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SHAMANIC DIRECTIVES FOR ADDRESSING ANGER
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
SHAMANIC TEACHING
Anger is another way energy is brought to us to sustain life. But anger is also wrath that can harm yourself and others. When anger strikes, go after the energy, but stretch yourself away from the wrath. Here you must allow the absurd to step in quickly, utilize the energy to immediately act, and stretch anger into the dimension of play. It is often difficult to pull yourself away from the throes of anger. It may help to carry a tiny bell with you. Ring it when you feel the anger beginning to escalate. Focus on hearing the sound and do your best to step aside and give yourself a time out, allowing you to complete a shamanic directive.
When one can stretch anger between the ends of serious upset and ridiculous madness, a very strong spiritual arm of the cross can be created. Loving one’s enemy is the strongest medicine, the most powerful shamanic ritual, and the most transformative shape-shift. Accept anger as one of the greatest gifts you can receive. It’s powerful, like nitroglycerine, but when handled appropriately, can blow your mind open to new shamanic dimensions.
Obtain a medium-sized cardboard box and place some plastic fruit inside it. Print these words on the outside of the box:
He who is slow to anger, is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, better than he who captures a city.
When you feel that your anger is about to get out of control, go to the box and open its top. Open your mouth as wide as you can, but do not make a sound. Bend over with your head over the box’s opening and imagine the excess anger pouring out of your mouth. In your mind’s eye, imagine it as a vaporous gas.
Allow enough time to fully empty this vapor of anger into the container. Close the top and wait patiently for one minute as you imagine the vapor being stabilized and neutralized by the sweetness of the fruit. At the end of this time, open the lid, light a match, and hold it in the middle of the box. This will show you that the vapor is no longer volatile.
Considerations
DIRECTIVE: THE FALLEN FINGER
Choose one finger that you will designate “the fallen finger—the finger of anger.” Whenever you are angry, flutter this finger in a rapid vibratory movement. Imagine that its vibration is the energy pulse of your anger. Keep vibrating that angry finger until you sense that your anger is starting to feel tired.
Considerations
DIRECTIVE: THE CHARGED CARD
Choose a person you think may have been the angriest person in the history of the world. On a stiff piece of cardboard the size of a credit card, write this angry person’s name. On the other side, write these words:
Carry this anger card in your wallet. When you feel an angry voice speaking through you, open your wallet, pull out your anger card, and look at the name printed on it. With a shamanic attitude, imagine squeezing your anger into this card. Say, “With the help of three saints, help me put my anger into this card.” After vigorously doing this, turn the card over to the other side and read the words you wrote there earlier.
DIRECTIVE: SPIRITUAL ADJUSTMENTS
The next time you feel so angry that you begin worrying about your ability to control your temper, sit down and take off your right shoe. Reach over and squeeze your big toe ten times and tap your heel three times. With your index finger poke the middle part of your foot and hold it there for five seconds. Say silently, “Release it, Lord.” If anyone asks what you are doing tell them you have an old injury that sometimes heats up, requiring you to make an adjustment.
Considerations
Wait for the next time you get in a heated argument with someone with whom you have a close relationship. As the argument escalates into anger, hand the other person a card the size of a business card that says:
Immediately say, “Excuse me. I had to do that.” Offer no explanation other than, “I’m trying to develop a shamanic shock card. It may be connected to a lost book of the Bible. What do you think?”
Considerations
DIRECTIVE: REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM
Make a list of all the angry words you really don’t ever want to say to anyone but feel tempted to say when you become extremely angry. Using an extrafine pen, write these words on a piece of paper.
Take the list of “no-no words” to a copy shop and reduce it to a smaller size. Keep making reduced copies until it is impossible to read what you wrote. Every time you reduce it, say, “Take it away, Lord.”
Carry these angry words with you. The next time you’re angry and tempted to launch some of these words, pull out your invisible list and pretend to read it.
Considerations
When your anger boils in the home, place your elbow on an ice cube either on the floor or on a counter, and scoot the cube from one corner of the kitchen to another corner. Imagine that this is a shamanic way of walking on water.
Considerations
DIRECTIVE: COOKING THE SCRIPTURE
Place at least three alarm clocks on a table in your house. Place nothing else on this table except a Bible that has been wrapped with aluminum foil. When an argument with a family member turns into heated anger, both of you are to go to the table and turn on every alarm. You may not speak a word, but are allowed to cover your ears. Endure this alarm for at least several minutes. Then, without uttering a sound, go to a closet and retrieve a package of red-hot candies you placed there in preparation for such an occasion. Each of you is to place one candy in the other’s mouth. Try to take this task as seriously as you can. After you have each sucked on the red-hot candy for ten seconds, you may each say one word to the other person.
DIRECTIVE: PRIZEFIGHT
When caught in the habit of arguing with your intimate other, stop and think of yourselves as two professional prizefighters. In the room where most of your word fights take place, put a stool in each corner, as in a professional boxing ring. Under each stool, place a water bottle with a mist attachment. A clean and folded towel and a pair of boxing shorts should rest on top of each stool.
Keep a bell in this room that you can ring whenever a heated argument breaks out. When the bell is rung, both of you must run to the room and, as quickly as you can, peel off your clothes and change into your boxer shorts. Spray some mist all over your body, particularly your face, and then stand facing one another. You are now to exchange puffs of air at one another for sixty seconds. You may not puff on the other’s face, but can blow on any other part of their body. No spitting or words are allowed—only wind puffs. Ring the bell to signal the end of the round. Spray yourself and use a towel if necessary to dry off uncomfortable wetness. Do this until one of you says, “Isn’t it strange that the Holy Spirit is a wind?”
DIRECTIVE: TEMPER MEMORIALS
The next time you feel like losing your temper, escape to a private place and write these words on the floor with a pencil:
IN MEMORY OF MY TEMPER
Be sure to write the exact date underneath this memorial to your anger.
Considerations
Purchase a lock and key from a hardware store. On the lock print the word anger. To the key, attach the word control. Carry this lock and key with you when you think you may be getting into a situation that may tempt your temper. When the temptation to let out a burst of anger strikes you, pull out the lock and unlock it with your key. Imagine your anger being released without your having to say a word. Wait a few minutes and then lock it up again. View this as a spiritual practice. Imagine other ways in which you might use keys to lock and unlock other challenges in your life.
Considerations
DIRECTIVE: ANGER CODE
When it’s impossible to keep from spewing out your anger, do it in code. Instead of saying, “You *#*@&! How can you be such an #%*hole?” try saying, “You meteor! How did you leave such a big crater?”
Say this as if you were actually saying the curse words. Imagine you are saying the toxic words through a secret code or voice translator. You know what you are really saying, although others don’t have a clue. Think about this way of talking as a long-forgotten technique of Christian shamanism.
DIRECTIVE: FINDING YOUR LOST TEMPER
The next time you’re about to lose your temper with your spouse, say aloud, “I’ve lost my temper. I need to find it before my soul starts looking.” Even if you blow it, as soon as you notice you’ve lost your temper stop and say, “Damn it! I lost my temper again.” At this point, begin asking your spouse for clues about where she or he has hidden your temper. Your spouse will have previously hidden an envelope labeled with the word “temper.” The envelope will contain a description of the prize you get for finding your temper. This prize should be something that brings pleasure and surprise to both of you.
Considerations
CONCLUDING THOUGHTS
We’re taught that anger is a tough challenge. It is supposed to be nearly impossible to control and when it gets ignited, look out because we are not supposed to be able to stop it in midcourse. The Christian shaman knows better. If you were in the heat of anger and an Unidentified Flying Object flew in front of you, believe me, you would instantly forget about being angry. Similarly, if an erotic stimulus suddenly came upon you, anger would disappear faster than a speeding bullet. Anger doesn’t discourage the Christian shaman. Its appearance as a tough Brutus is simply seen as a masquerade. Anger’s outer face may appear unchangeable, but on the inside it is a shamanic pussycat.
With the spirit of contrary trickster wisdom, practice seeing anger as a pushover. Believe that it can be stilled at a second’s notice. Visualize yourself doing this. See if you can make it happen once. Simulate an angry moment and immediately perform its transformation. If you can alter anger and take it to absurd places, you will be well on your way to shamanic mastery.