SIX

I WAS WALKING over to the trunk, decision made, when my phone buzzed.

A text from Suzi: I need a huge favor. Went to my doc appt, and they put me in the hospital. Lost most of my fluid. I’m fine. Gran will be here soon. Could you grab my bag from my apt so AJ can bring it later? Thx.

As I was reading it, a text came in from A.J.: Suz in hospital. I’m in meeting. If I walk out, I’m screwed. Gran MIA. Can you go?

I sent texts to both of them saying that I would grab Suzi’s hospital go-bag and head to the hospital. I made sure to add that I was thrilled to do it.

I got the emergency key, grabbed Suzi’s bag from her apartment, changed my clothes, and remembered to layer; hospitals can be so cold. I grabbed some snacks. I doubt they will let her eat, but there’s no reason for the rest of us to starve. I grabbed some magazines and my e-reader. Made sure I had the charger for my phone — who knows why? — and ran out the door.

When I got to the hospital, I got all turned around, but a gorgeous male nurse helped me find Suzi’s room. She had a private room, was lying in bed and watching TV. She looked fine. Seemed happy, if a little worried.

I texted A.J. to let him know I was at the hospital and Suzi was fine. Not to worry, everything was under control.

The doctor came in and checked on Suzi and said they were going to give her some meds to get the ball rolling. She’s full-term. The baby seems healthy and not stressed, but it’s time to get things moving.

A few minutes later, a nurse came in and put some stuff in Suzi’s IV. She had a bunch of little bags and a big bag of solution. I didn’t even pretend to understand what was going on. Why question the professionals? They seemed to have everything under control. We sat around, chatted, talked about everything we could think of, and finally just sat together and watched television.

A.J. and Suzi’s grandmother came and went. The doctor said there wasn’t much happening. It could be a while. A.J. had an important client dinner, and Suzi didn’t want her grandmother sitting there hour after hour. We all decided that I would sit with Suzi until it got closer to her time to deliver and then I’d call her grandmother and she’d come to be with Suzi in the delivery room. It’s only a six-minute drive from their grandma’s condo, so the doctors and nurses all agreed we’d be fine. Suzi might not have the baby until tomorrow.

They adjusted Suzi’s medications a couple of times. She wasn’t really making any progress, according to her nurse, but she was starting to feel the pain. You could tell she was suffering, although Suzi doesn’t complain, so I didn’t really know how bad it was.

They set up a little bed for me. The loveseat in the room extends, and the nurse brought in some sheets, a pillow, and a blanket. I dozed on and off. Every time Suzi moved I’d pop up to make sure she was okay. I admit it. I was starting to get really nervous about the whole thing. Something just didn’t feel right.

Around midnight, the nurse came in again and asked Suzi how she was doing. Suzi said she was having problems dealing with the pain. The nurse asked if she wanted something for it. She said yes. The nurse confirmed she wanted something for the pain, left, came back a few minutes later, and put something in Suzi’s IV.

It wasn’t long before Suzi was dozing too. Probably good, since she will need all of her strength to push that baby out when it is time.

The doctor woke us both up in the morning. Not sure what time it was, but it was still dark outside.

She wasn’t even a little bit amused. She said that when Suzi asked for the pain medication she’d all but stopped labor and now they were going to have to do a C-section.

Suzi tried to defend herself, saying that she had no idea that was the consequence of her asking for relief.

The doctor didn’t seem to believe her.

I backed her up.

The doctor didn’t seem to believe me either.

I was about to get all righteous about it, when a group of people came into the room. One of the nurses handed me a bunch of paper garments and told me that I could follow the gurney down to the double doors, but then I was to sit in one of the chairs and wait for them to come get me. They would bring Suzi into the room first and prep her.

I guess they could tell by the look in my eyes — that would be terror — that it wasn’t the plan for me to be in the delivery room. Or operating room. Or whatever.

They were doing all kinds of stuff to Suzi already, and she had gone very still.

“My Gran was going to be with me. She can be here in less than ten minutes.”

“Sorry. We don’t have ten minutes. We’re going now.”

“Is there something wrong with the baby?” Suzi was panicking.

“Not at all, but there is an opening in the schedule, and we’re taking it. Either that or we wait until this afternoon, and I don’t want to put the baby through that.”

I told Suzi, “You go and get ready, and I’ll call A.J. to come and pick up Gran on the way. You’ll be fine. I’ll be right there.”

Suzi just nodded and let the medical people do what they needed to do.

I called A.J. and explained. I let him know that I really didn’t want to go in with Suzi; surgery isn’t really on my list of most entertaining events, but what can ya do?

I’d just tied the mouth cover thingy around my neck when they told me it was time to go into the operating room.

Thank God.

They had so many pieces of blue paper tacked up all over the place, all I could see was Suzi’s face. She was wearing the same bonnet thing I was. She didn’t have to cover her mouth though.

The anesthesia person was really nice. Kind of explained that I should keep my head down, no looking behind the curtain — he made the Wizard of Oz reference clear — and said we were ready.

It’s amazing how fast they do a C-section.

It felt like one moment I was a little light-headed about the whole thing, the next minute they were telling Suzi she would feel some pressure but no pain, and a minute later they said that Suzi had a beautiful little girl.

The doctor said she was beautiful.

And big.

And healthy.

And I lost it.

Suzi had a tear roll down her face, but she didn’t say a word.

A minute later they were carrying the baby over to measure her and clean her up. They said I could walk over and take pictures.

Thank God for cell phones.

The baby was beautiful. Full head of dark hair. Big blue eyes. All her fingers and toes.

I turned to walk back to report to Suzi.

Big mistake.

Big, big, mistake.

They weren’t done with putting Suzi back together again.

I never knew that they pull your innards and make them outards. And that the doctor pretty much stuffs all your innards back in. Handfuls. She was standing up on a step shoving innards around. At least that’s what it looked like to an untrained eye from across the room. (Just the thought of it makes me woozy.)

I wasn’t sure if I should throw up or faint.

Or both.

Before I could process all that, the nurse was walking back toward Suzi’s head with the baby, and I was sitting on the little stool by her shoulder, and they were handing me the baby, and I was terrified that I’d pass out and drop her, but I couldn’t get myself to say anything.

I was all sweaty. I couldn’t breathe right.

Fortunately, they kind of placed the baby on Suzi’s shoulder, and all I had to do was make sure she was balanced. I wasn’t really holding her; I just had my hand there so she wouldn’t fall.

By the time I could talk, I didn’t feel like I was going to faint anymore, so we were all good.

They took the baby back and put her in the little transport thingy, and I followed them to the nursery.

They were giving the baby her first bath when A.J. and Gran showed up at the window to watch.

I took lots of pictures and some video.

My eyes locked with A.J.’s through the glass.

There is something about sharing new life. I can’t explain it.

They took the baby to recovery so that Suzi could try to feed her, and I followed along.

The nurses were so nice. We explained about Gran not being able to be there for the birth, and they told me to go get her.

Only one person at a time is allowed in recovery.

Gran stayed with Suzi while A.J. and I went downstairs and had something to eat.

The whole thing was amazing, and scary, and such an honor.

 

When A.J. and I got back upstairs, Suzi was out of recovery in a private room and had the baby with her. Actually, Gran had the baby. She looked so happy.

As we walked into the room, Gran beamed and stood to hand the baby to A.J. “Your niece.”

“My God, Suzi, she is beautiful.”

I went all mushy. Why not? “Just like her mommy.”

“Suze, what is her name?”

“Evelyn Siobhan Cooper.”

My eyes turned to saucers. Siobhan? Really? It couldn’t be a coincidence. “Suzi…”

“I want you always to be a part of her life.”

I started to say something. I’m not even sure what.

Suzi interrupted. “Don’t talk. I’ll cry. I’m already leaking from every place. Don’t add another place to the list.” Suzi laughed. Which made her a little bit seasick.

“Cara, I want her to have all the things I associate with you. I want her to be anchored in a strong family. To know with every cell of her being that she is loved, she is wanted, she is the center of my world. I want her to be close to her mother and value tradition. I want her to be kind and really centered, and to care about people. You know what I mean. I’m not going to give a longer list. Your head is big enough.”

“I’m honored. I like the name Evelyn. I like the way her name rolls off your tongue and all three together are just enough to say sternly when she’s in trouble.”

A.J. asked, “Where did Evelyn come from? I know you. There must be a story.”

“It’s a combo, really. Eve, because she started off life, and Evelyn is going to start off my new life.”

I didn’t say anything, but that seemed like a huge burden for such a tiny person.

“And the last part of it is part of Gran’s name. I stole the -lyn from Carolyn because Gran wouldn’t let me name the baby after her.”

Gran shot us a look. We didn’t challenge her on that one.

I couldn’t help but smile. “I think it’s beautiful. Part new and part tradition. That’s the way life should be. And, Suze, Evelyn is going to have a wonderful life. I can feel it.”

A.J. handed Evelyn to me.

I couldn’t believe all her hair.

“When do they let you go home?”

“In a few days. I’m not really sure. I feel pretty good.”

“That’s because the really good drugs haven’t worn off yet. Don’t overdo it. A friend of Teagan’s from work said she had such an easy time with her C-section that she was running all over the place as soon as they let her out of bed. Mistake. You need to be careful of yourself.”

Gran laughed. “Please, Suze, for once in your life, follow orders.”

“Yes, ma’am. I can do that. Because this isn’t just about me anymore, it is about me and Evelyn.”

 

A.J. stayed with Suzi while I ran home, took a shower, and changed my clothes.

Teagan checked in and said the whole family was excited to meet Evelyn.

I got back to the hospital just as they were taking Evelyn back to the nursery. Suzi looked really upset.

“What’s going on?”

“They have to take her blood again.”

“Again?”

“They’ve been testing it. She’s having a hard time keeping her blood sugar under control. The nurse said that we shouldn’t worry but not to let her cry because that is too much work for her right now, and they will keep testing it. She’s a big baby, and it happens sometimes.”

“I’m sure she will be fine. She’s had a busy day. When will they bring her back?”

“They said it would just be a few minutes.”

“Good. Anything I can get you?”

“You can get A.J. to go home. I know the kind of stress he is under at work, and I know he has a ton of work to do. He doesn’t have to sit with me.”

“Gran only went home after I promised her I’d be here until Cara got back. Just in case you needed help getting the baby out of the bassinet or you needed help getting relocated or whatever.”

“I appreciate it, but Cara is here now, so go home.”

A.J. leaned down and kissed Suzi on the forehead. “She’s beautiful, Suze. You did good.”

“She is. And so alert. She’s actually moving her head when I talk. Like she hears me and she’s looking for me. I know she is still little…”

“Still little? She’s only hours old, but then, she is a genius and will be in college in a few months.” I laughed.

“Of course, it runs in the family.” A.J. gave me a my-sister-is-right-there kiss and walked out the door.

 

The next few days flew by. Adeline called a couple of times to let me know that I shouldn’t worry about work, which made me worry all the more.

They were testing Evelyn’s blood until she could keep her blood sugars where they wanted them for some predetermined period of time. She got herself together, passed that particular test, but then had problems again a day or two later. The days all seemed to smoosh into one big, long day.

I brought my laptop to the hospital and actually got a bunch of work done while I was sitting around waiting to lift the baby or change the baby, because as time went on, Suzi was getting more and more pain, and she had a terrible time with gas floating around inside of her. The doctor said it is normal. It would work its way out.

Remind me never to have a C-section.

By the time Suzi and Evelyn were released from the hospital, I’d made a decision. I didn’t want them staying in their apartment alone until Suzi could move around a little bit better. I didn’t want to offend her, or to break down her confidence by telling her I didn’t think she could handle it — after all, we are just across the hall — but at the same time, I wanted to make her transition a little smoother.

“Suze, don’t hate me.”

“What?”

“I’m just going to say it, because I’ve been trying to think of a good way to say it and I can’t.”

“Say what?”

“I want you and Evelyn to stay in my guest room for a few days. I know you guys would be fine in your own apartment, but every time I see you stand up or bend over, my stomach just goes gooey. I know you’re fine, but I’m the mess, so for me, could you just stay with us for a few days? Please.”

Suzi went very still. I sent up a quick little prayer that I hadn’t just killed all her confidence and set our friendship back to the day I had my meltdown about Barry and her defending him, although, if I were under oath, I’d have to admit that I still think I was right about that.

“Cara, you know how much I love you — I just named my first child after you — but I can’t do that. You just had crazy people breaking into your apartment. What if Evelyn had been there? I can’t take that chance. As much as I want to say yes, I have to say no.”

“I didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“That whole thing is over.”

“No, you didn’t tell me. What the hell is wrong with you? You must be starting to like all the drama.”

“Not funny, Suzi. I’ve just had a lot going on with my parents coming home and all the stuff going on in the family and then the break-ins and my whole meltdown about the trunk.”

“Yeah, we need to talk about that too, but right now tell me about the break-ins.”

I spent the next several minutes explaining to Suzi that the break-in was done by Adeline’s grandson. He’s young. He’s brilliant, has an IQ of some high number, scary smart; I think Roland said he was a “misguided genius.” One of those scary smart guys that has all kinds of book knowledge and a brain that looks at everything a little bit sideways. I think I might be the dumbed down version of that. It’s not that I’m dumb, but I’m not scary smart — and he is a special little snowflake. He was raised in a way that I don’t begin to understand, and it shows.

Anyway, he was actually trying to help, not hurt, but he went about it in such a weird way that everything is all screwed up, and until they get it figured out, I’m not really allowed to talk about it.

So, long story short, I’m safe in my own home, and there is nothing that I would like more than to have Suzi and Evelyn stay with us for a few days of pampering for Suzi and the good aura of having a baby in the house.

Suzi started to cry.

I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.

“Cara, thank you. I didn’t want to go home alone. Gran said I could go there, but it would be such a big step backwards for me. If I’m with you and A.J., then I’m right across from my apartment, and it doesn’t feel like I’m, I don’t know, it just feels better. Are you sure?”

“Oh, thank God, I thought you would think I thought you couldn’t handle it, and I know you can, but I just feel like your body has been through a lot in the last few days, and, besides, when it’s my turn, I want everybody to owe me so that you guys all take care of me.”

“Deal. We should ask A.J.”

“No need. He loves you, and he’s in love with Evelyn. Can’t stop talking about how smart she is and what a good baby she is and how she is just as beautiful as her mother. If I didn’t know better, I’d think…”

“You never asked him, did you?”

“Asked him what? If he wants kids? We talked about it. He does. I’m just not there yet.”

“That’s not what I was talking about, but it’s good to hear. I was saying, remember back when you said that one of the few things he decided to move into your apartment when you guys were first together was the — ”

I interrupted her. Bad habit. “Oh, right. I forgot about that. No, I never really asked him. Things have been so crazy for so long. I went all passive and forgetive instead of passive and aggressive.”

“It’s still a conversation the two of you should have some day.”

“Just tell me.”

“No, it’s a conversation you and A.J. need to have.”

“I hate it when you do that to me.”

Just then they brought Evelyn into the room, and all other subjects were forgotten.

The nurse was smiling. “She is such a good little pooper. Two dirty diapers and two wet diapers just while she was in the nursery. She is obviously doing well breastfeeding. Has your milk come in yet?”

“I don’t think so.”

“You’ll know. Do you want to talk to someone about it? We have nurses that can help you if you’re having any problems. Are you sore at all?”

“Nope. She seems to know what she is doing, even if I don’t.”

The nurse smiled. “If you don’t mind, I’ll watch while she latches on.”

Breastfeeding is personal enough, but breastfeeding lessons made me feel like I was in the way. “You know what, I’m gonna run downstairs and grab a soda. You want anything?”

“I’d kill for a hot chocolate.”

The nurse smiled and pointed toward the door. “There is a snack room across the hall. Mom can have anything out of there that sounds good. But I admit, the hot chocolate from downstairs is actually better.”

“And they put chocolate syrup and whipped cream on it. I swear. I’ve been so careful about my diet while I was pregnant, and I’m going right back to being disciplined after I leave the hospital, but I would love a hot chocolate from downstairs with whipped cream and chocolate syrup.”

“You got it. I’ll be right back.”

I grabbed my purse and headed for the cafeteria.

While standing in line, I texted A.J. and let him know I’d invited Suzi and Evelyn to stay with us for a few days.

He returned my text just as I was paying for our drinks.

He said he was grateful.

He’d show me how grateful tonight.

I love it when he does that.

 

The next several days were a little bit strange. Time either flew by so fast I couldn’t keep up or moved so slowly I couldn’t stand it.

We took Evelyn to her baby wellness check, which was just stupid. The baby was fine, but they pretty much forced Suzi to bring her to a doctor’s office where a bunch of sick kids were waiting to see the doctor.

The new moms — there were several — all huddled in one corner, but still, why would you put a baby in that germy situation?

My mom tells us all the time that they didn’t bring a baby out of the house when we were first born, and she said when she was a baby it was for an even longer period of time. Now you see newborn babies at the mall. I will not be bringing my baby out in the middle of germy people for a while.

Another thing I thought was strange is they didn’t teach Suzi how to swaddle the baby. There is a right way to do it. It is a comfort to the baby, so I don’t understand why they didn’t show her. Poor little thing would get a little fussy, Suzi would try to wrap her up, but the blankets would just come all undone, and then Evelyn would be fussy again. I’d double swaddle her, and she’d fall asleep and not wake up again until she needed something.

Seems to me if I’d been in a confined space for a long time and all of the sudden my arms and legs could go anywhere they wanted, it would be disconcerting.

I read somewhere that doctors are now thinking that swaddling could be bad for a baby’s hips, but I haven’t read up on all that, and it seems to me they come up with a different theory every day. Mom said when we were little you always had a baby sleep on their stomach so that if they barfed a bit they wouldn’t choke and they wouldn’t flatten out the back of their heads. Now they say that a baby should be on their back. Then there is the whole attachment thing and the family bed thing and who knows what else.

When I have kids, I’m sticking with what I know.

They also didn’t show Suzi how to change a diaper. They just told her to make sure the baby was clean. Well, if you have never seen it done, how are you going to know what to do, like front to back and all that? No wonder Suzi was worried.

And they told her that as soon as Evelyn’s belly button fell off she could start giving her regular baths, but they didn’t tell her how to do that. With a slippery baby wiggling all around, Suzi had no idea how to support her head or that a little towel on the bottom of the kitchen sink is an easy approach or the best way to hold her to make sure she feels secure.

When Suzi gave Evelyn a bath she cried — Evelyn, not Suzi, but I think Suzi was close. When I gave her a bath — Evelyn, not Suzi, although Suzi could use the rest — she fell asleep.

It’s pretty amazing how much I owe my mom.

I never realized how much she taught us and how valuable the lessons are. Like the whole browned flour thing. I told Suzi about it, and she looked at me like I was stupid, but my mom always swore by it, and Teagan has told several of the girls at work.

One woman came to work in tears, her daughter had such a bad diaper rash. Teagan told her to use browned flour. The lady didn’t even know where to start. Teagan told her to take a frying pan, put flour in it, turn on the stove, and let the flour brown. Dark but not burned. Smells terrible. When the flour is brown, and cool, apply to baby’s bottom. That simple.

Teagan telling us about it was hysterical. She did a great impersonation of the woman’s reaction. The woman looked at her like she’d lost her mind.

Of course, then the woman came back a couple days later and told her it worked and even her doctor was amazed.

You can’t really tell anybody but family about this kind of stuff, because if it doesn’t work, the person is going to turn on you in a heartbeat, and these days the stuff that our mothers and grandmothers did is pretty much looked down on, so I would never suggest it to a stranger, but I told Suzi. We’ll see if she tries it.

I’ve got a zillion little things my mom showed us or the rest of the family figured out. Like teaching a kid how to ride a bike using a beach towel. It’s so much easier, the kid can’t get hurt, and it builds enough confidence that there are no issues. We never used training wheels, and we all knew how to ride bikes when we were really young. We didn’t use helmets either, but that’s a whole other conversation.

By the way, if Suzi buys Evelyn a crawling helmet and kneepads, we are going to have a bumpy ride.

I know I don’t get to decide how Suzi raises her own baby. I know she will do a fabulous job. I know that it’s none of my business. But if she does something like that, I’m gonna have to have a talk with her.

You are supposed to help your friends when they go a little nuts, right?

I don’t think Suzi will do that.

I hope not.

It would drive me crazy to keep my mouth shut.

Okay, why lie? I wouldn’t keep my mouth shut. It would drive me crazy if after I butt into her parenting, which I have no right to do, she decided to ignore me, which she has every right to do.

 

It’s been really fun having Suzi and Evelyn at the apartment, but Suze has decided to move back across the hall to her place today. She can get up out of the chair even when she’s holding Evelyn; that was her biggest concern.

Gran has been coming over every day to visit, but there haven’t been any other visitors, and I think that Suzi wants to get over to her place so some of her friends can drop by.

She didn’t want to have people over right away, because there’s a pretty serious bug going around town, but I think she’s feeling more confident about visits now. She told me she was leaving while we were clearing the table after breakfast.

“You know that if you need help with anything, all you have to do is knock on the door or call me.”

“I do, thanks. I think Evelyn and I are going to be fine.”

“I know you are.”

“I’m going to start back to work tomorrow. A.J. said that I can do most of it from home anyway, so I’m going to turn my dining room table into an office and work from there.”

“That sounds great. If you need anything — ”

“Thanks.”

“Remember, you aren’t supposed to lift anything heavier than Evelyn. That includes her car carrier thing. If you need something picked up, let me know.”

“I will, but I feel great. I haven’t even needed my pain pills.”

“That’s what worries me. You feel good enough to overdo it, and you are an overdoer anyway.”

“Says the queen of overdoing.”

“Learn from my mistakes. Besides, I’ve never had a C-section.”

“No, but when Barry got to you, you did all kinds of stuff before you had permission.”

“Speaking of which, Barry I mean, what happens now? Are you going to contact him and tell him about Evelyn?”

“No. As part of the divorce settlement, he gave up his parental rights. I don’t have to tell him anything, and I’m not going to, and I don’t want to hear any arguments about my being selfish or unethical and him being her father and him having a moral right even if not a legal one.”

“You won’t get that argument from me.”

“Really?”

“Suzi, I don’t think you should have to deal with the complications of all things Barry. I don’t think you should tell Evelyn that he is evil or anything, just that he made some really bad decisions and that he has to live with the consequences, but I don’t think protecting your child is a bad thing.”

“You have no idea what hearing you say that means to me.”

“Even if I thought you were wrong, which I don’t, she’s your baby, and you need to do what you think is best. Mom is always saying that if you make every decision based on what you think is in the best interest of your children, even when you’re wrong, and sometimes you will be, there’s nothing to feel bad about because you honest to God did your best.”

“Keep reminding me of that.”

“Teagan could paint it on your wall.”

“I might have her do that.”

Several trips across the hall to carry baby paraphernalia to Suzi’s apartment — and to get Suzi and Evelyn settled — and I was back home in a suddenly silent apartment.

I know it should be a relief, but it felt really lonely.

There’s something about having a baby around the house, even if it isn’t your baby, that just makes the house better.

Plus, I like having Suzi around.

I decided to get some work done. That would keep my mind busy. A busy mind is a good thing.

I was walking to the office when someone knocked on the door.

I opened it to see Suzi standing there with Evelyn sound asleep in her arms.

“Gee, that was fast,” I teased.

“It dawned on me that we have some unfinished business. Since Evelyn is asleep, I figured this was a good time.”

“What’s up?”

“This requires tea.”

“You sound serious.”

“The tea is for you, not me, Cara.”

“Uh-oh. I don’t like the sound of this already.”

“Should I put the kettle on?”

“No, why don’t you put Evelyn down? I put her Moses basket in the closet in the office.”

By the time the kettle boiled, Evelyn was settled in her basket on the floor in the living room, and Suzi was sitting at my table with a determined look on her face. “What is going on with the trunk?”

“What do you mean?”

“Cara, my brother and I are very close. He knows you are my best friend in the world. He doesn’t tell me everything, but he did tell me that you’re having a really hard time with some things that happened in your past and something in the trunk brought up a bunch of junk from your past. Don’t be mad at him; he’s worried about you.”

“I know. He sicced Teagan on me too.”

“If you and Teagan figured it out, you don’t have to tell me. I was just worried.”

“I haven’t figured anything out, really, but I don’t really want to talk about it either.”

“That’s fine, Cara. I’ll do the talking.”

I was confused, but I figured I’d let her have her say. The good Lord knows she has had to spend more than a few minutes listening to me.

“You have told me a hundred times that the time I spent with Barry — which can be counted in years, not moments — should not define my life. I don’t know what happened to you back in the day. I don’t know what the trunk is telling you. What I do know is that whatever it is doesn’t define your life.”

“I know — ”

“It can upset you. It can freak you out. It can cause you to cry, but don’t let it destroy all the good stuff. At some point you have to move forward, and all the time you dwell on the past, you’re missing out on the future. Someone smart said that to me.”

“I’m not so sure she’s so smart.”

“You are. You know it. I’m sorry bad stuff happened to you, but it doesn’t define you.”

“You know, the really sad and frustrating part is that I’m not even sure that is what the trunk is all about.”

“What? Cara, don’t confuse me.”

“I’ve put off opening the stuff in the trunk since the day I found out Bernie left it to me. First because I thought it was special little gifts and I wanted it to last a lifetime. Then because I was freaked out because I built this whole thing up in my mind that there was some kind of mystery and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what it was or that I was capable of solving it. Then the whole thing about the past came popping up. That was bad because not only did it bring up bad memories from my past, but it triggered a few for Teagan and my mom too.”

“I’m sorry if I’m making this harder for you.”

“You aren’t. Anyway, Teagan pointed out that the letter Bernie left me shows that she was kind of proud of putting all the stuff aside for me. She did it as a sign of how much she cared about me. If the stuff in the trunk was supposed to signify the craziness of the stuff I remember, she’d have to be out of her mind to think it was a good thing.”

“Maybe she was.”

“I think I’m missing something. I just don’t remember what it is. Or was. Whatever.”

“There’s no reason to drive yourself crazy about it. It will come to you when it’s supposed to.”

“Teagan thinks I should open all the stuff now, deal with it now, and then I can move forward like you said.”

“And Teagan is right, for Teagan. But you aren’t Teagan. You don’t have to do it the way Teagan would do it.”

“I know.”

“Cara, your sister is great, she has been really good to me, and I know you would completely freak out if I was disrespectful to her or about her, but you need to remember that you guys are two different people, and you do things differently, and that’s okay.”

“I know that.”

“Intellectually you do, but do you know that with your heart?”

“Probably not.”

“You have to do what is right for you, not what is right for Teagan.”

“I know.”

Evelyn started to fuss.

“That’s my daughter. Asserting her control. Over everything.”

We laughed.

“Cara, I’m so lucky.”

“Yes, yes, you are.”

“I’m going to bring her home. I just had to say what I said. You can do with it or not do with it anything you think is right.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you mean that.”

“I do. Having people care about you is always a good thing.”

“It is. Do you know what you’re going to do about the trunk?”

“No. I’ll think about it.”

“I’ll talk to you later.”

“You want to come over for dinner? I’m actually cooking.”

“I should let you and A.J. have a little time to yourselves.”

“Suze, you know he would love to have you here.”

“I’m not sure about having me here, but I’m pretty sure he would like to play with his niece. I gotta admit, he has more baby mojo than I thought he would. We were never really around babies. I have no idea what I’m doing. I guess that kind of shows. Most guys don’t want to deal with a newborn, but A.J. has been so good to us.”

“He’s a good guy.”

“He is.”