It was seven a.m., and while Alicia and Phillip had gotten to the house right around one this morning, she hadn’t slept more than twenty minutes here and there. Her mind had raced from one thing to the next, and guilt-ridden tears had streamed onto her pillow. She just didn’t know how she could lie next to Phillip in their own house, in their own bed, knowing she’d spent most of yesterday with Levi, holding him, kissing him, and making love to him like he was her husband. If only Levi didn’t make her feel so good, she could walk away and forget about him. But he did make her feel good, and if things were different, she would marry him the way he wanted. In a perfect world, they would build their dream home, have two beautiful children—a boy and a girl—and grow old together. If she hadn’t already committed to another man, she’d be free to do what she knew would make her happy.
But no matter how she tried to weigh things, one simple fact remained—the one fact she’d replayed hundreds of times in her head: She couldn’t and wouldn’t hurt Phillip. She had to marry him whether she wanted to or not. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Phillip, it was just that she wasn’t in love with him the way a woman needed to be in love with a man she was planning to spend the rest of her life with. She’d thought loving him as a person was enough, and it actually had been before Levi had emailed her last Saturday, letting her know he was out of prison. What a mess this all was, but she knew what she had to do. Ending things with Levi wouldn’t be easy—she could finally admit that now—but it was her only option. Plus, it wasn’t like Phillip wasn’t a wonderful man, because he was, and he loved her with all his heart. She knew that much for sure, so maybe in time, she would love him on the same level that she loved Levi.
Phillip yawned, stretched his arms and body, and opened his eyes. When he looked over at Alicia, he smiled. “How long have you been awake?”
“A while.”
“I’m glad you decided to spend the night…or I guess I should say morning, since we got in so late. The drive back to your condo would have been exhausting.”
“I know. I’m glad I stayed, too.”
“I wonder how Mr. Johnson is doing,” he said.
“Yeah, me too. I’m also worried about Mel. She’s not herself, and this weight thing is getting out of control again.”
“Until Brad and I talked last night, I had no idea. You’d never told me about that before.”
“Probably because it hadn’t crossed my mind in years. When we were in college, she would sometimes starve herself for days and then when she couldn’t take it anymore, she would binge on every kind of food she could get her hands on. She did this the whole four years we were away, but once we graduated, she seemed to mellow out and she didn’t struggle with that any longer.”
“Maybe she got better for a while, but now Brad says she’s working out longer, and he doubts she’s eating a thousand calories a day.”
“But she’s not overweight at all. She’s as thin as any woman would want to be, but for some reason she can’t see it.”
“Brad wants her to get help, but I guess she got mad when he suggested it.”
“Just like she got mad at me last night. I didn’t tell you this on the way home, but she told me to get out of her room. It was almost like I didn’t know her. She acted like we were enemies.”
“I’m sure the pain she was feeling about her dad had something to do with it, too. She’s under a lot of stress right now.”
“Maybe, but there’s no way Mel can keep going without food. That’s just plain crazy.”
Phillip raised his arm toward the headboard. “I was also a little shocked by the way her mom was talking to her, and she never went into Melanie’s room even once. Are they mad at each other about something?”
“Not that I know of. I mean, when we were younger her mother would constantly make comments about her weight, but that was a long time ago.”
“Well, I do wonder if there’s a lot we don’t know, because when I went in to pray with her dad, he told me he’d apologized to Melanie and asked God to forgive him for all his sins.”
“Really? Apologized for what?”
“I don’t know, and when I mentioned it to Melanie, she seemed embarrassed and like she was afraid her father had told me a lot more.”
“I do know that Melanie’s parents were a lot different before I met her, because she told me a little about it. But once her father recovered from some car accident, everything changed and her parents became good people. They’ve always been wonderful to me as well.”
“Yeah, but you know the saying. You never know what’s going on behind closed doors.”
“That’s true, but Mel is like a sister to me, and if there were major problems between her and her parents I would know about it.”
Phillip leaned closer to the center of the bed, gazing into Alicia’s eyes.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing. Can’t I admire the woman I love?”
“And you just decided to do that right in the middle of our conversation?” she said, laughing.
“Kinda. You’re such a beautiful woman, and I loved you from the first time I laid eyes on you. Now you’re going to be my wife again.”
Alicia smiled but wasn’t sure how to respond.
“I know you must be tired of hearing me say that over and over, but I can’t help it. For the first time in years, I’m truly happy and content. I feel like I have everything now, and not many people can say that.”
“I agree. We’re very blessed.”
Phillip held the side of her face and kissed her with more passion than usual but then pulled away. “Okay, I’d better get out of this bed before we do something we’ll regret. Although I know you’d be fine with that, wouldn’t you?” he said, laughing. “If we could make love right this very second, you’d be on top of the world.”
“You know I would be,” she said, forcing a smile and hoping Phillip couldn’t tell how insincere she was.
“Well, just remember, only two months to go and I’m all yours. Every part of me.”
When Phillip went into the bathroom, Alicia got up, walked over to the chair where her tote sat, and pulled out her phone. It was a good thing she’d gotten into the habit of keeping her phone on silent with no vibration, because Levi had just called her ten minutes ago. He’d also sent her a text that said, “Where are you? I miss you. Call me.”
Alicia dropped her phone in her bag and fell across the bed, face-first. She’d never felt so trapped or defeated in all her life, but she had to do the right thing. Do right by Phillip. Live happily ever after with the man everyone wanted her to be with.
She settled her mind, got back out of bed to get her phone, and dialed Melanie. With the way she’d acted last night, Alicia wondered if her friend would answer.
“Hello?” Melanie said.
“Hey, Mel. How are you?”
“Hanging in there.”
“How’s your dad?”
“About the same. I called the nurse’s station maybe an hour ago.”
“I’m sure it’ll take a little more time before he progresses.”
“That’s what I’m praying for.”
“So am I. We all are.”
Melanie didn’t say anything further, and their silence was unsettling. It felt strange and uncommon, and while Alicia had considered easing into another conversation about Melanie’s eating habits, she knew this wasn’t the right time. But oddly enough, Melanie was the one who had questions for her.
“So, when we were on the phone last night, why did you tell me you’d finished reading your manuscript?”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s what you told me then, but right before we left the hospital, you said you still had a few more chapters to go.”
Alicia swallowed the huge lump in her throat. Gosh, had she actually told Melanie two different stories? But even if she had, why was Melanie confronting her about it? Why was she acting as though she’d caught her in something and couldn’t wait to interrogate her?
Alicia made up another quick lie to appease her. “I did finish reading it, but I still need to type in my changes and additions. I always mark up my manuscript as I go along, and then I have to incorporate everything on my computer.”
“Oh, I see.” Melanie said, almost sounding sarcastic.
Alicia ignored her and changed the subject. “So when are you going back to the hospital?”
“I’m getting ready now.”
“I really wish I could spend the day here with you, but I have to get back home so I can finish up my work. I’ll be calling you, though, and I’ll definitely get to see your dad when I come back for church on Sunday.”
“How come you didn’t bring your laptop and manuscript with you?”
Wow. Just wow. Melanie had turned into a real piece of work this morning, and Alicia was getting a little tired of it. She knew Melanie was going through a lot, which was the reason Alicia was being tolerant, but she could only take so much attitude and rudeness.
“Well, for one thing, when I heard that you’d passed out and that your dad was having emergency surgery, my work was the last thing I thought about. All I knew was that I needed to get here.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right,” she said.
“Is Brad still dropping you off at the hospital? Otherwise, I can come get you before I head back home.”
“Yes, he’s in the shower now, but thanks.”
“Okay, well, I’ll let you go, and kiss your dad for me.”
“I will.”
“And Mel?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m really sorry again about the things I said last night. You’re my girl, I love you, and I just want you to be all right.”
“I know that. I love you, too.”
Alicia set her phone down, and though she wondered why Melanie still wasn’t acting herself, she soon thought about her drive back to Covington Park. She was already promising herself she wouldn’t call Levi, and she wouldn’t stop by his friend’s house to see him. She would head straight to her condo so she could read the manuscript she hadn’t looked at for the past two days. She so needed to get that finished, because she knew Phillip would be driving over, just as he did every Friday when he left the church. She had to get as much reading done as possible so she could spend all of tomorrow and Sunday with him. Then, on Monday, she would finish reading completely and would type everything in. Monday was Phillip’s day off, but she would just have to come up with some other lie to explain why she needed another full day of work with no distractions. She would then be able to email the finished product to her editor on Tuesday, and all would be good.
She would also take some time on Tuesday to check in with their wedding planner. There still wasn’t much to do at this point, but Alicia wanted to touch base with her to make sure nothing had been missed. Regardless of how she’d been feeling as of late, thanks to Levi, Alicia wanted her and Phillip’s wedding to be flawless. Not because she was nearly as excited about getting married as she had been, but because Phillip deserved it. He’d earned the right to have the best of everything, including a loyal wife, and Alicia would give him that. She would forget her own desires and learn how to be happy with the existing conditions. She would pretend Levi was a mere figment of her imagination.