It’s obvious much human behavior is puzzling. Have you ever wondered why a salesperson will greet one customer with an alert “Yes sir, may I serve you?” but virtually ignore another? Or why a man will open a door for one woman but not for another? Or why an employee will consistently carry out the instructions of one superior but only grudgingly do what another superior requests? Or why we will pay close attention to what one person says but not to another?
Look around you. You’ll observe some people receiving the “Hey, Mac” or “Hey, buddy” treatment while others receive the sincere and important “Yes, sir” treatment. Watch. You’ll observe that some people command confidence, loyalty, and admiration while others do not.
Look closer still, and you’ll also observe that those persons who command the most respect are also the most successful.
What is the explanation? It can be distilled into one word: thinking. Thinking does make it so. Others see in us what we see in ourselves. We receive the kind of treatment we think we deserve.
Thinking does make it so. The fellow who thinks he is inferior, regardless of what his real qualifications may be, is inferior. For thinking regulates actions. If a man feels inferior, he acts that way, and no veneer of cover-up or bluff will hide this basic feeling for long. The person who feels he isn’t important, isn’t.
On the other side, a fellow who really thinks he is equal to the task, is.
To be important, we must think we are important, really think so; then others will think so too. Here again is the logic:
How you think determines how you act.
How you act in turn determines:
How others react to you.
Like other phases of your personal program for success, winning respect is fundamentally simple. To gain the respect of others, you must first think you deserve respect. And the more respect you have for yourself, the more respect others will have for you. Test this principle. Do you have much respect for the fellow on skid row? Of course not. Why? Because the poor fellow doesn’t respect himself. He’s letting himself rot away from lack of self-respect.
Self-respect shows through in everything we do. Let’s focus our attention now on some of the specific ways we can increase self-respect and thereby earn more respect from others.
Rule: Remember, your appearance “talks.” Be sure it says positive things about you. Never leave home without feeling certain you look like the kind of person you want to be.
The most honest advertisement ever appearing in print is the “Dress Right. You Can’t Afford Not To!” slogan sponsored by the American Institute of Men’s and Boys’ Wear. This slogan deserves to be framed in every office, restroom, bedroom, office, and schoolroom in America. In one ad a policeman speaks. He says:
You can usually spot a wrong kid just by the way he looks. Sure it’s unfair, but it’s a fact: people today judge a youngster by appearance. And once they’ve tabbed a boy, it’s tough to change their minds about him, their attitude toward him. Look at your boy. Look at him through his teacher’s eyes, your neighbors’ eyes. Could the way he looks, the clothes he wears, give them the wrong impression? Are you making sure he looks right, dresses right, everywhere he goes?
This advertisement, of course, refers primarily to children. But it can be applied to adults as well. In the sentence beginning with look, substitute the word yourself for him, your for his, superior’s for teacher’s, and associates’ for neighbors’, and reread the sentence. Look at yourself through your superior’s eyes, your associates’ eyes.
It costs so little to be neat. Take the slogan literally. Interpret it to say: Dress right; it always pays. Remember: look important because it helps you to think important.
Use clothing as a tool to lift your spirits, build confidence. An old psychology professor of mine used to give this advice to students on last-minute preparations for final examinations: “Dress up for this important exam. Get a new tie. Have your suit pressed. Shine your shoes. Look sharp because it will help you think sharp.”
The professor knew his psychology. Make no mistake about it. Your physical exterior affects your mental interior. How you look on the outside affects how you think and feel on the inside.
All boys, I’m told, go through the “hat stage.” That is, they use hats to identify themselves with the person or character they want to be. I will always remember a hat incident with my own son, Davey. One day he was dead set on being the Lone Ranger, but he had no Lone Ranger hat.
I tried to persuade him to substitute another. His protest was “But, Dad, I can’t think like the Lone Ranger without a Lone Ranger hat.”
I gave in finally and bought him the hat he needed. Sure enough, donning the hat, he was the Lone Ranger.
I often recall that incident because it says so much about the effect of appearance on thinking. Anyone who has ever served in the Army knows a soldier feels and thinks like a soldier when he is in uniform. A woman feels more like going to a party when she is dressed for a party.
By the same token, an executive feels more like an executive when he is dressed like one. A salesman expressed it to me this way: “I can’t feel prosperous—and I have to if I’m going to make big sales—unless I know I look that way.”
Your appearance talks to you; but it also talks to others. It helps determine what others think of you. In theory, it’s pleasant to hear that people should look at a man’s intellect, not his clothes. But don’t be misled. People do evaluate you on the basis of your appearance. Your appearance is the first basis for evaluation other people have. And first impressions last, out of all proportion to the time it takes to form them.
In a supermarket one day I noticed one table of seedless grapes marked 15 cents a pound. On another table were what appeared to be identical grapes, this time packaged in polyethylene bags and marked 2 pounds for 35 cents.
I asked the young fellow at the weighing station, “What’s the difference between the grapes priced at 15 cents a pound and those priced at two pounds for 35 cents?”
“The difference,” he answered, “is polyethylene. We sell about twice as many of the grapes in the polyethylene bags. They look better that way.”
Think about the grape example the next time you’re selling yourself. Properly “packaged,” you have a better chance to make the sale—and at a higher price.
The point is: the better you are packaged, the more public acceptance you will receive.
Tomorrow watch who is shown the most respect and courtesy in restaurants, on buses, in crowded lobbies, in stores, and at work. People look at another person, make a quick and often subconscious appraisal, and then treat him accordingly.
We look at some people and respond with the “Hey, Mac” attitude. We look at others and respond with the “Yes, sir” feeling.
Yes, a person’s appearance definitely talks. The well-dressed person’s appearance says positive things. It tells people, “Here is an important person: intelligent, prosperous, and dependable. This man can be looked up to, admired, trusted. He respects himself, and I respect him.”
The shabby-looking fellow’s appearance says negative things. It says, “Here is a person who isn’t doing well. He’s careless, inefficient, unimportant. He’s just an average person. He deserves no special consideration. He’s used to being pushed around.”
When I stress “Respect your appearance” in training programs, almost always I am asked the question “I’m sold. Appearance is important. But how do you expect me to afford the kind of clothing that really makes me feel right and that causes others to look up to me?”
That question puzzles many people. It plagued me for a long time. But the answer is really a simple one: Pay twice as much and buy half as many. Commit this answer to memory. Then practice it. Apply it to hats, suits, shoes, socks, coats—everything you wear. Insofar as appearance is concerned, quality is far more important than quantity. When you practice this principle, you’ll find that both your respect for yourself and the respect of others for you will zoom upward. And you’ll find you’re actually ahead money-wise when you pay twice as much and buy half as many because:
1. Your garments will last more than twice as long because they are more than twice as good, and as a rule they will show “quality” as long as they last.
2. What you buy will stay in style longer. Better clothing always does.
3. You’ll get better advice. Merchants selling $200 suits are usually much more interested in helping you find the garment that is “just right” for you than are merchants selling $100 suits.
Remember: Your appearance talks to you and it talks to others. Make certain it says, “Here is a person who has self-respect. He’s important. Treat him that way.”
You owe it to others—but, more important, you owe it to yourself—to look your best.
You are what you think you are. If your appearance makes you think you’re inferior, you are inferior. If it makes you think small, you are small. Look your best and you will think and act your best.
There’s a story often told about the job attitudes of three bricklayers. It’s a classic, so let’s go over it again.
When asked, “What are you doing?” the first bricklayer replied, “Laying brick.” The second answered, “Making $9.30 an hour.” And the third said, “Me? Why, I’m building the world’s greatest cathedral.”
Now, the story doesn’t tell us what happened to these bricklayers in later years, but what do you think happened? Chances are that the first two bricklayers remained just that: bricklayers. They lacked vision. They lacked job respect. There was nothing behind them to propel them forward to greater success.
But you can wager every cent you have the bricklayer who visualized himself as building a great cathedral did not remain a bricklayer. Perhaps he became a foreman, or perhaps a contractor, or possibly an architect. He moved forward and upward. Why? Because thinking does make it so. Bricklayer number three was tuned to thought channels that pointed the way to self-development in his work.
Job thinking tells a lot about a person and his potential for larger responsibility.
A friend who operates a personnel selection firm said this to me recently: “One thing we always look for in appraising a job applicant for a client is how the applicant thinks about his present job. We are always favorably impressed when we find that an applicant thinks his present job is important, even though there may be something about it he doesn’t like.
“Why? Simply this: If the applicant feels his present job is important, odds are that he will take pride in his next job, too. We’ve found an amazingly close correlation between a person’s job respect and his job performance.”
Like your appearance, the way you think toward your work says things about you to your superiors, associates, and subordinates—in fact, to everyone with whom you come in contact.
A few months ago I spent several hours with a friend who is personnel director for an appliance manufacturer. We talked about “building men.” He explained his “personnel audit system” and what he had learned from it.
“We have about eight hundred nonproduction people,” he began. “Under our personnel audit system, an assistant and I interview each employee every six months. Our purpose is simple. We want to learn how we can help him in his job. We think this is a good practice because each person working with us is important, else he wouldn’t be on the payroll.
“We are careful not to ask the employees any point-blank questions. Instead we encourage him to talk about whatever he wants to. We aim to get his honest impressions. After each interview we fill out a rating form on the employee’s attitudes toward specific aspects of his job.
“Now, here’s something I’ve learned,” he went on. “Our employees fit into one of two categories, group A and group B, on the basis of how they think toward their jobs.
“The persons in group B talk mainly about security, company retirement plans, sick leave policy, extra time off, what we’re doing to improve the insurance program, and if they will be asked to work overtime next March as they were last March. They also talk a lot about disagreeable features of their job, things they don’t like in fellow workers, and so on. People in group B—and they include close to 80 percent of all nonproduction personnel—view their jobs as a sort of necessary evil.
“The group A fellow sees his job through different glasses. He is concerned about his future and wants concrete suggestions on what he can do to make faster progress. He doesn’t expect us to give him anything except a chance. The group A people think on a broader scale. They make suggestions for improving the business. They regard these interviews in my office as constructive. But the group B people often feel our personnel audit system is just a brainwashing affair, and they’re glad to get it over with.
“Now, there’s a way I check attitudes and what they mean to job success. All recommendations for promotions, pay increases, and special privileges are channeled to me by the employee’s immediate supervisor. Almost invariably, it’s a group A person who was recommended. And again almost without exception, problems come from the group B category.
“The biggest challenge in my job,” he said, “is to try and help people move from group B to group A. It’s not easy, though, because until a person thinks his job is important and thinks positively about it, he can’t be helped.”
This is concrete evidence that you are what you think you are, what your thought power directs you to become. Think you’re weak, think you lack what it takes, think you will lose, think you are second-class—think this way, and you are doomed to mediocrity.
But think instead, I am important. I do have what it takes. I am a first-class performer. My work is important. Think this way, and you’re headed straight to success.
The key to winning what you want lies in thinking positively toward yourself. The only real basis other people have for judging your abilities is your actions. And your actions are controlled by your thoughts.
You are what you think you are.
Wear the shoes of a supervisor for a few moments and ask yourself which person you would recommend for a raise or a promotion:
1. The secretary who, when the executive is out of the office, spends her time reading magazines or the secretary who uses such time to do the many little things that help the executive to accomplish more when he returns?
2. The employee who says, “Oh well, I can always get another job. If they don’t like the way I do my work, I’ll just quit” or the employee who views criticism constructively and sincerely tries to do higher-quality work?
3. The salesman who tells a customer, “Oh, I just do what they tell me to do. They said come out and see if you need anything” or the salesman who says, “Mr. Brown, I’m here to help you”?
4. The foreman who says to an employee, “To tell you the truth, I don’t like my job much. Those guys up top give me a pain in the neck. I don’t know what they’re talking about half the time” or the supervisor who says, “You’ve got to expect some unpleasantness on any job. But let me assure you, the men in the front office are on the ball. They’ll do right by us”?
Isn’t it obvious why many people stay at one level all their lives? Their thinking alone keeps them there.
An advertising executive once told me about his agency’s informal training to “break in” new, inexperienced men.
“As company policy,” he said, “we feel the best initial training is to start the young fellow, who, incidentally, is usually a college graduate, as a mail boy. We don’t do this, of course, because we feel a fellow needs four years of college to take mail from one office to another. Our purpose is to give the new fellow maximum exposure to the many varied things which must be done in agency work. After he knows his way around, we give him an assignment.
“Now, occasionally, even after we’ve carefully explained why we’re starting him out in the mail room, a young fellow feels that carrying the mail is belittling and unimportant. When this is the case, we know we’ve picked the wrong man. If he doesn’t have the vision to see that being a mail boy is a necessary, practical step to important assignments, then he has no future in the agency business.”
Remember, executives answer the question What would he do on that specific level? by first answering the question What kind of job is he doing where he is now?
Here is some logic, sound, straight, and easy. Read it at least five times before you go on:
A person who thinks his job is important
Receives mental signals on how to do his job better;
And a better job means
More promotions, more money, more prestige, more happiness.
We’ve all noticed how children quickly pick up the attitudes, habits, fears, and preferences of their parents. Whether it be food preferences, mannerisms, religious and political views, or any other type of behavior, the child is a living reflection of how his parents or guardians think; for he learns through imitation.
And so do adults! People continue to imitate others throughout life. And they imitate their leaders and supervisors; their thoughts and actions are influenced by these people.
You can check this easily. Study one of your friends and the person he works for, and note the similarities in thinking and action.
Here are some of the ways your friend may imitate his boss or other associate: slang and word choice, the way he smokes cigarettes, some facial expressions and mannerisms, choice of clothing, and automobile preferences. There are many, many more, of course.
Another way to note the power of imitation is to observe the attitudes of employees and compare them with those of the “chief.” When the chief is nervous, tense, worried, his close associates reflect similar attitudes. But when Mr. Chief is on top, feeling good, so are his employees.
The point is this: The way we think toward our jobs determines how our subordinates think toward their jobs.
The job attitudes of our subordinates are direct reflections of our own job attitudes. It’s well to remember that our points of superiority—and weakness—show up in the behavior of those who report to us, just as a child reflects the attitudes of his parents.
*
Consider just one characteristic of successful people: enthusiasm. Ever notice how an enthusiastic salesperson in a department store gets you, the customer, more excited about the merchandise? Or have you observed how an enthusiastic minister or other speaker has a wide-awake, alert, enthusiastic audience? If you have enthusiasm, those around you will have it, too.
But how does one develop enthusiasm? The basic step is simple: Think enthusiastically. Build in yourself an optimistic, progressive glow, a feeling that “this is great and I’m 100 percent for it.”
You are what you think. Think enthusiasm and you’ll be enthusiastic. To get high-quality work, be enthusiastic about the job you want done. Others will catch the enthusiasm you generate and you’ll get first-class performance.
But if, in negative fashion, you “cheat” that company on expense money, supplies, and time, and in other little ways, then what can you expect your subordinates to do? Habitually arrive late and leave early, and what do you think the “troops” will do?
And there is a major incentive for us to think right about our jobs so that our subordinates will think right about their jobs. Our superiors evaluate us by measuring the quality and quantity of output we get from those reporting to us.
Look at it this way: whom would you elevate to division sales manager—the branch sales manager whose salesmen are doing superior work or the branch sales manager whose salesmen deliver only average performance? Or whom would you recommend for promotion to production manager—the supervisor whose department meets its quota or the supervisor whose department lags behind?
Here are two suggestions for getting others to do more for you:
1. Always show positive attitudes toward your job so that your subordinates will “pick up” right thinking.
2. As you approach your job each day, ask yourself, “Am I worthy in every respect of being imitated? Are all my habits such that I would be glad to see them in my subordinates?”
Several months ago an automobile salesman told me about the success-producing technique he’s developed. It makes sense. Read it.
“A big part of my job, for two hours a day,” the salesman explained, “is telephoning prospects to arrange demonstration appointments. When I first started selling cars three years ago, this was my big problem. I was shy and afraid, and I know my voice sounded that way on the phone. It was easy for people I called to say, ‘I’m not interested,’ and hang up.
“Every Monday morning back then our sales manager held a sales meeting. It was a pretty inspirational affair, and it made me feel good. And what’s more, I always seemed to arrange more demonstrations on Monday than on any other day. But the trouble was that little of Monday’s inspiration carried over to Tuesday and the rest of the week.
“Then I got an idea. If the sales manager can pep me up, why can’t I pep myself up? Why not give myself a pep talk just before I start making those phone calls? That day I decided to try it. Without telling anyone I walked out on the lot and found a vacant car. Then for several minutes I talked to myself. I told myself, ‘I’m a good car salesman and I’m going to be the best. I sell good cars and I give good deals. The people I’m phoning need those cars and I’m going to sell them.’
“Well, from the very beginning this self-supercharging paid off. I felt so good I didn’t dread making those calls. I wanted to make them. I no longer go out on the lot and sit in a car to give myself a pep talk. But I still use the technique. Before I dial a number I silently remind myself that I’m a top-notch salesman and I’m going to get results, and I do.”
That’s a pretty good idea, isn’t it? To be on top, you’ve got to feel like you’re on top. Give yourself a pep talk and discover how much bigger and stronger you feel.
Recently, in a training program I conducted, each person was asked to give a ten-minute talk on “being a leader.” One of the trainees gave a miserable presentation. His knees literally shook and his hands trembled. He forgot what he was going to say. After fumbling for five or six minutes, he sat down, thoroughly defeated.
After the session, I spoke to him just long enough to ask him to be there fifteen minutes early at the next session.
As promised, he was there fifteen minutes ahead of time for the next session. The two of us sat down to discuss his talk of the night before. I asked him to remember as clearly as he could exactly what he had thought about the five minutes just before he gave his talk.
“Well, I guess all I thought about was how scared I was. I knew I was going to make a fool of myself. I knew I was going to be a flop. I kept thinking, ‘Who am I to be talking about being a leader?’ I tried to remember what I was going to say, but all I could think about was failing.”
“Right there,” I injected, “is the answer to your problem. Before you got up to talk you gave yourself a terrible mental beating. You convinced yourself that you would fail. Is it any wonder your talk didn’t come off well? Instead of developing courage, you developed fear.
“Now, this evening’s session,” I continued, “starts in just four minutes. Here’s what I’d like you to do. Give yourself a pep talk for the next few minutes. Go in that vacant room across the hall and tell yourself, ‘I’m going to give a great talk. I’ve got something those people need to hear and I want to say.’ Keep repeating those sentences forcefully, with complete conviction. Then come into the conference room and give your talk again.”
I wish you could have been there to hear the difference. That brief, self-administered, hard-hitting pep talk helped him to make a splendid speech.
The moral: Practice uplifting self-praise. Don’t practice belittling self-punishment.
You are what you think you are. Think more of yourself and there is more of you.
*
Build your own “sell-yourself-to-yourself” commercial. Think for a moment about one of America’s most popular products, Coca-Cola. Every day your eyes or ears come in contact many times with the good news about Coke. The people who make Coca-Cola are continually reselling you on Coke, and for a good reason. If they stopped reselling you, chances are you’d grow lukewarm and eventually cold to Coke. Then sales would drop.
But the Coca-Cola Company isn’t going to let this happen. They resell you and resell you and resell you on Coke.
Every day you and I see half-alive people who are no longer sold on themselves. They lack self-respect for their most important product—themselves. These folks are indifferent. They feel small. They feel like nobodies, and because they feel that way, that’s what they are.
The half-alive person needs to be resold on himself. He needs to realize that he’s a first-class person. He needs honest, sincere belief in himself.
Tom Staley is a young fellow who is going places—and fast. Tom regularly resells himself on himself three times every day with what he calls “Tom Staley’s 60-Second Commercial.” He carries his personalized commercial in his billfold at all times. Here is exactly what it says:
Tom Staley, meet Tom Staley—an important, a really important person. Tom, you’re a big thinker, so think big. Think Big about Everything. You’ve got plenty of ability to do a first-class job, so do a first-class job.
Tom, you believe in Happiness, Progress, and Prosperity.
So: talk only Happiness,
talk only Progress,
talk only Prosperity.
You have lots of drive, Tom, lots of drive.
So put that drive to work. Nothing can stop you, Tom, nothing.
Tom, you’re enthusiastic. Let your enthusiasm show through.
You look good, Tom, and you feel good. Stay that way.
Tom Staley, you were a great fellow yesterday and you’re going to be an even greater fellow today. Now go to it, Tom. Go forward.
Tom credits his commercial with helping him become a more successful, dynamic person. “Before I started selling myself to myself,” says Tom, “I thought I was inferior to just about anybody and everybody. Now I realize that I’ve got what it takes to win and I’m winning. And I’m always going to win.”
Here’s how to build your “sell-yourself-to-yourself” commercial. First, select your assets, your points of superiority. Ask yourself, “What are my best qualities?” Don’t be shy in describing yourself.
Next, put these points down on paper in your own words. Write your commercial to you. Reread Tom Staley’s commercial. Notice how he talks to Tom. Talk to yourself. Be very direct. Don’t think of anyone but you as you say your commercial.
Third, practice your commercial out loud in private at least once a day. It helps a lot to do this before a mirror. Put your body into it. Repeat your commercial forcefully with determination. Make your blood travel faster through your body. Get yourself warmed up.
Fourth, read your commercial silently several times every day. Read it before you tackle anything that demands courage. Read it every time you feel let down. Keep your commercial handy at all times—then use it.
Just one thing more. A lot of people, maybe even a majority, may “ho ho” at this success-rewarding technique. That’s because they refuse to believe that success comes from managed thinking. But please! Don’t accept the judgment of average people. You are not average. If you have any doubts as to the basic soundness of the “sell-yourself-to-yourself” principle, ask the most successful person you know what he thinks about it. Ask him, and then start selling yourself to yourself.
Upgrading your thinking upgrades your actions, and this produces success. Here is an easy way to help you make more of yourself by thinking like important people think. Use the form below as a guide.
| SITUATION | ASK YOURSELF |
| 1. When I worry | Would an important person worry about this? |
| Would the most successful person I know be disturbed about this? | |
| 2. An idea | What would an important person do if he had this idea? |
| 3. My appearance | Do I look like someone who has maximum self-respect? |
| 4. My language | Am I using the language of successful people? |
| 5. What I read | Would an important person read this? |
| 6. Conversation | Is this something successful people would discuss? |
| 7. When I lose my temper | Would an important person get mad at what I’m mad at? |
| 8. My jokes | Is this the kind of joke an important person would tell? |
| 9. My job | How does an important person describe his job to others? |
Cement in your mind the question “Is this the way an important person does it?” Use this question to make you a bigger, more successful person.
In a nutshell, remember:
1. Look important; it helps you think important. Your appearance talks to you. Be sure it lifts your spirits and builds your confidence. Your appearance talks to others. Make certain it says, “Here is an important person: intelligent, prosperous, and dependable.”
2. Think your work is important. Think this way, and you will receive mental signals on how to do your job better. Think your work is important, and your subordinates will think their work is important too.
3. Give yourself a pep talk several times daily. Build a “sell-yourself-to-yourself” commercial. Remind yourself at every opportunity that you’re a first-class person.
4. In all of life’s situations, ask yourself, “Is this the way an important person thinks?” Then obey the answer.