The source material for this book came from face-to-face interviews, some audio taped, videotaped, or handwritten. I am grateful for the heartrending conversations with my family, including my mother and father, Ella and Charles Jackson; my husband, Luther Johnson; Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Tony Boehle and their children.
My brothers Charles Nathan and David spent many hours reconstructing memories and impressions of our mixed-race lives, individually and collectively. There was soul-searching at every turn. I thank them for telling the truth, however painful, in support of this work.
The Clique Club women Sally McCullough (and her husband, Bill) and Marie Crump were an important part of my growing up, and their daughters Valorie Braziel and Diane Crump Richmond generously fleshed out their stories by talking with me for days. Angela Williams; her children, Sandra, Rick, and Robert; her husband, George; her grandson; and her original hometown are all changed names. During lengthy conversations, that family agreed to include their story if they were disguised in some way. That request honors their mother’s dying wish not to reveal her double-life secret. These families have been my family and I tried to represent them fairly and truthfully on these pages. I am deeply indebted to all of them for their openness and honesty. I love you all and I feel you.
Say I’m Dead is recreated from collective memories, recounted by those involved or present, and family stories told to us. They have been checked among these parties, their husbands, children, and siblings wherever possible. People in this book do not remember everything, nor do they all remember it exactly the same way. But I did my best to tell what I learned from extensive talks over a decade to capture their experiences in their own words before writing it. Thank you to my mother, “Ella” Jackson, whose work on this project was fundamental in making the story whole. I wish she, my father, my brothers Charles Nathan and David, my husband Luther, Aunt Dorothy, and “Angela” had lived to read it.
Thank you to my agent, Jessica Papin, who believed in my story from the day we met and continued to encourage me. Thank you to my editor, Jerry Pohlen, and all the staff at Chicago Review Press who worked with me to bring this book into the world.
Many thanks to those who helped me put this memoir on the page. Instructors and writing groups at GrubStreet in Boston were instrumental. Special thanks go to Alex Marzano Lesnevich who taught me to write memoir, and those who read the manuscript front to back and offered valuable suggestions: Jonathan Escoffery, Jessamyn Hope, Cindy Layton, Mary C. Curtis, Deborah Schifter, and Priscilla Bourgoine. Thank you to those who started me on my writing path, including my classmates and supportive friends in the WWWA writing group and Memoir Incubator Program.
Much of writing, structure, and editing of Say I’m Dead was done during writing residencies that provided the time, space, and solitude to work undisturbed in their studios and nurturing environments. Thank you to Djerassi, Ragdale, the Virginia Center for Creative Arts, Blue Mountain Center, and Wellspring House for those especially productive opportunities.
Thank you to the many personal cheerleaders, too many to name, who encouraged me in this project for years. Chief among them is my daughter, Jennifer E. Johnson, a constant inspiration. Her belief in my work and willing ear throughout the process sustained me through years of work.