Chapter Thirty-Eight

To Samantha’s sadness, Raven didn’t ask her to join him in the cottage. He withdrew his arms. “I know the woman you’ve become, but tell me about the girl.”

“Do you have time to listen?”

“I will make time because you are important to me, Samantha. I meet with the cartel investors in one hour.”

“I lost my mother when I was eight years old, and Brandon turned seventeen. My father was handsome and kind. Mama was beautiful and loving. Most of all, my brother was patient with his freckled redheaded sister. Every morning Papa came down to breakfast, he gave Mama a peck and almost sang out a greeting.”

Raven’s hand on hers comforted her.

“He would call her the Light of his Life. Thus it occurred for every morning as long as I can remember. He would give me a kiss on the head, caress my cheek with his hand and take his place at the head of the table. Brandon would get a nod and a Good morning, Son.”

“How fortunate he was to have so much love surround him.”

“Mama loved my father, and he adored her. Their affection for each other shone in their eyes. She loved me, too, and demonstrated it in many ways.”

“Such as?” he moved, plucked a blade of grass, and massaged it into his hands before he dropped it to the ground.

Samantha gave him an inquisitive look. He seemed mesmerized by her tale.

“The nanny would come and fetch me for my lessons, and it became the same schedule almost every day. Papa liked to surprise me with presents. One day he bought me a custom made porcelain doll with red hair, like mine, which he found in a fancy store in London. I adored her and it went with me everywhere.”

“Red haired doll, too. That’s most unusual. Go on.” Raven chuckled.

Samantha blinked a moment, took a deep breath, and then opened her eyes to engage his. “Then one day, Mama didn’t appear at the breakfast table, nor did Papa. I remember the stark silence of nanny and our tutors, and the looks that passed between the adults when they hovered over us. I saw the tears on my nanny’s face trickle down her cheeks and knew something had gone wrong.”

Samantha gazed away in recollection, and spoke in a whisper. “My father came into the room and asked the adults to be seated. His expression appeared so sad.” She cast her attention beyond Raven’s shoulder so he wouldn’t see her tears. “Papa came to me, took me in his arms, and placed one hand on Brandon’s shoulder. I asked about Mama. He told us the angels took her away, and now she slept with them. He said her horse threw her. She died of a broken neck and didn’t suffer. I cried pitifully. Tears filled his eyes, and Papa cried out, ‘I have lost the love of my life.’”

Samantha’s eyes brimmed. “He was inconsolable and I, being too young to understand, didn’t know how to fill his void. I tried to be the Light of His Life and to make him laugh again, but it wasn’t the same for him.”

Samantha noted he looked at his watch. “Raven, you will be late for your duties. I will finish the story later when we are alone. I will seek you out,” she whispered. “Or perhaps you will look for me?”

“I can’t believe how much time has passed. Let’s gather the horses and walk toward the gazebo.” The structure was white and filigreed. There was a metal post where they tethered the horses. He ushered her up the steps. They sat together on one of the benches. “He said, “By the way, your horse’s name is Bounty. Tell me the rest,” said Raven.

She continued her tale. “The funeral was horrific. Country services are different than in the city where only men attended an evening service. People I didn’t know filled the church. I looked at the draped casket, and it was then I realized she would not come back. There would be no more Mama to brush my hair, no sweet songs sung, and no tender kisses. I cried out for her. My other aunt hushed me and said I must be brave.”

Raven handed her his handkerchief. “I didn’t mean to bring distress to you. You don’t have to go on.”

“But I do, Raven. I haven’t told anyone about this, not even Aunt Min. I need closure, so you can better understand my rebellious nature and why I am so strong willed.” Samantha took a deep breath. “I know what it is to lose a mother and father as a young girl. Surely, it’s a part of the reason why I founded the Winston School for Ladies. Most of them are orphans, too. I know what it is to be alone.”

Samantha dabbed at her eyes with Raven’s initialed linen cloth. “When we arrived home, I was angry because my mama went to the angels without me. I went to my room, took my favorite doll and smashed its head into pieces. My nanny came in and seemed to understand. She picked them up and placed them in a box. I screamed at her I never wanted to see the doll again as I vowed never to love anything or anyone, except for Papa and Brandon. It hurt too much. In particular, I hated the angels who took Mama away from me. I feared they would also take me.” She sniffled.

“Growing up, Papa spoiled me with his affection. Three years later, he died from a heart attack.” She couldn’t control the sobs. “I was nobody’s little girl anymore.”

Raven crushed her in his arms, held her tightly and rained kisses on her forehead. “Shush. No more. I can’t bear your tears.”

But she couldn’t stop. “Another funeral was held, and then Brandon became the Earl of Medford at age twenty.”

“Samantha, you are a marvel of a woman to have come through all that sadness and tragedy without your soul scarred forever. Now I understand your motives and your rebellious nature.”

“Raven, I just want you to know who I used to be, and who I am now, no matter what happens with us in the future. Maybe one day I can be the Light of Someone’s Life. It would make me happy to release my demons and learn to love a decent and noble man and become his life love. Yes.” Her eyes snapped to his in an unspoken plea. “Perhaps someone like you?”

He took her face to him and searched it. She accepted a most tender kiss from him. Neither sensual nor sexual, but it stunned her with its sweet concern.

“I care too much about you, dear Samantha. You are not only a wanton, but you are a woman who has experienced many rites of passage. It’s my hope last night sealed us together. Please, my brave lady of the carriage, have faith in me.”

She encircled her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. “I do,” she said. “Raven, you are a good and noble man. Please trust me, too.”

He nodded and tilted her face to him; his lips kissed the furtive tear under her eye and dried it away. “Samantha, let’s make up our minds to be gay tonight and enjoy the ball and all it has to offer each other.”

She nodded. They rose to mount their horses and galloped back to the manor house. Samantha loved his sensual kisses, but the sweet kiss he just bestowed showed her he cared. It was what she needed to soothe her doubts. It sent a strong, tender message he might come to love her one day after all. Her carefully constructed walls fell completely with that one kiss like the walls at Jericho.