CHAPTER NINETEENTAKING OFF THE MASK AND FINDING
THE HIGHER SELF
Perhaps you've heard the joke that a codependent is a person who, at the moment of death, sees someone else's life flash in front of their eyes! The process of healing entails becoming ourselves by taking off the masks we have worn to please others. Now that you know the story of how Miron discovered and healed two masks that were preventing him from being himself, we'd like to introduce you to a powerful exercise we have used for years to heal sub-personalities.
I originally adapted this exercise from a healing meditation that we learned from therapist Robin Casarjian. She, in turn, had adapted it from a psychosynthesis exercise. Oftentimes, the best results occur when you have the fewest expectations. Sometimes nothing happens at all in these healing meditations, which we call inner-wisdom exercises, except that you notice your own fidgety mind. Other times you may get some insight, but it is just an extension of something you already knew. Sometimes, of course, a tremendous breakthrough occurs. But whether or not healing seems to flow directly from the exercise, if you do it with a sincere desire for growth, your intention itself is a powerful prayer that will bring healing help to you.
The first few times you try this exercise, it's a good idea to have a supportive person available to talk with afterwards. A wonderful way to work with this meditation is to tape it, using a soft musical background, and then listen to it with a friend or partner. We've found that the best way to debrief afterwards is for each person to take as long as they need to tell about their experience without interruption. The other person sits and listens with interest and respect. After one person has finished, the other person has a turn. Only after both stories have been told do you have a discussion. In this way, both of you get the chance to talk without the other person interrupting with interpretations or advice which, though well intended, can short-circuit your learning. One outcome of such an exercise is that you may discover deep-seated issues that require a professional listener, a therapist, to facilitate your healing.
I must have done this exercise with the mask I call the Judge at least ten times, and I've acquired a little bit more insight on each occasion. The last time I tried it, the Judge had changed its form entirely from the banshee-like creature it had once been into an old and trusted friend. I've learned a lot from this part of myself. The masks that used to bother me most were the Judge, the Complainer, the Control Freak, the Victim, and the Rescuer. Some of the most common masks people work with are the Perfectionist, the Martyr, the Judge, the Glamour Girl, the Macho Man, the People-Pleaser, the Victim, the Aggressor, the Enforcer, the Genius, the Dope, the Rebel, and the Saint. The variations are endless.
The best clues to show you when you're wearing a mask is that other people may be reacting poorly toward you, or you may be feeling uncomfortable—that is, tense, anxious, self-conscious, irritable, or afraid. Remember that each one of these masks was formed to protect you from the loss of love, which means that they are organized around fear. If you are in your authentic, or Higher Self, you generally feel confident, open-hearted, and loving. So, one way to deepen your awareness of the masks you wear is to pay attention to things that upset you. For example, did you ever react to something that someone said or to some circumstance in an irrational way, or in a manner that was entirely out of proportion to the situation? Sometimes the slightest remark leaves us feeling mortally wounded, full of self-righteousness or seething with rage.
Before you choose a time to try the emotional healing exercise below, make sure to have a specific mask in mind. The purpose of this exercise is to become more aware of the mask you chose and to realize some of the ways in which it has been truly helpful to you and some of the ways in which it has limited you. The mask is a real, living part of your psyche, and like all living things, it needs your respect and love. You will have a chance to make a friend and ally of this part of yourself and to use its gifts in the service of your Higher Self rather than in service of the ego and its fears.
TAKING OFF THE MASK AND FINDING THE HIGHER SELF
Take a good stretch, and when you're ready, close your eyes…
Begin to pay attention to your breathing, noticing its rhythm…. The way your belly rises on the inbreath…. And how you relax and let go on the out-breath….
Now, in your mind's eye, imagine that you are coming to a door…. What does it look like? How does it feel when you touch it? In just a moment you can open the door and find one of your masks behind it, a part of yourself that you would like to know better, to understand, help, and be enriched by….
Open the door now and meet this mask…. It may be a person, an image, an animal, or a kind of thought….If the door seems stuck or nothing seems to appear, what would you meet if the door did open or something did appear? How does your mask appear to you?
Take this part of yourself and go to your innermost place of wisdom, imagining that sacred center as a summer meadow on a sunlit day….Spend a moment appreciating the lushness of the grass, trees, and flowers that shine inwardly with a living light…the fragrances…the colors…the warmth of the sun…. The more you open to the beauty, the more you can feel the sacred presence of your own Higher Self and the Beings of Light who are always ready to come to your aid.
Feel the sunlight shining down upon you and washing over you….Feel it running through you, filling you with vitality, clarity, and compassion….Feel it filling your heart and emerging through your eyes….
Now, look at your mask, also bathed in light…. The light pouring over it and shining out through it…. Communicate from the deepest level of your being your intent to know, love, and understand this aspect of yourself….
Now, ask this part of yourself, “How are you trying to help me?” Listen carefully for the answers…. Ask when during your life it came into being….
Thank your mask for the help it has given you….
Explain carefully how its attempts to help sometimes hurt you, especially when they come from old fears….
Ask it to cooperate with you in operating out of its highest wisdom, in service to your Higher Self….
Ask how you can help it operate out of its highest potential…. Then imagine a scene of how this would appear in your life….
Take a moment and finish your conversation in any way you need to….
Feel the warm light shining down upon both of you….If any fear remains, allow it to dry up in the sunlight and blow into the field where its dust can nourish the flowers….
Take the beautiful, loving being that was the core of the mask all along, and tuck it into your heart….
Rest in the peace, love, and wisdom of your Higher Self….and know that your healing is also a healing for the world soul.
When you are ready, take a deep breath and a stretch, coming back at your own pace…taking your time until you feel ready to open your eyes.
