Aidan couldn’t give Caroline riches. He couldn’t give her gold or diamonds or cars or designer handbags, not without robbing somebody anyway. Her shitty ex had an advantage on him there. But he could give her himself, his love, the things he was good at, the places he knew.
He took her to the cave, and she didn’t love it the way he did. He tried to see it through her eyes, and he understood. The place was his from way back, and the secretness of it was what made it precious. The things that had happened to him there over the years. The memories. Naturally she didn’t feel any of that. He tried to explain it to her, but she was too distracted by the lack of creature comforts. Yes, it was damp in there. The rock wasn’t a feather bed, even when he took off his jacket and laid it down for her like a blanket. She was used to the finer things, to always being safe and warm. He had to remember that.
“C’mere,” he said. “I’ll warm you up.”
He was gentle with her, like he’d never been with any woman. He was shocked at the depth of his feelings, but he’d fallen, hard and fast. He kissed her eyes, her lips, the hollow of her throat. He stroked her hair and removed just enough of her clothing so they could make love without exposing her velvet skin to the elements. She trembled under his hands. They stared into each other’s eyes, touched the deepest places in each other. The light filtered in from above. Water shimmered in reflection on the walls like they were inside an aquarium. He held her, with tears in his eyes. He belonged to her now, and she to him.
Then the surfers had to go and interrupt them and break the spell. It wasn’t until later, at Aidan’s apartment, that he realized how upset she was about being discovered. She must be, from the way she went all distant on him. He got it, kind of. She’d been seen, half naked. She had a reputation to maintain. Aidan admired that, envied it actually. His reputation had been shot to hell years ago, and he’d give his right arm to have it back now. He hadn’t known what it was worth till he lost it. Year after year of people giving him side-eye, never cutting him any slack. Refusing to forgive and forget. People who paid lip service to Jesus at church on Sunday, too, but that was a big fucking lie. Bunch of hypocrites, all of them.
It was on toward October, and the East End was wet and cold. Their fingers and lips were blue as they sat in her big, beautiful Escalade blasting the heater, trying to warm up. Aidan didn’t want to take Caroline to his apartment. He was afraid of what she’d think. But the rain beat on the windshield, and she was soaked and shivering. She wanted coffee, and she didn’t want to go to a restaurant. Afraid to be seen with him, probably. She had her reasons. He felt close enough to her now to brave her judgment. She knew him. She could see the soul in him, see through the stupid surfaces of things. She wouldn’t be troubled by the difference in their status in the world. She was better than that. So, he drove her to his apartment, and waited while she talked to her daughter on the phone. Then he took a leap of faith and led her inside, full of hope and anxiety at the same time.
The second they walked in, he saw he’d made a terrible mistake. It was there in her eyes. Pity. Disgust. His worst nightmare. He’d been imagining they’d warm up in bed, picking up where they left off before the surfers barged in. But Caroline immediately started talking about leaving.
“What is it? Is it the apartment? It’s bad, right? I know I’m not rich, but I was hoping maybe you could get past it.”
“I would never hold that against you,” she said, her expression softening. “I didn’t come from money, you know.”
“I wondered. You seem like you do, but—”
“Not at all. I grew up more like you than you could imagine. Thank you for bringing me here. It shows your honesty.”
“Honesty is the only way to get close to someone, you know?”
She nodded. Her skin up close was luminous, her mouth lush. She was like a dream to him. He pulled her into his arms, and a minute later, they were back together, the way they should be. The way they belonged.
When it was over, they lay entangled in the sheets, and he caressed her hair, her face. He felt like he could tell her anything. He felt like he wanted to, so there would be no secrets between them. He couldn’t bear it if she heard the bad stuff from somebody else, and thought he’d lied to her, even by omission.
“You say you like that I was honest with you by bringing you here,” he began.
“Yes.”
“I want you to know me, Caroline. I want you to know everything about me.”
“That takes time,” she said. “No need to rush things.”
“Yeah, but there’s something I think you should know up front. Something about my past. So you don’t hear it from someone else.”
She raised herself on an elbow and looked at him quizzically. “Okay.”
With her eyes on him, he hesitated. What if it was too much? What if it drove her away? But she sensed his anxiety, reached out and squeezed his arm reassuringly.
“It’s all right. Whatever you say, I promise, I can handle it.”
He nodded. “I feel like I can tell you anything.”
“You can, Aidan. Don’t worry.”
He took a deep breath.
“I served time for manslaughter. But it’s not how it sounds.”
“Go on.”
“A long time ago, in high school, I had a girlfriend. Her name was Samantha. I thought she was the one. Turned out, she was sleeping with my best friend.”
He stopped. How could he ever explain what came next, without sounding like he was lying?
“There was—”
He looked away.
“Please. Tell me,” she said, and took his hand.
“There was a fight, between me and my friend Matthew. This was ten years ago now. I was seventeen. Matthew had been my best friend since we were kids, until I found out what happened with him and Samantha. I was the one who ought to be mad. But Matthew threw the first punch. She’d got back with me, see. He was upset that she ditched him. The fight started in that cave where I took you. But it didn’t end there. We ended up in the parking lot. He hit his head. It … we … ugh, I don’t want to get into the details. I want you to know that it wasn’t my fault.”
She lay back down, warm against him, her arms around his neck. Her face was a breath from his as she looked into his eyes.
“It wasn’t your fault. You did what you needed to do to defend yourself. That’s all I need to know.”
“Yes. That’s it. That’s it exactly. I defended myself.”
Caroline accepted him for who he was. She took his darkest secret with an air of calm and peace, like she knew what had happened without him needing to say a word. And she was on his side. Other women would have been scared off. Maybe she should have been. Caroline was like the lady in the castle, and he was the hired hand. You’d think he’d have to do something crazy to win her—an act of bravery, or of strength. Fighting a duel or something. But all he had to do was be honest with her, let her see who he truly was. Now she knew the worst thing about him, and still wanted to be with him.
“Thank you. I’m really grateful for your understanding,” he said.
“It’s not only that I understand. I admire that part of you. Because I know that you would defend me the same way you defended yourself,” she said.
“Always. I’ll protect you. I’ll do anything you need.”
“You mean it?”
“Of course. Say the word, and I’ll be there.”
“Okay. I’m going to trust you, then.”
“Yes. You can, absolutely.”
“I told you the terrible way my husband treats me.”
“I know.”
“He brought his mistress to my party. I couldn’t stand for that, so I asked him to leave, and then he left me for her.”
“It’s insane. What a fool he is.”
“He didn’t just leave me, Aidan. He stole my money. He left me destitute. With nothing.”
“You told me that. What an asshole.”
“But even more. I don’t know the extent of it, but I think he may be involved in criminal dealings.”
“What kind of criminal dealings?”
“I don’t know. That’s why it’s so scary. I’m afraid of him. Afraid he could end up hurting me or my daughter, maybe without intending to. Because he doesn’t care enough to protect us.”
“What can I do to help?”
“I need him gone.”
“Okay. I understand that you’re afraid of him. Do you want me to be there when you tell him it’s over?”
“No. That wouldn’t be enough, you see.”
They were sitting up, looking at each other, serious now.
“What then?” he asked.
She leaned over and put her hand to his cheek.
“I need him dead.”
Aidan jumped out of the bed. His boxers were lying on the floor, and he pulled them on, then his pants. Jesus. She’d just asked him to kill her husband. He’d said he’d do anything, but he never expected her to ask for that. Why did she think he’d do it? Because of his past, that’s why. She thought of him as some outlaw, some lowlife. He was so shaken that he didn’t know what to say.
Caroline watched him warily. He must look as stricken as he felt.
“What’s the matter?” she asked, as he buttoned his shirt with trembling fingers. “Where are you going? Don’t leave.”
“Did I hear you right? You just asked me to kill your husband.”
“Okay, no. You’re right. That’s crazy.”
“Is that what you meant?”
“I want him out of my life so badly. And I have to keep the money. We could be together, Aidan. You and me.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and took her hands.
“I want that, too. More than anything. But I can’t do what you asked. I’m not like that. I need you to understand. This one terrible thing that happened years ago—it wrecked me. I can’t go through that again.”
“Okay, I understand,” she said. “I’ve been so stressed with Jason leaving, I’m talking crazy. I got crazy there for a minute. That’s all. I apologize.”
He leaned in and kissed her. The sheet was draped across her body, but it couldn’t hide the beautiful curve of her breast, the elegant slant of her neck, the lustrous fall of her hair. She looked up into his eyes. He said he’d do anything, and she took him up on it. She’d placed her faith in him. What she’d asked was too much. But he forgave her. How could he not?
“Of course I forgive you.”
“You won’t tell anyone I said that?” she said, laughing nervously.
“I’m no snitch, and even if I was, I’d never tell on you.”
“I know.”
“But I want you to know, I’ll do anything else in my power to protect you. Other than that. I swear it. I’ll have your back, now and forever. You have to believe me.”
“I do believe you,” she said. And she melted into his arms.