For the past month or so, Monai and I had been enjoying ourselves. I went everywhere she’d gone. We ate dinner together, watched movies at the theater and continued to make love. It was as if I was still there with her. I could honestly say I didn’t even think she was this happy when I was there in the flesh. Yes, there were times when people looked at her like she was crazy, especially when they’d heard her talking without seeing anyone next to her. All we did was laugh about it, even when she mistakenly went to dinner with me and asked for a table for two. She quickly corrected herself, and as we conversed during dinner, we both heard the whispers and saw the stares. Monai didn’t care. As long as we were together, she was good.
As for the baby, Monai was on cloud nine. She was the one who actually came up with the name; we would call our baby girl Libby. I don’t know why she’d chosen that name, but at this point, I agreed to do anything that made her happy. I wanted her to be happy—that was all that ever mattered to me.
We were on our way back from Monai showing a newly married couple a house. While driving, she was on her cell phone, making reservations for an upcoming trip to Vegas we’d planned. Monai felt like we needed to go on our honeymoon. I was all for it, and whatever she wanted to do I was fine with it. I just didn’t appreciate the way she was driving.
“Baby, you need to wrap up that conversation real soon and pay attention to the road,” I said. “Straight ahead to your left is a stolen car with two young men inside. They’re dangerous and they’re looking for someone else to rob. If you pull this car next to them, the outcome may not be good.”
Monai quickly ended the call and placed the phone in the console next to her. She looked at the passenger’s side, as if she could see me.
“Should I call the police?” she asked. “What if they rob someone else?”
“They probably will, but calling the police will do no good. What’s meant to be will be. I’m just able to warn you.”
“Thank you, but I wish you could explain this to me a bit more so I can understand how you’re able to speak to me and I can hear you. I know I’ve said it a million times already, but I didn’t think this was possible at all.”
“It happens more than you think. If you ever wonder why things don’t happen if or when or how you want them to, just know that things are being worked out for your betterment on the other end. Some people are able to hear their loved ones. People just have to be open to receiving the conversation like you are.”
“Soooo, when your dad died, did you hear from him?”
“Sometimes I did, but only in my dreams. Never like this though. Every situation is different and most people prefer to let their loved ones rest in peace.”
“Are you saying I didn’t allow you to rest in peace?”
“Nope. What I’m saying is, we’re in this together, more than you may ever know.”
Monai was real quiet. When we got back to her place, she removed the mail from the mailbox and went inside. While leaning against the kitchen’s counter, she flipped through the mail. I saw her eyes grow wide and then she flipped the envelope over. After she read the content, she tucked a letter inside of a magazine. She scratched her head, before opening the refrigerator to get something to drink.
“Are you going to tell me what the letter was about?” I asked.
She cleared her throat then turned up a small milk carton to drink from it. “You probably already know, don’t you?”
“I don’t want to assume anything. Tell me, or should I say, read it to me.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“You already know why.”
“Because it’s from Demetrious?”
She lowered her head and bit into her lip. “What do you want me to say? I didn’t think he would write me.”
“Well, he did. Read the letter out loud so I can hear what he has to say.”
I asked her to read it, even though I’d already known exactly what it said. She unfolded the letter and started to read:
Dear my beautiful Mo. I guess you didn’t expect me to reach out to you, but all I do up in here is think about you day in and out. I regret what I did, but I only did it because I love you so much. Love can make you do crazy things at times and I’m sure you understand what I mean by that for sure. My trial will be coming soon. It would make me so happy if I could somehow speak to you before then. I heard that you may have to testify against me, but in my heart, I know you would never do that. We’ve always had this special bond, one that could never be broken. I need you more than I have ever needed you before, and if you only knew what I’ve been going through in this place. I cry almost every night, praying and wishing that I could see you again. Wishing things could be different, and thinking about the last time we made love. Damn, it shouldn’t have ended like it did. I made a big mistake. We could be together right now and I hate I fucked up. I hope you’ve had time to think about this, and more than anything, I hope to hear from you soon. I want you to come see me, please, I just need to see you before I go crazy up in here. Love you, baby. Forever yours, Demetrious.
Monai placed the letter back inside of the magazine, like she was trying to hide it. I almost hated to ask her the next question, but I had to.
“Are you going to go see him?”
There was a sharp silence, before she replied. “I . . . I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel so horrible about all of this, and I do feel bad for Demetrious too. I hate what he did to you, but I’m the one to blame for this. It’s my fault that you’re de—” she paused and refused to say the words. “It’s my fault that I can’t see you and that he’s in jail. I know that being there is no picnic and Demetrious isn’t going to survive in there.”
“So damn what,” I said, raising my voice. “Who gives a damn if he survives or not in there? He committed a horrible crime and that’s where criminals belong. Either there or in hell. Take your pick. I guess that’s too much for you to think about, and I guess you really do want to go see him, right?”
She didn’t answer. I was pissed. If only she could see my face right now. How in the hell could she even consider going to go see him? Didn’t she know all he wanted her to do was not testify against him? I wasn’t so sure if she was going to do it, or in her current state of mind she could do it.
“Listen to me, Nate, okay? I feel horrible about all of this. You know I do and . . .”
“Say no more, Monai. Do whatever the hell you want to do and please don’t feel bad for fucking me over again. If you want to go see him, go do it. If you feel bad about testifying, don’t. That way he can get out of jail, you can go back to him and the two of you can finish what you started.”
She folded her arms across her chest and looked around the room. “You’re being so unfair to me. You know I want Demetrious to pay for what he did to you, but it still doesn’t help me not think about how much of this is my fault. I, at least, want to know where his head is, that’s all.”
“I know where his head was and that’s good enough for me. It was in your mouth the day I was killed and in your pussy, in case you forgot.”
Monai dropped her arms and stood in the middle of the kitchen, looking around again.
“I knew you were mad at me. This is about revenge, isn’t it? You’re doing this to hurt me, aren’t you?”
“I’m not doing anything to you. You’re the one who is going to hurt yourself, and I’m not going to be around to watch it happen. Good bye, Monai. Go make sure your man is okay, and don’t bother testifying against him. It’ll be a waste of your time.”
“No, wait!” she shouted. “Don’t go, Nate, please don’t go! I didn’t mean to upset you. All I was trying to tell you was how bad I felt about this.”
I didn’t respond. And for the next several days, I wanted her to think long and hard about this, without hearing a peep from me.