Kelly texted that she was having a diaper crisis and that she'd be late. I texted back that I'd meet her inside. Sure, she might not like that I'd start without her, but I didn't want to miss my chance. Besides, I could really use a drink.
Austin was at the bar with a real-life version of the bimbos who portrayed female spies in his game. The leggy blonde had a huge bosom and impossibly tiny waist. She wore stiletto heels and not much else, unless you considered a small piece of red fabric stretched over a curvy body a dress.
Everyone else in the bar, men and woman, gaped at the two of them. Blondie laughed hilariously at something Austin said, which made him leer greedily at her.
Well isn't that interesting? His wife isn't even out of the morgue and here he is with another woman. She did seem to resemble the woman in the photo at Riley's. Was this a chance hook-up, or was this the other woman?
"Who's your friend?" I asked as I sat on a stool on the other side of her.
The woman turned quickly and almost put my eye out with her breast.
Austin was not happy to see me.
"This"—he motioned to the woman—"is Bambi. And she's a former spy."
"No she isn't," I said after ordering a glass of wine. The bartender brought it with a bowl of popcorn. Yay!
"How do you know?" Bambi snapped while cracking gum. Her voice was like a chipmunk inhaled a near lethal amount of helium, and it was painful to listen to.
"Because I was a spy with the CIA." I scooped out a handful of popcorn and ate it.
Bambi looked confused. Maybe it was the fact that she'd been found out. Then again, it may have been her signature look, like when she tried to buy groceries or spell a word with more than four letters.
"I was a CIA spy," she squeaked indignantly. "In fact"—she leaned in conspiratorially and said loudly—"I'm undercover right now."
I took a sip of wine to wash down the popcorn. "Is that your real hair? Do you normally dress like this?"
"Of course!" She smiled confidently as if she'd just put one over on me.
I shook my head. "Then you're not a real spy. Spies don't stand out. They blend in. The goal is to look as forgettable as possible."
Bambi doubled down. "I'm a spy! I studied at a farm and worked in that building in DC!"
I kept my cool. "It's the Farm, not a farm."
Bambi laughed. "Of course it's a farm! Like with kangaroos and everything!"
Kangaroos? What kind of farm was she talking about? And was it possible for me to go there?
"Let's assume that you know what you're talking about." I pushed the bowl of popcorn aside.
"Thanks!" she said brightly.
I went on. "Who's the instructor for hand-to-hand combat?"
She scrunched up her face as if someone had unexpectedly shoved a lemon into her mouth. "Smithjonesthompsonsomebody…" She looked at me eagerly. "Am I right?"
How did she think she could get away with posing as a spy?
"It's Arbisser," I corrected.
Her eyes grew wide. "Oh right! Old Arbisser! Funny old guy! How is he?"
"Well,"—I took a sip of my wine—"she's young, only in her twenties, and was promoted recently."
Bambi pouted at Austin. "Is this a trick or something? Are you testing me?" For added emphasis, she arched her back, thrusting her breasts forward.
"I'll have you know"—Austin's face was stormy—"that Bambi has been my personal advisor for Espionage for a year now! She's on the payroll!"
It took everything I had in me not to laugh. "If by adviser, you mean paid prostitute, I see that. But if you believe this woman has one ounce of spy experience, you're even dumber than she is."
Bambi hauled her arm back to slap me. When her hand came forward, I grabbed her fingers and twisted hard to the left.
"My nails!" she screamed. "You'll ruin my nails!"
I let go. "I rest my case."
"I don't see how that's proof," Austin sniffed.
"She can't fight for fear of damaging her manicure. Real women spies don't do that. She doesn't know anyone at the Farm and in fact believes that kangaroos on farms are normal. And she dresses to stand out." I pointed at two men at the bar who gaped at her, open-mouthed. They were so still I wondered if they'd forgotten how to breathe.
Bambi nursed her sore fingers and batted her huge, fake lashes at Austin. "Does this mean you're not taking me to Cabo when you get your dead wife's money from that deal?"
Aha! I did a little end zone dance in my head. I'd do it later when Kelly got here too. You don't waste a good opportunity for an end zone dance.
Austin blanched. He was busted and he knew it. The late Deliria's husband grabbed my arm and pulled me aside. Because I wanted to hear his excuses, I didn't throw him over the bar.
Behind us Bambi howled, "Oh my God! There's a chip! This is an emergency!"
Austin ignored her outburst. "Okay, I know what this looks like, but I did not kill my wife."
"You're paying a living Barbie doll to be your plaything," I said.
Austin chewed his lip. "Bambi and I have been"—he actually held up finger quotes—"seeing each other for a year now."
I was pretty sure most of the time they saw each other they were naked. But I kept quiet.
"I was going to leave Deliria, sue her for half of the deal, demand alimony, and run off to Cabo with Bambi. But that doesn't mean I killed her."
Doesn't it? With his wife dead, he probably didn't know about the codicil and figured by killing her, he would get all of the money…not half. Of course, I had no idea what Deliria's will looked like, but the way everyone was swooning for this deal, I figured it was more than what she had to leave behind.
"Who do you think killed Deliria?" I asked. He was in no way off the hook, but I was curious what he'd say.
He seemed to take my question as proof he'd talked me out of suspecting him. "That short, redheaded kid of course! Or Donald. The old if I can't have her, you can't have her thing."
I disagreed. "I know for a fact that Stewie didn't do it. Donald struck me as the type who'd faint in a confrontation. Oh yeah, and he's dead."
He pointed at me and nodded. "Yes! That! He couldn't stand the guilt from killing my beloved wife, so he killed himself!"
From a distance? With a bullet dead center of his forehead?
"What about Amy?" I looked around to make sure she wasn't there.
He nodded eagerly. "Amy could've done it. She probably thought she was going to score, but I doubt that Deliria would trust her."
But Deliria did trust her to the point she'd said if anything happened to her, it would all go to Amy. Austin seemed to be unaware of that. Or he was a very good actor.
I went back to my bar stool, and he followed. The bartender was wrapping Bambi's entire hand in a bandage, his eyes on her chest the whole time.
I asked, "You think Amy could've killed her? Why? By all accounts, she and Deliria were very close."
"Ha!" Austin scoffed. He didn't say anything else. Was he worried whatever he'd say would implicate him, or did he really not have anything that would point the finger at Amy?
"You're not going to tell anyone," he asked hopefully. "About Bambi and me?"
"I'll tell you what. Change Espionage to have real women who can save the day, and I'll think about it."
"I will," he promised solemnly. I was pretty sure he was lying. And I didn't promise not to tell. After all, it wasn't like we pinky swore or anything.
I watched as he led Bambi, who was now limping for some reason and saying she needed to get to a hospital, out of the bar. Kelly passed them and stared. Then she joined me at the bar.
One of the two men who'd been in an ogling coma earlier came to life. "Was that really necessary, ma'am? You injured that defenseless little thing!"
The other man and bartender seemed to agree with him.
"Don't worry about her." I waved for another glass of wine. "She's acting. We're rehearsing for a community theater production."
"I knew it!" The man slapped his hand on the bar. "I knew she was a famous actress!"
I turned toward Kelly. "Maybe we should get a table."
Once we were settled at a table where we could watch the whole room, I filled Kelly in on my encounter with Bambi.
"I miss all the fun," Kelly sighed.
"Don't get me wrong, but something like a diaper emergency is the reason I'll never have kids."
To my surprise, Kelly agreed with me. "Not until you grow up. By the way, I talked to Betty's parents this afternoon. They are still thinking of sending her to boarding school in Texas."
I sat straight up. "No! Why? Did she do something?"
"They seemed kind of on edge, but they didn't say Betty had done something."
"I need to talk to them." I fiddled with the cocktail napkin. I wondered how they'd react to blackmail? I probably had something I could use.
"There she is!" Kelly pointed at the door.
"Betty's here?" Oh crap. Betty in a bar at night might just push her parents over that edge. I turned to see Amy walk in. When she spotted me, she waved and headed toward us.
"That was easy," I muttered under my breath.
"Merry! Do you mind if I join you?" She stood next to a chair hopefully.
Kelly spoke up. "Of course! By the way,"—she extended her hand—"I'm Kelly, a friend of Merry's. She's been telling me about you representing her. It's so exciting!"
I gave Kelly a look I hoped told her to tone it down a little. But Amy didn't seem to think it was weird.
"So you're taking me up on my offer?" Amy sat down.
No. "I'm thinking about it." Unless you murder your clients.
A waitress came over and got her order. This time she ordered Everclear. Neat. Who was this woman?
"I could use some good news about now." She sighed heavily as she slumped back in her chair.
Kelly soothed, "It must be awful, losing a client and friend like that."
For a moment, Amy looked at us as if we'd said she had an extra arm growing out of the top of her head. A look of realization crossed her features, and she frowned.
"Oh yes. It's so sad. Deliria was a friend. I'll really miss her."
And all the money she brought in.
"This is outside the business talk," I said. "But just out of curiosity, who do you think killed her?"
"Austin," Amy said so quickly that it didn't seem like she'd even thought about it.
"Really?" I asked. "You know what? You may be right. I did see him in here with some gorgeous blonde just before you came in."
Amy's face hardened into a mask of disgust. "Ah. That's Bambi."
Was she upset because of Austin's obvious affair, or because she had a thing for him?
"Bambi?" I pretended I had no idea. "Seriously? Someone actually named her that?"
Kelly giggled, and it seemed to lighten the mood a bit.
Amy relaxed. "I tried to warn Deliria about her. But she wouldn't entertain the idea. It was as if she already knew."
"Deliria knew?" My mouth dropped open.
"Well, not exactly." The waitress dropped off the drink, and I told her that I was picking up the check. "I was worried that she'd be upset. I didn't give her any specifics."
Kelly leaned forward. "You said she knew."
Amy waved her hand in the air. "There was a huge age difference. Austin is, in fact, much closer to my age. It's possible that she turned a blind eye to the whole thing. A lot of celebrities do."
"Huh," I said. "It's a good thing you two weren't having an affair."
My question hung heavy in the air as Amy narrowed her eyes. "I would never have done that to Deliria."
Should I bring up the two thousand phone calls? Amy was closing down, and I didn't want that.
"Sorry." I tried to look abashed. "It was a poor attempt at a joke."
Amy settled back in her chair. "My relationship with my client had its ups and downs. There were times when we were furious with each other over the silliest little thing." She stared off into space as if a memory popped into her head.
"That's an honest statement," I said. "I can see how you'd be a good agent for me."
Amy smiled. "Yes! I believe in keeping things on the up and up. And like I said, I'm getting offers for you to speak all over the country."
"How much would a Beetle Dork appearance cost?" Kelly wondered.
"I think I can pull in five figures per event." Amy didn't seem to mind the question.
"Wow!" My best friend stared at me as if to say Maybe you should consider it.
I looked at her as if to say No thanks, I don't need it.
She intensified her gaze as if to say You'd be foolish not to consider it. That's a lot of money.
My eyes replied Sure, but then you'd be alone with the troop and have to deal with Betty.
Kelly nodded as if to say I hadn't thought of that. You should turn it down.
"I have a feeling that some sort of silent conversation is happening," Amy interjected.
"No, just thinking," I said. "What's your relationship with Austin like? I mean, you'd have to meet my husband, and deal with him sometimes. Is it hard to work with spouses?"
Amy nodded. "I have always had a good relationship with the significant others of my clients. Austin was a little different." She made a face that I couldn't interpret. "He was difficult, to say the least. Not interested in his wife's career at all, but definitely interested in the money. And he…" Her voice trailed off and she didn't finish.
"And he?" I pressed.
She gave me a tight smile. "He's unreliable. Makes promises he doesn't keep."
"Like what?" Kelly asked.
When she didn't answer I said, "I can understand you thinking him unreliable, if you think he's a suspect and all."
Amy pressed her lips together. "Why are you so interested in what happened to Deliria? You never even met her."
"It's the kid. Stewie." I sighed as heavily as possible. "He's a friend. And I know he did not do it."
"It would be just like Austin to set up some kid to take the fall for his actions," Amy said.
She looked like she wanted to say something but wasn't sure. Kelly and I sat back to give Amy the room to think about it. Finally, she leaned forward.
"He hit on me. A lot. Austin tried to seduce me, but I wasn't having it."
That didn't explain why she'd called him thousands of times.
Amy got to her feet. "It's nice to meet you, Kelly. And Merry, I expect you to make a decision soon. The detective said we might be able to go the day after tomorrow, and I need to make flight arrangements."
We said our goodbyes and watched her go.
"Well, that was a whole lot of nothing," Kelly said.
I agreed. "She plays things close to the vest. I don't think I buy that Austin hit on her. It seems more like she was crazy about him."
"If you were a killer, wouldn't you say as little as possible?" Kelly winked. "But I think you're right." She stretched. "If you ever murder someone, don't play coy with me, okay?"
I got up and put a tip on the table. "Coy? Are you kidding? I'll be calling you to help dispose of the body!"
Kelly stood up. "Oh good. I wouldn't want to be left out."