It had been just over a week since Jessie and Shane’s party where I’d drank too much, and likely made a fool of myself. It had also been just over a week since I’d fallen asleep in Trent’s arms on my couch and woken up the next morning in exactly the same position.
We’d slept all night, fully clothed; his arm around me held me close, and I could honestly say I’d never had a better night’s sleep in my life.
We woke to Sheldon demanding his breakfast by meowing in our faces.
Another first.
Sheldon hated people. Hell, he only barely tolerated me. But he’d taken to Trent immediately.
What did it mean? What did any of it mean?
Nothing.
That’s what I’d told myself that morning while we drank coffee and Trent cooked a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast in my kitchen as if it were the most natural thing in the world, instead of the scariest fucking thing ever.
Nothing. It meant nothing.
That’s what I’d been telling myself all week when he texted me flirty messages or called just to say hi while he was on the East Coast, dealing with some business out there.
Nothing.
It didn’t mean anything that I couldn’t seem to stop myself from thinking about him and how easy it was to be with him. How natural it had felt and how he’d made me feel things I’d never felt. And I wasn’t talking about sex.
Shit.
It did mean something.
And I wasn’t sure what to do with that feeling.
But I didn’t have time to dwell on it any further at the moment; I was meeting the girls for lunch and Jessie, whom I’d asked to arrive a few minutes early, had just walked through the door of the bistro.
“Hey there,” she greeted me when she got to the table. “This is a nice surprise.”
I stood and gave her a quick hug.
“We don’t usually get to see you during the week,” Jessie said. “And definitely not during the day, you workaholic.” She sat across from me. “To what do we owe this pleasure, Britt? I like it.”
I shook my head at her teasing, but she wasn’t wrong. It had been way too long since I’d put my friends first. Hell, since I’d put me first.
Had I ever?
“I like it, too.” I smiled at my friend, focusing only on her. “And I’m so glad you could meet me a little early. I actually wanted to apologize for the other night at your house. I shouldn’t have had so many drinks and—”
“Yeah, that was interesting.”
Leave it to Jessie to tell me how she really feels.
“But you don’t need to apologize for it,” she added. “I just thought it was unusual because you don’t usually drink, let alone to the point where you need to be taken home.”
“Technically, I didn’t need to be taken home. I just…”
There was nothing I could say, so I simply shrugged instead. “Anyway, I’m sorry. I’m not sure what happened.”
“Is it Trent?”
I sat back in my seat. “Trent? Why would it be—”
“Are you really going to sit across from me and try to tell me that you’re not completely into him? Really?” She tipped her head in challenge.
And of course I was up for that particular challenge.
“I’m not into Trent.”
“Liar.” Jessie said the word with a grin as the waitress arrived. She ordered a glass of white wine; I stuck with my soda water. “You’re totally into him,” she said when the waitress retreated. “Anyone can see it.”
“No, they can’t.”
They couldn’t, could they?
“And I’m not—”
“He’s totally into you, too.”
“What?”
“Oh…yes.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “I have to admit, Britt. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see the day that your feelings for a man got you so worked up.”
“It’s not that I was…” I let my objection trail off because what was the point? She wasn’t wrong. And there didn’t seem to be a reason to fight it any longer. “Okay,” I admitted. “I was worked up.” It felt good to say it out loud. “Trent gets me worked up.”
Jessie’s eyes flashed, and I didn’t miss it.
“Okay,” I continued. “I admit it. He gets under my skin.”
“Under your skin?”
I nodded. “It’s more than that.” I might as well just come all the way clean at this point. “He makes me feel things.”
“Oh ya?” Jessie didn’t try to hide her surprise. “He makes you feel things?”
“A lot of things.”
“Tell me.”
I shook my head. It was one thing to tell my friend a few details, but it was a completely different thing to tell her all of the details, especially the ones I wasn’t ready to admit to myself yet.
“What kind of things, Britt?” Jessie’s voice was low, searching.
I squeezed my eyes.
But why?
Why shouldn’t I tell her exactly how I felt about Trent? About how he made me feel things I’d never felt before. How he made me think things I’d never thought of before. How he’d made me…hell. How he’d made me believe that I could be something I’d never been.
How could one man do all of that?
Without even trying.
Damn.
“It’s okay, Britt,” Jessie said. “You’re allowed to talk about it, you know? Nothing bad will happen if you say what you’re thinking.” She ducked her head with a small smile. “Or even, what you’re feeling.”
I shook my head. “Oh, shit, Jessie. You don’t even know what you’re saying.”
“I do.”
“No,” I said. “You don’t.”
I didn’t even know what she was saying. But I was pretty sure I had an idea. Trent challenged me. He made me think of a future I’d never considered. He made me feel…loved.
Had I ever felt loved before? Really loved?
I wasn’t sure I had. Not the way Trent loved me.
Love.
No. I couldn’t let myself think that way. Not even for a moment.
“Hey.” Jessie’s hand grabbed mine across the table. “Talk to me, Britt.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You do.” She squeezed my hand and looked me sharply in the eye. “Stop denying it. You know exactly what I’m talking about. And it’s okay. I promise.”
I’d been on the East Coast for just over a week, and I was dying to get home.
Home.
That’s what Aspen Valley was now.
Home.
Because that’s where Brittany was.
And despite every single thing I’d ever thought about how my life would go, both my mind and my heart were telling me unequivocally that Aspen Valley was home.
Brittany.
No. The only thing my heart, and particularly my body, was telling me, was…Brittany.
And being away from her for a whole week was way too long.
I moved through the MultiTech office front door quickly and as if there were a line pulling me, I moved straight across the lobby, past where we’d crashed together on the floor, the first time our eyes locked and it led to a private moment in her office that led to…
Well. Fuck.
I needed to get to my woman.
My. Woman.
I didn’t even try to deny it to myself or anyone else who bothered to ask me. Brittany was my woman. I’d fight anyone who challenged me on that. Not that they would, because…Brittany.
I knocked sharply on her office door.
Nothing.
I knocked again. Twice. Harder.
Still nothing.
I leaned in, trying to hear what might be happening on the other side of her office door. I knocked again. “Britt?”
Fuck this.
I turned her handle and opened the door to an empty office.
It was eleven thirty on a Wednesday. Where else would she be? Brittany was always in the office.
“She’s not here.”
I spun around to see Shane, watching me with a wry smile on his face.
“Where is she?”
He shrugged. “Let’s go for lunch.” He nodded toward the door. “Unless you have other plans.”
I didn’t. Not if Brittany wasn’t there. Because my plans had been to bend her over her desk. Yes. A week had been way too long to be away from her. Way too long to feel her curves pressed up against me, her soft skin under my rough hands as I explored all parts of her. Far too many days had passed since I felt her body tighten around me as I pushed her over the edge into climax after climax.
But as much as I’d missed all of that, it wasn’t the only thing I missed. Besides a few texts and one, very short phone call, I hadn’t spoken to Brittany the entire time I’d been gone. And to my surprise, that had been the hardest part. In a very short time, I’d grown very used to talking to her about silly little things, and the big ones, too. I craved seeing her sexy smile light up her beautiful face.
Lunch with Shane would be a lackluster consolation prize. But at least it was something.
“Sure.” I turned away from her office door. “Why not?”
We went to the Aspen Valley Country Club, where we ordered steak sandwiches and made small talk about the office until our food was delivered.
“Looks like my office space will be secured next week,” I told Shane. “So I’ll finally be getting out of your way. I can’t thank you enough for lending me the room while I was sorting things out.”
He waved off my thanks. “So I take it you’ll be staying in Aspen Valley then? Things are going well here for you.”
I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was referring to a lot more than just business, but I wasn’t going to bite. Whatever was going on with Brittany and me could stay between us. At least until I knew exactly what was going on.
“It is,” I said. “This town is booming and absolutely ripe with opportunity. It would be foolish for me not to have an office here. My staff will come in next week to get things set up and—”
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
I shrugged and cut into my steak. “I’m not talking about it.”
“I heard a rumor,” Shane continued, as if he hadn’t heard me.
“About my new office?”
“About a certain blonde we both know.”
“I told you, I’m not talking about it.” I popped the steak in my mouth and chewed slowly.
“Talking about what? How these women have a way of getting under our skin in a way that we just can’t shake?”
I stared at my old friend. There was no way he could know how I was feeling about Brittany. Was there?
“Sounds like I showed up at the right time?” Phillip Conrad appeared next to our table. “Mind if I join you guys? I was going to grab a bite on my own, but…”
“Of course.” Shane waved to an empty chair.
“Are we talking about the women?” Phillip said as soon as he was settled.
Shane laughed. “You know it.”
I took another bite of my lunch, not willing to participate in this discussion. Phillip and Shane had totally different situations than I did. They just didn’t know it. Brittany and I had agreed. Just sex. And even if I might be changing my mind on that, it didn’t change the fact that that’s exactly what we had. An agreement.
The tender, perfectly cooked steak suddenly tasted like dirt in my mouth. I reached for my water glass and swallowed hard.
Hell, I couldn’t even convince myself that Brittany didn’t mean anything to me.
“Not going to lie, buddy,” Shane said to me. “I didn’t think I’d ever see the day Brittany would settle down.”
I almost choked on my food. “Settle down?” I said when I’d recovered. “No one is talking about settling down. That’s not what this is.”
It was sex.
That’s what it was. It wasn’t settling down. Not. Even. Close.
“I don’t know what happened to the two of you,” I said, abandoning my lunch altogether. “But that’s not what’s happening with Britt. We’re just enjoying each other’s company.”
“Oh, yes.” Phillip smiled. “I think we’ve both heard all about how much you’re enjoying each other’s company.”
I knew Brittany was talking about our sexual exploits with her girlfriends; after all, that had been the entire purpose of our agreement. But I didn’t make it a habit to kiss and tell. A fact I relayed to the guys.
“Look,” I said after a moment. “I know the stories.” I turned to Phillip. “You were always in love with Abby. Now you’re together.” He nodded, and I turned to Shane. “You and Jessie started out as just sex. But now you’re inseparable.” He nodded as well. “Brittany and me…it’s different with us.”
There was no way I was going to tell either of them that I’d wanted the woman from the moment I’d laid eyes on her and now that I had her, I didn’t want to let her go with a ferocity that was beginning to consume me.
No, I couldn’t tell them that, because that’s not how this was going to play out.
She wanted temporary.
She didn’t do relationships.
Neither did I.
But...it was getting harder and harder to remember that. Especially when the only thing I could think about was how she felt in my arms. How she made soft, little, vulnerable squeaks in her sleep. And especially how I’d never shared such intimate details about my childhood with another woman before. And how it had only felt natural to tell Brittany those things and for her to tell me her secrets, too. How despite not having sex with her that night, it had been the single most intimate night of my life. And waking up with her still in my arms the next morning had been the best morning of my entire life.
Yes. Remembering that my relationship with Brittany wasn’t real was becoming almost impossible.
Especially because I was pretty sure I’d changed my mind.
“I’m sure it is different,” Phillip said.
I pulled myself from my thoughts back to my friends, who were watching me strangely.
“But it’s the same, too.”
“As much as I appreciate your input, guys, I’ll tell you what.” I tossed my napkin to the table and stood to leave. “How about when I want your opinions, I’ll ask for it. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s something I need to do.”
Too much time had already gone by without seeing her. Instead of talking about Brittany, I wanted to talk to her.
“She won’t be back at the office,” Shane said, stopping me in my tracks.
I turned slowly and looked at him in question.
“She’s taken a leave.”
“A leave?” My gut churned.
“A leave of absence,” Shane said. For the first time, his face was serious as he said, “I’m sorry, Trent. I honestly thought you knew.”
After having lunch with the girls, I knew what I needed to do. I also knew it had to be done immediately before I could change my mind. I called Shane and told him I would be taking a leave of absence. I assured him I’d be available for questions via email and phone calls, but no, I did not have time to train anyone or wait a few days before leaving. The leave would be effective immediately.
What I needed to do had to be done right away.
He agreed, reluctantly, the way I knew he would. I’d worked hard for Shane; he knew more than almost anyone how much I deserved a break.
As soon as we disconnected the call, I called Fraser, my mother’s old assistant. Just as I’d predicted, he had the information I desired. In fact, it was almost as if he knew I’d be calling and was ready with it. I didn’t have time to dig into that. I had more important things to do.
The next call I made was to my assistant, Julie.
“I need you to book me a flight to Vancouver,” I said without preamble. “As soon as you can. One way. And schedule the cat sitter.”
Of course, she had questions, but like the good assistant she was, she got the job done efficiently and quickly. Twenty minutes later, I was home. Sheldon sat on my bed, watching me suspiciously as I pulled my suitcase out of the closet and started to pack. “I’m sorry, buddy,” I said to the cat. “I know you don’t like it when I leave, but the nice cat sitter will feed you and make sure your box is clean. She might even pet you if you let her and don’t hide under my bed the entire time I’m gone.”
Sheldon growled, but it turned to a purr as soon as I scratched his head.
I probably could have asked Trent to look in on him. After all, Trent was the only other human Sheldon tolerated, and maybe even liked a little. But that would mean I’d have to call Trent. And I couldn’t do that yet.
Not until I had answers.
I didn’t even know the questions yet, but I would. And when I had answers to those questions, then, if it wasn’t too late, I’d talk to Trent. And I couldn’t even begin to guess how that conversation would go.
The only thing I knew for sure was that I was forty-one years old and for almost my entire life, I’d lived by a set of rules that no longer made sense—if they ever had—and it was long past time for a change.
And the only way I knew to initiate that change was to find him.
My father.