Riley wasn’t sure he wanted to go to coffee at Black Gold this Friday. Now that his son was older, he was normally one of the most consistent in the group. He enjoyed catching up with his friends for twenty or thirty minutes before arriving at his current construction site. But he knew everyone would have a lot of questions for him this morning. The last time they’d gotten together, he’d stormed the women’s restroom and punched Buddy Mansfield in the face. And although he’d received several texts from his friends after that incident, as well as a few calls, he hadn’t returned most of them.
He told himself he’d skip the get-together. It was difficult to explain what he was feeling for Phoenix; he didn’t want to be tied down to anything.
But in the end, he saw their cars in the parking lot and couldn’t just drive by.
“Hey!” Dylan was on his cell phone but gave him a nod. Riley waved and got a cup of coffee before sitting down with Eve, who ran the B and B down the street. She lived with her fiancé, Lincoln, in Placerville these days, but still made the thirty-minute drive to run the B and B. Dylan’s wife, Cheyenne, was there, too—with her five-month-old baby, who was in an infant seat.
“Skeleton crew this week, huh?” he said, dropping a quick kiss on the baby’s head.
Eve checked her watch. “It’s early. I bet Ted and Sophia will show. Kyle, too.”
That reference to Kyle reminded him that Callie, their friend who’d undergone a liver transplant, had been harboring some sort of information she was supposedly sharing with the group. “What about Callie and Levi?”
Cheyenne nodded toward the door. “Speak of the devil.”
Callie and Levi came in, followed closely by Kyle, Kyle’s stepbrother, Brandon, and Brandon’s wife, Olivia. “Now we’re talking.”
It took several minutes for everyone to order and settle into their usual booth in the corner, but Riley didn’t mind. He liked that everyone seemed preoccupied. He planned to insure they remained that way by mentioning Callie’s secret. But Dylan foiled that plan by bringing up the fight with Buddy as soon as he got off the phone.
“How’s Mansfield, you maniac?” he teased.
Riley nearly cursed but managed to hold back. “I’m sure he’s fine. It was a minor skirmish.”
“Not so minor,” Eve said. “It scared the hell out of me. I’ve never seen you like that.”
Riley shrugged. “He has no right to bully Phoenix—or anyone else.”
There was an uncomfortable moment when he thought someone might take up his mother’s argument—“She murdered his sister, remember?”—but no one did. “By the way, your nose looks fine.”
“Like I told you…minor skirmish.”
“Phoenix was mortified that you got involved,” Levi said.
Dylan slid into the booth. “It was more than being mortified. She was so afraid Riley might be hurt she was fighting like a wildcat to get loose. I have no clue what she thought she could do, but she was bound and determined to help.”
“She’s a fighter,” Riley muttered.
“What made you lose your temper like that?” Callie asked. “I mean, we could’ve just called the police.”
“It would’ve been over by the time they got here,” he replied. “I did what I had to do.”
“Does she appreciate it?” Olivia asked.
Riley took a sip of his coffee. “She doesn’t want me in her life. And considering our history, I guess that’s understandable.”
Dylan stretched out his legs. “What do you want?”
“For everyone to stop tormenting her. She’s Jacob’s mother, after all.”
“That’s your only reason for protecting her?” Eve asked.
Riley buried his nose in his cup again before answering. “Of course.”
Kyle didn’t say anything, but he was smirking the whole time, and that drove Riley crazy. He almost wanted to slug his friend.
“So what’s your news?” Riley asked, turning to Callie.
She stared at him. “Excuse me?”
“I hear you’ve got something to share.”
She blushed and glanced at her husband. Then a smile spread across her face as she gazed around the table. “Actually, I do. I was going to make the announcement last week, but…we had that fight. Then I thought I’d wait until Baxter could be with us. He’s been talking about moving back, as you know.”
Cheyenne leaned forward. “But…”
“That could take months. He can’t even come to the cabin for Riley’s birthday, and since Kyle must’ve let the cat out of the bag to Riley, anyway…”
“I haven’t said anything!” Kyle protested.
Eve gripped the table. “What is it?”
Callie took her husband’s hand. “Levi and I are going to have a baby.”
Silence fell as everyone took that in. Riley had never considered that her secret might be a pregnancy. He’d assumed she couldn’t get pregnant, because of her health problems and all the meds she was on.
“Really?” Eve looked dumbfounded but managed to pump her voice full of enthusiasm. “That’s wonderful!”
Callie frowned at their lame attempt to show the proper excitement. “Stop it! I know what you’re thinking. You’re afraid I can’t handle this pregnancy—that it’ll hurt me somehow, or that the meds I’m taking might affect the baby. But Levi and I have talked long and hard about this, together with my doctor, of course, and we’ve decided we want to move forward despite the risks.”
“What are the risks?” Brandon asked, obviously as stunned and concerned as the rest of them. Rarely was it this quiet at coffee.
“I don’t want to go into that. I’d rather focus on the fact that there are a lot of people who have experienced what I’ve experienced, and they’ve given birth successfully. The doctor says there’s no reason Levi and I can’t start a family.”
Riley happened to glimpse the shadow that crossed Levi’s face. But Levi quickly hid that hint of doubt and kissed his wife’s temple. “She’ll be fine,” he said.
“When’s the baby due?” Olivia asked.
“Right before Christmas,” she announced with a smile. “This is going to be the best holiday season of our lives.”
At that point, Riley wished he hadn’t dragged the information out of Callie. What was the hurry in learning that they’d now have to worry about her for the next seven months?
It actually made him a little angry, probably because he would never have made the choice to risk any woman he loved.
* * *
Phoenix had spent the past three days working on bracelets. She’d had so many orders to fill. She’d also been getting up early to finish cleaning her trailer, and to get some healthy food cooked for her mother. At the end of each day, she visited Kyle’s office to check for more orders, communicate with her customers and package what she’d finished so far. Fortunately, she’d figured out how to buy postage online, and Kyle had been kind enough to let her packages go out with his business mail. That saved her considerable time. Now she no longer had to bike to town to use the internet or to arrange shipping.
It was getting late on Friday evening when Kyle came in to find her still using one of his computers.
“Wow, it’s almost nine,” he said. “I thought you’d left and forgotten to turn off the light.”
“No, sorry. I’ve been swamped. But I’m just about done. I need to get home and make three more bracelets.”
“Tonight? It’s the weekend. Don’t you ever do anything for fun?”
“I’m taking Jacob to breakfast in the morning, which should be fun.” Jacob hadn’t said whether his father would be joining them, but she’d let him know he could invite Riley.
“Your boy had an amazing game last night.”
A warm feeling passed through her. Jacob had messaged her about it, told her he’d struck out several players and they’d won by five runs. She was sorry she’d had to miss it. She would’ve pulled away from work for that. Nothing was more important to her than he was. But she hadn’t wanted to upset his grandparents or anyone else by showing up again, since it was another home game.
She’d promised to go to the next game, against Ponderosa, instead. That was coming up at Shingle Springs on Tuesday. Now she just had to determine a way to get there. It was a forty-minute drive. Jake had said his father would be happy to give her a ride, but she couldn’t imagine spending that much time alone with Riley. She hadn’t seen or communicated with him since he’d gotten into that fight with Buddy. For all she knew, he was pissed at her for dragging him into it—even though she hadn’t expected, or asked for, what he’d done.
“I’m excited for Jake.” She sent off her final email and turned to face Kyle. “You’re not going to the Ponderosa game, are you?”
“On Tuesday? No. I’ve got meetings that won’t end until after the game starts—and it’s so far. By the time I could get there, it wouldn’t be worth the drive.”
She nodded.
“Why, what’s up?”
“Nothing,” she said. “I was just curious.”
“Do you need to borrow a vehicle?” he asked. “I’ve got an old pickup my foreman uses on the property. You can take it if you like.”
“Thanks, but I don’t have a current driver’s license.”
“Riley will be going.”
“Yeah. Maybe I’ll catch a ride with him,” she muttered.
Kyle must’ve heard her sarcasm because he peered at her more closely. “He wouldn’t mind. As a matter of fact, I bet he’d like it.”
“Sure he would,” she said with a laugh.
“It’s true.”
Kyle obviously didn’t have a clue. “That would give the whole town something to gossip about.”
“Not really. You are the mother of his son.”
“I’ll figure it out.”
“How’s your business going?” he asked as she gathered up her stuff.
“Right now it’s booming. I have no idea why, but my bracelets seem to have caught on in Southern California. I can hardly keep up with the orders—which is good, since I need the money. And now I can contribute more to Jacob’s care. Riley has always had to carry most of that, so I’m glad I can be a better partner now.”
“You’re one of a kind,” he said with a smile.
She looked at him in surprise. That wasn’t something she heard very often, yet he sounded sincere. “Thanks. I’ll get out of here so you can lock up.”
“I’m having drinks at Sexy Sadie’s with some friends tonight, if you’d like to join us.” He raised his hands. “Don’t worry. This isn’t a date. Just an offer of friendship.”
“Who else is going?” she asked.
“Riley. And the rest of the gang.”
She rolled her eyes. “Riley doesn’t want me horning in on his friends.”
“He doesn’t want you getting close to his single male friends—namely me, since Baxter’s gay—but he’d be fine with this.”
Laughing, she walked out ahead of him. “Thanks, anyway. You guys have a great time.”
“It’s Saturday tomorrow, so my staff’s off. But I can leave a key under that plant by the door if you think you’ll need the computers.”
“If you don’t mind, I’d really appreciate it.”
“No problem. I’ll get you your own key next time I’m in town.”
With a smile and a nod, she headed toward the road, but he called after her.
“Can I give you a ride home on my way to Sexy Sadie’s?”
“Sexy Sadie’s is in the opposite direction,” she pointed out.
“Doesn’t matter. It’d only take a few minutes, and it would make me feel like a gentleman.”
“So I’d be doing you a favor,” she teased.
He chuckled. “If that’s what you have to believe in order to agree.”
It was already dark and there were no streetlights out in the country. She’d made the journey three times this week. It didn’t take long, but…
“Okay,” she said, and let him put her bike in the back of his truck.
But once she was home and he’d left, she had difficulty concentrating on making more bracelets. Her hands were tired, her back ached and she kept thinking about Kyle’s invitation to go to Sexy Sadie’s. She hadn’t been anyplace remotely like that since she was released from prison, and she hadn’t been old enough to go before she was convicted.
Just sitting somewhere unobtrusive, listening to the music and sipping a cold drink sounded nice. Maybe she could ride her bike over, slip in and find a safe corner from which she could watch all the fun.
* * *
Phoenix’s first concern was whether she’d find Buddy Mansfield at Sexy Sadie’s. She couldn’t possibly stay if he was there. One glance at her, and he’d start another problem.
But as she sidled around the edges of the crowded bar, she felt safe. She didn’t even see Kyle and his friends. She checked her watch—nearly midnight. It’d taken her so long to make the decision and get ready, they must’ve gone home.
That was another reason to be relieved, she told herself as she straightened the pretty sundress Kyle had given her.
Suddenly glad she’d decided to embrace this adventure, she settled in a corner. She wasn’t expecting a great deal of tonight. She merely wanted to see what it was like to be out on the town. She thought she might also have a drink. She wasn’t driving; if she fell off her bike, she’d only hurt herself, no one else. Before she could approach the bar, a big, bearlike man came over.
He offered to buy her a beer, but she didn’t want to feel indebted to anyone, even for something that small. So they just talked for a few minutes—or tried to talk above the music. Then he asked her to dance.
When Phoenix tried to refuse, he grabbed her hand and tugged her onto the dance floor as Alice Cooper’s “Poison” came on. She wanted to hear the lyrics—“I want to love you but I better not touch…”—so she agreed to dance with him. If she didn’t, she suspected he’d talk through the whole thing. She’d missed so much in seventeen years—hadn’t danced since the few high school events she’d attended—but she remembered listening to this song over and over and over when Riley broke up with her.
She enjoyed the dance enough to remain on the floor for a second song with her current partner. After that she accepted several invitations from other men. She even had that drink she’d been meaning to have—a glass of wine she sipped while sitting at the bar. She was just beginning to feel warm and loose when she realized that someone was staring at her and looked across the room to see Riley.
Where had he come from? Apparently, he hadn’t left as she’d assumed. But she had no idea why she hadn’t spotted him before. She supposed it was because, once she felt comfortable that there was no one at the bar she had to worry about, she’d quit looking. And it had been more crowded when she’d first arrived.
So where was Kyle? He wasn’t around. Riley sat with some guy she didn’t recognize.
Curving her lips in a polite smile when their eyes connected, she nodded a hello just as someone else came up to ask her to dance. It was a guy who was almost falling-down drunk, someone she’d been trying to avoid. But letting him lead her onto the dance floor gave her an excuse for not walking over to speak to Riley. She allowed the inebriated stranger to pull her into his arms for a Journey song.
As they turned in a rather clumsy circle, she closed her eyes so she wouldn’t be tempted to keep searching for Riley. She needed to let him do whatever he pleased—and to do whatever she pleased for a change. But the man she was dancing with kept hugging her too tight and lowering his hands.
“Stop it,” she hissed, forcing him to loosen his hold when he touched her ass.
“What’s the matter?” With a knowing grin, he pressed her against his arousal, and she nearly broke their embrace. She remembered the thought she’d had a week or so ago—that she should go to Sexy Sadie’s and pick someone up, just to see what sex as a full-fledged adult was like. She was hungry for meaningful touch. But she saw how empty such a cheap substitute would leave her.
Who knew? White trash or not, she wasn’t the type to go home with a stranger. She supposed that was good information to have about herself.
Frustrated with his groping, she lifted his hands and placed them on her waist yet again. “I won’t be able to dance with you if you don’t quit feeling me up,” she said. She would’ve left him on the dance floor, but she didn’t want Riley to think she was in trouble again.
“What, are you some kind of prude?” he grumbled.
“No, I’m not interested.”
“Come on. Give a poor guy a break,” he said, and nuzzled her neck.
Before she could react, Riley appeared and tapped her partner on the shoulder. “My turn, friend,” he said.
“What?” The guy had to squint to even see him clearly.
“I said I’ll take it from here.”
The interruption seemed to confuse her partner, but Riley acted as if he had every right, so the guy didn’t argue. He muttered something about not realizing she was with someone and stumbled off.
Relieved but confused as to why Riley would help her out—it wasn’t as if she were in true danger, like she’d been with Buddy—Phoenix offered him a grateful smile. “Thanks,” she said, and started to make her way to the edge of the dance floor.
He caught her by the elbow. “Whoa! Where are you going? The song’s not over yet.”
She felt her eyebrows slide up. “Does it matter?”
“I came out to dance,” he replied, and slipped his arms around her waist.
“This isn’t a good idea,” she said, but she swayed with him to the music so they wouldn’t draw any attention.
“Why not?”
Lowering her voice, she sent a covert glance around them. “We shouldn’t be seen together, especially in a place like this.”
“It’s a bar. Everyone goes here.”
“Exactly. And this week you punched out the guy who was tormenting me, which doesn’t look good.”
“I stopped a bully from beating up on a woman. How is that bad?”
“You endangered yourself in the process. People might assume the wrong thing.”
“Which would be…?”
“That you care.”
“Maybe I do,” he said with a boyish grin.
He’d also had too much to drink. He wasn’t sloppy drunk like the other guy, but he couldn’t be thinking clearly.
“How have you been after that…altercation?” His nose seemed to be back to normal. “I’ve been wondering.”
“So you had to check in to see if I was okay, huh?”
She heard the sarcasm in his voice. “Kyle told me you were fine.”
“Have you heard from him?”
“Buddy? Or Kyle?” He was wearing cologne, and it was a scent she liked…
“Buddy. I know you’re going to Kyle’s every night.”
“Does he mind?”
“Of course not. But we were talking about Buddy.”
“He hasn’t bothered me since.”
“That’s the way it should be.”
He swayed too far to one side, and she had to catch him. “I hope you’re not planning to drive,” she told him.
“I have a friend here. He’s the DD. But you can give me a ride if you want.”
“That’s okay. I’m guessing you’d be a bit heavy for me to pedal.”
He laughed. “We’ll toss your bike into the bed of his truck and give you a ride.”
“I can get home on my own, thank you.” For the sake of appearances, as much as anything else, she kept her body stiff instead of melting into him.
“Can you relax?” he murmured.
“We can’t get too close,” she said, even though no one seemed to be paying any attention.
“We’re just dancing, Phoenix. It’s not like we’re making love.”
That comment made her miss a step. Just being in his arms felt…intimate. She wasn’t sure why dancing with him would be so different from dancing with other guys, but it most definitely was.
She cleared her throat as she struggled to stifle the memories that were quickly surfacing—of his mouth on her breast, his hand between her legs, the weight of his body pressing her into the mattress.
“I didn’t see you when I came in.” She spoke to help staunch the flow of those erotic images.
“That’s good.”
“Why’s it good?” she asked.
“Because you probably wouldn’t have stayed.”
“I’m not blaming you for anything.”
“So you say.”
“You don’t believe me?”
“You cringe whenever I get close.”
“I’m giving you your space. I wouldn’t want you to feel as if…”
“As if you still want me. We’ve been over this. You don’t. Not even a little bit. But do you have to prove it by dancing ten feet away?”
“I’m not ten feet away.”
“You might as well be, you’re so prickly and defensive.”
She had her reasons. But she didn’t want to sound accusatory. “I’m not prickly. I’ve been very nice.”
He chuckled. “You could be nicer.”
She was afraid of where this conversation was going. “Were you here?” she asked, changing the subject.
“When?”
“Earlier.”
“I left for a bit.”
“Where’d you go?”
“I was with Kyle and some of my other friends, but they were tired and wanted to go home. Then Sean, a subcontractor I use on occasion, called me up and wanted me to go out.”
When the song ended, he didn’t let go, even though she tried to step away. “One more,” he told her as P!nk’s “Glitter in the Air” started up.
As she slid her arms around his neck again, she wished she was as immune to his touch as she needed to be. But he aroused such a deluge of hormones in her, she felt drunk herself.
Hang on. It’ll only be another two or three minutes. Then she could put some distance between them and repair her defenses. “Where’s Jacob tonight?”
“Home asleep.”
Somehow he’d brought her closer. Those words were spoken with his mouth at her temple.
Think of something else—anything but him. “You don’t have to work tomorrow?”
“Not early. Not until noon.”
He tried to settle her against him and scowled when she resisted. “You’re dancing like a robot,” he told her. “Will you quit fighting me?”
He seemed satisfied when she gave in. But she felt her heart speed up, could hear its rapid beating in her ears as he drew her fully against him. And suddenly she couldn’t think of anything else to talk about. Nothing that would distract her from the warmth and firmness of his body.
Resting her cheek on his chest, she concentrated on stifling the desire that welled up. You can’t feel that way about him, she kept telling herself. She’d be asking for a world of hurt if she even considered Riley in a sexual context. But his hands slid up her back, as if he was enjoying their embrace. And although he wasn’t groping her like that other guy, it all felt very…significant. So significant that she feared this simple slow dance could knock her back to where she’d been seventeen years ago.
She had to retain control, had to maintain an absolute “no” where he was concerned. “Hang on…”
“What’d you say?”
She hadn’t realized she’d spoken aloud. “Nothing.”
He tilted her chin up so she had to look at him. “You know I’m sorry, right?”
“Riley, we’re dancing too close. Someone’s going to see us and assume the wrong thing. They might even tell your parents, and then you’ll have another argument on your hands like the one at the ballpark.”
“I won’t let my parents dictate how I live my life. We’re not eighteen anymore, Phoenix.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you should stop worrying about everyone else.”
“I have to worry about everyone else. You seem to have forgotten that you’re making yourself vulnerable to criticism, disapproval and dislike.”
“I’m not afraid.”
She glanced around the bar. “You would be if you knew what it was like. Being with me could…could cause the whole town to turn on you. If Jacob’s with you, they might understand why you’re speaking to me. But you should keep your distance when he’s not.”
“What if I don’t want to keep my distance?” he asked.
She couldn’t convince him when he was in this state. Obviously, nothing mattered except the alcohol in his blood, the music and the sense of being able to do anything and get away with it. “You’re drunk. You don’t mean any of this.”
“Maybe it’s what I mean the most.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
He caught her chin again. “Just tell me this. Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
“You broke up with me when we were eighteen. It would’ve been nothing if I could’ve walked away as easily as you did.”
“But you stood by your heart. Your feelings.”
“So? You meant more to me than I did to you. You can’t help that.”
“I listened to the wrong people, Phoenix. I loved you. I want you to know I did love you.”
Damn it! Just that easily, she felt all jittery inside. She’d wanted to hear him say those words for so long, wanted him to confirm that she hadn’t been as alone in their relationship as it had seemed by the end. Everyone had treated her like such a fool for thinking Riley could ever care about her.
But this was more than vindication. This was…inviting that old craving to eat her up again. The same desires that’d driven her in the past still lurked inside her—like a monster that slipped back into the shadows whenever she tried to slay it.
“Thanks for that.” She stopped talking then and hoped he would, too. She was afraid of what he might say next, and how she might respond. She couldn’t worry about the past, or try to resurrect it. She had to focus on the present, and in the present she had every reason to fight what she was feeling.
“You smell good,” Riley whispered. Then their bodies moved even closer, and she was completely lost, swallowed up in this moment with him and those poignant lyrics: “Have you ever wished for an endless night…”
She was wishing for one now, and that was why she finally pushed him away. He made her heart yearn for things she couldn’t have.
There was no reason to put herself through the torture. No reason she had to let her weakness for one man break her heart all over again.
“It’s late. I’ve got to go,” she said, and hurried to the exit without giving him a chance to respond.