Melanie walked into the bedroom, set the white plastic grocery bag onto the leather chair, and dropped her red handbag next to it. She and Brad had just gotten home from having dinner with Alicia, Phillip, and Alicia’s parents, and Brad was downstairs watching television. Melanie was happy he hadn’t followed her. That way, he wouldn’t have to see her taking off her dress and become disgusted. Her being appalled was enough, so she made sure to never dress or undress when he was around. At first, he hadn’t understood that and had sort of complained about it, but once he’d begun putting in all those hours at work he’d rarely noticed anymore.
She tried not to feel so self-conscious or let her weight issues consume her, but she was to the point where she thought about it all the time. Like now, when she should have been changing clothes the way she’d planned, she walked over to her nightstand and pulled a family photo album from the bottom drawer. She sat on the bed, turned to some of her childhood photos, and cringed. She could barely stand to look at them, as she’d been terribly ugly and fat back then. She’d looked wretched to say the least, and it was no wonder other children had taunted her. They’d bullied and teased her all the time, and her parents had been utterly ashamed of their only child. Truth be told, her mother was still ashamed of her today, and Melanie understood why. She didn’t like most of the things her mother said about her, but she didn’t blame her for feeling that way.
Melanie flipped through pages of photos. If it weren’t for the fact that she needed to be reminded of the way she never wanted to look again, she would destroy every last one of them. Maybe then she wouldn’t keep punishing herself this way. She wouldn’t scan through this album 365 days a year, reminiscing and regretting her childhood and sometimes bawling like a toddler.
She placed the photos back in her drawer, walked over to the full-length oval mirror in the corner, and slipped off her sleeveless sheath. How disgusting. Here she’d eaten as little as possible all week long, yet she still saw a huge bulge in the middle of her abdomen. She also saw puffy obliques, and her face looked bloated. But she knew what the problem was, and she would fix it. Instead of going every other day without eating the way she had over the last seven days, she would stick to all liquids. She would start tomorrow. That way, she’d be well on her way to losing those ten pounds once and for all. Wearing a size ten just wasn’t bearable, and she wasn’t sure how she’d allowed herself to believe she could accept looking like this. She also wouldn’t tolerate being outright fat again. It was sad to say, but she’d rather be dead than walk around with fifty extra pounds the way she had during her teen years.
For most of her twenties, she’d easily been able to maintain wearing a size eight, but as of a year ago when she’d had no choice but to get a cortisone shot for constant shoulder pain—which had resulted from a boot-camp-style workout class she’d taken—she’d seemed to stay hungry all the time and had quickly picked up weight. Experts swore it usually took much more than one shot to change a person’s appetite, but Melanie knew different. Even working out hadn’t helped her control the pounds she’d begun gaining. Earlier this year, however, she’d finally slashed her daily calories in half and had lost down to a size eight very quickly. But then, she’d gained it back. She’d yo-yoed up and down and up and down again. Finally, last week, she’d decided to eat only every other day, which was working but not nearly as fast as she needed it to.
So she knew what she had to do: rid her diet of all solid foods whatsoever, except for maybe a small meatless salad each day for lunch. She would drink two protein shakes, one for breakfast and one for dinner, with water in between. She would take a multivitamin to help make up for any nutrients she would lose—she would start first thing in the morning and stick to it religiously. She’d decided this during church service, and while she’d only eaten part of a chicken Caesar salad at dinner this afternoon, she was glad she’d asked Brad to stop by the grocery store on their way home so she could pick up a few items. Since she’d told him she wouldn’t be very long, he’d waited for her in the car the way he always did. She’d been counting on this, but if for some reason he’d wanted to go inside with her, she would have purchased something for the general household and gone back to the grocery store later this evening.
But again, he hadn’t joined her, and she was glad because right before crashing on any new diet, Melanie always ate whatever she wanted. That way she could make herself physically and mentally sick of all high-calorie, high-fat, high-carb foods, and she wouldn’t crave them as much. She’d be disgusted just by the mere thought of eating any junk food again.
She was looking forward to devouring and enjoying every item she’d snatched up at the store—items Brad hadn’t noticed her carrying upstairs to their bedroom in the plastic bag because as soon as they’d arrived home, he’d shed his suit jacket, loosened and removed his tie, and flipped on the television. ESPN had been showing highlights from game one of the NBA Finals, which Brad had missed last Thursday because of the important trial he’d been preparing for well into the night. Although, as it had turned out, his client and the opposing side had agreed early Friday morning to settle out of court. Needless to say, Brad was ready and waiting for game two, which was airing this evening. That is, if he could stay awake. Melanie knew it wouldn’t be long before he dropped off to sleep on the sofa in the family room, taking at least a two-hour nap. This was his Sunday-after-church-after-dinner ritual, especially when he worked on tough cases for more than a couple of weeks straight; which suited Melanie just fine, because it meant he wouldn’t be coming upstairs anytime soon—it meant she could gorge herself one last time in peace. She could eat and drink every delicious item of junk food she loved: a family-size bag of Ole Salty’s potato chips, a large package of Chips Ahoy! cookies, a ten-pack box of Little Debbie Zebra Cakes, and a two-liter bottle of Nehi peach soda. She would definitely feel stuffed and ill when she finished, but she was still planning to eat all of it. She knew going nearly straight liquid might be tough for the first two or three days, because that’s how it had been when she’d done this a couple of times before, but after that, she’d be good. She’d feel fine, and it wouldn’t be long before she was ten pounds lighter. She would reach her goal and be happy.