Now

They kept talking about how clean the hospital was, how friendly and efficient the nurses were. How everyone was so impressive. Almost a week passed and Cass didn’t wake up, not really. There had been a brief flurry of activity, her lips mouthing words, eyes fluttering, but she slipped back into the coma. Seeing that hope snatched from Veronica, the howl of grief as her mother disappeared again … Lauren knew she would never forget that sight as long as she lived. The same with Cass falling, it played on repeat like a showreel behind her eyelids each night, daring her to try and sleep.

Jack and Dolores had driven down immediately, and even just to have someone to try to distract Veronica whilst she dealt with insurance and paperwork and the throbbing grief in her stomach was a blessing. Jack kept telling Cass stories, talking to her in gentle tones as he held her hand and spoke about her childhood, her mother, her memories. Vee sat on the bed, listening attentively, watching her mother’s face for any signs that she understood.

She wouldn’t give up hope. She and Storm had whispered conversations where she worked out magical ways to bring Cass back. Every morning she sat on Cass’s bed, gripping her hand, her own wrist extended in demand of her matching tattoo. Every morning, Lauren drew it on without question.

Vee’s latest quest was to fill the room with colour. Cass loved colour, she needed it to stay alive. So her brightest red polka-dot scarf was wrapped over her pale hospital gown, and the room was filled with hand-drawn pictures of their adventures – huskies in Finland, the dancers in Seville, stick figures surfing with big smiles. Cass’s pashminas and skirts were draped over the backs of chairs and hanging from the doors, as if a fashion show would lure her back from sleep.

‘Cassy, see how colourful it is! We have all your favourite things!’ Veronica’s voice was trying to lure her mother back, like a child promised sweets and treats. ‘And if you wake up, Auntie Loll says she’ll even go on a roller-coaster!’

‘Hey!’ Lauren tried to play along, keep upbeat and cheerful. ‘Well, okay, if that’s really what needs to be done, I’ll do it.’

They sat for a few moments, Veronica scanning Cass’s face for activity, looking for the twitch of a lip or the flutter of an eyelash. She had already tried kissing her, to wake up her sleeping beauty. That had been the first plan.

Her little shoulders slumped and she looked up to Lauren. ‘Cassy’s not coming back, is she?’

Lauren paused. Here was the moment, her first moment as a parent. Should she give a comforting lie? Could she take away all hope? Cass’s voice was wry in her mind, laughing at her panic.

Poor Loll, you never get an easy question, do you? Be honest. She’ll love you for telling the truth.

Lauren took a deep breath and took Veronica’s hand. ‘Sweetheart, I want her to come back more than anything in the world, but no … I don’t think it’s going to happen.’

Vee pressed her lips together, trying hard to be brave, a look that was so purely her mother’s that Lauren burst into tears, holding her arms open so that Vee could join her. They cried together.

Cass slipped away that night, with Vee curled up on her chest, and Lauren asleep on the chair, grasping her hand, resting her head on the bed.

When she woke and realised, she tensed her jaw, shocked that there were any tears left at all. She had to do the paperwork, she had to figure out how to get her home, she had to tell Jack and Dolores.

You have to be sad, Cass’s voice was clear, and you have to look after her. That’s it, Loll. Don’t get lost in lists. There’ll be time for that.

It was so tempting to run away from everything, bury herself in practical adult things, the things that needed to be done. Just like she had before. Instead, she waited, letting Vee sleep a little longer, holding off the moment when reality would peek in like unwanted sun behind the curtains, and this new day, this new life, would start. A life without Cass. Let her sleep a little longer.