Chapter Seven

When Billy and I were finally alone, he said, “Let’s talk. I want to get to know the grown-up you.”

“That’s so great. But, here’s the thing. I haven’t had sex in five years. I’m staring at you and all I want to do is kiss you. Lick you. Rip off all your clothes,” I countered.

Something about Billy just always made me honest. Tell it like it is. He stared at me, not saying anything. “Um, okay. If none of those things sound good to you, we can absolutely just talk,” I said. The heat crept up my cheeks. The things that made teenage Billy go crazy obviously didn’t work for grown-up Billy, or Blake, or whoever he was at this point. I wished I could take it all back as the silence between us lingered.

“You think that doesn’t sound good to me?” Billy asked.

“I don’t know,” I stammered. Maybe I came on too strong. “I don’t know. We’re not careless teenagers any more. We’re grown-ups with responsibilities. Each of us has a child to think of. Maybe we should just talk.”

“Nah, talking is overrated. I was just silent, because I couldn’t believe that it’s like we still share a brain. Remember how we’d always seem to know what the other was thinking? I was thinking the same exact thing—all the stuff I’d like to do to you, but I was trying to be a gentleman. You know?”

“Well, I appreciate that very much. But, you don’t need to be a gentleman with me. I’d like you to be a little bit animal. Gently, of course.”

“I’ll be gentle. You know, I always thought of you as this delicate treasure I had to take care of, even if you were far from delicate.” Billy sighed and shook his head angrily for a moment before adding, “When I think about the abuse you endured, I seriously want to kill your ex.”

“It wasn’t physical,” I whispered.

“I know,” Billy answered. “But, that doesn’t mean it hurt any less. It just meant that you didn’t have the scars on your body—just on your psyche.”

I leaned forward and kissed him, gently at first and then hungrily, biting his lip. He tangled his hand in my hair. Billy got me. He just did. He understood me like no one else has or ever will. When I was with Trent, I often found myself wondering, no one can see the marks that are left, so are they really there? But Billy knew they were still there. He understood how bad it was. I was certain at that moment that I needed to hang onto him, no matter what.

Billy lifted me and laid me on the couch, his hand behind my head as he lowered me, kissing my neck the whole time. I shivered under his touch. He pulled off my shirt and trailed his lips over the curve of my breasts, unhooking my bra and tossing it behind us. I glanced at the end table to make sure that Josie didn’t have her key, just in case she got a ride home. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw it. She wouldn’t be able to surprise us again.

I pulled off Billy’s sweater and nearly wept at the sight of his rippling back as he kissed his way down my stomach. I couldn’t believe it still looked as it did at twenty. The man was certainly well preserved. And, his tongue was still just as magical. Flicking, circling, and licking, he brought me so close, I practically screamed, “You need to stop now!”

Billy laughed. “You still like that, huh?”

“Oh yes…” The first time he kissed my thighs and inched his way between my legs was a shock, a good shock, but a shock. For some reason, Billy seemed so innocent when we first started dating. Then again, we were only fifteen and he had this earnestness about him that I found endearing. As we got older and explored each other more, I realized he was anything but innocent. “How’d you learn to do that?” I panted after he used his tongue to bring me to my very first climax. We were in his bedroom and I was still tingling and even shaking a little. His parents were both at work.

“I’m just creative like that,” he answered with a sly grin. Years later, after we broke up, but before I met Trent, Billy admitted his mom had a stack of romance novels that bordered on soft-core porn. When she was at work he’d read them and then try stuff out on me. For some reason this touched me so much. I pictured him coming home from school, calling out to make sure his mom wasn’t home early and then pilfering her nightstand reading collection. He told me he made sure he put the books back in exactly the same order they were in, top to bottom.

I had thought about getting back together with him that night, but I chickened out and the next day he told me he met someone on the train. He had asked her out. I figured it was a sign and even though they broke up a couple of months later, I had already met Trent.

But now, here we were. I was getting my second chance. I would not chicken out ever again. “Take off your pants,” I instructed him. After gazing at his splendid nakedness for a moment, possibly drooling just a bit, I took him in my mouth and moved slowly up and down, my hand sliding and gently squeezing along with my mouth. Billy held a fistful of my curls. I glanced up at him, swirling my tongue around the tip. His eyes were closed, head tilted back. Using just my mouth for a moment, I ran my hands up the backs of his thighs; then lightly scraped my nails down. He let out a low moan. “You like?” I whispered.

“My God, yes. How could I not? But, now I’m close too…”

I pulled him back on the couch and guided him into me. A tiny thought in the back of my brain reminded me that I should use a condom, but I didn’t have any. Why would I? And, I wasn’t about to run out to the pharmacy. “You safe?” I asked breathlessly.

“Safe? You mean have I been tested for stuff?”

“Yes.” It came out as a moan, more than an answer.

“Yup and haven’t been with anyone in ages, so it’s all good.”

“Great,” I gasped as he slid so perfectly in and out. “I’m good too, considering I haven’t had sex in over five…” I couldn’t form any more words. Coherent thoughts were completely blotted out by the exquisite sensation building in me. Spiraling up. Throbbing. Billy slowly pulled out and flipped me over. We were up on our knees in a second and he entered me from behind. One hand circled my hip and landed between my legs. He stroked me as he thrust. “Oh my God,” I breathed as I almost fell off the couch.

“You always loved doggy style,” Billy whispered in my ear, nibbling on it at the same time. We were kids again.

“You close?” I asked, panting. “Because I am…”

“Don’t worry about me. This is all about you. But, yeah, I’m close. You still feel like home. You’re just surrounding me…”

I did one of my kegels that I remembered from after giving birth so many years earlier. I tightened around Billy, squeezing him inside me.

“Okay, I’m there,” he gasped.

“Me too.” And we rocked together, spinning back in time. We were never apart. There was never a Trent. It all just melted away. The years of abuse, fear, loneliness…gone in an instant.

After, we curled on the couch, intertwined, my head on Billy’s chest. Home at last, I fell into a deep sleep, a sleep of peace and awoke two hours later to the ringing phone. Darkness had fallen and a shaft of moonlight illuminated Billy’s profile. I was so mesmerized for a moment, I almost missed the call. I grabbed the phone off of the coffee table. It was Josie, ready to come home.

I kissed Billy’s cheek, then his lips. His eyes fluttered open. “Hey you,” I whispered. He pulled me down and kissed the top of my head, hugging me to him. I could have stayed in his arms all night, but I had to get Josie. “I have to go pick up Josie. I’ll be back in ten minutes. Do you want to hang out for a bit, or do you need to get home?”

“I have no one to get home to. Everything I want is right here. Do you mind if I stick around?”

“Of course not. You can stick around as long as you like.” Like maybe forever, I said to myself.

“Great. I’ll come with you to get Josie and then we can pick up dinner, if you want. I’ll get whatever you and Josie are in the mood for—ladies’ choice.”

In that small moment, just talking about dinner, I realized that I had already fallen in love again with Billy. It was so quick. He was back in my life for one day. One day. It seemed way too quick to fall. But, there was a good explanation: I had never really fallen out of love with him. My love for Billy lived inside of me for decades—just a tiny, quiet part of me that had suddenly come back to life.

“Let’s go get Josie,” I said and we stepped out into the blustery February night hand in hand.

A word about the author...

An award-winning writer and blogger, Stephanie Kepke writes women’s fiction with heart, humor, and a dash of spice. You & Me is her third book.

She resides in New York on Long Island with her husband, three sons and two rescue dogs.

http://www.stephaniekepke.com/