Alicia’s phone rang, and she looked over at the clock. It was already noon, and Phillip was calling from the church.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey, you. Were you sleeping?”
“No, just tired, so I decided to lie down for a while.”
“Nothing wrong with that. I’m sure your eyes need a break from all that reading, anyway. How much more do you have?”
“I’m almost finished.”
“Good. Well, it’s not like I was calling for anything in particular. Just wanted to tell you I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I’m so glad tomorrow is Friday, so we can spend the next three days together. This sleeping-in-separate-cities thing is starting to get old.”
“I know,” she said. “I feel the same way.”
“I’m actually planning to work only half a day tomorrow; that way I can drive over early afternoon instead of tomorrow evening.”
“That’ll be great.”
“If you finish up with your manuscript, maybe we can get some dinner and catch a movie.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Okay, then, I guess I’ll let you go. Especially since somebody needs to get back to work,” he said, laughing.
“Yeah, I really do, and I’m going to as soon as we hang up.”
“Call me tonight. And again, baby, I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Alicia ended the call and set her phone on the nightstand. She laid her head back on the pillow and covered her face with both hands.
Levi turned toward her, propping his elbow on the bed. “Sweetheart, you’re going to have to tell him the truth.”
“I’ll never be able to do that. I just can’t.”
“Baby, we can’t go on like this forever.”
“Levi, I shouldn’t even be here. You know that, and so do I.”
“But you are here. And you came because you wanted to.”
Sadly, Levi was right. Because last night, when Alicia had left Bible study to drive back to her condo, it had taken everything in her not to call Levi to ask him to meet her at his friend’s house. But thankfully, after praying, she’d made it home without contacting him. She still hadn’t been able to keep her mind off him, though, and this morning Levi had texted her, telling her he wanted to see her. She’d told herself once again that she would go meet him but only so she could break things off with him forever. She’d been sure she’d be strong enough to do it, especially after hearing her dad teach on the subject he’d chosen for Bible study, but her desire for Levi had been more fierce than she’d realized.
Now the two of them had been in bed for the last two hours.
Levi stroked her hair. “The only way out of this is to tell him the wedding is off. You need to be honest with him about everything.”
Alicia finally removed her hands from her face and looked at Levi. “How many times do I have to tell you that I can’t hurt Phillip like that? I could never put him through that kind of pain again.”
“Don’t you think you’re hurting him worse by being with me behind his back?”
“Yeah, but the difference is he doesn’t know about it. He would never guess in ten lifetimes that I would betray him like this again. Especially with the same man I slept with before.”
“If you and I weren’t supposed to be together, you would have already married him. I also wouldn’t be out of prison. I told you the other day that you can’t stop destiny. This is ours, and you can’t change that.”
“I disagree. Because just last night, my dad was talking about temptation and how even if you want to do the right thing, sometimes the flesh won’t allow you.”
“Matthew twenty-six, forty-one, right?”
“I guess you really have been reading the Bible.”
“Did you think I was lying when I told you that?”
“No, but not everyone can remember the exact chapter and verse of a certain scripture. Plus, it wasn’t like I actually quoted what my dad said word for word.”
“Doesn’t matter. I recognize lots of scriptures, and if you wanna know the truth, I’ve had to study and recite that one a lot.”
“Why?”
“So I won’t be drawn back into the life. I promised God that if He got me out of prison, I wouldn’t sell drugs or do anything illegal.”
“It must be hard giving up the kind of money you were used to making.”
“Yeah, but I wanna do the right thing. I want to live a plain ol’ normal life like most people.”
“I know you mentioned starting a business, and I think that will be good for you.”
“It’ll be good for us.”
Alicia stared at him but didn’t respond.
“I’m serious. I’m opening an upscale restaurant just like I told you. I’m also planning to buy a home not too far from it, and I was hoping you would help me look. You know, once I decide on the restaurant location.”
Alicia sighed. “Look, I won’t lie to you. I am in love with you, and I do wish I could be with you…the right way, but I can’t. I’m still marrying Phillip, Levi.”
“Baby, how long are you going to keep this up?”
“What?”
“This fantasy you’re living. You’re not in love with that man, but you’re going to marry him?”
“I know you don’t understand, but this is the only way.”
“But why?”
“I owe him. Plus, Phillip has been there for me. I mean, how could I walk away from a man I treated so badly when he took me back and forgave me for everything? We hadn’t been married a year when I started sleeping around on him with you. I never even gave our marriage a chance, and it wasn’t like Phillip had done anything wrong in the first place. He’s a good man who has always loved me.”
“But none of that matters, because you’re not in love with him.”
“But the other thing, too, is my father, the rest of my family, and the church. Things have been going great, and I just don’t have it in me to cause another scandal. If I called things off with Phillip and married you, we would never hear the end of it. Every media outlet locally and around the country will be reporting on Pastor Black’s daughter and how she married a drug dealer.”
“But I’m not a drug dealer. Not anymore.”
“It won’t matter. Everyone will still see you as being one, no matter what you say. Maybe years down the road, people will see that you’ve honestly changed, and they’ll stop talking. But even then, some people will start talking about how you used to be a drug dealer, how you did time in prison, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It’ll never end.”
“Baby, we all make mistakes, and if God has forgiven me, so should everyone else.”
“But they won’t.”
“So you’re more worried about gossip than you are about being happy? You’re more focused on other people’s opinions?”
“No, I’m just being real.”
“What you’re trying to do is be logical. You’re worried about everyone else and not about you and me. Baby, life is too short to live the rest of our days unhappy, and that’s exactly what you’ll be forcing us to do if you marry that man.”
Alicia looked away from him and toward the ceiling. “You just don’t get it. You never will.”
“You’re right. Not when you’re saying you want to walk away from me for good.”
“This isn’t about what I want; it’s what I have to do.”
“You’re really starting to frustrate me,” he said. “This junk is painful.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, looking at him again.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead.”
“Even if you marry him, do you really think you’ll be able to stop seeing me? Making love to me?”
“I do. I know you might not believe that, but I won’t commit adultery again.”
Levi turned over on his back and laughed. “You never cease to amaze me.”
“I’m serious.”
He glanced over at her, but his smile vanished. “Sweetheart, what you and I have is forever. You can get married and even move to another country. But I’m the only man you’ll ever love.”
Alicia sat up, preparing to swing her legs over the side of the bed. But Levi pulled her back down and lay on top of her.
Alicia tried to push him away. “Levi, please stop. I have to go.”
Levi kissed her and didn’t say a word.
Alicia could no longer think of anything to say, either, and before long, she surrendered. She loved every bit of what he was doing to her, and sadly, she feared Levi was right. What if he actually was the only man she could ever love? What if no other man, including Phillip, could ever make her feel the way Levi was making her feel at this very moment?
She couldn’t worry about that now, though. Not when Levi was giving her everything she needed—all the beautiful love and intense pleasure she wanted so desperately.
He gave her what she’d been missing for far too many years.