Conclusion: It’s All About the Future
My friend Brian and I were having dinner a few months ago, right in the middle of the writing of this book. I could not help but focus in on the endings aspect of what he was saying. When I asked him how he was doing, he basically, without knowing it, practically repeated the entire book to me.
“I am in a great place,” he said. “I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I would have ended up where I am now, but I am just very grateful.”
“What in particular were you thinking about?” I asked.
“Well, I just went on this silent retreat, and part of the emphasis was to meditate on gratitude. I was instructed to think, mull over, meditate on, and savor all of the things that I could think of that I was grateful for. And I realized something,” he said.
“What was that?” I asked him.
“I realized that so much of my life, the really good stuff, came about not really at all as a result of my being smart enough to plan it that way. In fact, it even made me more grateful to see that. I could never have planned my life the way that it has unfolded. It has been a total gift, I believe.”
“What led you to the insight that it was better than you had planned?” I inquired.
“Well, I looked at the whole picture. I know this sounds a little too idealistic, but it is true. I am in a place now in midlife where I absolutely love my work, each and every day. I am financially set for life, even if I never work another day. I am in a really good marriage with really great kids. I have wonderful friends and community. I could go on and on. Not that it is perfect by any measure. You know the traumas that I have gone through,” he said. “But the big picture of it all is that it is healthy. It has life to it. I am surrounded by good people and by meaningful activities.”
“Yeah, that is true,” I said. “You have a pretty good picture in its entirety.”
“But what I realized was that all of it—from my wife to what I do to the community of friends that I have, the whole thing—was not something I really knew how to do. It all came from something else,” he said.
“Something else?” I asked.
“Yes. None of it was what I put on a whiteboard at twenty-five and said, ‘I want that woman, that job, that neighborhood, et cetera.’ All of it came from whatever I did before. Then, when the ‘before’ ended, it led to the ‘next thing.’ I could not have ever planned all of the ‘next steps.’ But there was a pattern that emerged. Every time something ended, that ending led to the next thing that was what I needed and was looking for,” he said.
When I heard him say ending, I asked him to say more. Authors do that when they are writing a book on a certain topic and there is an illustration of it standing right there. Little did I know how true that was, until he kept going.
“Well, I don’t know how to describe it all, but I realized that it always took some kind of ending of one thing to get to the next. Out of that step, whatever it was, the next level was born. When I left my old company and joined the next one, if you remember, it just opened everything all up. It took it to a huge new level that I could not have foreseen. My job, it seems, was just to take the step that seemed right, and take the step of ending one thing so the next could happen. When I did, it always came.
“Remember the woman that I dated before Jil? Many people thought she was ‘the one.’ But I knew that there were some things that were important to me that were missing. Again, it took a big step to end that relationship, but that is when Jil came along.
“Then, after the company grew, all of those new and bigger opportunities came along because I saw that Jeremy and I were great friends and had been great business partners in those growth years but weren’t really going in the same direction. So we had to split. I had to end our partnership. And when that ending came, look what emerged! That is when all of this came along, and the rest is history. But I could never have foreseen any of that. That is what makes me grateful. Every time, the next step ‘just came.’ It just did.
“But . . . I have to say something. In this retreat, I also had to be a little proud of myself, kind of grateful to me, if you will. Not in terms of making great things happen, because I see all of the good stuff I have, as I have said, as a gift from above. One thing led to the next, and I did not or could not have planned it. But what I am proud of is that each time it was time to take the step, I did have the courage, and the trust and faith, to end what I needed to end in order for the next thing to happen.
“As I am talking to my son about success, that is the picture that is coming together for me. I am telling him, Son, let me give you the formula. First, you have to do the very, very best you can do at each step along the way. Wherever you find yourself, be the best you can be and make the best out of whatever that is. Make it work the best that it can work, doing whatever is in your power.
“Second, when it is time to have the courage to take the next step, you have to do that and not be afraid. I am not talking about being risky or making stupid moves. But I am talking about not being afraid to take bold steps when it is obviously time. That takes courage and faith, but you have to do that when it is time.
“Then, third, return to the first thing I said. Pour yourself into where you find yourself and make it all that it can be. And if it was a wrong step, that won’t matter, because you would have performed well, learned some things in the process, and people will notice your performance and will value it. That is why you won’t have to worry about tomorrow, because you will have done so well yourself, even if it is a bad deal or outcome. People will know from watching you. And you will be ready for what is next.
“So, I just had this incredible awareness that in a strange way, everything I have that is of value has come from being willing to end something that I was doing and go to the next step. The endings and the great new beginnings are somehow linked together. You can’t have one without the other. It is a weird paradox, but that is what I really think.”
I could not improve on that. It illustrates so well what we have been talking about throughout this book. Your next step always depends on two ingredients: how well you are maximizing where you are right now and how ready you are to do what is necessary to get to the next place. And sometimes that depends on ending some of what is happening today. As my friend’s path illustrates, that is a winning combination for the best tomorrow you can find. You do your part, have faith, and tomorrow will take care of itself. But remember, for the right tomorrow to come, some parts of today may have to come to a necessary ending.