Chapter Four

When Penelope returned to their room after dinner, it was empty.

She was more than grateful for that. She wasn’t sure she could deal with having to speak to Ruby right now. Not after the realisation that a silly crush had already started to develop after a day.

Not even a day! Less than a day! Honestly!

Scoffing, Penelope moved towards her luggage.

After changing into her nightgown and placing her clothes back in her cases, she sat on her bed and started to untangle her hair from the wild mess it had turned into over the course of the day.

Her lips curled in distaste as it fell over her shoulder, reaching just under her rib cage. Grabbing her brush, she divided her hair into sections and started brushing it into something more manageable.

She had just finished, and was in the process of braiding it, when the door opened and Ruby entered. Her eyes were heavy with sleep. “I cannot tell you how jealous I am that you’re in your nightclothes already,” she said with a soft laugh as she let her braid fall down her back. She then moved over to her suitcases and pulled out her nightgown. “Do you mind if I dress in here, or would you rather I go to one of the bathrooms?”

The very thought of having Ruby undress in front of her made Penelope’s mind go blank—as if someone had poured cold water over burning coal inside her head. She distracted herself by looking for her ribbon to tie her hair. “No, no, it’s fine.” She tied off her braid and tried to smile at Ruby. “It hardly seems fair to make you change somewhere else and then have to walk back here, especially when you look so tired.”

I’ll just have to face the wall and pretend I’m not thinking about what you look like.

Some colour started to spread across Ruby’s face. For once, it wasn’t Penelope who was blushing like a fool. Though she had to wonder what she had said—she really hoped she hadn’t said that last thought aloud.

“Thank you, I am shattered. My brother and niece were playing hide-and-seek across the whole of the Boat Deck. You wouldn’t think there’d be so many places for a child to hide there, but trust me, there are.” Ruby rolled her eyes and stifled a yawn before she started to remove her clothes.

Penelope grinned. “That explains the books on the table,” she said before she shuffled under her covers, turning away from Ruby to give her some privacy as she undressed. She pulled her knees up to her chest and folded her hands under her head.

“Yes. If the book is present, they force themselves awake to read more and more. I realised quickly that, if I read ahead and recite what I can remember, they fall asleep after a chapter or so.”

Penelope made a sound in acknowledgment as she focused her gaze on the wall— it was metal, and she was near a joint. She wanted to reply, but she was afraid of what would come out should she try. Instead, she distracted herself by counting the rivets that joined the two pieces together. Yet no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get past five, because by the time she got to that, her resolve had weakened, and she was trying to picture what Ruby was doing—what she would look like.

An image of her in nothing but white stockings tied with silk garters came to her mind, and she swallowed hard.

It seemed to take forever and yet no time at all before the room was encompassed in darkness as Ruby turned off the lights before pulling herself onto the top bunk and shuffling underneath the covers. “So, how was your first day aboard a ship?” Ruby asked, in a voice soft as a whisper.

“Not as devastating as I believed it would be,” Penelope answered, her voice just as soft as Ruby’s. “And this motion isn’t quite as bad either… You get used to it quite quickly.”

“Most people do. It’s only a very few that find it too much and spend their journey locked in their cabin.” Penelope could hear the smile in her voice. She wished that she could see Ruby’s face. “So… What brings you aboard?”

“Father accepted a new job.” Penelope stared at the wood that made up the slats of Ruby’s bed, noticing how the mattress dipped from her weight. “He’s a mathematics teacher. He’s…terribly clever. But he wasn’t happy with his old position and so he started applying for new jobs at more prestigious universities. He told Mother and me that there was a good chance it would mean moving to England… Then he announced that he’d been offered a position at some college in Massachusetts and had accepted, without even talking it over with Mother.” She rolled her eyes in the darkness. “But that’s a man’s prerogative, though, isn’t it?” An inelegant scoff broke free from her lips.

Ruby was silent for a moment before she made a sympathetic noise. “So you had to leave everyone you knew and loved without any warning?”

Penelope’s heart tightened as images of Caroline and her friends were conjured in her head. She could see Caroline staring at her in shock as she had given the news of her imminent move, and watched as it changed to chagrin as she’d said that Penelope didn’t need to do what her parents wished her to. Millicent and Deborah had been more excited than she, seeing the opportunities rather than what it would mean leaving behind.

Penelope had been unable to match their excitement.

Her breath lodged in her throat. “Yes. You could say that. He told us maybe a month ago? I fought it every step—believed I would be able to stay with Granny and it would be enough… Obviously, that plan did not succeed.” Her hand snaked up her torso and tightened around her locket, the press of the stones into her skin a rather reassuring pain.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

Sighing, Penelope shuffled a little, turning her head farther into her pillow. Despite herself, her eyes were starting to feel heavy with sleep. “Don’t be. There’s nothing more to be done now, is there?” Taking a deep breath, Penelope pulled the covers tighter around her body. She somehow knew that Ruby was mulling over the right words to say, and so she took the decision away from her.

She wasn’t in the mood to discuss it further, anyway.

Already, images of Caroline were cycling through her mind, and pain and worry were starting to grip at her throat. They hadn’t parted on the best of terms, but nearly two years of her life had been consumed by Caroline—she had believed they would spend the rest of their lives together. Right up until Caroline had announced her engagement to a man, and Penelope had stopped fighting the move to America.

Now, her thoughts of the future weren’t as pure or as sweet. She knew that she would be expected to marry some well-off man and give him countless children, even though men had never interested her and never would.

The carefree, blissful, almost childish hopes she’d had for a life with Caroline had disappeared into nothing, and there would be no way to get them back. She would merely be a pawn in the game of society.

“Goodnight, Ruby.”

A small sigh escaped Ruby’s lips before she replied with, “Goodnight, Penelope. I’m sure tomorrow will bring you a brighter day.”

Those last words caused a smile to spread across Penelope’s lips, which remained on her face even after she fell asleep.