A CHOICE
I DIDN’T MISS TILDIE ALL THAT MUCH, but Jik and Jin were fun, and I was sorry to see them go. I asked Mom-Woo if we were going to quit too. She said no. Morra and Irm and Bhetto wouldn’t let us. And that made Mom-Lu and Mom-Trey laugh.
Mom-Woo explained, “When we move over to Linnea, they get all the money and property we leave behind. They can hardly wait to see us go. But they have to go through the training with us; that’s part of the contract.”
“In case they change their minds and decide to come with?”
“That’s not likely, but yes, in case they change their minds.”
“I’m still going to miss Jik and Jin.”
“I’ll miss them too, sweetheart. But they might not be out of the program yet. They might transfer to another dome and start training for one of the barren worlds. Or they might come back here. They have a threemonth cooling off period to recommit to their agreements. The Authority doesn’t lock people out; they either choose to be here or not.”
“Does that mean Tildie and the gargoyles might come back too?”
“I don’t think so. They were having a lot of other problems fitting in. Tildie’s little adventure was a convenient excuse for them to quit and be righteous about it. But it wasn’t any secret among the parents that the Administration was thinking of dropping them from the program. That’s why they accused Jaxin of hurting Tildie. So they could quit and not be penalized. They forgot that the Administration has cameras everywhere. That’s why we don’t speak English even here in our private quarters. We have to think like Linneans, just like Administor Moffin said. And that means we have to live like Linneans everywhere.” Mom-Woo pulled the covers up to my chin. “Now get some sleep and tomorrow we’ll talk about sewing you a new kilt.”
But just because we said it, that didn’t mean we could do it as easily. After Tildie’s family and the others left, things felt different—like maybe the Gate Authority wasn’t as much on our side as we’d thought. And I got the feeling that some of the parents resented the scouts now. Nobody said anything, but I saw people exchanging looks or lowering their eyes or just not raising their hands in Meeting anymore.
It bothered me, because Tildie’s family had made its own choice. In fact, Administor Moffin made a big speech, saying the same things Mom-Woo had said, about how all of us would select ourselves in or out by our commitment. Nobody did it to us, we did it ourselves, so we had no one to blame for our mistakes. We had all agreed to the Covenant with the Mother Linnea when we entered the dome, so we had no right to complain when they asked us to keep our agreement. It made sense when Administor Moffin explained it that way, but it still annoyed a lot of folks, because so many of the agreements seemed so silly. But they only seemed silly if you looked at them with an Earth-mind. If you looked at them with a Linnean-mind, they didn’t seem silly at all.
And Jaxin told us kids the same thing. We’d see the importance of our lessons once we got over to the other side—if we got over at all. The incident with Tildie’s family had caused the Training Board to reevaluate large parts of the program. Originally the idea was to train us as rigorously as the scouts, but if families couldn’t handle the training, then perhaps it was a mistake to send families over. But they didn’t dare reduce the level of the training either.
Finally, about two weeks later, the Training Board held a special meeting about it. Administor Moffin presided. He didn’t look any friendlier than before. I’d heard he had a lot on his mind. Some kind of incident had occurred on the other side, but nobody would tell us what had happened. Anyway, he rang his bell and started talking almost immediately.
“We cannot reduce the level of your training. We cannot. We will not risk your lives, nor will we risk the lives of any of our scouts. The Gate Authority has a contingency plan and they’ve authorized me to present it to you. You have a choice. Any family here can abandon participation in this program, without penalty, and we will transfer you to a different program, a different gate going to one of the uninhabited worlds—or you can recommit to a higher standard.”
“What do you mean by a higher standard?” That was Da-Lorrin.
“For one thing, we may have to lengthen your time in training. For another, we may not let as many of you pass through Callo City on Linnea as we had planned. Some of you will have to head directly west instead. We intend to reevaluate everything for its appropriateness to the long-range plan. And no—” he added, “this has nothing to do with the Cretonne family. Some of you may have heard that they’ve filed a lawsuit. We expect the court will dismiss the suit, as it has done with similar suits in the past. In the meantime, we have to protect all of our people on Linnea, and all of you who want to cross over. So spend some time among yourselves, talking it over. Talk to our scouts, ask them what they think. We’ll talk again next week.”
Walking up the slope back to our cabins, Gampa said, “A cold splash of water really wakes you up, doesn’t it?” Rinky and I started a fire and Gamma put up water for tea. The family settled around the big table and Mom-Lu started slicing bread and put out a plate of fresh-churned boffili butter. We hadn’t earned enough points for jelly yet.
Morra and Bhetto and Irm sat quietly at their end of the table, not speaking, but looking very grim. So finally, Mom-Lu said, “For God’s sake, Irm, spit it out before it poisons you.”
“We can’t quit,” said Irm.
“Of course not,” said Parra. “You’ve already made plans for our money.”
“No. Uh—no—” said Irm, struggling hard to find the right words in Linnean. “We can’t quit because...because—oh, shit.” Irm couldn’t find the right words and shifted to English. It sounded strange to hear English words again. “We can’t quit because this is the best thing this family has ever done. Look at the children, they’re happier than I’ve ever seen them. For God’s sake, they have roses in their cheeks like real kids should! And look at yourselves, you all smile and laugh and joke like you’re having the time of your lives! Yes, it’s hard work—but so what? It’s the kind of work that makes us happy to get up in the morning and get started. I don’t want to quit because I’m having too much fun—a lot more fun than I ever had on Earth. And so are the rest of you!”
For a moment, everybody just stared at Irm. Even Morra and Bhetto looked shocked. And then Mom-Lu wiped her eyes with her hankie and Mom-Woo started laughing quietly. And Da-Lorrin walked over to Irm and offered his hand. And then everybody was hugging and crying all at the same time.
After a bit, Irm said, “When we got here, during those first few weeks at the beginning, I saw what you were all going through, the way you looked at Morra and Bhetto and me. How you all kept grimly pushing on, just so you wouldn’t have to listen to us say, ‘I told you so.’ I’ll tell you, that hurt. We felt like outsiders. We felt like ... like you didn’t believe our commitment to the success of this family. So we pushed ourselves harder than any of you. I don’t think you noticed, but we didn’t want you going over with any thoughts that Morra and Bhetto and I didn’t fully support you, because we do. We’ve talked about this a lot, looking for ways to make up for our bad beginning. But I guess that was just something we had to do so we could get here.” Auncle Irm said, “I know I won’t fit in over there. Just look at me. That’s why I was afraid of this. I didn’t want to be abandoned. I didn’t want to lose you. Because I love you all. I guess I need to say that more. But in the last two weeks, well ... it feels like all the joy around here has died. And we’ve all had our noses rubbed in it, what it looks like when a dream is abandoned. And I don’t like it any more than any of you do. I don’t like seeing my family this way. I love you too much. We’re not quitters. We’re not failures. No thanks. As far as we’re concerned—Morra and Bhetto and I—tomorrow, we all go back down the hill and sign this family up for whatever training it takes. This family doesn’t quit.”
And then there was a whole bunch more hugging and laughing. Gampa clapped Irm on the back and Rinky ran over to smother all of them with kisses, and Cindy and Parra apologized for everything they had thought. And for a while, it felt like the old times again. We knew it wouldn’t last—the job had suddenly gotten a lot harder—but somehow in that moment, we all knew that we would handle whatever came our way.