Chapter Twenty-Six

As Penelope stepped onto the Boat Deck, she was overwhelmed by the ship’s position.

She had been so preoccupied with her mother and father that she hadn’t really focused on the way the ship had started to tilt again, this time to the left side rather than the right.

But what blew her away more than anything was how submerged the front of the ship was.

The Bridge Deck had been one of her favourite places to go.

She had loved standing by that railing, watching the sea pass by and feeling the wind in her hair. Only yesterday, only a matter of hours ago, she had stood on that deck, now slowly disappearing into the water, and had leaned over the edge, trying to see if any whales were following the ship to help her mother prove a point to her father.

She had asked her father about the mechanism behind the anchors and the cranes. She had sat on the benches after a short walk around the perimeter, and she had enjoyed the deckchairs with Ruby on more than one occasion.

So many good memories had been made on this ship.

And now they were all tainted.

“Penelope!” a breathless voice called out before she could begin to move again.

Her promise to her parents still bounced around in her head, and she had no intention of letting them down. But God above, it was hard to find the will and strength to move when faced with the devastation before her.

“Penelope!”

This time Penelope looked up and finally saw who was calling her. Shame washed over her as she saw Mr. Frank Cameron rushing to her side. He stopped in front of her, eyes wide as he asked, “What are you doing here? I thought you were getting into the boat with Victoria and the others?”

She swallowed hard, wondering if he’d had to walk away after saying farewell to his daughter and wife for what was probably the last time, and so had missed Penelope running away like some lemming, desperate to throw herself off a cliff. “I… I had to find my parents. I couldn’t leave without knowing what happened to them…”

“Did you find them?” he asked, his voice soft and full of concern. Her heart thudded in her chest. It was unfair that such a sweet man should be parted from his family. He didn’t know her. He didn’t need to be this kind or caring, and yet here he was.

She nodded, trying to hold back her emotions. He had enough to deal with without Penelope adding to his burden. “I did. They’re… They didn’t wish to take up space on the boats when…” She tried to force a smile, but it came out more as a grimace.

“That is…noble of them.” He sighed and shook his head. “Forgive me.”

“No, I understand completely. There’s no need to apologise.”

“I had rather hoped you would have been there with Ruby and Victoria. They both appear as if nothing concerns them, but it is more of an act than anyone knows. When things start to go wrong, their bravado disappears. I had felt relief knowing that you would have been there to comfort them. They will inevitably start to panic when they watch the ship go down, knowing that myself and their father are aboard.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “God above, I dread to think how they must feel right now.”

Penelope’s chest constricted, and she almost tore her lifebelt off, desperate to lose the pressure that it added around her, the extra bulk that made her feel like she was being held in an unwanted embrace.

Everything around her swayed, and her hand darted out to grip at the railing, using it to steady herself and stay upright.

“What did I do?” Her voice was a grating whisper to her ears as she turned to face the water. She bowed her head, unable to see the way the surface was fast approaching or look at the lifeboats that had launched, knowing that one of them had Ruby in it. “Oh God, what did I do? Why did I leave? My one shot at happiness—and I threw it away.” She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut.

She’d thrown it away for her parents. Her parents, who, in the end, had just wanted her to be safe and happy. As she would have been if she had got into that boat with Ruby.

Why hadn’t she got into the boat?

She felt Frank’s hand on her back. It was inappropriately low, but with the lifebelt on, she wouldn’t have been able to feel his touch if he had placed it higher.

“I’m sure it’s not too late.” He stepped around her and reached for her hand, gently prising her fingers off the metal railing. “Come on. Let’s see if we can find you a lifeboat. It’s going to be okay, Penelope.”

As they slowly turned, another familiar face appeared before them. “Miss Fletcher! You did a foolish thing, if I may say so,” Mr. Cole said.

“Yes, Lewis, I don’t think she needs to hear that now!” Frank hissed, giving her hand a squeeze.

Mr. Cole ducked his head, his shoulders reaching his ears as he sheepishly scratched the back of his neck. “Forgive me. I just meant…” He trailed off with a heavy sigh. “Never mind what I meant.”

“We’ll see you aboard a boat,” Frank repeated, as Penelope continued to stare blankly ahead, still trying to get her breathing under control. She focused on the thudding of her heart, the beats reverberating in her ears.

She felt Mr. Cole take her other hand, and together they walked her like some poor, injured animal down the right side of the Boat Deck. Her eyes took in the cranes that held the lifeboats, noticing with growing panic that they were empty.

This was confirmed when they reached the one farthest away and the officer in charge announced, “All the lifeboats from the side have been launched. We’re working on getting the collapsible ones erected now.” His eyes flickered over Penelope. “Try the port side. I know they were still launching there the last time I heard.”

With a solemn nod, the three of them took off. It was growing more and more difficult to keep their footing, especially now that they had to make their way to the side the ship was leaning towards. The tilt towards the front made it feel like climbing a hill with two left feet.

Penelope’s grip on both Frank and Mr. Cole was tight, to the point she was certain she was spraining their fingers, but they didn’t seem to care. Perhaps they, too, had lost all sensation in their limbs and were just going through the motions, appearing alive when they really felt like dead men walking.

They started from the edge closest to the front, stopping at each area where a lifeboat should have been, only to find it empty. When they glanced over the edge, they saw the boats either just reaching the water or too far down for Penelope to get to them.

When they reached the final one, at the back of the ship, Penelope could guess the words that came out of the officer’s mouth before he even had a chance to speak.

“Sorry, miss, you just missed it.” He smiled sadly at her. “We’re going to launch the collapsible ones now. You’re welcome to a spot on one of those.”

Penelope felt her legs tremble, and she let Frank and Mr. Cole lead her over to a nearby bench. She buried her face in her hands, bending over as she tried to calm herself and keep her breathing even.

“I can’t move,” she declared when she felt the men trying to persuade her back to her feet. She lowered her hands and looked wearily up at them. “I know the boat on the other side will be ready first. But I…I don’t have the energy to do another circuit. I cannot.”

Frank and Mr. Cole shared a look before they slowly nodded their heads. “Then, I suppose we shall wait until the one on this side is ready,” Mr. Cole said.

“It won’t be long, I gather.” Frank sat down beside Penelope as Mr. Cole continued to stand.

His eyes kept flickering to the nearby loading area. Penelope watched him curiously—he was always pacing, always turning this way and that.

“He can’t keep still, can he?” Frank joked quietly, causing Penelope to offer him a vague smile. It was all she could muster. “He fought in the Boers. I think that’s where it comes from, that feeling of always needing something to do. Feeling as if he has to be constantly on the lookout. It annoyed me to no end when I started courting Victoria…” At the mention of his wife, the smile on his lips froze, and his gaze grew distant. Penelope didn’t want to disturb him, so she remained quiet, instead turning her attention back to Ruby’s father.

Mr. Cole’s thick brows were pulled into a frown. He kept his back straight and his arms clasped behind his back, looking more like he should be in a sitting room than on a sinking ship. Penelope once again wondered where the duke was—if he had been in the smoking room with Mr. Benjamin and they just hadn’t noticed each other, or if he had retreated to his room.

She wanted to ask Mr. Cole but couldn’t find the strength.

“Dear God,” he whispered, his eyes growing wide.

“What is it?”

“They’re loading one of the davits near the bow.” He turned to Penelope and reached for her, hauling her to her feet. “We must get you there now before they start to lower it.”

But as soon as he released Penelope’s hand, she fell to the ground as pain shot through her legs. She landed with a thud, just catching herself with her hands and stopping her head from cracking against the hard wood of the deck.

“The water has reached the Promenade Deck. It’ll only take them a couple of minutes to get the boat lowered into the water, and they’ll start rowing as soon as they do. We must hurry,” Mr. Cole said as he knelt beside Penelope, trying to ease her back to her feet.

“I can’t.”

“You can. Just stand, and Frank and I will carry you.”

“I can’t,” she tried again.

Everything was aching.

She wished for before, when she had been so numb she couldn’t even feel her own body.

Anything was better than feeling the pressure in her legs, the pain from the cold water she had waded through that had since dried in the cold air. The fabric of her clothes was still icy to the touch, doing nothing to lessen the sting.

It was as if she was made of the most delicate porcelain. She had been dropped, and now she was cracked into a million tiny pieces, and there was no way she’d be put back together in time to reach the lifeboat.

Strong hands gripped her under her arms and lifted her to her feet. She stumbled forwards and only stopped herself from falling by gripping the railing. She nearly went over headfirst, and her breath was knocked from her lungs as the hard, cold metal rammed into her stomach.

The ship juddered again, making Penelope realise what had happened.

The water was flooding the body faster and causing the ship to tilt farther, both sideways and front-wise.

Her hands ached as they gripped the railing as tightly as she could, turning to see where Frank and Mr. Cole were. They had managed to get their footing a couple of feet away from her right-hand side and were also leaning against the railing. Just as she’d begun to think that perhaps the sudden movements had settled, however, the ship lurched once more.

Penelope watched in horror as Mr. Cole lost his footing, his knees buckling and sending him towards the railing. He wasn’t able to get a grip of the protective rail in time. He went careening over the railing and disappeared into the water.