Around the Way Girls 10

It’d been two damn days since I lost my baby and it seemed like it just happened. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. Shit, let me correct that. We didn’t even have a relationship. But he was my nigga and I was his bitch, even though we were the only ones who knew this.

I hadn’t eaten and, to be honest, food was the last thing on my mind. I still kept replaying the last few hours of his life. I wished I had followed my instinct. Maybe he would still be alive. Keon was hardheaded, because if he had just listened to me—

The ringing of my phone interrupted my thoughts. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I knew my girls were worried about me. “Hello,” I barely whispered into the phone.

“I’m at the front door. Open it.”

I didn’t want no company, but I knew Nay and I knew she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. So I pulled myself off the couch and stumbled to the door. I opened the door and didn’t wait; I just walked back to my couch.

“How you feeling, boo?”

“I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about Keon. I want him to come back to me.”

“I can’t say I understand because I don’t. But I know time heals all wounds.”

“You know, he wasn’t my man. To be honest, we were only fucking around, but I loved him and he’d tell me he loved me all the time. He made sure I was straight at all times. They took all that away from me, over what? Over jealousy? These niggas are wack as fuck. They could’ve just taken the drugs and not shot him.” Tears started filling my eyes as I spoke. I tried my best to hide it, but I couldn’t control them so I let them flow freely.

“Baby, I don’t understand it either, but the police gonna catch them, or you know Keon’s people gonna torture them niggas. He is gone, but you’re still here and I need you to get it together. Did you eat?”

I shook my head no, because I had no appetite.

“See there you go; you know you have those bad migraines. You need to eat.” She got up and walked into the kitchen.

When she came back in, she handed me a Cup Noodles soup. “I know you hurting, but you have to put something on your stomach. Here you go.”

I took it from her, because I knew Nay wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I didn’t realize how famished I was until I started eating. I didn’t bother to chew. I swallowed that Cup Noodles like I hadn’t eaten in ages.

“Damn, bitch, yo’ ass was starving. You can’t be doing that.”

“I know, right. I just don’t have the energy to get up and do anything, you know?”

“I feel you, but you won’t be no good to anyone if you not taking care of yourself.”

I shook my head, agreeing with what she was saying. “So, you hear anything about Keon death?”

“Nah, everybody tightlipped about the shit, but you know that’s how it is. I think people just waiting to see how his brother and them handle his death. I’m pissed off at them niggas anyway,” she said.

“Why, what happened?”

“Man, them niggas got to shooting the other day over by Sheika building and shot up my fucking car. Man, that could’ve been me in the damn car.”

“What? Are you fucking serious? So what the fuck they say about it?”

“I ain’t seen none of them niggas since.”

“That’s fucked up. I wonder who they were shooting at.”

“I have no fucking idea, but I know if they don’t stop they all gonna be in somebody jail or dead.”

“Yeah, I agree. Keon always talked about leaving these streets and starting some legit business, but he never got a chance to do it.” I was tired of crying and my eyes were sore. I wished this pain would just go away.

We talked for a little while longer, then she bounced. It’d been days since I bathed and, shit, I didn’t know if Nay smelled anything, but I sure could. With that said, I jumped my ass into the shower.

Tears flooded my face as memory flooded my mind. The shower was the last place that Keon and I made love. “Man. Oh, how am I gonna get through this?” I asked out loud.

* * *

Today was a new day, and I knew I couldn’t stay in the bed all day, every day. I wasn’t feeling too well. Earlier, I was in the bathroom dry heaving. I guessed days of me not eating was finally catching up to me. I hadn’t seen my mother so I decided to go see her. I knew we were not that tight, but whenever I was hurting I could always depend on her to be there.

I was not in the mood to dress up, so I threw on a pair of leggings with a tank top and a pair of flip-flops. I called Uber to take me over to her house because I did not feel like walking in the heat through the hood, or dealing with anyone today.

I got out of the car and noticed Ma was standing in her yard. “Hey, Ma,” I greeted her, and gave her a kiss.

“Hey, baby. I was wondering who the fuck this was coming up in my yard. Child, why you look like you been to hell and back?”

“I feel like it, Ma. You remember the boy I told you I was talking to?”

“Yeah, what about him?”

“Well, they killed him the other day.”

“Oh, no, baby, what happened?”

“They killed him,” I repeated. I didn’t want to tell her that I was in the car with him because I didn’t want to hear no speech.

“I’m sorry, baby.” She threw the broom down and walked over to me. She hugged me tight and I welcomed our closeness. I didn’t say anything. I just cried on my mama’s shoulder.

“I tell you, baby, ain’t nothing in these streets but graves and prison. If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve never dated your daddy.” She finally let me go and we walked into her apartment. We sat on her couch. “You all right? You look a little pale.”

“Pale? What you mean? Maybe ’cause I ain’t been eating or sleeping.”

“Oh, okay.” She took one last look at me.

I started feeling dizzy. Maybe it was from all the heat, but I was exhausted. I stood up. I was trying to tell Mama that I was going home, when the walls around me started spinning. “Mama, I don’t feel too good,” I said as my legs buckled under me and I fell to the ground.

“Hold on, lemme call the ambulance.”

“No, Ma, I’m good. I’m gonna call a cab and go home,” I said as I tried to pick myself up off the ground.

“Let me help you. You really need to get checked out. I don’t like how you look.”

“Ma, I’m just tired, that’s all,” I tried to convince her, as well as myself. Something was terribly wrong and I had no idea what it was.

I should’ve gone straight home, but instead I stopped at Family Dollar. I grabbed one of those cheap pregnancy tests. There was no possible way I could be pregnant, but something in my mind keep telling me to take the test. I requested Uber again, and headed on home.

As soon as I got into the house, I rushed to the bathroom. I wanted to pee and this was the perfect opportunity. I waited a few minutes then checked the result. Shit, I was nervous, ’cause I knew my ass could not be knocked up. Wait! What, two lines? There was no way this was possible. I gathered my thoughts and looked again, hoping for a different result. Tears fell from my eyes when I realized the test was positive.

“Oh, my God. This test is wrong,” I blurted out.

I remembered two tests came in the package, but I had to wait until I wanted to pee again. I dried my tears and tried to control my emotions. I decided to make a tuna sandwich, thinking food would make me feel better. Wrong. As soon as I smelled the tuna, it instantly upset my stomach. I started to panic. How could this be possible? I took my pills faithfully, because I knew Keon wanted a baby and I wasn’t ready.

“Keon. Oh, my God,” I cried out.

Man, my world was falling apart, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to handle all this shit that life was throwing my way. I didn’t miss a period, so how could I be pregnant? I walked into the kitchen and forced myself to drink a few glasses of water. After thirty minutes, I felt the urge to pee. I rushed to the bathroom to pee on the stick again. I waited a few minutes, all while praying that this test would be negative. My heart sank into a hole, and my eyes popped open when I noticed it was positive again.

“Noooo! This can’t be, God. Keon is gone and now I’m pregnant.” This is some bullshit, I thought as I collapsed on my bed.