Emma Fischer
October 7, 1840
A gust of wind caught a cluster of maple leaves and lifted them up in a swirl of orange and red. Emma expected her son, Hansi, to take delight in the autumn colors, but instead he stopped and lifted his arms. At three, he was too heavy for her to carry for long, especially when she was just months away from delivering her second baby. She took his hand and kept walking, but he soon began to whine.
His face was flushed, and she let go of his hand to feel his forehead, under his curly hair. It was warm.
“Walk to the top of the hill,” she told him. “And then I’ll carry you home.”
They continued on the trail from her parents’ farm, where her father had a blacksmith shop. The bucket of apples Emma had picked knocked occasionally against her leg. She planned to make a cobbler to have with their supper.
Her husband, Asher, wouldn’t be home until late.
When Emma and Hansi reached the crest of the hill, he stopped and reached up for her again. She put down the bucket, hoisted him to her hip, pulling her apron to the side, and then reached down for the apples. A twinge raced across her stretched middle. She paused a moment, waiting for it to pass.
Ahead, their field of cut hay cured in the cool autumn air. It had been warm during the day, but at night, frost would appear. Beyond the field was their pasture with their cow, calf, two steers, and Emma’s horse. Her Dawdi had given her the cow, named Bossie, and her own mare, Red, when she married, plus a small flock of chickens. She was grateful for her grandfather’s generosity.
The hilly landscape of Somerset County had been Emma’s family’s home since her great-grandparents moved from Lancaster County fifty years ago for more farmland for their growing family. Now, Emma’s aunts, uncles, and cousins, along with others in their Plain community, populated the area.
She breathed in deeply while surveying the autumn landscape. She couldn’t imagine ever leaving. She’d been a sickly Boppli and Kind and was spoiled by her grandfather, according to her mother. Then she’d struggled with her nerves, something she’d been admonished about over and over. If she only trusted God more, she wouldn’t give in to the fears that seemed to plague her. At least that was what her mother told her.
For the most part, Asher had been understanding of her problems—until he began thinking he wanted to sell their little farm and move. Four men from their community had traveled west in the spring and were expected home soon. Asher could hardly wait to hear what they’d found.
Some in the area had already gone to Ohio over the last decade, but land there was now more expensive, and anyone wanting to leave Somerset County for better opportunities needed to move even farther west. The travelers had planned to go through Ohio, and then on to Indiana and Illinois. Emma shivered at the thought. The name Indiana meant Indian Country. What dangers might lurk there? She figured Illinois would be similar, but Asher said the Native people had mostly all left, going to Kansas, to a new land.
Emma couldn’t imagine any of it and didn’t want to try. She certainly didn’t want to experience it. She’d heard stories of raids and killings, and she wanted to stay as far away from anything like that as possible. She was safe in Pennsylvania with her little family, with her parents and brothers only a short walk away.
Her mother was a midwife, and Emma often worked as her assistant. While her mother was energetic, resourceful, and confident—as well as able to easily accept death as God’s will—Emma found herself anxious and soon overwhelmed when a birth went awry. Her mother would simply say, “The Lord’s will be done,” while Emma questioned if there was anything they could have done differently to save the baby and, once, the mother. She shivered at the thought even now, as she sweated from carrying Hansi. Mamm also stitched people up when they were injured, set broken bones, and treated people for all sorts of illnesses.
Emma’s brow puckered as she thought about the differences between her and Mamm. The main one, she determined, was that Mamm was strong and easily took charge, while Emma, as much as she tried not to be, was fearful and wanted others to make decisions.
Still, she enjoyed assisting her mother with births the majority of the time. Caring for a mother and witnessing a baby come into the world brought her immense joy. There was nothing as incredible in all the world.
The trail narrowed and became rocky. Emma chose her steps carefully as she carried Hansi along the pasture. The cow bellowed, and the calf, who was in the weaning pen, called back to her. Emma would need to milk the cow once she had the cobbler baking.
Hansi rested his head on her shoulder, his curls pressed against her face, and by the time they reached their whitewashed clapboard house, he’d fallen asleep. She made her way into the big bedroom, rolled Hansi onto her bed, and covered him with a comforter.
Then, she stirred the hot coals in the cooker, stoked the fire, peeled the apples, mixed the flour, butter, cream, and sugar, assembled the cobbler in the Dutch oven, and placed it in the oven.
After she’d put the leftover sausage and cabbage from their noon meal on to heat next to the pot of bone broth, she checked on Hansi. He was still asleep. She considered waking him, because if she didn’t, he might be up late into the night. Then again, perhaps he was falling ill and needed the extra rest.
Leaving him, she went out and herded Bossie into the barn and milked her. When she returned with the pail of milk, Hansi called out to her.
“Mamm!”
She put the pail on the kitchen table and rushed into the bedroom.
He sat in the middle of the room, on the floor, his face beet red and his eyes cloudy. She felt his forehead again. Before, he’d been warm, but now he was burning.
Emma took off Hansi’s coat and then grabbed a cloth and the bucket of water from the kitchen. She carried him to her bed again and sat beside him, dipping the cloth in the water and running it over his forehead, pushing back his curls. She couldn’t carry Hansi all the way to her parents, and she didn’t want to leave him alone. If he grew worse, she’d try to ride Red while holding him.
She pulled the boy onto what little lap she had left as she pressed the cloth to the back of his neck. “Your Dat will be home soon,” Emma said. “I’ll send him for Mammi.” Her mother would know what to do.
BY THE TIME Asher came through the back door, bringing a cold blast of air with him, the sun had set and darkness had fallen. His face was streaked with dirt, his sandy hair pushed back on his head, and his hazel eyes were tired.
Emma met him in the kitchen, asking him to go get her mother.
“Should we take Hansi to her?” Asher asked. “That would be faster.”
Emma shook her head. “He’s running a fever. I don’t want him out in the cold.” She lit the lantern and handed it to Asher. He headed out into the frosty cold, the lantern swinging as he strode down the porch steps.
It seemed to take forever until they returned. Emma mopped Hansi’s forehead again. He complained of a sore throat, and his voice grew hoarse. After a while, he dozed in Emma’s arms. Finally, Emma heard the back door bang and then Mamm came into the bedroom, followed by Asher and then Emma’s younger brother, Isaac. At fourteen, he was as quiet and earnest as his Adam’s apple that bobbed up and down every time he swallowed or spoke. Besides her grandfather, Emma was closest to Isaac out of all of her family members.
As Mamm stepped to the side of the bed, Asher said, “Joseph and Daniel Miller have returned. And Joseph Speicher and Nathan Smeily too. That’s the word at your Dat’s shop. There’s to be a meeting tomorrow evening so they can tell us what they’ve found.” Excitement had replaced his tiredness.
Emma didn’t respond. She was glad the four men were safe, but moving west was the last thing she wanted to think about at the moment.
“Go get your supper,” Mamm said to Asher. “And you too, Isaac, while I take a look at Hansi.”
Emma appreciated her mother’s intervention. Mamm sat down beside Emma and ran her fingers through Hansi’s curls, massaging his head. “Mammi’s here,” she said. “Can you wake up for me?”
He stirred and opened his eyes.
“How are you feeling?” Mamm asked.
He touched his throat. “It hurts.”
Mamm felt his forehead and then touched around his neck. “It’s swollen,” she said. “Has he eaten?”
Emma shook her head. “I’ll get him some broth.”
“And get him a cup of water.”
Emma headed into the kitchen, where Isaac and Asher sat at the table, eating their meal. Asher looked up when he saw her. “Will you come to the meeting with me tomorrow?”
“Let’s see how Hansi is.” Lately, she felt as if she was constantly balancing Asher’s dreams and desires with the reality of their everyday lives.
“Surely it’s just a cold, don’t you think? It seems as if the boy is sick all the time.”
That wasn’t true. He had colds and stomachaches from time to time, but she didn’t think any more so than other children.
Emma pointed to the cobbler. “Help yourselves when you’re ready.”
She dished up the broth from the pot on the back of the cooker, poured water from the pitcher into a cup, and headed back to the bedroom.
Mamm hummed to Hansi, who was now completely awake.
As Emma spooned broth into his mouth, she asked her mother, “Do you plan to go to the meeting tomorrow?”
Her mother nodded. “Jah, I want to go, but your father isn’t as enthusiastic.”
“Do you want to go west?”
“Jah,” she said. “But the duty of a fraw is to trust her mann.”
When Emma didn’t answer, her mother added, “The Lord leads your father, and I follow. That’s my duty. Whether it means staying or going.”
Emma knew it was hers too. But that didn’t mean she wanted to go. And the truth was, Mamm made a lot of the decisions in the family. In fact, she could talk all she wanted about duty, but it seemed she usually got her way.
Hansi shook his head when Emma offered him another spoonful. She put the bowl on the bureau and then said, “This is our home. I have a bad feeling about leaving.”
“It’s because you’ll be delivering soon,” her mother replied. “Of course you don’t want to leave. Not when you have a baby on the way.”
Emma held the cup for Hansi, and he took a long drink.
“And when you have an ill little one too,” Mamm added. “But I think Hansi won’t be ill long. Jah, he has a sore throat and a fever, but hopefully he’ll be on the mend soon.” She dug in her bag, pulling out a cloth. “I’ll make a poultice for him.”
When she reached the door, she turned and said to Emma, “I’ll stay with Hansi tomorrow evening so you can go to the meeting with Asher. Perhaps if you hear the stories of the travelers firsthand, you’ll feel better about moving west.”
DURING THE NIGHT, Hansi’s fever broke, and he seemed to be getting better. Mamm had left another poultice, and Emma applied it early in the morning. After Asher milked the cow, Emma fixed breakfast while he talked again about the meeting. “Will you go with me?”
“Jah,” Emma said. “Mamm said she would sit with Hansi.”
“I’ve heard the land is vast and fertile.” Under the light from the lamp, his eyes shone with excitement. “I’m sure they have much to tell us.”
Emma’s stomach roiled. When they first married, he seemed to only think about their farm and the improvements he could make. Now he seemed to be overcome with thoughts about moving west.
But he was a hard worker, and no doubt if they did go west, he would be successful. After he finished eating, Asher left to help the Millers with their hay. No doubt Joseph would be working too and filling Asher’s head with more ideas, long before the meeting tonight.
She went on with her day. Weeding. Cooking. Tending to Hansi. Late in the afternoon, when he awoke from his nap, he was running a fever again. Emma placed a cool cloth on his forehead and continued fixing supper. Then she put on her newest dress, one she’d sewn a few months before.
Asher arrived before Mamm and washed up before they ate. After they’d finished their meal, he began to pace as Emma washed the dishes. “Perhaps she’s at a birth,” he said.
“She would have sent Isaac to tell us,” Emma said. “But if you’re worried about being late for the meeting, go without me.” She thought he might, but just then Mamm arrived. As soon as she came through the door, she shooed them out. “Isaac will be along shortly so he can walk me home,” she said. “Remember every detail of what is said so you can tell me, in case your father forgets.”
The meeting was held in Joseph Miller’s home, and a crowd had already gathered by the time Emma and Asher arrived. Her father and her older brother, Phillip, were sitting at the front of the living room and motioned for Emma and Asher to join them. Only a few other women were there, and Emma wished she hadn’t come. But on the other hand, she was touched that Asher had wanted her there. Perhaps he valued her opinion more than she thought.
Joseph Miller, who was a preacher, strode up to the front of the room, followed by his brother, Daniel, and then Joseph Speicher and Nathan Smeily. All four men were thin and had a threadbare look about them. They needed haircuts and a month of good meals in their bellies.
Daniel did most of the talking, explaining that once they’d arrived in Pittsburgh, they took a river steamer to Cairo, Illinois. “That’s where the Ohio River joins the Mississippi,” he explained. “From there, we traveled upstream on the Mississippi River to Burlington, Iowa.” He said that they’d scouted sites for farms and homes and then traveled northwest on foot to Iowa City, through the town of Des Moines, and on to Johnson County, for a total of a hundred miles. “The land is flatter than here but fertile. There’s plenty of water and opportunities.”
Iowa. Emma hadn’t guessed they would go that far.
“We liked what we saw,” Daniel said, “but we decided to go overland on our way home and see more of the country. We passed through Chicago, a small frontier town in Illinois, and then we crossed the southern tip of Lake Michigan by boat and reached the Saint Joseph River. Once we left the river, we traveled by foot to Goshen, Indiana, in Elkhart County.”
“We saw acres and acres of open land,” Nathan chimed in. “Of all the places we saw, we were the most impressed with Elkhart County.”
Asher seemed as if he could hardly contain himself as he asked, “Will the four of you return with your families?”
Daniel glanced at his brother. Joseph shrugged and said, “We need to spend time in prayer before we make a decision.”
Joseph Speicher and Nathan Smeily nodded in agreement. Other men raised questions about crops and water and the height of the grass. Finally, Asher asked if they saw any Native people.
“No,” Daniel said. “We were told there’s a tribe left in Michigan, but most traveled to Kansas a few years ago, and some on to the Indian Territory west of there.”
Emma wondered, if the land was so fertile, why they had left. Perhaps they didn’t want to be around the new settlers. Perhaps the Native men had chosen to go farther west, just as Asher wanted to, taking the women with them. Emma wondered if the women had been as apprehensive and hesitant as she felt now.
Mamm told her once that nothing ever stayed the same, but Emma had a hard time believing her. Life in Somerset County had been the same for her great-grandparents, grandparents, and parents. All she wanted was for it to be the same for her too.