It was a gorgeous Monday, and Alicia couldn’t have felt better. The copyedited version of her manuscript had arrived an hour ago, and she was planning to start reading it this afternoon. It was only ten thirty, and she was glad her publisher had shipped it overnight on Friday for early-morning delivery today. Her fourth novel was being published in January, seven months from now, and she’d already written the synopsis and outline for her fifth. She was trying her best to stay on a one-book-a-year schedule, and so far she’d been able to do it. The production process was long, though. First, she submitted her manuscript to her editor, and when she heard back from her, she did rewrites and more rewrites, and then once a copyeditor reviewed it, checking for grammar, punctuation, and other minor issues, Alicia read it again. She made more changes and edits during this stage also. After that, her publisher sent her the proof pages to read one last time. They also gave it to professional proofreaders, making sure that as many typos as possible were found and corrected, but there was always at least something that was missed. There was just no getting around that when you were dealing with nearly a hundred thousand words, but Alicia always hoped for no more than one or two errors.
Alicia was also excited about the national tour she’d be embarking on, because there was nothing like meeting and talking with her readers—the amazing people she never would have had the opportunity to connect with had she not become a writer. Her publisher was sending her to ten cities, some of which she’d been to in the past for signing events and some she hadn’t: Chicago, Cleveland, Atlanta, Memphis, Birmingham, Dallas, Houston, Washington, DC, New York, and Sacramento. She was looking forward to spending two full weeks out on the road, especially since Phillip would be accompanying her this time.
Alicia set her manuscript to the side when she heard her phone ringing. It was her mother.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, sweetie. How are you?”
“I’m good. You?”
“Can’t complain. One of my clients canceled her session, so I thought I’d give you a call. I also wanted to see if there’s anything we need to do this week for the wedding.”
Tanya was a counselor for battered women, and Alicia couldn’t think of a more understanding or compassionate person for them to talk to than her mother.
“No, not really. Now that Melanie and I have our jewelry, I think that’s it. Teresa has a lot left to do,” Alicia said, referring to her wedding planner, “but you and I can relax a little now. I’m actually glad because I received my copyedits this morning, and when I’m reading through those, I don’t like to be distracted.”
“I can imagine.”
“Phillip had a dental appointment today in Mitchell, so that’s another reason I’ll be able to get a lot done.”
“I’m so happy the two of you worked things out. I know I keep saying that, but sweetheart, I really am. You were very young when you married Phillip the first time, and you made some mistakes. But now God has given you an opportunity to marry the man of your dreams all over again. You’ve matured a lot over the last six years, and I’m very proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom. It’s been a journey, that’s for sure. But it’s all been worth it.”
“Very much so. You could search high and low for years, and I don’t think you’d ever find a man who’s as loving, caring, and honest as Phillip. Well, maybe your stepfather, but that’s about it.”
“I know. You were really blessed to find someone like Dad James. Of course, it’s every child’s dream to have their parents together, but since Dad wasn’t the man he needed to be when he was married to you, I’m glad you found someone who was. Someone who loves you so genuinely.”
“So am I. Your father has changed a lot, though, and I’m really happy about that. Things didn’t work out between us, but he’s grown on so many levels. Mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.”
“He has, Mom. He’s nothing like he used to be. He’s the best father, husband, and pastor in the world right now, and he’s been that way for a while.”
“It’s too bad your brother Dillon couldn’t see that. I realize your dad denied him when he was born, but if Dillon had been a little more patient, I think he and your dad would have gotten close.”
“I think they would have, too. But Dillon was different. He was all about himself, and to be honest, he wanted nothing to do with Matthew, Curtina, or me. You would think because his mom died when he was only a few weeks old that he would have wanted to be close to all of us. Not to mention, he didn’t meet Daddy until he was twenty-seven.”
“I hope he gets some help, and that maybe down the road, he’ll apologize and make things right with all of you.”
“Maybe, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Dillon did some dirty stuff, and if you wanna know the truth, I’m glad he’s gone.”
“That’s understandable. Oh well, I guess I’d better get going. Need to review a few notes before my next appointment.”
“Okay, Mom. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”
“Love you, too, dear.”
Alicia smiled when she hung up the phone. Her mother was everything and then some. Such a kind spirit who loved everyone. The good, the bad, and sometimes the awful. After all the terrible things Dillon had done to Alicia’s father and her brother Matthew, Alicia could tell that her mom still felt sorry for him. Alicia didn’t feel as much sympathy for Dillon, but she had to admit that one of the things she loved most about her mom was how forgiving she was. She forgave everyone for everything with no strings attached. To her, no one’s sin was worse than anyone else’s, even if most people thought so. She wasn’t naïve about folks who had betrayed her or deceived her at one time or another—she knew who they were and how they were—but she also didn’t hate them or talk badly about them.
Alicia answered a few email messages from some of her readers and responded to two more from online bloggers who were requesting a feature interview for her new book. Then she called Phillip.
“Hi, baby,” she said when he answered.
“Hey, you. What’s up?”
“Just finishing up a few things so I can start reading my copyedits.”
“Wow, when did those arrive?”
“Early this morning.”
“Then I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t follow you back to Chicago yesterday after all.”
“I guess it is,” she said.
Phillip was always off on Mondays, the same as everyone else who was employed by the church, so on Sundays, he usually spent the night with her and then drove back to Mitchell on Monday evenings. Alicia was getting to the point where she no longer wanted him to do that, however, because it was just too hard spending late nights together and not being able to make love to him.
“So how long do you think it’ll take you?”
“The rest of today and most of tomorrow. After that, I have to type in any additional changes I have. Which means I won’t be completely finished until sometime on Wednesday or Thursday.”
“Then you probably won’t make it over for Bible study this week, will you?”
“Not sure. I’ll be able to tell by Wednesday afternoon.”
“I have a pretty busy schedule this week myself. I also have a few business errands to run today.”
“Well, I won’t hold you,” she said, all while looking at her email inbox and seeing a new message from Levi. She could barely contain her anxiety.
“Baby, did you hear me?” he said.
“What?”
“You didn’t hear anything I said?”
“Um, no. I was reading something…I’m sorry.”
“I was just telling you to call me later when you take a break from reading.”
“I will. I love you.”
“I love you, too, baby. Have a good day.”
Alicia ended the call and set her phone on her desk. Why was Levi doing this? During church service, she’d made her decision about not responding to him. She’d come to her senses and had decided that her love and place in life were with Phillip, and nothing was going to change that. She wouldn’t do anything to ruin what God had blessed her to have all over again. But now it seemed that if she didn’t respond to Levi, he wasn’t planning to leave her alone. She wished he would just go away, but since it was obvious that he wasn’t going to, she took a deep breath and opened the email.
Hey Beautiful,
At this point, I’m not sure what else to do. I’ve emailed you, sent you a note on Facebook, and now I’m emailing you again. Most men would assume that you don’t want to be bothered, but sweetheart, I think you and I both know that this isn’t the case. I’m still in love with you, and you’re still in love with me. Even without hearing your voice for all these years or seeing you, I’d be willing to bet my life on it. What you and I have, some people never experience in their lifetime, so I know you haven’t gotten over me. And sweetheart, believe me when I tell you this: You can’t have two soul mates. And since I’m your only soul mate, I really hope you’re not serious about marrying your ex-husband again. If you do, you’ll be making the biggest mistake of your life. You’ll marry him and think about me…every…single….day. So, sweetheart, please don’t. Also, unless you’ve changed your number (which I doubt), I still have it. I was hoping you would email me back and then we could go from there, but if I have to call you I will. I’m not trying to be pushy, but I love you too much to give up without a fight. And you know my motto: I never lie, I don’t play childish games, and if I say something I always mean it.
With all my love,
Levi
Alicia read the email again and leaned back in her chair. She was speechless. Nervous. Confused. Why was this happening? Why wouldn’t he find someone else to harass? He knew she was with Phillip, and he knew they were getting remarried, so why was he making things hard for her? What she and Levi had once had together was in the past. It was over. It had been for six years, and they hadn’t seen each other in all that time. Surely he didn’t think she still loved him. And as far as she was concerned, there was no possible way he could still love her the same, either. He might still be infatuated with a few lingering memories, but too much time had passed for his feelings to mean anything else.
Alicia sat at her desk with her eyes closed for more than a half hour, thinking and worrying. But when her phone rang and she saw the word Private display on the screen, her heart pounded. She knew it was Levi. Part of her was afraid to answer, but she knew she needed to talk to him and get this over with so they could go their separate ways.
“Hello?”
“Hey, beautiful.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t call me that.”
Levi laughed, and for a second, she pictured his mesmerizing smile. The one she’d never been able to resist, no matter how hard she’d tried.
“So after all this time,” he said, “that’s all you have to say?”
“Levi, why are you calling me?”
“Because you wouldn’t respond. I tried to handle things the right way. Tried to give your fiancé his respect. I didn’t wanna call if he was around.”
Alicia thought about how in the past, Levi had never spoken Phillip’s name. He’d always referred to him as “he,” “him,” or “your husband.” She’d decided then that the reason Levi did that was because it made Phillip seem less real. “And you think calling me behind his back is any better?” she said.
“No, but it’s like I told you when I emailed you earlier, I’m not giving up without a fight.”
“But you know I’m getting married.”
“Yeah, and when I heard about that, it broke my heart. My boy Darrell told me last year.”
“Then I’m sure you also know that our wedding is set for August.”
“The date doesn’t matter. The question is: Why are you marrying someone else when it’s me you really wanna be with?”
Now, Alicia laughed. “You’re really funny, you know that?”
“I’m dead serious. Girl, this is me you’re talking to. From the moment you read my email on Saturday morning, you haven’t thought about much else. Debating whether you should respond to me or not. Trying to convince yourself that it’s your ex-husband you want. I’m sure you’ve told yourself a hundred times that you and I can never be together.”
Alicia hated that he knew her so well, but she would never admit he was right. Not when she knew she had to cut him off for good.
“Look, Levi. I’m glad you’re out of prison, but I’ve moved on. And you should, too.”
“Is that what bothers you? That I just got out of prison? Because when I told you that I was a different man, I meant it. I’m done with dealing drugs for good. I read my Bible regularly, and I’m not one of those men who find Jesus while they’re serving time and then forget about Him as soon as they’re set free. My love for God is real, and my faith in Him is unshakable.”
“I’m really happy for you, but that still doesn’t change anything. I’m marrying Phillip, Levi.”
“Look, I know this is bad timing and that you don’t want to hurt anyone, but you can’t stop destiny. And I know you haven’t forgotten how strong our chemistry was from day one. We were two peas in a pod, and when we were together we could barely keep our hands off each other. You and I shared the kind of love every man and woman prays for. That very rare kind of love that lasts forever. So the bottom line is this: You can marry your ex, or someone else for that matter, but you’ll always be in love with me.”
Alicia rested her elbows on her desk, holding her phone in one hand and the side of her face with the other. She closed her eyes, trying to settle her nerves. She wanted to say something, but she couldn’t. She wanted to tell him how wrong he was and how he wasn’t dealing with reality, but she couldn’t force the words from her lips.
“Baby, I know this isn’t what you were expecting to happen, especially not right now,” he said, “but it is what it is. So please let me see you. Let me hold you and show you that nothing’s changed between us. Let me show you how much I still love you.”
“Levi, no! Please stop all this nonsense. What we had is over. It’s done, and I can’t talk to you anymore. I can never see you again.”
“You don’t mean that. I know you think you do, but you really don’t. Your mind is telling you one thing, but deep down, you know where your heart is. You wanna be with me as badly as I wanna be with you.”
“Did you hear what I just said?”
“I heard you loudly and clearly. But before we hang up, just answer one question. Does your ex make love to you the way I did? When the two of you are together, do you wish time would stop so that you never have to spend a single minute without him? Because that’s how it always was with you and me. It was never just about our physical attraction. We were good together in every way imaginable. Remember?”
“Levi, I can’t do this with you. I’m hanging up, and if you care anything about me you’ll never call me again. You won’t send me messages, you won’t send me anything. You’ll just leave me alone.”
“Sweetheart, you can’t pretend I don’t exist and that you’re not in love with me.”
“Good-bye, Levi.”
Alicia pressed the End button on her phone, threw it on her desk, and covered her face with her hands.
She held back her tears for as long as she could, then wept uncontrollably.