CHAPTER FIVE
Although it took a relatively short time for Sasha to be transferred to the women’s prison from the county jail, it seemed like a lifetime. Cramped in the small Department of Corrections van, she felt every pothole on the packed highway of regular “free” people traveling here and there. As they drove by a Taco Bell, two McDonald’s, and a Starbucks, it became painfully clear to Sasha that her once fairytale life was over, at least for twelve to eighteen months. Her baby would be born behind these walls and that was that. She would no longer be able to make her own decisions and come and go as she pleased. Thanks to her loving husband Mario, her life as well as the baby’s were no longer theirs, but the Michigan Department of Corrections’.
Finally arriving at the front gates, the driver was met by a small group of guards. Realizing this was nothing like the movies, but real life, Sasha’s soul ached to go home. Watching the guards exchange paperwork and give the thumbs-up as the huge metal mesh–fence monster was slid back so the van could gain entry, it got realer. Sasha gazed in the faces of the other three females who were on the ride in with her: one who started the journey off with her and the other two who were picked up from other jails. They collectively looked like four deer with their eyes caught in the headlights. It was apparently their first time doing real time in a prison as well. Sasha’s stomach started dancing and her palms grew sweaty. This was about to be a nightmare come true.
“Okay, you inmates, off the van now,” one guard ordered, swinging the side double doors open. “And hurry up. Let’s get this thing done before count time. We need to be done and get you all processed before that.”
One by one, they each stepped down onto the grounds and jurisdiction of the Huron Valley Women’s Facility. Glancing back over her shoulder, Sasha looked at the fence and the huge stretch of green grass beyond it. Taking a deep breath, even the air felt different than when she was free.
Instructed to get in a line, single file, a pregnant Sasha was second to see the inside of the control center. Just as in the county jail she was processed and fingerprinted, and her picture was taken and she was strip-searched. Issued two state blue uniforms and an inmate number, Sasha Eubanks, now known as 998797, was marched to her cell.
The eyes of multitudes of other inmates were focused on her. Sasha tried to walk with her head held up high and showing no fear, but her lip quivered as she fought back the tears. Her worst nightmare had become a reality. The area she was in smelled like strong disinfectant and the lights were extremely bright. Sasha stood there, saying absolutely nothing, well after the gate had slammed shut. Slowly, she searched the cell for a friendly face like she had dumbly done back in the county jail, but she found none. Her emotions were scrambled. She hated Mario. How could she not? Sasha hated that she had gone against the advice of everyone who loved and cared about her. At this point she despised herself.
Clutching her extra uniform, bedding, and cosmetics bag, Sasha was in denial of what her world now consisted of. Five minutes after stepping foot inside the cubicle for eight women, Mario’s pregnant wife screamed out. Her state-issued items fell to the floor. Sharp pains darted throughout her lower midsection. With both hands, the mother-to-be clutched her stomach, dropping to her knees. She was mentally drained and physically weak. The crotch area of her pants was starting to become drenched. Reaching one hand between her legs, Sasha felt extreme wetness. Bringing her hand up to her face, she saw it was covered in blood. She got dizzy. She was short of breath and couldn’t speak. It was increasingly hard to breathe as the other inmates looked on. Then, suddenly, for Sasha everything went dark.
* * *
“Excuse me, nurse, but what time is it?”
“It’s a little bit past four. Why you keep asking? Do you have somewhere to go? A hot date or something?” the nurse in the infirmary teased as if something were truly funny.
Sasha was still in excruciating pain. Both physically and mentally she was going through it. She’d regained consciousness the day before. Back to her wicked reality, she had discovered what had taken place. A pregnant woman’s worst fear had occurred. Tragically, she’d lost her and Mario’s baby. Not sure if it was stress, a physical defect with her body, or just God’s way of telling her she wasn’t ready to be a mother, Sasha mourned what could have been. Even though she was beyond pissed at Mario’s terrible ass for placing her in this predicament, part of her still yearned to hear his voice. “Is there any way I can call my husband?”
“Call your husband?” The nurse paused from glancing down at Sasha’s chart. “I’m sorry, dear, but we don’t have phones in place just for inmates to use at their leisure. There’s proper procedure and paperwork. Do you even have an approved calling list yet?”
“I understand that, miss, but this is an emergency.”
“An emergency? How so? Your vitals are all good. You’re stable, besides maybe a bit of discomfort to your abdomen. But that will definitely pass in a few days or so.”
“Yes, but”—Sasha slightly turned her head to the side as if she was ashamed of what happened—“I just lost my baby; his baby. I need to tell him. He needs to know.”
The nurse had seen this exact thing more times than she cared to recall. Prisoners would come to the infirmary and try to use their illnesses, no matter how minor or severe, to place a call home. Some, she felt, had valid reasons to want to hear a loved one’s voice, while others were just on that bullshit. Either way it was against the facility rules and regulations to allow calls from that area. That’s why she tried to make as many jokes as possible, to keep the women’s spirits up. Although she went home to her husband and children every night, she could only imagine the torment any person felt not being able to do the same. “Look, dear. I’m sorry for your loss. I truly am. But unfortunately the officials here don’t consider having a miscarriage an emergency. This is a women’s prison so the warden and most of the staff have grown immune to much.”
“Oh, my God. You people are heartless in here, like wild animals. I could never be so callous. I couldn’t do your job or want your job even if it was the last thing on earth to do to make money. I couldn’t live with myself being so mean to the next human.”
Instantly the nurse was offended. She tried to be sympathetic to Sasha, but she’d crossed the line with the name-calling, indirect or otherwise. “Look, Eubanks, I’ma give you these two aspirins for pain; then you’re on your own. By the time you get back to your cell, you should be able to use the inmate phones. Then I guess you can tell your husband about your bad luck.”
“Wow, really? That’s it?” Sasha quizzed with a growing attitude and a frown on her face.
“Okay, inmate. I’m warning you. Don’t try to get out of order with me and catch a ticket in your first seventy-two hours. I was trying to be lenient just because, but you’re no one special around here. Behind these walls you’re just another female doing time, one who lost a baby. And, truth be told, if you cared so much about that child you wouldn’t have broken the law and been in here in the first place. So suck it up, take these meds, and get yourself together to leave. I’m getting ready to finish up on your paperwork now.”
Sasha practically snatched the extra-small paper container holding the aspirin out of the nurse’s hand. Without bothering to drink any water, she threw the Styrofoam cup into the trash while chewing the yellow coated pills. With each slow movement of her jaw, Sasha mean mugged the nurse in deep thought. I see how it is up in here. I lost my baby and no one cares. And if I tell Mario, he probably don’t care either. It’s just me against the world. If I want to make it through these next two years and get back to my normal life, I need to be anybody else but who I been. I can’t keep being weak. That shit is a wrap.