Fraser sat with me for over an hour. He answered all of my questions. And more that I didn’t even know I had.
It was hard to reconcile the fact that my mother had been directly responsible for sending my father away. And even more difficult to believe that he could leave me. There was a lot to digest and process, but it felt better than I expected it would to finally know the truth. A peace settled over me when I finally got off the park bench and made my way back to the hotel I’d booked for the night.
Once I’d checked in, I took a long bubble bath, something that for the life of me I couldn’t remember ever doing. I closed my eyes and let my thoughts drift through everything that had happened over the last few weeks.
Trent. My mother. The paintings. Trent. My father. My own painting. Trent.
I felt bad that I hadn’t returned his calls or texts. Or told him I was leaving, or…well, I felt bad about it all. He didn’t deserve to be ghosted. Not that I was ghosting him. I wasn’t. But I didn’t know what to say. Or how to say it. And maybe leaving without a word was the chicken way out of…well, whatever it was that was happening between us, but it was the only way I knew how to deal with my feelings.
At the time.
Know better, do better.
Isn’t that how the saying went?
And now I knew…
Well, I sure as hell didn’t know better. But I knew more. And maybe that would have to be good enough.
I pulled myself from the now lukewarm water and wrapped myself in the fluffy white robe that hung on the wall. I felt better than I had in a very long time, as if the water that slowly spiraled down the drain took with it all my problems and stresses, leaving me cleansed of my past.
I almost laughed aloud at myself.
One bubble bath, and here I was turning into a completely different person. Darla would be very impressed with me that her woo-woo ways were finally rubbing off on me, even in the slightest way.
I settled myself into the fluffy bed and pulled out my phone.
I was done hiding.
From everything.
I pressed the buttons and a moment later, just the face I needed to see lit up the screen.
“Britt!” Jessie practically yelled into her phone. “Where the hell have you been? Everyone is worried sick. I even tried bribing Julie with…well, never mind. She’s unmovable, that assistant of yours. Seriously. She wouldn’t budge. Anyway…hold on. Let me get the other girls in here.”
“Wait, Jessie, I—”
Too late. A moment later, Sandy and Abby’s faces popped up on the screen as well. I was hoping to talk to each of them individually, but then again…when had we ever done anything separately?
“Where’s Darla?”
“Here I am.”
With all four of them staring back at me from my phone screen, I suddenly felt better about everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.
It’s true that you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends who become family. It was long past time I let my true family in.
“Okay,” Jessie said. “What’s going on, Brittany? Are you okay?”
Tears burned my eyes when I nodded. “I am. At least, I am now. And I think I’ll be a lot better soon.” I took a deep breath. “There’s a lot I’d like to tell you, girls, if that’s okay with you?”
Sandy smiled. “You know it is, Britt.”
“It’s always been okay,” Jessie said.
“We were waiting for you to be ready.” Abby nodded.
“Ready?”
“We know you better than anyone, Brittany.” It was Darla who answered. “And we’ve always known that there’s more to your workaholic tendencies than just the drive to succeed. But we didn’t want to push you because you needed to work it out for yourself.”
Confused, I looked at my friends’ faces in turn. “You mean, you’ve known all this time that my mother sent my father away and he died fifteen years ago?”
“Whoa.” Jessie held up a hand. “We did not know that.”
“No,” Abby said. “Shit, Brittany. I’m so sorry. We didn’t know that.”
“Then what did you know?”
Darla laughed softly. “Silly girl. We knew you were hurting and you didn’t even know it. We could all see it, even if you couldn’t.”
“And it was our job as your best friends just to love you,” Sandy said. “So that’s what we did.”
They’d definitely done that. And they’d done a damn good job of it, too.
The tears that had been threatening spilled down my cheeks in streams. For the first time in recent memory, I didn’t try to stop them or stifle them. I just let them come while I told them the whole story about my mother, my father, and how Fraser had filled in all the blanks for me. I told them everything, including the way I used to love to paint until my mom had taken my supplies away and shamed me for being like my father. I told them how I’d felt compelled to pick up the brush again, and how I’d been experimenting with paint once more. I saw the look of surprise on their faces with that acknowledgment. But no judgment. Not once.
They accepted my story and like the true friends they were, they all cried a little with me.
When I was finished, Sandy pressed her phone up against her chest. “That’s me hugging you,” she said when her face filled the screen again. “I wish I could give you a hug in person, Britt.”
“Me too,” Abby said. “Shit. That’s a lot, Brittany.”
“I’m sorry you didn’t feel you could talk about it with us before.” Jessie pressed her lips together. “But I’m glad you’re talking now.”
“It’s not you,” I said quickly, lest they feel it was something they’d done that had kept me quiet. “I didn’t talk about it at all. I don’t think I even let myself think about it very much,” I admitted. “I finally hit a point where I realized my mom was never going to be the mom I wanted, and my dad was gone, so I just kind of compartmentalized it all and threw myself into work.”
“It makes sense,” Darla said. “And for whatever it’s worth, your energy feels totally different now, even through the phone.”
“My energy?” I tried not to laugh at Darla’s hippie tendencies, especially because I agreed with her. I felt different, too.
“What about Trent?” It was Abby who asked. “What does he think about everything? Have you talked to him?”
“He’s been looking for you,” Jessie said.
“I know.” I nodded. “And the answer is…yes and no. I mean, I actually told him some things the other day. More than I’ve ever told anyone before…” I let the thought drift away. “But no. I didn’t tell him I was leaving town, and I haven’t spoken to him yet, and…”
“Why not?” Sandy asked.
“It doesn’t….we’re not…” I took a breath and looked down. “I’m scared,” I answered truthfully. I’d had enough of hiding things from my friends. Or myself. “I’m scared of how I feel about him.” Saying the words out loud wasn’t as terrifying as I thought, and when I looked up again, I was staring into four smiling faces. “What?”
“You like him,” Abby said.
“We knew that!” Jessie laughed.
“But she really likes him,” Sandy added. “Maybe like like.”
I groaned. “It’s not like that,” I admitted. “It was just sex. We were going for it. You know, same as Jessie and Abby did. I even told him about the pact, and he was totally good about it.” Better than good, I thought, but didn’t say as the image of some of our sexiest times flashed through my memory. “But it was just sex,” I said again. “That’s it.”
I was absolutely certain that all four of them would issue objections immediately. But to my surprise, all four of them were silent.
Abby raised her eyebrows. Sandy tried not to smile, and Darla stifled a giggle, but it was Jessie who finally said, “You said it yourself. It was just sex.” She paused. “But what is it now?”
Some might say what I did after leaving the Pines and getting clarity from Flo and Roy was crossing the line. And yes, others might say it was breaking and entering. But I didn’t care. There was only one thing I cared about when I bribed the cat sitter I spotted coming out of Brittany’s building with a thousand dollars, along with character references, and a small lie that Brittany wanted me to take care of Sheldon because the cat so obviously liked me, and no, she shouldn’t bother calling Ms. Donahue; she was very busy.
It wasn’t until I convinced the woman, who rather obviously was dressed in a sweatshirt with a cat head on it, to take me up to the condo so she could see for herself that Sheldon—who didn’t like anyone—really did like me.
Sure enough, Sheldon ran right to me, and the cat lady—convinced that I was legit and that most importantly, Sheldon would be well cared for—left me alone in Brittany’s apartment.
We were going to have to have a conversation about the security of a woman who carried a cat-shaped bag, but first things first.
Brittany.
I still had no idea where she’d gone or when she’d be back, but I didn’t care. I’d made my decision, and I’d wait as long as it took. I was fully prepared to order food and supplies for the next few months if that’s what I needed to do.
As it turned out, I only had to wait overnight. I was making coffee in Brittany’s white kitchen the next morning, Sheldon on the counter next to me eating from a can of tuna I’d found in the cupboard, when I heard the key in the door.
I froze. Sheldon’s ears pricked up.
Neither of us moved.
“Sheldon?” Brittany’s voice rang out. “Mommy’s home.”
Mommy?
It was cute. Unexpected, but very cute.
The cat looked toward the hallway and Brittany’s voice, up at me, and finally back to the can of tuna.
“Sheldon?” Her voice was flecked with concern, but it died on her lips when she walked around the corner. “Where are—”
“Hi.” I raised my hand in a wave and looked down at the cat, who was licking the now empty can. I shrugged. “Sorry.”
“What are you doing here?” Brittany moved closer.
She was dressed in what I was quickly coming to think of as her casual look. Black pants, a silky blouse, and a jacket. I wasn’t entirely sure she even owned jeans. Still, she looked gorgeous with her long blonde hair hanging down her back. My eyes locked in on her red lips. It had been far too long since I’d kissed them. Despite her polished appearance, Brittany looked tired, like maybe she’d been crying.
“And,” she continued as she took another step closer, “why is Sheldon on the counter?”
The cat looked up and meowed.
“And why is he eating tuna?”
“I thought it was what he ate,” I said lamely. “I didn’t realize he wasn’t allowed on the counter.” I looked down as the cat looked up at me. “You played me,” I said to him.
Sheldon meowed again as Brittany picked him up.
I was certain she was going to be pissed, but to my surprise, there was a small smile on her face. “You still didn’t answer my question.”
“I told you.” I held up my hands in surrender. “The cat played me. He really is a devious little shit.”
She laughed openly then. “No.” Her voice was muffled when she nuzzled her face into the cat’s fur before setting him down. On the floor. “Why are you here, Trent?”
Brittany stood in front of me, the question hanging between us. There were a million ways I could answer it, but only one I wanted to use. I took a breath and looked her straight in the eyes. “Because I’m in love with you.”
The words slipped from my tongue easily. As if I was always meant to say them.
She didn’t react, so I said it again. This time as I took a step closer to her and reached for her hand. “I’m in love with you, Brittany.” I spoke each word clearly, so there was no mistaking them. “I’m not sure when it happened, or how—only that it did. You are all I can think about. All I want to think about. I wake up with you on my mind and fall asleep to thoughts of you. I want to hear all your secrets. Everything you like and don’t like. Your fears, your dreams, and all of your favorite memories.”
With her hand in mine, I moved it so our fingers were entwined. With my free hand, I cupped her cheek and looked straight into her gorgeous blue eyes as I continued. “But mostly, I want to be with you, at your side while you make new memories. You can scratch and hiss, Brittany. But I’m going to hold you tight and love you, because I no longer know how not to.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and I waited.
Slowly, she nodded her head. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.” She nodded faster. “Because I’m in love with you, too.”
“You are?”
“Well, I’ve never felt like this before, and it’s making me all crazy inside.” She laughed as tears slipped from her eyes. “There’s so much that’s happened, so much that I know now about myself that I didn’t know before, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t fully processed any of it yet. But, I finally believe that I can have love, and not only that, I want it. And I deserve it.”
I used my thumb to wipe a tear away.
“I want it with you, Trent.”
“You have it, baby.” I pressed my lips to hers, tasting her salty tears in her kiss. “Even if I didn’t fully understand it myself, you’ve had my love from the very first moment I laid eyes on you. The rest of it, we’ll figure out.”
I kissed her again until I felt the tension slip from her body and she melted into me.
When she finally pulled away, her tears were dry but there was a question in her eyes. “What did you mean, I can scratch and hiss?”
“You’re my wild little kitten, obviously.” I laughed and kissed her forehead. “Now, come. Let me pet you.”