“Hey, Calvin. Where’s Aiden?” I ask, after letting myself into Aiden’s apartment. It’s not a shock to find Calvin sitting at the kitchen table, but usually, Aiden is close by.
“He ran Edna uptown.”
“Oh. I didn’t know she had plans today.”
Slowly, Calvin lifts his head. The expression on his face is unreadable and has me moving across the room. “Calvin, are you okay?”
“I don’t know. It depends.” He pushes his fingers through his hair, the same way Aiden does.
“On what? You’re scaring me.”
He lifts his hand, waving around a set of papers. “On whether or not my brother is leaving.”
“Leaving? What are you talking about?”
“I mean, I’m not mad. I’m happy for him. Of course, I’m happy for him, but I don’t want the fucker to leave.”
I shake my head, frustrated and unsure of what he’s rambling on about. “I don’t understand.”
“He’s moving.”
“What? Where?”
“According to this,” he says, reading the paper, “he’s moving to San Francisco. And soon. He’s already got a place to live lined up and everything. It looks like our boy got a promotion.”
“A what?”
This doesn’t make sense. I grab the papers from Calvin and read through them.
“Shit.” Calvin laughs and walks across the room. “I don’t know whether to be proud of the little shit or pissed that he’s leaving.”
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth as I scan the papers. My stomach rolls into a tight knot. I’m going to be sick. I can’t believe he’d do this. I can’t believe he’d make such a huge, important life decision without talking to me first. I know we haven’t been together long, but after the last few weeks—after the professions of love, and the things we’ve said to each other—I can’t believe he wouldn’t give me the courtesy of talking to me about it first.
Dread mixed with uncertainty pumps through my veins like venom. He loves me, but not enough to stay, and certainly not enough to ask me to go with him.
“When do you guys leave?”
I look at Calvin. “I knew nothing about this.”
His eyes widen. “Wait… so you’re not going with him?”
“I knew nothing about this,” I yell, causing Calvin to take a step back. “I’m sorry, I’m just—”
“What’s going on in here?” Aiden says, sauntering through the front door. He’s wearing an easy smile as he drops his keys onto the table. “I could hear you two out in the hallway. Is everything okay?”
“No, it’s not okay.” I shove the papers into his chest and step back. “When were you going to tell me that you’re leaving?”
Aiden lets the papers scatter to the floor. “Lizzie, I’m—”
“Please tell me that you were going to at least tell me before the big move, which is…” I scoop the flight itinerary off the floor and look at it before tossing it back down. “Next Friday? I can’t believe this. How long have you known about this, Aiden?”
Aiden frowns. “Since before Cal and Millie’s wedding, but—”
“No. There are no buts. That was weeks ago, Aiden. I shouldn’t just now be finding out about it, and I sure as hell shouldn’t be finding out about it by accident. When were you going to tell me?”
“Soon.” Aiden stalks forward and puts his hands on my shoulders. “Lizzie you’re jumping to conclusions, I have—”
Shrugging out of his hold, I push him away. “I’m not jumping to conclusions,” I yell, pointing at the papers on the floor. “It’s all right there. The airline ticket, the job offer, a freaking penthouse.”
“Which I haven’t accepted.” Aiden paces away from me and shakes his head. When he turns back to me, hands on his hips, he looks pissed. But he doesn’t have the right to be angry. I do. When I open my mouth, he cuts me off. “Stop interrupting me, and let me talk.”
My head is throbbing. Adrenaline and fear pulse through me. Fear that I made a horrible choice in giving him a second chance. Fear that he’ll break my heart a second time. Fear that he’ll leave me.
“Fine. Talk.”
Calvin steps forward and puts a hand on Aiden’s shoulder. “I’m going to go and let you two hash this out.”
“No. Stay,” Aiden growls.
Calvin’s eyes flit to mine, and then he pushes his hands into his pockets and steps back to the corner of the room.
“I haven’t accepted the job.” Aiden walks up to me but doesn’t reach for me. “Yes, they offered it to me along with the perks you just listed, but I haven’t accepted. Not yet, at least.”
There it is. “But you want to.”
“Of course, I want to. Did you see that offer? This is my dream.”
“What about me? Where do I fit into all of this? Or maybe I don’t. Maybe that’s why you didn’t tell me right away.”
“No.” Aiden shakes his head, and this time when he touches me, I don’t pull away. Because I want his touch—crave it more than I ever have. “God, Lizzie, no. I love you. Of course, you fit into this. I didn’t tell you right away because I didn’t think I could have both. I wasn’t ready to leave you, but I was scared to ask you to go with me. This is a huge step, and if I asked you to go with me, I’d be asking you to give up your entire life here. But it’s not just your life—it’s mine, too. I was trying to work it all out in my head before I came to you with it.”
“And have you? Worked it out in your head?”
“No.” Aiden cups the back of my neck. “But I know that I can’t lose you. Not over this. If you don’t want to go, then say the word. I’ll turn the job down.”
Is he serious? “You can’t put this on me. This is your dream. This is your life. I can’t ask you not to go.”
“Yes, it’s my life, but you’re the biggest part of it. You’re everything to me, Lizzie, don’t you get that? I don’t want the job if I can’t have you.”
“Well, I can’t go,” I say, matter-of-factly, tears burning my eyes. My heart aches as I shake my head. “I start work again in less than three weeks. My family is here, and Edna…she needs me. She needs us.”
Aiden’s eyes glance from me to Calvin and back to me. “About that. Edna was here earlier and, well, I’m not sure how to tell you this, so I’m just going to blurt it out. She’s moving into an assisted living facility. That’s where I just came from. I dropped her off so she could sign the paperwork.”
I reel back. “What?”
Aiden nods, and I can’t believe he has the audacity to look happy about this. “She’s moving into assisted living?”
“Did you put her up to this?” I shake my head and step out of his reach. “You did, didn’t you? This way, it would be easier for me to say yes.”
“Christ, Lizzie, give me a little credit here. Yes, it’ll make things easier for us, but it was Edna’s decision. She came to me after she’d made up her mind and paid her deposit. I had nothing to do with it.”
I feel bad for accusing him, but I’m angry and upset and confused. “Why didn’t she tell me about it? Why did she go to you?”
“Because she knew you’d be upset.”
“What am I supposed to be?” I ask, throwing my hands into the air. “Happy?”
“Supportive.”
That word stops me cold. “Of whom? You, or Edna?”
“Both of us. Lizzie”—Aiden grabs my hand and doesn’t let me pull away—“this is what I was trying to prevent. I don’t want you to have second thoughts about us. I will choose you. I will always choose you. I want to be more than boyfriend #22. I want to be your whole life. I want to be the one you come home to at the end of the day, the first one you call when something great happens in your life, and the one who gets to hold you when you cry. I want it all. And, someday, when we’re ready, I want to marry you. I want babies and a house and—”
My blood runs cold as my mind works furiously to process what he’s saying. “What did you just say?”
“I want to marry you. You’re it for me. I’ve already told you that.”
“Not that. Before that.” Oh, God, please tell me I heard him wrong.
“I want to be more than—” Aiden’s words cut off. He licks his lips and drops his eyes to the floor. When he looks up, regret swims in his eyes. “I want to be more than boyfriend #22.”
Shocked, I walk backward until I hit the counter. He knows about the blog. I sputter out a half laugh. Oh, God, he knows about the blog. “How do you know about that?”
“Shit,” Calvin hisses.
I whirl around to face Calvin. “You know about it, too?”
He holds up his hands. “Please, leave me out of it.”
“Lizzie, it’s not a big deal,” Aiden says.
“Except it is,” I yell. “That was private. My heart and soul are laid out in those posts. I kept it from you—from everyone—for a reason. I didn’t want—oh my gosh. That’s how you found me, isn’t it? That’s how you knew I would be at the grocery store and the dog park.”
“Lizzie—”
“Answer me,” I say, the fight draining out of me.
Aiden’s eyes are wide and frantic. “Yes, that’s how I knew, but it doesn’t change anything.”
“It changes everything.” When he reaches for me, I step back. “I thought you being there was fate, but it wasn’t. God, I’m so stupid. It was you—”
“It was me trying to get you to see me,” he says, pounding a fist to his chest. “Yes, it was wrong of me to use your blog to find you, but I don’t regret it. I’ll never regret anything that led to us being together.”
His words slice through me. “How long have you known about the blog?”
“Since the day you went to the grocery store. I was getting laundry from your apartment, and your laptop was open to your blog post.”
“You should probably get a wake screen password,” Calvin suggests.
I cut my eyes to Calvin. “Yes, Calvin, I know,” I huff, my body slumping in defeat…along with my heart.
Aiden shifts, putting himself in front of me. “I shouldn’t have looked—”
“You’re right, you shouldn’t have.”
“—but I was desperate. You kept brushing me off, and I just needed you to see me. I needed you to see that I had changed, that I was worthy of your love, that we could be so much more than best friends.”
“Aiden.” A tear slips down my cheek, and I wipe it away. “You’ve always been worthy of my love.”
“So, you forgive me?” He yanks me into his arms and holds me while I cry, but for the life of me, I can’t find the strength to hold him back. “Please say you forgive me.”
“I don’t know what to think about all of this. It’s too much at once, and I… I need some time.”
“How much time?”
“I don’t know, but…” I swallow past the lump in my throat and step out of his grasp. “You should take the job, Aiden.”
“Lizzie.” Hurt flashes across his face, causing another wave of tears to tumble down mine. “I—”
“It’s your dream. You’ve talked about this for years, and I can’t let you throw it away for me, and I”—the words get stuck in my throat, but I push them out—“I can’t go with you.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
The thought of him leaving hurts like hell, but him turning down his dream job because of me will obliterate me. And maybe if the circumstances were different, I could throw myself into his arms and say, “Yes! Yes, I’ll go with you.” But they aren’t. The fact of the matter is that he didn’t tell me about the job offer or the relocation, and he used my blog against me. And, yes, I know I’m awful for holding that against him even though it ended with us being together, but it doesn’t erase the feeling of betrayal.
My whole body aches. I want to crawl into bed, bury myself in a pile of blankets, and not come out until my heart has healed. But I already know that isn’t possible because I don’t own my heart anymore. Aiden does.
My voice shakes when I say, “I need to go.”
“No, Lizzie, please don’t. Stay so we can talk this out.”
“Please.” I place a hand over Aiden’s heart. “Please give me time to process all of this.”
After a few moments, he nods. “Okay. But I’m not leaving you. You wrote in your blog that you’ve loved me since you were six, and you’re not letting me go. Well, I’m not letting you go either.”
I hate that he’s using my own words against me. “I was six. I had no idea what love was. I’m still not sure I do.”
I stumble out of his apartment and force myself to keep it together until I get home. As soon as my foot hits the threshold, I fall to the couch and sob.
My phone rang off the hook for the first three days after my fight with Aiden. It tapered off on day four. Today is day seven, and he hasn’t called or texted once, and I’m not sure what to think about that. I can’t blame him. He tried, and I ignored him at every turn. I have fifteen voicemails I haven’t listened to, and thirty-seven texts—most of which are him begging me to forgive him. He doesn’t need to beg. I forgave him about twenty minutes after I left his apartment the other day, and the only reason I’ve been ignoring him since then is because I don’t know what to say. I’m stubborn to a fault, and I can admit that I overreacted when it came to the blog. That’s not the part that upsets me. Not really, anyways. I’m more upset that he waited so long to tell me about the job offer. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am because that’s who we are. We tell each other everything.
But not this. He kept that from me.
I sniff and reach for another Kleenex. There’s a soft knock on my door, but I ignore it and wipe my tears.
“Lizzie Donovan, you open this door right now, young lady.”
Shit. I’ve been ignoring Edna, too.
“I know you’re in there. We share a wall, remember?”
I close my eyes and try to stay quiet. She’ll go away eventually, just like Aiden did.
“Oh, shit.” There’s a loud thud followed by a grunt. “Lizzie, call 911.”
“Edna?” I race across the room and yank the door open, expecting to see her on the floor or clutching her chest. She’s doing neither.
Edna smiles and nudges her way into my apartment.
“You’re evil.” I give her the stink-eye. “That’s the most horrible thing anyone has ever done to me.”
“It got you to open the door, didn’t it?”
“I’m still mad at you,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I know.” Edna frowns and sits on my couch. “Aiden told me. He also told me that you’re mad at him, but let’s talk about me first. I hate that you’re mad at me.”
Damn the old bat for breaking through my wall so quickly. “I’m not mad. I’m hurt.”
“That’s worse.”
“No, what’s worse is me finding out from Aiden that you’re moving into an assisted living facility. Besides Aiden, you’re my best friend. You said that I’m like a granddaughter to you, yet you picked out a place, made a down payment, signed a contract, and had someone else tell me that you’re leaving.”
Ah, shit. She’s going to cry. I’m such a bitch.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. You are like a granddaughter to me, and I should’ve come to you right away. But I didn’t want you to talk me out of it.”
I think about it for a second and nod. “I would’ve tried to talk you out of it.”
Edna laughs and pats the couch beside her. “I know you would’ve, sweetie, and I love you for it, but I needed to make the decision on my own. But, in all transparency, I also made it with you and Aiden in mind.”
Wanting to hear more, and needing to be closer to Edna, I move across the room and sit beside her.
“For years, I was lonely, and then you and Aiden moved in and turned my life upside down. For the first time since Robert died, I had someone to look after me. Someone I could call if I needed a ride, or a laugh or a hug, or anything really, and I’ve never taken either of you for granted—not once since the day I met you because I know how lucky I am. But I’m not getting any younger, and my heart attack proves that.”
“You’re only eighty. You have tons of life left in you.”
“You’re right, I do, and you have even more.” Her weathered hand finds mine. “I don’t want to be a burden on you guys anymore.”
“You’ve never been a burden.”
“You say that, and I truly think you believe it, but it’s how I feel. And now that you have each other, things are going to change.”
“They don’t have to.”
“Yes, they do, because that’s life. Life is about change, that’s what makes it exciting.”
“I’m not sure I agree with you on that. I’m not a big fan of change.”
“I can tell.” Edna chuckles. “We all have two choices in life, my sweet girl. We can either dance through the changes, or we can fight them. And I can tell you now that you’ll live a much happier life if you choose to dance.”
“He wants to move,” I blurt.
“And you want to stay.”
“It’s not that I want to stay,” I say, wiping my face with the sleeve of my shirt. “It’s that I don’t know how to leave. My whole life is here. Everything I love and care about is here.”
“Is that what your hang-up is?”
I take a breath and shake my head. “What if I leave and everything falls apart?”
“How so?”
“What if I go with Aiden, and our relationship fails. If I go, I’m leaving more than you and my family. I’d be leaving my job and my apartment and—”
“What if it doesn’t?”
“What?”
“Failure is part of life, just like change. It happens. You’re worried about your relationship failing, but what if it doesn’t? What if it flourishes? What if you fall even more in love with Aiden than you already are?”
I’m not sure that’s possible.
“What if you get out there, find a great job, and an amazing neighborhood to live in, and never want to come back?”
I roll my eyes. “That’s not going to happen.”
“You’ll never know because you’re too scared to take the chance.”
“Fine, okay, yes, I’m scared. But it’s more than that. He hurt me, Edna. He kept it from me.”
Edna scoffs and looks legitimately pissed off at me. “So, he kept it from you. Get over it and stop using it as an excuse to stay here. Trust me, you two will fight over a lot more important things in life than him waiting three weeks to tell you about a job offer. Forgive him and move on.”
Edna’s words strip away the final barrier, leaving me raw and hopeful.
“This is an easy decision. You have nothing to lose by leaving, and everything to lose if you choose to stay.”
I drop back onto the couch, confused at this sudden turn of events. I woke up this morning convinced that Aiden might leave without me, and now I’m considering going with him. My world tips on its edge when I think about waking up without him every morning and going to bed alone every night. Who will be there waiting with a bottle of wine and my favorite ice cream after a long day? Who will watch sappy Hallmark movies with me and…damnit, I’m an idiot.
I don’t want to be thousands of miles away from Aiden.
I don’t want to be away from him, period.
A bone-deep shudder rocks through me as I come to the easiest conclusion.
I want Aiden.
Just like he said he’ll always choose me, I’m ready to choose him, and I’ll work my butt off to prove to him that he’ll always come first.
“I want Aiden to take the job.”
“Good.” Edna’s smile shines bright. “He deserves it.”
Dear God, I’ve been a complete bitch. Will he be able to forgive me for the words and accusations I flung at him? Will he give me a second chance? I hope so. And I hope that he hasn’t already turned the job down.
“He does. And I want to go with him.” I want to fight for him—for us.
“Yeah, you do.”
“I need to talk to him before he turns down the job.”
“Ummm…” Edna worries her bottom lip between her teeth and taps a finger on her cane. “I’m pretty sure he didn’t turn the job down.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because he left a little while ago for the airport.”
My heart stops. “What day is today?”
“Friday.”
“Oh, God. His flight. He’s going to San Francisco. Without me?”
“If you hurry, you might be able to catch him. But, Lizzie, if you go to him, you have to be confident in what you want.”
“I am,” I say, rushing to grab my purse and keys. “I want Aiden.”
I fling open the front door and find Calvin standing outside of Aiden’s apartment door. “He’s not here. He left.”
Calvin doesn’t look happy with me when he glances in my direction. It’s okay, buddy, I’m not happy with me either. “I know.”
Okay. Nice talk. No time for chitchat. I hike my purse onto my shoulder and move toward the stairs.
“Lizzie is going after him,” Edna says, poking her head out my door. “You should probably pack a bag, dear,” she adds.
“Why?” Calvin turns toward Edna and frowns. “He’s going to be—”
“Moving there, I know,” Edna says, her eyes burning a hole through Calvin’s head. “Which is why she might want to pack a few things. Who knows when she’ll be coming back.”
Calvin narrows his eyes at Edna and tilts his head. I glance between the two weirdos and growl.
“I don’t have time to pack a bag.”
“Then you better hurry,” Edna says, waving me back into the apartment. “Calvin will book your flight.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Are you going to move across the country so that my baby brother can live his dream?” he asks. I nod, tears building in my eyes. “You’re going to walk away from your twin sister and her unborn baby? From your family and Edna, and the job that you love?”
My stomach churns.
“Calvin,” Edna scoffs, slapping him upside the head.
He ignores her and continues. “And your friends and your apartment? Are you ready to give up your entire life?”
“Calvin, I—” Tears choke the words right out of my mouth.
“Because if there’s even a tiny part of you that isn’t ready, you shouldn’t chase after him.”