The most obvious and visible effect of letting go of negative feelings is a resumption of emotional and psychological growth and the solving of problems, which often have been long-standing. There is pleasure and satisfaction as we begin to experience the powerful effects of eliminating the blocks to achievement and satisfaction in life. We soon discover that the limiting thoughts and negative beliefs, which we had naively held to be true, were all merely the result of accumulated negative feelings. When the feeling is let go, then, the thought pattern changes from “I can’t” to “I can” and to “I’m happy to do it.” Entire areas of life can open up. What used to be awkward or unexpressed can become effortless and joyously alive.
Illustrative of this progression is the experience of an intelligent, successful, middle-aged, professional man who all his life had been unable to dance. He wanted to dance in the worst way, and several times during his life had attended dancing classes. But each time, he found himself to be stiff, awkward, and self-conscious. By sheer willpower, he did manage at times to go through the motions on the dance floor, but never enjoyed it and always felt ill at ease. His movements felt stiff and calculated, and the whole experience was lacking in satisfaction, doing nothing for his self-esteem.
After about a year of working with the mechanism of surrender, he was at a party with someone who kept insisting that he get up and dance. “You know I can’t dance,” he said. “Ah, come on and try it,” she entreated. She persisted and said, “Forget about your feet. Just watch me and do what my body does.” Reluctantly, he agreed, and he kept letting go of his feelings of resistance and anxiety.
On the dance floor he let go completely. In an instant, his inner feelings ascended the scale from apathy to love and, to his amazement, he suddenly began to dance like he had always dreamed of and envied! The realization of “I can do it!” hit him, and he went from love, to joy, and even to ecstasy. His delight radiated to everyone. Friends stopped to watch. From a state of high joy, he suddenly went into the experience of oneness with his dance partner. He suddenly saw his own Self looking out of her eyes and realized that there was actually only one Self behind all the individual selves. He and she became telepathically connected. He knew her every step a split second before she took it. They were in perfect harmony and danced as though they had practiced and danced together for years. He could hardly contain his joy. The dancing became effortless and began to happen of its own, without any conscious thought on his part. The longer they danced, the more energy he felt.
It was a peak experience that was to change this man’s life. He went home that night and danced some more. Free-style disco dancing had always terrified him more than any other because there was no form to be memorized. It necessitated spontaneity and a free feeling, which is just what he had specifically been unable to experience previously. At home he turned on the disco music and began to dance for hours. He watched himself in the mirror, fascinated by the body’s surrender and the inner feeling of freedom.
All of a sudden, he remembered a previous lifetime in vivid detail. He had been a great dancer in that lifetime, and now he began to remember the specific instructions that had been given to him by his teachers in that lifetime. When he followed their instructions, the results were amazing! He discovered that there was a vertical gravitational center of balance within himself, and he began to rotate about it in perfect balance. The movement was effortless, and he became merely the witness of the dancing. It was no longer any feeling of “I.” There was just the joy and the dancing itself. Now he instantly understood the very basis of the Sufi dancing of the whirling dervishes. Their ability to whirl and spin without dizziness or fatigue—that certain state of consciousness—ensued from the surrendering of the individual self.
The breakthrough that this man experienced on the dance floor then transferred itself to many other previously blocked areas of his life. Where there had been limitation, now there was rapid expansion. These changes were very obvious to his friends and family, whose positive feedback increased his self-esteem and his desire to keep letting go of the negative feelings and thoughts that had blocked the experience of joy in life.
This experience has been cited in some detail for a number of reasons. It illustrates the scale of consciousness that we presented in a previous chapter. For fifty years, this man had been at the lowest end of the scale in this area of his life, with the accompanying belief, “I can’t.” The inhibition decreased his self-esteem and resulted in avoidance. For years, he managed to avoid social affairs where there would be dancing. He was angry at himself for his inhibition, and he would feel angry when anyone tried to get him to dance. In a matter of seconds and minutes, he experienced every emotion of the whole scale and went all the way to the top. At that point, there was the emergence of a higher consciousness with sudden spiritual awareness of a very high order. With higher consciousness came understanding and the release of psychic ability (telepathic communication, synchronicity, and past life recall). As a result, his life showed a behavioral change, and its momentum removed an endless series of blocks and limitations. There was a positive social response, and the positive feedback reinforced the growth motivation that was already in progress.
The rate of emotional growth reported by those who use the mechanism of surrender is related to the consistency with which they surrender their negative feelings, and there is no relationship to age. People have ranged in age from the teens to the eighties with equal benefit.
Repressed and suppressed feelings require counter-energy to keep them submerged. It takes energy to hold down our feelings. As these feelings are relinquished, the energy that had been holding down the negativity is now freed for constructive uses. Consequent to letting go, there is an increase in available energy for creativity, growth, work, and interpersonal relationships. The quality and enjoyment of these activities increase. Most people are too exhausted to bring a really high quality into their experiences unless the negative programs opposing them have been resolved.
The effectiveness of the letting go mechanism in problem solving often is quite astonishing. Understanding the process involved here is very important, because it is quite different than the world’s usual methods. The approach that brings fast and easy results is the following: Don’t look for answers; instead, let go of the feelings behind the question. When we are surrendered on the feeling behind the question, we can let go of any other feelings that we might also have about what seems to be the problem. When we are finally and fully surrendered on all components, the answer will be there waiting for us. We won’t have to look for it. Consider how simple and easy this is as compared to the mind’s usual long, drawn-out, inefficient attempts at problem solving. Usually the mind hunts and pecks endlessly, fumbling around with first this possible answer and then that one. The reason the mind can’t decide is because it is looking in the wrong place.
Let’s see how the system works with a common everyday example. Let’s say that we disagree with our mate on which movie to see. We look to see what the feeling is behind the problem. In this case, let’s say that we find the feeling of anger and resentment, specifically that we feel resentful about the lack of romantic time spent together. What we really want tonight is affectionate time spent together. As we let it be okay inside ourselves that what we really want is affectionate togetherness, it suddenly dawns on us that we don’t want to go to a movie at all. We just want to be together. Or the opposite might happen. We might find that the feeling behind wanting to go to a movie is fear, because we want to avoid spending the evening talking to and being close to our mate. We see that the feelings we have built up are unpleasant. We have resentment, so we let go of wanting to modify that feeling, and we just let it be there. It’s okay to have that resentment. As we surrender our resistance to the resentful feeling, we feel less guilty; we admit to our mate that we have had a resentment. A dialogue starts going, and the other person’s feelings are cleared up as well. We both feel relieved and closer, and we then say, “To heck with the movies. Let’s stay home, make love, and go for a walk in the moonlight.”
This approach is rewarding in all decision-making. When we first clear out the underlying feelings, the decisions are more realistic and wise. Think of how often we have changed our mind and regretted past decisions. That is because there was an unrecognized and un-relinquished feeling behind the decision. When the action that was decided upon is taken, the underlying feeling shifts. Then, from the viewpoint of the new feeling space, the decision turns out to be wrong. This happens with such regularity that most people develop a fear of decision-making, because it turned out to be wrong so often in the past.
Problem solving using the mechanism of surrender can often be lightning quick with problems of long standing. To discover how fast it can work, let’s try it out. Take several problems of long standing and stop looking for the answers. Look to see what the underlying feeling is that produced the question in the first place. Once that feeling is let go, the answer will present itself automatically.
A lot of our activities and attachments are based on fear and anger, guilt and pride. As these negative feelings are relinquished in any given area, we move up to courage. On that level, changes in life begin to occur. Or, if we choose to continue the same activity, the motivation is different and, consequently, we will experience different results than in the past. The emotional payoff will at least be different. Instead of grim satisfaction, we may experience joy. We may find ourselves doing the same activity as before, but now we do it out of enjoyment rather than obligation. We do it because we want to, not because we have to. The energy requirement will certainly be much less.
One delightful discovery we will make is that our capacity for love is far beyond what we ever dreamed. The more we let go, the more loving we become. More and more of our life will be spent doing things that we love to do, with people for whom we feel increasing love. As this happens, our life becomes transformed. We look different. People respond differently to us. We are relaxed, happy, and easy-going. People are attracted to us because they feel comfortable and happy around us. Waitresses and cab drivers suddenly mysteriously become attentive and courteous, and we will wonder, “What has come over this world?” The answer to that question is “You have!”
As we let go the negative, we come into our own power. It happens of its own. Happiness was in there all along and now it shines forth after the blocks to it have been surrendered. We are now influencing everyone with whom we come into contact in a favorable way. Love is the most powerful of the emotional energy vibrations. For love, people will go to any lengths and do things that they would never do for any amount of money.
When the negative blocks and “I can’ts” are removed, whole new areas of life open up to us. Success stems from doing what we like to do best, but most people are tied down to what they imagine they have to do. As limitations are relinquished, whole new avenues of creativity and expression become available.
Let’s take the example of a young woman with a lot of natural musical talent who was spending most of her time at a boring job, which she felt she had to stick to for financial reasons. What she really liked to do was play musical instruments when she was alone at home. It was something that she did strictly for personal enjoyment. Because of the lack of self-confidence, she seldom played for other people, even close friends. After she began to let go of her inner limitations—all of the low-energy feelings that were blocking her expression—her abilities and confidence grew so rapidly that she began to play in front of public gatherings. Her talent was well received, and a busy musical career ensued. She made a professional recording that was sufficiently successful that she could cut back to working part time, and she began to pour more time and energy into what was now a blossoming career that brought her great joy and satisfaction. Although she had known nothing about business, she now started her own musical business and, within a year, was distributing the recordings nationally, then in Europe. To her delight, she found that she was very successful by doing what she liked to do best. Her increasing vitality and happiness were apparent to everyone, and success spread to other areas of her life.
Another example is that of a middle-aged engineer with no creative ability who had always hated poetry. After learning to let go of his negative feelings, suddenly he found himself writing Haiku (a formal Japanese poetry style). He began writing reams of it effortlessly and later developed the capacity for automatic writing.
Still another example is that of a sixty-year-old woman who decided to return to college part time, even though she already had a full-time job. Eventually, she attained her bachelor’s degree, then her master’s degree, and finally a Ph.D., becoming an important executive with great responsibilities.
There are literally thousands of examples that could be cited of the rapid expansions that take place in people’s life when the “I can’ts” are surrendered. Life situations, often of long standing, may be suddenly resolved.
Paradoxically, such breakthroughs and expansions may be upsetting to friends and family members because of the shift of balance. Things that we had done out of constriction, fear, guilt, or a sense of duty may be suddenly thrown overboard. New levels of consciousness change perception and new horizons open up. Many of the motives that drive people may suddenly become meaningless. Such things as money, fame, esteem, position, prestige, power, ambition, competitiveness, and the need for security diminish. They are replaced by the motivations of love, cooperation, fulfillment, freedom, creative expression, expansion of consciousness, understanding, and spiritual awareness. There tends to be more reliance on intuition and feelings than on thinking, reason, and logic. People who are very “yang” may discover their “yin” side, and vice versa. Rigid patterns give way to flexibility. Safety and security become less important than discovery and exploration. Personal lives pick up momentum, and movement replaces stuck-in-a-rut life patterns.
One surprising observation about the mechanism of letting go is that major changes can take place very rapidly. Lifetime patterns can suddenly disappear, and long-standing inhibitions can be let go of in a matter of minutes, hours, or days. Rapid changes are accompanied by an increased aliveness. The life energy set free by the letting go of negativity now flows into positive attitudes, thoughts, and feelings, with a progressive increase of personal power. Thoughts are now more effective. More is accomplished with less effort. Intention is made powerful by the removal of doubts, fears, and inhibitions. With the removal of negativity, dynamic forces are unloosed, so that what were once impossible dreams now become actualized goals.
Resolution of Psychological Problems: Comparison with Psychotherapy
In general, letting go is often more rapid than psychotherapy. It is often more liberating and stimulating to the growth of consciousness and awareness. Psychotherapy, however, is better designed to elucidate underlying patterns. The two may work well together. The mechanism of letting go facilitates and speeds up psychotherapy, and it elevates its goals. Psychotherapy may be more gratifying intellectually because of its verbal nature and its focus on the “whys” behind behavior. However, that is also its limitation. Too often intellectual insight is all that’s really achieved, and the emotional working through is slow, often painful, and ultimately avoided. The mechanism of letting go, on the other hand, is concerned with the emotional “what” from moment to moment, without involving the intellect. The “why” becomes apparent of itself once the “what” has been relinquished. It’s one thing to analyze the causal basis of depression and quite another to enter fully into the depth of hopelessness by letting go of your resistance to the feeling. By allowing the full feeling of it and by letting go of every sensation, every thought, and every little payoff you are getting from it, you are free. It’s not necessary to probe the “why” of depression to become free from the “what” of it.
The goals of letting go are far beyond those of psychotherapy. The ultimate aim of letting go and surrendering is total freedom. The goal of therapy is readjustment of the ego to a more healthy balance. The two systems are based on different paradigms of reality. The objective of psychotherapy is to replace unsatisfactory mental programs with more satisfactory ones. In contrast, the objective of letting go is the elimination of limiting mental and emotional programs. It is the attainment of an unconditioned mind and, ultimately, transcendence of the mind itself to higher states of consciousness of love and peace.
In therapy, there is dependence on therapists and their training and techniques, and there is also reliance on a psychological theory to which the therapist and the patient both subscribe. Scientific research reveals that the results of therapy are not related to the therapist’s school of psychotherapy, training or technique; instead, the results are related to the interaction between them and the degree of the patient’s desire to improve, as well as the patient’s faith and confidence in the therapist. Therefore, psychic factors are operating of which psychotherapy is unaware.
With the mechanism of letting go, there is no patient role and no dependency on another person or theory. The very wellsprings of neurotic patterns automatically unfold as they are acknowledged, relinquished, and disappear. Their basis is often at depths untouched by psychotherapy. Except for the few holistic frameworks (e.g., Jungian analysis, transpersonal psychology), therapy can be based on a limited understanding of the total mind. It commonly addresses itself only to a portion of the ego. It ignores and does not comprehend the great forces that determine, drive, and control the mind. Since the purpose of most psychotherapy is a well-adjusted ego, there is no conception of what is beyond the ego.
The purpose of letting go, in contrast, is the elimination of the ego. The ego is fearful and limited and, when it is surrendered, the inner Self stands forth, and what was always more powerful is revealed. Many psychotherapies have no real knowledge of the Self and are, therefore, blind to Reality Itself. As for efficacy, psychotherapy is like a horse and buggy, while the mechanism of surrender and letting go is like a space ship. In the time it takes for therapy to slowly poke about a limited area, letting go has already moved far beyond it into a whole new dimension.
Letting go has a peculiar advantage in that the surrendering of one negative feeling also relinquishes the energy behind many other negative feelings, so there is a constant across-the-board effect. For instance, a successful and well-educated man had a life-long terrible fear of heights, an intense phobia. At the time that he learned how to utilize the mechanism of surrender, he had many pressing problems in his life. After learning how to surrender, he was busy with letting go of his feelings and fears about major life problems and never got around to specifically working on his lifelong fear of heights. When he was later in a situation involving standing on a roof, he was amazed to discover that his fear had greatly lessened. He was delighted and went to the edge of the roof where he sat dangling his feet. He was now able to get up on ladders and go on the roof for an hour with no discomfort. This illustrates that, as one fear is relinquished, all fear is diminished non-specifically.
Psychotherapy aims at the amelioration of neurotic patterns. Letting go, however, is designed to undo the underlying causes of all neurotic formation. It undoes the basic structure of maladaptive feeling and behavior. Psychotherapy seeks for an improvement in neurotic balance. Letting go, however, eliminates it all together.
A limitation of most psychotherapeutic frameworks is that the therapist is constricted to what the world calls a healthy, functioning ego with all its restrictions. In this paradigm, a healthy patient is considered to be one who shares the same illusions and limitations condoned by society and the therapist. By contrast, the purpose of the mechanism of surrender is to transcend the illusions of the world and reach the ultimate truth behind it—which is Self-Realization—and to discover the very basis of the mind itself, the source of all thought and feeling.
The goal of letting go is the elimination of the very source of all suffering and pain. This sounds radical and startling and, in fact, it is! Ultimately, all negative feelings stem from the same source. When enough negative feelings have been relinquished, that source reveals itself. When that source itself is let go of and dis-identified with, the ego dissolves. The source of suffering, therefore, loses the very basis of its power.
Each of us has a limit to the amount of negative feelings we have stored up. When the pressure behind an emotion has been let go, that emotion no longer occurs. For instance, if fear is constantly surrendered for a period of time, eventually it runs out. It then becomes difficult or almost impossible to feel further fear. It takes progressively more and more of a stimulus to elicit it. Finally, the person who has surrendered a great deal of fear actually has to search for it diligently. The energy of fear simply isn’t there anymore. Anger also progressively diminishes so that even a major provocation fails to elicit it. A person with little fear or anger feels primarily love all of the time and experiences a loving acceptance of events, people, and the vicissitudes of life.
The goal of surrender is transcendence. Psychotherapy accepts levels of behavior as healthy that, from the viewpoint of total freedom, are unacceptable. For instance, in psychotherapy, minimal fear, anger, and pride might be considered necessary or acceptable levels of functioning and perhaps even “healthy.” But as we have seen, the innate destructiveness behind those lower states is ultimately not acceptable—given the power of surrender to transcend them totally. Beyond the “acceptable level of functioning” awaits our greater destiny: total freedom.