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Gavin made an early exit from the family Thanksgiving festivities, armed with enough leftovers to last for a month. It was a gorgeous day, unseasonably warm, and a hike at Red Rocks Canyon was just the ticket to clear his head. As he tucked a few essentials into a backpack, the thought occurred that Haley might want to join him with Bo.
By all accounts, she’d had limited success getting Bo to behave on a leash, and Gavin knew Daisy’s presence would likely result in better behavior. So he was willing to sacrifice his precious time alone with nature in order to help her out.
Or... I’m a sucker for punishment who will use any excuse to spend time with Haley.
He called her cell number, and she picked up on the first ring.
“Gavin?” Her voice sounded hoarse, like she’d been sleeping. Perhaps he’d woken her from a nap.
“Uhmm.... Sorry to bother you on a holiday, Haley. I was headed up to Red Rocks for a hike with Daisy and... I thought maybe... you might want to come and bring Bo.”
Cripes! I’m sweating like a high school kid asking a girl to the prom.
“Just a hike?”
He heard the hesitancy in her voice. She probably thought he was asking her on a date.
“Just a hike. You know, two friends hiking with their dogs.”
“Friends,” she repeated, sniffing.
“Are you sick?”
“No, I... have some allergies, I guess.”
“I understand. You don’t have to go.”
“No, I want to go.”
“You do?”
“Just friends, right?”
Gavin had a sour taste in his mouth as he confirmed his answer once more time.
“Just friends.”
**********
“THANKS FOR INVITING me to come... I really needed this.”
After hiking the Trading Post Trail, Gavin had suggested climbing the three hundred eighty steps to the top of the amphitheater, and Haley had readily accepted. Now, sitting on the top row, with two exhausted Basset Hounds sprawled at their feet, they enjoyed the view with the last of the sun’s rays. And the vigorous exercise had served its purpose, helping her forget the worry looming over her.
“I always feel so peaceful up here,” Gavin said, leaning back on his elbows. “I feel like God created all this beauty just for me. Even in the winter, when the plants die, it’s still beautiful. And you can count on spring to come with all the flowers blooming, and some of the prettiest ones grow right out of the middle of a rock. It lets you know God can make something beautiful come out of the toughest circumstances.”
A knot formed in Haley’s stomach, and she squeezed her eyes shut, knowing she was on the verge of falling apart.
“Haley? Are you okay?” Gavin sounded so concerned it broke her heart.
She nodded, trying to slow her breathing. It was too much. She wasn’t ready to think about the future. She wasn’t ready to trust God no matter what happened. The only good thing about the possibility that the cancer had returned was that she no longer debated telling Gavin the truth. What would be the purpose now? To use him as an emotional crutch, knowing her life expectancy was minimal? No... now more than ever, she knew she’d made the right decision when she shielded him from the truth.
She tightened her fists until her fingernails bit into the palms of her hands, using the pain to focus. It was a trick she’d employed when she was fighting the nausea from the chemotherapy, and it worked to calm her nerves.
“Sorry.” She blinked her eyes rapidly to keep tears from spilling out. “There’s a lot of stuff going on in my life. I’m a little stressed.”
“Can I do anything to help?”
“This...” She swept her hand in front of her, indicating the view. “This helps. A lot.” As they fell quiet, she heard a raucous noise from the ground at her feet. “Good grief! Is that Daisy snoring?”
Gavin laughed. “Yeah, she’s pretty loud, especially when she’s tired. I’ve kind of gotten used to it.”
The sound echoed down the amphitheater steps, and Haley giggled.
Gavin sat forward, his elbows on his knees. “Do you ever think about that time we were up here three years ago?” He paused, chewing on his lip, his eyes averted. “About our first kiss?”
Alarms went off in her head. What am I going to say? I need to stop this before it gets sticky.
“I guess... maybe...”
“Can I ask you a question, Haley?”
“I’m not promising I’ll answer,” she said warily.
“I only want to know one thing... Was it real for you? Any of it? Did you feel anything for me at all? Or did you fake the whole relationship?”
She winced at his bitter tone, but she deserved it.
“Gavin, I promised myself I wouldn’t lie to you. And I also promised myself I wouldn’t ever hurt you again. I don’t know how I can answer your questions and keep both of those promises.”
“If you ever cared for me... if you have any respect for me at all... you’ll answer the question. I’m a grown man. It hurts, no matter what. I’d rather be hurt by the truth.”
“Fine! You want the truth? Here it is...” Rising to her feet, she jerked Bo awake with the leash. “It was real, okay? All of it!”
She stomped down the steps, using her anger to keep her tears at bay. But she wasn’t getting away so easy. Gavin was hot on her heels.
“Then why? Why did you break up? Why throw it away? Was it your mother? Did she tell you to break up with me? Are you letting her control your life?”
“It’s none of your business! It was my decision!” Another couple scurried out of their path, wide-eyed at their very vocal disagreement.
“It wasn’t your decision to make!” he shouted. “You can’t make a unilateral decision about our lives!”
She stopped, turning to glare at him, her fisted hands at her sides. “Who says I can’t? Huh?” Feeding on her fury, she didn’t care that every soul in the amphitheater had stopped to observe—that their voices carried across the entire stadium in the perfect acoustics.
With dark rage shining from his coal black eyes, he stepped down to her level. His hand came up and snaked behind her neck, pulling her face to his.
A fog swirled inside her mind as her breath caught in her throat. He’s going to kiss me!
But he stopped, with his lips only millimeters away—so close she could feel their heat—teasing... taunting... making her beg...
No. I have my pride. I can resist. But I don’t want to resist. Please, kiss me.
She closed the gap, hungry for him, wanting to sample his lips again.
Then his mouth was on hers—possessing her, staking a claim. She didn’t care. Her lips belonged to him, as did her heart, ruined for anyone else. No other could satisfy. She answered him with an equally hungry kiss, forgetting everything but the moment. Still holding the leash, her free hand slid up to his chest, resting on the hard planes once so familiar to her fingertips.
Their lips danced together, as her pulse sped to a perilous pace, and she wondered if she were having a heart attack. The moan that emerged from her throat was answered by a low growl from his. Lost in the moment, she clung to him, savoring his taste, leaning into him, seeking the warmth and safety of his arms.
Until a deafening bark brought her back to reality.
“Hush Daisy!” Gavin scolded.
With a gasp, Haley pulled away, hiding her face behind her hand. But Gavin’s expression was anything but embarrassed as he sported an unapologetically smug smile, disregarding the stares and whoops of laughter from their audience.
**********
AWKWARD DIDN’T BEGIN to describe the ride home from Red Rocks Park. Gavin made a few ineffective attempts at small talk, even using her brother as a commonality. But Haley said nothing. Not a single word. Perhaps she couldn’t speak because she was so busy chewing her fingernails. He gave up and let silence reign for the rest of the short drive.
Arriving at Gammy’s house, Haley hopped out of the car before he’d even put the car in park. He dashed around the car, grabbing her wrist as she attempted to retrieve Bo from the back seat.
“Haley, we need to talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. Because that...” She pointed up toward Red Rocks. “Will never happen again.”
“Why, Haley? Why are you denying this thing between us? It wasn’t just me kissing you—you kissed me back. Why can’t you admit we still love each other? I know you felt it, too. Nothing has changed. We even planned our children together. Have you forgotten?”
She looked up with moisture shining in her eyes. “Everything has changed, Gavin. I’ve changed. You think you love me, but you don’t even know me anymore. That wasn’t love—that was physical. Love is commitment, and I can’t commit to you.”
Gavin felt like someone kicked him in the chest.
“You can’t commit? Or you won’t commit?”
“Gavin, it doesn’t matter. Either way, I...” She turned her face away. “I don’t love you.”
“I don’t believe you,” Gavin cried, swiping angrily at the tears on his face. “Say it again! Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me!”
“This is stupid, Gavin. I’m not playing games with you. Monday morning, I’m requesting a transfer to another division.”
Hauling Bojangles out of the car, Haley stomped toward the door of Gammy’s house, every harsh step crushing his raw and tender heart. And Gavin knew, this time it would never beat again.