“I can’t believe I ran into you here,” I say, nuzzling my face against Ethan’s adorable puppy.
“And I can’t believe you never called me.”
My cheeks heat. “To be honest, I was so upset after the date that I forgot you gave me your number.”
Ethan holds a hand to his heart and feigns being shot. “Ouch.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, laughing at his antics.
He drops his arms and smiles. “No need to apologize. You can make it up to me if you’d like.”
“How?”
“Let me take you for coffee.” He watches me for a second and then adds, “Sophie isn’t ready to say goodbye to you.”
“Are you using your dog to ask me out on a date?”
Ethan laughs. “I’m doing no such thing.”
“Yes, you are,” I say, scratching the fuzzy pooch behind the ears. “You know how much I’m loving this puppy, and you’re using it to your advantage.”
A few days ago, I would’ve jumped for joy, but now I’m not sure what to do. Agreeing feels like betraying Aiden, but that’s silly because Aiden and I aren’t together.
But still, the thought of going on a date with another man while things are unsettled between Aiden and me doesn’t feel right.
“It doesn’t have to be a date if you don’t want it to be. It could just be coffee.”
I don’t see any harm in that. “Coffee sounds good. Hot chocolate sounds better.”
“Hot chocolate, it is.” Ethan smiles and looks at his watch. “How about now? I don’t have to be at work until four. What about you?”
“I’m a teacher, so I have the summer off.”
“Even better—whoa!” Ethan ducks his head in time for a tennis ball to go whizzing by and stumbles back when a giant boxer plows between us.
The dog skids past his ball, snags it, and turns as if to say look at that, did you see that?
I smile and blink. “Louie?” I say, handing Ethan’s dog back to him.
At the mention of his name, Louie’s ears perk up and, because belly rubs are so much better than a tennis ball, he drops the toy and charges me. His butt wiggles so fast, it causes him to run sideways. He slams into me, knocking me off balance. I tumble to the ground and laugh when he licks a slobbery path from chin to forehead.
“I thought that was you,” I say, rubbing the big dog down.
“Are you okay?” Ethan says, his tiny dog barking in his arms. He reaches out a hand to help me off the ground, but I ignore it.
“I’m fine,” I say, giving Louie my full attention. “Look at how big you’ve gotten. That’s right, you’re such a big boy,” I croon. “And a sweet boy. Where’s Calvin? Or Millie. Did your mama bring you here?”
Before he can bark out a response, a familiar voice freezes me in place.
“I brought him.”
I stop, my hands resting on Louie’s back, and stare at Aiden, who comes to a halt in front of me. I take in the grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips and the white tee stretching across his broad shoulders. Aiden isn’t the tallest guy I’ve ever met. In fact, at five foot ten, most people would call him short, but he’s always had a big presence. Every time he walks into a room or stands within a few feet of me, like he’s doing now, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Not in a creepy way, but in a my-body-notices-your-body way.
I’d gotten good at ignoring the strange response, but today I can’t help but notice—especially after his recent declarations.
“What’re you doing here?” I sit up, and Louie plops his giant body onto my lap. I wrap my arms around him and rub his floppy ears.
“I’m walking him for Calvin.”
That’s strange. “But you never walk Louie.”
“There’s a first time for everything.”
I give him a look. “First, the grocery store. And now, here. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were following me.”
“Maybe he is,” Ethan says.
Aiden turns toward Ethan and lifts a brow. The look in his eye has me standing up.
“I’m joking.” I position myself between the men. Louie sits at my feet. He must sense the tension because he lets out a low growl, which I calm with a soft pat to the head. “Aiden, this is Ethan. Ethan, this is Aiden.”
The men size each other up, both refusing to make the first move. I roll my eyes, and Ethan sighs. He shifts his dog to his left arm and holds out a hand. Aiden stares at it until I nudge him.
“I’m the man in Lizzie’s life,” he says, squeezing Ethan’s hand hard enough to make the man wince.
He’s lost his mind. “Excuse me?”
Ethan furrows his brow and looks at me. “I was under the impression that you were single.”
“She’s not,” Aiden mumbles.
“Yes, I am,” I say, giving Aiden a look. I know he wants a shot with me, and I’m considering giving him one, but that doesn’t excuse this type of behavior. “I’m very much single.”
“So, there’s no reason you can’t take me up on my offer.”
Aiden’s back straightens. “What offer?” he says.
“We met at the restaurant I work at.” Ethan drops Aiden’s hand, unfazed by my best friend’s macho tactics, and smiles at me. “I gave her my number and asked her to let me take her out.”
“You’re not taking her anywhere.”
“Aiden!” How dare he speak for me. “I would love to,” I tell Ethan, for all the wrong reasons.
Ethan beams.
My heart flips over in my chest when the color drains from Aiden’s face. “You’re really going to go with him? After everything—”
“It’s just coffee,” I say.
Aiden looks from me to Ethan and back to me, something akin to reluctant acceptance in his expression. I hate that look.
“Aiden—”
“It’s wonderful, Liz. You’ve been wanting to meet a decent guy, and it looks like you have. I won’t stand in your way.”
I hate it when he calls me Liz. It feels cold coming from his lips. “It’s just coffee.”
And because you’re acting like a giant ass.
“No, it’s not. But that’s okay. Enjoy your afternoon date.” Aiden pulls a leash from his back pocket and hooks it onto Louie’s collar. “I should get going.”
“Aiden,” I say, wanting him to look at me.
“We’ll talk later. I need to get Louie back to Calvin.”
“Aiden—”
“Excuse us.” He pushes past us. I stare after him, wondering if I should chase after him and explain.
“If you need to go, we can reschedule,” Ethan says softly.
I look up at him, my emotions raging a war inside of me. The part of me that has loved Aiden since the third grade wants to chase him down, throw myself at him and say, “let’s do this.” But my twenty-one-year-old self—the young woman who got her heart shattered into a million pieces—says, “he had his chance.”
What if I give him another, and a few months down the road, he changes his mind? Where will that leave me? Best friend-less with an irreparablely damaged heart.
Do I want to give him that power over me?
Do I want to put my heart on the line again—with the first and only boy who broke it? Not really, but I also know that I can’t let him leave like this.
When I turn back around, Aiden is gone.
Damnit.
“I’m guessing there’s a story between you two.”
“More like a novel.” I put my hands on my hips and look at Ethan. “I need to talk to him, but I’d still like to have coffee with you. Can I meet you there in an hour?”
Ethan looks up at the sky. Dark clouds are rolling in. “It’s supposed to rain. How about I pick you up?”
“Yeah, okay.” I rattle off directions to my building and jog to my car. I look around for Aiden, but he’s nowhere to be found. I jump into my car and drive the short distance to our apartment complex, only to find his parking spot empty, and my sister’s car parked in the visitor space.
She climbs out of her car when she sees me. “I’m glad you’re home. We need to talk.”
“Now isn’t a good time, Emily.”
She scurries after me when I walk to the front of the building and follows me inside. “Make it a good time. You’re my sister, and I need you.”
I finally take a second to look at her. Her cheeks are flushed, eyes glossy, and her normally perfect hair is a mess. “Are you okay?”
“I think so.” She shrugs.
I’m unlocking my front door when I hear Aiden’s car pull up. The door to the building flings open, and he bounds up the stairs, not bothering to look at me.
“Aiden?”
“What?” The hard edge to his voice catches me off guard.
“We need to talk.”
He unlocks his door and pushes it open. “So, come talk.”
I look at Emily, then at Aiden, and back to my sister. I don’t want to leave my twin hanging when she obviously needs me, but I also need to get things fixed with Aiden.
“Okay, I see what this is. You two are having one of your we’re not married, but we fight like we are fights. I’ll sit in the corner until it’s over,” Emily says, nudging me toward Aiden’s apartment. She walks into the kitchen and props herself on a barstool, leaving Aiden and I lingering by the front door.
“Are you coming in or not?” Aiden asks.
This isn’t a conversation I want to have in front of Emily. I haven’t told her what’s been going on with Aiden. I mull it over for a second and then think, screw it. She’s going to find out soon enough.
Once inside, Aiden shuts the front door and turns to look at me, his arms crossed over his chest. “You wanted to talk, talk.”
“What the hell was that back there?”
His arms drop at his sides. “Seriously? Christ, Liz, I’ve told you how I feel. You know that I want more with you, but for whatever reason, you’ve put me in the Friend Zone.”
“For whatever reason? Don’t pretend like you don’t know why.”
“That’s the thing, I don’t know why.” Aiden tosses his arms up at his sides. “I know I wasn’t an angel in college, that I dated a lot of girls and haven’t always been relationship material, but I’ve changed, and I thought you could see that. Hell, I haven’t dated a woman in over a year—not since I realized that my feelings for you had changed.”
Emily’s head snaps up.
“That’s convenient for you, isn’t it?” I shout. “But what about me? Do you honestly think I can give you a chance after what happened in college?”
“What happened in college?” Aiden’s brow furrows. “Wait, does this have to do with—damnit.” He links his fingers behind his neck and steps in front of me, some of the anger gone from his face. “I tried to talk to you about that night, about what happened with Emily, but you wouldn’t let me.”
My eyes flip to Emily. She gives me a look like she has no idea what he’s talking about and shakes her head.
“Emily has nothing to do with this. What happened that night was between the two of us.”
Aiden looks confused and frustrated…and confused. “What are you talking about?”
I’ve thought about that night for a lot of years. Even when I try not to think about it, it’s still there mocking me, reminding me that I wasn’t good enough to date. I walk across the living room and stop in front of the window to watch the storm roll in.
Aiden says my name, a quiet demand. “Lizzie.”
Lizzie, not Liz. I close my eyes and acknowledge him with a little nod. I’m not trying to ignore him, I’m just so nervous that my legs are shaking. I hadn’t planned on ever talking about this with Aiden, let alone my sister.
I turn around. “I don’t know if I’m more upset that I have to relive that night, or that you’re pretending you don’t remember what happened.”
“If we’re talking about the same night, I remember exactly what happened.” I open my mouth to fire back at him, but Aiden cuts me off. “Emily showed up at my place. I was exhausted and halfway to drunk. I’m lucky I made it to the front door. She kissed me, and at first, I kissed her back because my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders, but as soon as I realized what was happening, I backed away and told her that it couldn’t happen again.”
Emily hops off the stool, but I hold a hand up, stopping her while Aiden continues.
“I wanted to talk to you about it because even though nothing happened between Emily and me, I felt like I’d betrayed you. When you shut me down, I assumed that Emily had already told you and—”
“That’s not what happened.” I shake my head, tears burning my eyes. How could he think for a second that I was Emily? He knows me better than anyone.
“Yes, it is.” He takes a step forward, anger and frustration marring his chiseled face. “I was there. I might’ve been half-cocked, but I remember because I was terrified that it was going to change our friendship. And it did. After that night, you pulled away from me. Don’t you remember distancing yourself from me?”
“Of course, I do,” I shout. “But it wasn’t because you kissed Emily.”
Aiden frowns. “I’m so fucking confused right now.”
Emily rolls her eyes. “You didn’t kiss me, dimwit. You kissed her.”
“That’s impossible.” Aiden looks at me, his eyes wide, frantically searching mine.
“Don’t look at me like that. Don’t try to pull the twin card and tell me you didn’t know who you were kissing. You know me better than anyone. You’ve always been able to tell us apart.”
“I was drunk,” he yells. “And you were wearing Emily’s leather coat.”
“No, I wasn’t. And if you were so drunk, how can you remember what I was wearing?”
“Because I always know what you’re wearing.” Aiden curses and spins around. He paces the length of the floor. “That night, you were wearing those faded holey shorts that used to drive me crazy, and a pink shirt. Your hair was on top of your head. When you showed up at my door, your hair was down, and you were wearing Emily’s black leather coat. I remember staring at her—or you—for a second, trying to figure out who I was looking at. Because, yes, when I’m completely sober, I can tell you guys apart. But, apparently, when I’m drunk, and you’re in her clothes, I cannot.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, pushing a few tears over my lashes. I wipe them away and think back on that night. I don’t know how he remembers what coat I was wearing when I can’t even remember. When I decided to make my move, it was late. Without much thought, I jumped out of bed, threw on a coat and left. Maybe in my haste to leave, I grabbed the wrong jacket. That’s entirely plausible.
Aiden is staring at me—I can feel it in the same way I can feel his frustration.
“When you came to me, wanting to talk about that night, I was embarrassed. It took everything I had to show up at your place and kiss you. When you rejected me—” I shake my head and wipe away another tear.
“I thought it was Emily.” Aiden grabs my shoulders and turns me to face him. “I’m so damn sorry, Lizzie. I thought you were Emily.”
“That’s why I pushed you away afterward. I was embarrassed and hurt and—”
“You don’t have to explain yourself. I understand. I understand why you’ve been reluctant to give us a chance. But, sweetheart,”—Aiden runs his hands down my arms and links our fingers together—“I would never hurt you.”
“But you did.” I step back, watching the hope drain from his eyes. “You might’ve thought I was Emily, but it was me. It was me,” I say, pounding on my chest. “I can’t just forget the pain I felt that night. I can’t erase all the tears I cried because of you. How am I supposed to just forget all of that?”
“You’re not. I don’t expect you to. But you can forgive me. You can accept that it was an awful mistake on my part and forgive me.”
He’s right.
I know that he’s right, but it doesn’t magically erase the pain. And part of me—the selfish, arrogant part—is mad that he couldn’t tell us apart. After all the time we’ve spent together, all the comments he’s made about how different Emily and I are and how crazy it is to him that people can’t tell us apart—he couldn’t tell us apart.
“You’re right.” I try to smile, but it falls short, and more tears drip down my face. “It should be that simple. But it’s not.”
Aiden curses and walks to the window. “What the fuck is he doing here?”
“Who?” Emily asks.
I’d almost forgotten that she was here.
“Ethan.”
“Who’s Ethan?” Emily asks.
“He’s picking me up.”
Aiden rears back as though I slapped him. “After all of this, you’re still going to have coffee with him?”
“Yes, I’m going to have coffee with him. Why wouldn’t I? He’s nice and funny and—”
“I don’t care if he’s a fucking prince,” Aiden shouts.
We stare at one another, each of us breathing hard.
“Don’t go.” Aiden walks across the room and stops when he’s in front of me. He takes my hand in his. “Stay here. Let’s talk this out. Christ, Lizzie, I was in love with you before I realized it, and I’ll never forgive myself for not recognizing it sooner, but I need you to forgive me.”
“No, you don’t get to say that to me. Not now. Not after everything.” I yank my hand away and walk to the front door. Aiden rushes after me.
“I’m sorry. Scream at me, hit me, do whatever you have to do to work through your feelings, but do it here with me. Please don’t go with him.”
I’m confused. Confused and scared and happy, and I have no idea what to do with this. I just know that I need to get out of here. I need a minute to breathe and think and process.
Everything I’ve thought about that night has been a lie. All the feelings I’ve been pushing away, and for what, a misunderstanding?
“I’m sorry, Aiden. Em, I promise we’ll talk later.”
Emily gasps when I open the front door and walk out. As soon as the door is shut, I hear a muted curse followed by a loud crash.
The farther I get away from Aiden, the faster my tears fall. My heart races, and my legs shake as they carry me down the stairs and outside. Rain mixes with my tears as I race across the parking lot. When I make it to Ethan’s passenger door, I stop and look up at the building. Aiden is standing at his living room window, and when I lock eyes with him, he turns and walks away.
The pain I felt the night he shot me down has nothing on the pain I feel now.
This all-consuming, breathtaking, soul-stealing kind of pain.