“THIS IS ONE of your better ideas.”
“Thanks, Troya, but I will have to admit I didn’t think of it. Teagan did.”
“Where is Teagan?”
“She ran home to get something.”
“What?”
“I have no clue. She wouldn’t tell me.
There was a knock at the door.
Valerie and Sinead walked in together.
“I ran into Sinead in the parking lot. Seamus said to say hi.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Better. The morning sickness was pretty bad there for a little while, but it seems to have calmed down.”
“That’s the way it was with Jordan. It was really bad at first, thought I had the flu, went to the ER because I couldn’t keep anything down, and they told me I was pregnant. My mother about had a heart attack. I’ll never forget the look on her face.” Morgan looked lost in time.
“I’m sure that was difficult.”
“The mess I went through with my parents was worth it. I’ve got the world’s best son now, and that is all that matters.”
“Have you told your parents yet, Valerie?”
“They are thrilled. The only person who hasn’t reacted very well is my boss. I don’t think it ever crossed her mind that I would just quit my job. Everyone kind of assumed that my job was my life. In reality, all I’ve ever wanted was to be a stay-at-home mom.”
“Well, just shows how much I didn’t know. I would have bet a lot that you and Seamus didn’t really want to be tied down with kids. You are always traveling all over the place, and Seamus is, well, Seamus.”
Everyone laughed.
Becca was the next to arrive. Rory’s wife was born to be married to Rory, as he was born to be married to her, and their kids are not only adorable, but they are also happy and healthy and loved on a cellular level. Rory and Becca are so young, but they are so domestic. Sometimes I feel like I’m really behind on the whole life timeline thing when I compare myself to them. “How’s Rory and the kids?”
“They’re great. He was supposed to work tonight, and something happened at the station, and they gave him the night off. Not five minutes later you called. We hadn’t had time to make any plans, so here I am.”
“Must be nice to have a night off.”
“I nursed the baby just before I left. Told Rory if she starts acting like she’s hungry, he’s on his own.”
“Does she take a bottle?”
“When she’s in the mood. If she gets fussy, he can just lay on the couch with her and watch television. When he does that, with her on his chest, she’s asleep in seconds. Works every time. He’s so warm, and his heartbeat is so strong, it just knocks her out.”
“I knew he was good for something.”
Maeve arrived just before Teagan.
Ten minutes later, the table was full of high-calorie, no-nutrition food and drink.
Once everyone had several things to graze on, Teagan made an announcement of sorts.
Surprised me.
“Okay, I lied.”
“About what?”
“This isn’t really as spontaneous as I wanted everyone to think. I’ve got something I want to do, and I want your help, and it has to be done before Mom and Dad get back.”
“That sounds ominous.”
“It’s not. I’ve got my laptop out in the car. On my laptop I’ve got about twelve hundred pictures. I want to make a slideshow out of them for Mom and Dad’s welcome home party.”
“What party?”
“That’s the next discussion. I think we need to have a party when they get back home, to let them know how much they were missed. And I think the party should be in their house. And I think we need to paint the kitchen and get the carpets cleaned, and maybe a new toilet in the new bathroom, and I don’t think they would be offended if we did new towels in there too.”
There were several discussions going on at once. Our family is famous for each individual to be involved in at least two discussions at a time. Even the “married-ins” can do it. It is a requirement.
It was decided that Teagan is brilliant.
After several more minutes of discussion it was decided that it would offend Mom and Daddy if we hired people to paint and clean, but if we did it ourselves, they wouldn’t necessarily have a problem with that.
We have three weeks to plan and accomplish everything. We are going to keep the same colors, just freshen everything up.
We’ll have some of the guys do some stuff outside.
We aren’t really a chauvinistic family; we’re chauvinistic-ish.
No problem.
The rest of the night — and I mean that almost literally — was spent looking at a gazillion pictures and coming up with captions for many of them. Figuring out the order to place them in the slide show. Figuring out how to make the pictures flow so that it didn’t look like one long slideshow. It wasn’t supposed to be a history lesson; it was supposed to be a celebration of what being an O’Flynn is about.
Then there was music to decide on. We used everything from Irish folk music to Motown. I wish I’d captured the image of all of us singing “Mama” from Boyz to Men. Teagan played it for everyone to decide on. I don’t know where she ever heard it, but when we were little, my mom would listen to that song over and over again and cry. Not sure why. Not sure if it was about her mom or us or what.
We were about to hit the done button, when Maeve said, “I’ve got something to say.”
What? Everyone else seemed to think it was something about the slideshow we’d just created. I, on the other hand, figured it was something else completely.
She had everyone’s attention.
“I was going to wait until Mom and Dad got home and come out to them first. Cara thought I should, but Cara doesn’t run my life, and I want to share something with all of you.”
Sinead muttered something about me thinking I run everyone’s life, but I let it go.
Becca laughed and said, “Coming out? You make it sound like you’re gay.”
“I am.”
“What?”
“I’ve known for a long time. Since I was a kid. I just didn’t want to accept it. I’ve found someone I love, and I’m not willing to keep her a secret and make both of us uncomfortable just so that everyone else will be comfortable.”
Teagan leaned in. “Wait. What?”
“You heard me.”
“But…”
The room went silent. No one wanted to say something they would regret someday. You can never take back the first words out of your mouth in situations like this. The situations that cause most people to blurt out something they later wish they hadn’t said, those are the situations you need to keep your mouth shut.
Maeve challenged, “Go ahead, Teagan. Say what you were going to say.”
“I’m not sure what I was going to say. I’m surprised?”
“Really? That’s what you were going to say? It sounded to me like you were going to argue or something.”
“What is there to argue? If you are a lesbian, you are a lesbian. Doesn’t change anything for me.”
“You’re all so full of shit.” It was Sinead who spat the words, not Maeve.
Becca sputtered, “What?”
“Are you guys so shallow that you can’t even admit that your sister being a lesbian means something to you? You aren’t a little freaked out? You aren’t more than a little surprised? That is the biggest slap in the face you could give her. She just confided a really big deal, and you guys don’t even have the decency to be honest. Well, I do. Maeve, answer me this. You’ve gotten to your age without ever saying anything to anyone in this family that maybe you thought that you were attracted to women, not men? Don’t you find that weird?”
Maeve started to respond, but Sinead cut her off. “Careful what you say because there are only a couple of options here. Either you’ve been lying to yourself, or you’ve been lying to us, or you’ve had a whole other life that you didn’t share with any of us while you lied to our faces.”
“I’ve known since I was a kid, but I wasn’t ever sure that I would act on it.”
Sinead seemed even more incensed than before. “Not act on it? What does that mean?”
“It means that I have always been attracted to women, but I’d more or less decided that I’d just get married and have kids and be a normal O’Flynn.”
Troya’s turn to blurt. “What?”
Valerie seemed so sad. “Oh, how screwed up are we that a person thought they had to hide the most basic instinct they have?”
Becca was insulted now. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Sinead was standing in the middle of the room. “It means that we are supposed to be this perfect family, and yet we have all these secrets, and we don’t feel that we can be ourselves for fear that someone is going to judge us or not love us anymore. I know that is how I felt at first.”
Maeve rolled her eyes. “Sinead, are you trying to tell us that you’re gay too?”
Becca seemed to be lost. “I think guys are gay and girls are lesbians.”
“I’ve never understood that.” Troya’s first real comment. She lives with a gay guy, a friend from the hospital who helps out with the baby. She really doesn’t talk about his gayness.
Everybody seemed to think she had something valuable to add, but she didn’t.
“No, I’m telling you — ”
I tried to cut her off. You shouldn’t make such bold statements without a moment to think. “Sinead, think.”
“I’ve thought about nothing else for weeks. What I’m telling you is that Howard and I are pregnant.”
“Unless Howard has come up with something in the lab we are yet to be familiar with, you are pregnant. You and Howard are expecting a baby.” I knew Troya was trying to give everyone a second to absorb the news before they said something stupid.
Now we all had a problem. Being excited for Sinead’s news after being neutral about Maeve’s.
How do you get excited about news like Maeve’s?
It is exciting that she has found someone to love, but it’s a little late to come up with a comment about that, or she’s going to feel worse than she already feels.
I’ve learned in the last few months to keep my mouth shut under such circumstances.
Unfortunately, not everyone in the family can say the same.
Teagan jumped up and gave Sinead a hug.
Morgan followed her.
Maeve just kind of melted into the background.
Now that I thought about it, she’s done that a lot in life.
I just never noticed.
How much of a crappy sister am I?
When everything calmed down, what it all came down to was that we are all happy for Sinead. The timing on the baby might not be ideal, but a baby is always a good thing, and Sinead and Howard will be great parents.
Several of the women in the room questioned her decision not to get married right away. She stood firm and actually sounded very grounded and mature.
Valerie and Sinead compared due dates. They won’t be far off.
That’s two out of three.
That’s something else to worry about.
Everybody left at about the same time. Teagan stayed behind. She said she was going to help me clean up.
I figured she was going to tell me that she is number three in the pregnancy three.
Instead she said, “Jessie and I are done.”
“Done? What do you mean?”
“I mean done, dingleberry. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Can’t do what?”
“Can’t do the long-distance thing. I love him, but I seem to spend more time alone than I do with him. He is on the road for work all the time.”
“I’m sorry. You guys seem so perfect together. I assumed you’d get married and have kids and live happily ever after.”
“Me too.”
“How’s he doing?”
“He doesn’t know.”
“What?”
“He’s on the damn road. I can’t tell him over the phone. He gets home tomorrow, and I’ll tell him then.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. Why did you even ask that?”
“It just seems weird that you told me first. Maybe somewhere in the back of your brain you were hoping I’d talk you out of it or something.”
“Maybe, but I don’t think so. I’ve thought about nothing else for weeks. What good is a relationship if you never see each other?”
“Seems to have worked for Valerie and Seamus for a long time. I’m not saying that everyone is the same. I’m just saying that maybe you should be talking to them. They know how to do a long-distance relationship and make it work.”
“That’s a good point. Of course the minute she got pregnant Valerie quit her job, and since she was the one who did most of the traveling, that means they won’t have a long-distance relationship anymore.”
“True, but you don’t know how that transition is going. Everyone assumes they know what is happening with them. But think about it. If we were betting on it, would we have bet that Seamus and Valerie were actually longing for a baby? I always thought they were blissfully childless.”
“Me too. I do not want to be blissfully childless, and I can’t see any way that I could have kids with Jessie gone all the time.”
“What does he say?”
“We’ve talked about it. More than once. He says that there are several places that we could live that he wouldn’t have to travel, but they are all so far away from family. I’m not sure that would be any easier.”
“Teagan, you know I would never want you to move away, but if you are in love with Jessie and you have to move to create a life with him, then maybe you should think about that.”
“I have thought about it. I keep coming back to two thoughts. If I’m willing to give up Jessie to stay around family, what does that say about me and Jessie? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”
“Jessie give up family to be around you? His family is local.”
“No, dingleberry. Shouldn’t I be willing to give up living close to the family so that I can have a life with the man I claim to love? I’m not stupid, Cara. I know you can’t have everything your way in life. I know that things don’t always work out and you have to make hard decisions, but when I think about it, and I have to choose one or the other, the family wins, and doesn’t that mean that I shouldn’t be with Jessie at all?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“That’s helpful.”
“I’m just trying to be honest.”
“So, answer this one. If A.J. said that he needed to move to New York for a great opportunity, what would you say? Would you go with him? Would you try to make it work from here? What would you do?”
“He can work anywhere.”
“That’s not the question. Say one of the big magazines called and offered him his dream job. He decided to take it. What would you do?”
“I don’t know.”
“Answer the question, Cara.”
“I honestly don’t know. The first thought in my head was that New York is too expensive and it snows there and all that kind of stuff, but if you put all that aside, and he really was going to go, I think I’d try long distance for a while, and if we couldn’t do it, I’d at least go to New York and see if I could do it. See if I could find a job and live so far away.”
“Really?”
“I think I would. God, I hope I never have to make that choice, but I really think I would.”
“See, and I can’t say that about Jessie, so doesn’t that say that I shouldn’t be with him?”
“Two big differences. The first one would be that I’m not really in that situation, and until you are in a situation, you don’t know what you would really do.”
“That’s true. What is the second difference?”
“I’m not you.”
“But, Cara, you are the big family person. You are the one who cooks the dinners and makes all those stupid baskets, and you are the one who remembers our childhood as perfect in every way. You would do anything for this family, and if you were willing to follow A.J. to New York, what does that say about me and Jessie?”
“It says you and Jessie aren’t me and A.J.”
“Would you stop saying that?”
“No. You can’t do this, Teagan. You can’t make a decision this important based on anything or anybody but you and Jessie. If you can’t deal with being away from him, how are you going to deal with breaking up with him?”
“It’s like ripping off a bandage. It hurts, but when it is done it is done. The way things are now, it hurts over and over and over again.”
“I’m not saying that Jessie is the only guy that you can love, or the only guy that can love you, but this just feels wrong. I can’t figure out why, but it feels weird, like there is more to this and I’m missing something.”
“I gotta go. Thanks for a great evening.” Teagan shook her head. “If I had known all this stuff was going to hit the fan tonight, I never would have suggested that we get together this evening.”
“I wonder how it is all going to go over when Mom and Dad find out that everyone in the family knew before they did.”
“That really is the least of the problems that everyone has to deal with, Cara.”
“I guess.”
“Sometimes I have no idea how your brain works.”
“Me either. I’m gonna go take a shower and see if I can figure out what I think about all this stuff.”
“Does it matter?”
“What?”
“It sounds like Sinead has already made her decisions, and she is strong enough to stand by them. There is nothing we can do about Maeve.”
“Do about?”
“You know what I meant.”
“I’m not sure I do. What do you really think about her announcement?”
“I’m surprised. Nothing about Maeve screams lesbian.”
“What does that mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean. Cara, you are being so politically correct you can’t even allow yourself a moment to think about how hard this is all going to be. On Maeve. On Mom and Dad.”
“Mom and Daddy aren’t going to have a problem with it.”
“They aren’t? Cara, Mom and Dad are really old-fashioned.”
“They don’t mind that you and I are basically living with the guys in our lives. Okay, I am. You still have your apartment even if you are never there.”
“Are you really that stupid?”
“I can’t believe you just called me stupid.”
“Mom and Dad are not going to say anything against the guys we love, but they sure as hell aren’t okay that we are living with them. They just choose not to say anything derogatory about it.”
“That’s not true.”
“Sure it is. Don’t you remember when Seamus married Valerie? Mom said that she had very strict rules for herself when it came to the people that her kids married. She would never interfere. She would never take sides just because she gave birth to one of the people involved. She would only give her opinion when she was asked for it, and even then she would only give it once. She would help if she could but only when asked.”
“Yeah, so?”
“It applies to all of our relationships. She may not say anything to Maeve or Sinead, but that doesn’t mean she is going to be happy about it.”
“When she found out Suzi was pregnant she said that it was a good thing. Supported her one hundred percent.”
“And she will say the same thing about Sinead.”
“But it’s not true?”
“It isn’t that Mom and Dad will be disappointed in them or anything. It is that they are the parents and they will worry. They are old-fashioned, and they have their own opinions and biases. Haven’t you paid attention at all? Have you ever heard them say anything supportive about equal rights for marriage and all that stuff?”
“Well, no.”
“Don’t you find that a little odd?”
“But Troya has a gay roommate, and whenever anyone says the slightest thing about it, Mom jumps all over them.”
“Cara, grow up. Mom isn’t going to let anybody say something stupid or rude or heartless. That doesn’t mean she approves.”
“So you think Mom and Daddy are going to have a problem with Maeve?”
“They love Maeve, and they will accept her decision…”
“It’s not really a decision.”
“Don’t make me worry about my words when it is just the two of us, Cara. You know exactly what I mean. Mom and Dad will be supportive of Maeve. They will invite her girlfriend over for dinner, and they will treat her with the same dignity and respect they do everyone else, but don’t believe for a minute that means that Mom and Dad are accepting of any of it.”
“That’s not good.”
“You mean that’s hypocritical?”
“Kind of.”
“It comes back to your biggest question in life.”
“When am I going to win the lottery?”
“Cute, dingleberry. The whole thing about one superseding the other. When does Maeve’s right to be in a happy relationship publically supersede Mom and Dad’s right to the belief structure they’ve had all their lives.”
“This sucks.”
“Yep.”
“I never really thought about it. I just one hundred percent assumed that Maeve would tell Mom and Daddy and they’d give her a hug and tell her that they’d always known and they love her every bit as much as they did before.”
“They will love her every bit as much as they did before. That doesn’t mean that it is going to be easy for them or that Maeve won’t know how hard it is on them or that there won’t be any problems. Nothing is seamless. There are going to be some really ugly moments. I hate to think it, but I would bet lots of money on it.”
“Crap.”
“Sorry, dingleberry. And as far as Sinead, Dad is going to have a big problem with that one. Sinead is the youngest, she is still really young, and she is his favorite. He still sees her as his fishing buddy, and she’s pregnant. She hasn’t known the guy all that long, he is young and still in school, and God only knows if he is going to stick around. It’s all going to kill Dad.”
“Crap.”
“Then I won’t even mention Morgan.”
“What about Morgan?”
“Didn’t you watch her at all?”
“She looked normal to me.”
“There is something going on there.”
“What?”
“I don’t know. She’s just not her normal self.”
“Jordan did say that Liam and Morgan have been acting weird. I don’t think he gave me any details. Just said that he thought they were keeping something from him, and that he thought it was bad.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him not all secrets are bad. Santa isn’t bad.”
“Gee, that must have been comforting.”
“He took off with A.J., and it never came up again. It was just a quick comment while I was making breakfast.”
“Well, we’ll find out soon enough.”
“I wish Mom and Daddy would just come home so all this would get figured out.”
“Cara, why is it that you believe that Mom and Dad can fix everything? As much as I love them, and you know I love them more than life itself, Mom and Dad are just human like the rest of us.”
“Bite your tongue.”
“You’re one sick woman.”
“I know you are kidding, but I’m beginning to think you might be right.”
“You should see someone about that.”
“I am. Remember?”
We spent the next half hour discussing the fact that I was seeing a counselor and couldn’t decide if I was going back. According to Teagan, I’d have to be a total idiot not to go back. You can’t accomplish anything in one visit. She was so insistent about counseling that I asked her if she was seeing a counselor.
“Don’t be silly, dingleberry. I am not in need of a mental health professional. That’s your weakness, not mine.”
“Very funny.”
“That’s what I was going for. Maybe Jessie and I should get couples counseling.”
“Would he be open to that?”
“I doubt it.”
“Why not?”
“Guys like Jessie, with jobs like Jessie’s, don’t cop to mental health issues.”
“Couples counseling is not a mental health issue. It is a training class for having a happy and healthy relationship.”
“That’s a good way to phrase it. Maybe I’ll talk to him about it. You ever thought about couples counseling with A.J.?
“Hell no. We aren’t that pathetic.”
She left still laughing. It had been a really emotional night. Better to laugh than to cry.