work to do.”
“Huh?” said Celia through her sobs.
“I said get up! You both are senior girls here. The younger ones are more lost than us. It’s time to tend to them. It’s what Mother Lil would have wanted.”
“But Alicia, who is going to take care of us now that Mother Lil is gone?” whimpered Celia.
“It’s time we took care of ourselves. You guys go tell everyone to meet me in the sitting room in one hour,” she said. “I have Mother Lil’s business to tend to.”
Cathy stood, but Celia stayed on the floor. Alicia dropped down and cradled her before lifting her up. “You two stay calm,” she said, holding on to Celia and pulling Cathy to her. “We still have each other.”
Alicia started back to her bedroom, stopping along the way to comfort others. When she arrived, she found Mother Lil’s purse in her closet, dug through for the keys, and then went back downstairs. Unlocking the door, she stepped in the spacious, sparkling-clean bedroom for the first time. She bypassed the legal-sized envelope addressed to her on the bed in search of a familiar fragrance. Burying her head in a pillow, she smelled the scent she yearned for—the one reminding her of the old folks in Chesapeake, and now of Mother Lil. Alicia kissed the pillow and opened the envelope. Inside she found several documents and a handwritten note.
My Dearest Alicia:
If you’re reading this letter, that means I’ve moved on from this world into another. Hopefully I’ve found my way to the right place. If that is true, then you will know, because I’ll keep an eye on you and make sure you stay on your path.
I love you, Alicia. I haven’t loved in such a long time, but I love you, and you have been a blessing to me. You’ve become my child. I never should have gotten rid of the other one. That’s why I never tried to force abortion on you or anyone else. It’s one of my regrets.
Now to get down to business. Lil’s Place is nothing more than the house and some bank accounts and licenses. The licenses are all issued to me, and I’ve already made arrangements for their issuance to you, including the permit that allows Lil’s Place to operate as an escort service in San Francisco. I own the house outright. A couple of years ago, I changed the deed from my name alone to yours and mine in joint tenancy. Since I’m gone, that means the house is yours. You’ll find the deed in the envelope.
There are two accounts, an operating account and a savings account. When I changed the deed, I also added your name on the accounts. You’re my beneficiary. The bank already knows about you, and they’re waiting for you to come in and sign the signature cards. The money is all yours. Don’t spend it all in one place. Knowing you, you won’t buy yourself anything. You’ll just invest it all. That’s one of the things I love about you.
You’ll find my lawyer’s card in the envelope. If you need any help, give him a call. He knows who you are. You already know the bookkeeper. She takes care of the taxes and the payroll deductions and the like.
All burial arrangements have been taken care of. The mortician’s card is in the envelope, too. He’s waiting for a call from you when the time comes. He will take care of everything. It’s all paid for.
You were right about saving money. I’ve been saving for need, and now that I’m gone, the excess is for you. Run Lil’s Place the way I’ve been running it, with the girls from the second floor and all, and you will make a lot of money. But do me a favor. Don’t change the name. If you change it to Alicia’s Place or something like that, and you feel a slap against your head and there’s no one around, it was me.
The rest of my things you can have or give away as you see fit. They’re nothing more than old memories.
Assuming I’m in the right place, I’ll see you in another hundred years or so. Until then, remember the one who loves ya.
Mother Lil
Alicia sifted through the remainder of the envelope. She found the business cards and the deed to Lil’s Place, as well as recent bank statements for Mother Lil’s accounts. Alicia first looked at the operating account and saw a balance of $34,363.75. Then she found the savings account. The final entry showed a recent deposit of $15,000 and a balance of $463,998.51.
Alicia dropped onto Mother Lil’s bed, instantly wealthier than she had ever thought possible. But she wanted Mother Lil alive and well, not her money. She wanted the woman who had nurtured her when she needed nurturing; the woman who had protected her when she needed protection; and the woman who had managed distinct enterprises on two separate floors and taken responsibility for the welfare of others.
Alicia’s life had suddenly and dramatically changed, but not necessarily for the better. I don’t want the responsibilities, she fretted. I can’t be Mother Lil. I want what I hope is the solution to my problems—a Ph.D. in economics. I can’t get involved in messy complications and delays.
Then Alicia remembered her promise to Mother Lil—to run Lil’s Place and earn her Ph.D. Wait a minute, that’s it! Mother Lil has given me a huge gift, and it is not just money. If I substitute myself for her, my days as an escort are over. I can work a reduced schedule, make more money, and still finish my dissertation. Alicia smiled. Thank you, Mother Lil, from the bottom of my heart. I have loved you to your death; I will love you till mine.
On the day following Mother Lil’s funeral, Alicia scheduled a meeting with all of the girls from the second floor. Everyone arrived in the sitting room on time, except for Danielle. When she finally strolled in twenty minutes late, she slid into a chair without acknowledging anyone and started thumbing through the pages of a magazine.
She’s adding fuel to the fire, thought Alicia, remembering how Danielle had avoided her at the church the day before and snubbed Lucy, who had flown in from Hong Kong for the services. Ignore her attitude, thought Alicia, and try to remain polite.
“Ladies, Mother Lil asked me to continue the legacy of Lil’s Place,” began Alicia. “I am prepared to do that, and all of you are welcome to continue her legacy with me. None of you—”
“Who gave you the right to run Lil’s Place?” barked Danielle.
“Mother Lil,” said Alicia.
“Don’t start, Danielle,” said Cathy, “and you’d better watch your tone. You heard Mother Lil put Alicia in charge before she went to the hospital.”
“That was temporary. Now we’re talking about a permanent arrangement.” Danielle waved a scoffing hand. “What’s Licia going to do, make money off the rest of us?”
Alicia held a manila folder in her hands. As the new girls glanced between her and Danielle, she pulled out copies of the documents and passed them around.
“For the benefit of those of you who need to know,” she said, returning to her chair, “here is a copy of the deed to Lil’s Place. Mother Lil put the house in her name and mine as joint tenants, which means that since she has passed, it now belongs to me. For her own reasons, Mother Lil left me Lil’s Place and the rest of her estate. You’ll see that I’ve also included a copy of her attorney’s business card. If the deed does not suffice or you question what I’m telling you, you are free to call him for confirmation.”
“Why you?” objected Danielle, scanning the deed with contempt. “What makes you so much better than the rest of us? What spell did you put on Mother Lil to have your way?”
“I’m not any better than anyone else, and I didn’t know anything about Mother Lil’s wishes until the end. She made me promise to continue Lil’s Place, even though I have other things I’m working on.”
“You always have other things you’re working on, like stealing everybody’s customers.” Danielle stood with her hands on her hips. “You know what? You have no power over me. I don’t care what this paper says. You’re nobody, Alicia! You think you’re so damn smart, but you ain’t shit! You hear me? You ain’t nobody, and you ain’t shit. You’re just an uppity-acting, half-white bitch, thrown out by your parents ’cause your skanky, whoring ass got knocked up.”
Alicia leapt from her chair and balled her hands into fists, tight and hard, as the manila folder fell to the ground.
Danielle gave Alicia a what-do-you-think-you’re-doing look. Celia rose to intercede, but Alicia shot out a palm, warning Celia to sit back down.
“Danielle, I’m going to tell you what you can do with yourself. If you don’t like that I’m in charge, pack your damn bags and get the hell out. I run Lil’s Place now, which means you report to me. So, what’s it going to be? Are you going to leave on your own, or am I going to have to make you leave?”
Celia’s eyes grew large as she turned to Cathy. “Can you believe this?” she whispered. “After all these years, I’ve never heard Alicia cuss at anybody.”
“Still waters run deep,” murmured Cathy, “and watch out when they overflow.”
Alicia threw her shoulders back as her arms tightened at her sides. Danielle’s expression turned from anger to uncertainty, but she took too long to respond. Alicia pounded her fists against her hips and charged.
“Oh, shit!” said a girl seated next to Danielle, scrambling out of the way.
Danielle’s mouth dropped open. She raised her palms and sank back into her seat just as Alicia arrived with her right arm cocked well behind her head.
“Okay, okay,” yelled Danielle. “Wait a minute! Damn, Licia. There’s no need to get so upset. Damn, okay, so you’re the one in charge. I guess that means I, uh, work for you—if that’s okay.”
Alicia lowered her hands, but kept them clenched. “What’s my name?” she hissed.
Danielle shook her head in confusion. “Licia,” she finally answered, adding, “I apologize for calling you a bitch and a whore and the other things I said.”
“What’s my name?” yelled Alicia as she went nose to nose with Danielle.
“Honey, you tried to bogart,” said Simone Mercier, a new girl. “All bark and no bite. You better make her your mama if you don’t want your ass kicked.”
“Mama Licia,” mumbled Danielle, sniveling.
“Say it louder!”
“Mama Licia!”
“If you ever call me out of my name again, or otherwise interfere with me or Lil’s Place, I will polish these wood floors with your ass. Do we understand one another completely?”
“Yes,” muttered Danielle, burying her face in her hands.
Alicia turned toward her chair, tasting blood. In her lust to get to Danielle, she had bitten her lower lip. She snatched the folder off the floor, closed her eyes, and searched for calm, finding it in quick thoughts of her father. She avoided thoughts of her mother, finding a commonality between mother and daughter she had never believed existed.
Alicia turned and faced the girls as though nothing had happened.
“If anyone feels as Danielle did, you are free to leave,” she said. “But I have envelopes for each of you. It’s money Mother Lil would have wanted you to have, and it is yours to keep. Danielle, even if you had left, you would have taken this money with you as a parting gift from Mother Lil. Any of the rest of you planning to leave should let me know by ten tomorrow morning. If I have not heard from you by then, I will assume you intend to stay. I’m sure you know there is a waiting list of girls who want to be escorts here. I am about to hire one to take my place, and if I have to hire more than one, I’m prepared to do that. Whether you stay or leave, the money is yours. Does everyone understand?”
“Yes, Mama Licia,” answered the girls in unison.
Alicia began distributing the envelopes. When she reached Danielle, she smelled fear and felt a sudden pang of sympathy.
To each of the senior girls—Celia, Cathy, and Danielle—Alicia gave ten thousand dollars in cash. The four newcomers each received two thousand dollars.
As gasps rang out across the room, Danielle counted her money and wiped her eyes. She smiled at Alicia as she walked over. “Mother Lil would have never given me a dime unless I worked for it,” she said, extending her arms, “so I know this comes from you. Thank you, Licia. I am very, very sorry.”
Alicia embraced Danielle. When the two separated, Alicia surveyed the others.
“There is one other thing I would like to discuss, especially with you older girls,” she said. “Cathy, Celia, and Danielle, you know we’re not getting any younger. What are we going to do when our looks start to fade and these men decide to replace us with younger girls?”
“I’ve been thinking about that,” said Cathy. “It happened to Joanna.”
“That’s why we need to start planning for the future,” said Alicia. “We should form an investment club. We can pool our money together and invest in stocks. Now is a good time.”
“Isn’t that what you already do?” asked Celia.
“Yes, and I’ve done pretty well.”
“How well?” asked Cathy, more serious than Alicia had ever seen her.
“My portfolio has gone up about twelve percent per year for the past two years. It’s now up a total of twenty-five percent with compounding, but don’t expect even returns like mine. There may be years where our return is twenty percent, maybe even better, and years when we lose money. Investing in the market is a long-term proposition. Over time, performance generally averages out to about ten percent per year. If we can beat that average consistently, then we should go into investment management and charge for our services.” Alicia almost laughed at the thought while the others exchanged glances.
“Look, no one has to make up their mind today,” she continued. “Think about it. This offer is open to anyone interested.”
“Will you invest our money for us?” asked Debbi Williams, a new girl.
“In the beginning, yes, but for those of you who are interested, I want you to take a class on stock investing. Then we will meet from time to time, and each girl will be responsible for presenting a new idea, a stock she thinks we ought to buy. Soon we’ll make group decisions. There’s no guarantee we’ll make money. I’ve made some choices that didn’t work out. But over the long term, it’s better than wasting your money away or leaving it in a checking account.”
Danielle approached Alicia. “I’m in,” she said, offering Alicia her envelope.
“Me, too,” said Cathy.
“And me as well,” said Celia, causing a mini-stampede.
When the meeting ended, Celia pulled Alicia into Mother Lil’s office. “Damn, where did all that come from?” she said, grinning. “Were you really going to kick her ass?”
“I’ve been ignoring Danielle for years, but that had to end today, given what she said.”
“And who taught you how to fight?”
Alicia looked away. “My mother.”
Celia smiled, gazing into Alicia’s eyes. “I remember when you first came here. You were quiet and scared. Now look at you. You remember what I told you then, about being a super-bad bitch? Well, it won’t be long now.”
The tension of the meeting had worn on Alicia. She and Lucy were scheduled to have dinner that evening, and she was eager for Lucy’s friendship, feeling lonely and isolated from the others.
Alicia had avoided Mother Lil’s bedroom since the day of her death. She had realized then that the room belonged to her, but had decided to withhold her claim until after her conversation with the girls. Now, she strode down the hall to examine her new home at Lil’s Place.
Peering in, she noticed a picture on the dresser that she had missed on her first visit. It showed a young, pretty woman and a handsome man in a warm embrace. Alicia wondered whether the woman might have been Mother Lil at a much younger age. She appeared to be in her early twenties and was smiling radiantly. Full figured but not fat, she seemed to be what men would have called a brick house, a woman to whistle and stare at with hungry eyes.
Mother Lil’s record collection was next to her stereo equipment, and Alicia thumbed through albums of the various artists Mother Lil had liked. Her eyes eventually moved to a bookshelf, where she found several books written by Du Bois, including The Philadelphia Negro.
Alicia stumbled upon a scrapbook and personal journals. She opened the scrapbook and saw an old black-and-white photo of several children. The caption at the top read “St. Charles Orphanage, Chicago, Illinois, 1936.” The name Lillian Black appeared beneath a picture of a skinny little girl.
Alicia continued to turn pages and studied pictures of the same girl as she grew older. The album included several pictures of the man in the photo on the dresser, including a picture of the happy couple with Mother Lil’s handwriting on the back: “Lil with the love of her life, Willie Pettigrew.”
Alicia turned to the journals. One seemed especially old. She opened the cover and read Mother Lil’s brief handwritten notes.
September 11, 1943—There’s a war going on, and I escaped from the orphanage. I’m going to find a job working in a factory and then make my way west.
September 18, 1943—I can’t find a job, and I’m out of money. A nice man, Sammy, is letting me stay in an alley with him. He’s got covers and such and a little food he’s willing to share. He says I can stay until I get on my feet.
September 20, 1943—Sammy asked me for sex, and I said no. He put a knife to my throat and forced himself on me. He hurt me bad. My first time. When he finished, he went to sleep. I snuck the knife away and cut his nasty-ass throat. I watched the bastard die, and then I took his money and some things I wanted and left.
September 22, 1943—I saw an old woman walking down the street today. I snatched her purse and ran. I found ten dollars. I hope it wasn’t her last ten dollars, but I am so hungry. I know God is going to punish me. Now I’m a murderer and a thief. I’m so sorry.
November 18, 1943—I’m pregnant. Maybe this is my punishment. I’m running numbers now for Big John. I can’t keep this baby. John says he knows somebody who can help me get rid of it.
December 1, 1943—I got rid of the baby yesterday. I hope they knew what they were doing. It hurts. It hurts so bad.
January 14, 1944—My number came in! I got fifteen hundred dollars, and I’m moving west. I got to find that old lady before I go and give her her money back.
January 24, 1944—I can’t find the old lady. I feel so bad. If I ever make me some money I’m going to make it up to God some kind of way.
Alicia could bear to read no further and returned the journal to its place. She had known nothing of Mother Lil’s past. She only knew that Mother Lil had regrets. Now she understood Mother Lil’s true meaning when calling Lil’s Place her legacy.
Alicia opened a newer-looking journal labeled My Girls and landed on a page with Danielle’s name written across the top.
July 11, 1974—Danielle Nix came in today looking for help. She’s a pretty girl. Father is black, mother is white. Father abandoned mother and daughter years ago, and now mother has thrown her out because she’s pregnant. This girl wants to be a model, but she suffers from low self-esteem.
Danielle just accused me of her circumstances, thought Alicia. She has a problem, and maybe Mother Lil put her finger on it.
She continued to fumble through the journal, anxious to find Mother Lil’s thoughts concerning her. She finally stopped at a page labeled with her name.
August 12, 1975—I have taken in Alicia Tilman, a real beauty, and moved her immediately to the second floor. She’ll room with Lucy Chen. Those two should be good for each other. Alicia is smart, but she’s also pregnant and running from her parents. At some point, she’ll learn that you can’t run from your problems. It won’t make them go away.
Alicia slammed the journal closed.